Chapter Eleven

Hannah stood frozen, unable to speak or move. A piano! A beautiful new piano that Riley had bought just for her. When she could move, she walked across the room and ran her fingers over the polished ivory keyboard. The joyous sound of her music filled the room. She continued playing while she scooted out the bench with her foot and sat down.

She proceeded with every Christmas song she could recall from memory, filling the house with music the way it did her heart and mind. When she finished, she laid her hands in her lap and exhaled a deep sigh.

Turning around, she found Riley leaning his shoulder against the wall, his powerful arms crossed over his chest, studying her.

“How…when?” She couldn’t seem to ask a coherent question.

“I take it you’re asking about the piano?”

She nodded, knowing she’d only make a mess of it if she were to try to explain. Her heart was full, bubbling over with love and excitement. Not once had she suspected. He’d been so closemouthed about it.

“After hearing you sing and play in church, I decided we needed a piano,” Riley explained in that relaxed way of his, as if they were discussing a minor purchase.

“But…”

“There are no buts about it. You’re too talented not to have one. You enjoy it. The way I figure, you can sing Sam to sleep.”

“Oh, Riley, I can’t believe you.” She could think of no way to thank him. Nothing she could do or say would ever be enough. She walked over to him and kissed him the way that had been their habit of late, brushing her lips over his. Lightly. Briefly. First on his cheek, then his lips. But the all-too-hasty contact left her feeling empty and wanting. Standing on the tips of her toes, she leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Kissing him long and hard on the lips, she opened to him, introducing her tongue into his mouth until she created a warm, wet, gentle demand.

Riley held himself stiff against her, then groaned from deep within his throat. He sounded like a man absorbed in pain, and Hannah wondered if she’d done anything to hurt him.

With another groan he wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her effortlessly from the floor so that her face was level with his own. Their gazes met for an instant before he directed her mouth to his. She’d been the aggressor, but that changed abruptly as he took control.

His tongue circled hers as his lips nibbled at her own. Riley was experienced in the ways of love; Hannah had known that from the first night they’d met. She’d responded to that experience, helpless to refuse him anything. To refuse herself. He seemed to need some kind of response from her, something more, she realized; otherwise he wouldn’t be holding himself in check the way he was.

Stroking her fingers through his thick, dark hair, her lips fluttered open, granting him everything she had to give: her mind, her heart, her soul.

Riley’s kiss was hungry and demanding, until slowly it began to happen. Her sensations were drowning in warm feelings—feelings she’d experienced so rarely in her life and only with this man. She ached in places she’d never thought to ache. Her breasts throbbed, and she recalled with vivid detail the night on the Seattle waterfront when Riley had taken her nipples in his mouth; and she wanted that again. Anything to ease the heavy swollen feeling that controlled her. The sensation didn’t stop there, but sank lower—much lower—to the juncture of her thighs. She felt hot and quivery, hot and excited; needy in ways she barely understood. Suddenly Hannah knew what she wanted. What she needed.

Her husband.

An electric shudder passed through her. Riley must have felt it because he abruptly broke off the kiss.

Hannah sighed. Riley’s lungs emptied of air as he slowly released his hold on her waist. His hands reached for hers, which were gripping his neck, and he gently pulled them free.

“I’d better finish unloading the trunk,” he said, his voice so low it was a gentle whisper. Following that, he walked away.

Hannah was stunned. He’d wanted her as much as she’d wanted him, and yet he’d pushed her aside and given some flimsy excuse to leave her. She didn’t know what was happening, didn’t understand the significance of it. What she did feel was alone and lacking. And more needy than she’d ever felt in her life.

* * *

Riley stood by the car, letting the cold December wind slam against him. He drew in several breaths, sucking the air deep into his lungs. His head was swimming with the reality of how close he’d come to breaking his self-proclaimed code of honor and making love to Hannah. He opened the car trunk, and his hands shook. Not only his hands, but every part of him—his legs, his belly, his head. It was the kind of shallow-breathing, head-pounding shaking that comes when one realizes what a close brush one has had.

They couldn’t have gotten any closer. Another minute, and Riley would have hauled her into the bedroom and damned the consequences. If he were to make love to her now, needing her so desperately, he’d frighten her half to death. Hell, he needed her so damn much it frightened him. He was concerned, too, about hurting the baby.

He’d made a promise to himself, one he fully intended to keep. He’d woo Hannah, love her the way a husband loves a wife, but only after she’d delivered the baby. Riley had lain awake most of the night before, sorting through his feelings for Hannah and, more important, what he’d learned about Jerry. He’d never be the husband her fiancé would have been. The way Riley figured it, Jerry, having been the noble man he was, wouldn’t have pressured her to make love while she was pregnant, so Riley wouldn’t, either.

“Admit it,” Riley said aloud. He clenched his hands into tight fists at his sides, resisting slamming them against the trunk lid. It was more than the pregnancy issue. “You’re afraid.”

The psychologists probably had a fancy name for it. The irrational, inane fear of making love to one’s wife. It would take time for him to analyze what was going on inside his head. He didn’t doubt his love. Riley was crazy about her, and committed to her, their child and their marriage.

In some ways, as weird as it sounded, Riley felt that he had a responsibility to Jerry Sanders. It fell heavily upon his shoulders. The Atlantis would be leaving again in the middle of January, a short three weeks away. All he had to do was keep his pants zipped until then. If he avoided situations such as the one he’d just encountered, everything would work out fine. Once he was back, Sam would be born and he’d face the issue then. But for now, he’d be content to let matters rest as they were.

* * *

Hannah didn’t know what was different about Riley, but a subtle change had taken place in her husband since Christmas. He was attentive, generous, solicitous. Nevertheless Hannah couldn’t shake the feeling he was avoiding her physically. If she had to come up with a word for it she’d say he’d become stingy with his kisses. What kisses? she mused, feeling both abused and melancholy.

She was baking cookies, remembering a piece of sage advice from years past. It was said the way to a man’s heart passed directly through his stomach. Hannah swore that if chocolate-chip with walnuts didn’t do the trick, she was going to do something desperate…like seduce him.

The thought was almost comical. What did she know of seduction? Well, she determined valiantly, she could learn.

Riley walked into the house sometime after five. Hannah had planned it carefully, so the aroma of melting chocolate would have its greatest impact right around then.

“What’s cooking?” he asked, eagerly strolling into the kitchen. Absently he gave her a peck on the cheek and reached for a still-warm cookie.

Hannah had left her hair down, brushing it until it shone. She’d once read that men preferred it when women wore their hair loose. She’d dressed in her best pair of navy blue slacks and a pretty lavender top. There was no hiding her pregnancy, and she didn’t even try.

“How’d your day go?” he asked conversationally while sorting through the mail, keeping his back to her. He gave no outward indication that he noticed she’d taken extra care with her appearance. Hannah swallowed a sigh of disappointment. Apparently it was going to take more than freshly baked cookies and a different hairstyle. She wasn’t worried, however; there was always Plan B.

“My day went great. I got a call from the department store.” She paused for effect and lifted the last of the cookies off the baking sheet. “The crib and dresser we ordered are in.” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “The man said he could have them delivered tomorrow.” She told him the last part, making sure her voice dipped significantly.

“Are you going to be around?”

Hannah nodded. “That isn’t the problem.”

“Then, what is?”

“Well…it’s just that the baby’s bedroom is going to be terribly crowded.” She raised her eyes meaningfully to Riley, her look heavy with implication. Riley was an intelligent man. It wouldn’t take him long to make the obvious connection and suggest she move her things out of her bedroom and into his. The chocolate-chip cookie he was eating stopped halfway to his lips. The bite that was in his mouth seemed to go down his throat whole—a lump moving in such tiny increments that she was certain he would choke on it.

“I was thinking,” she continued, “I’d move my things into your room.” If he wouldn’t suggest it, then she would. “You don’t mind, do you?” She smiled over at him, as sweetly as she knew how, and realized he’d gone pale.

“That shouldn’t be any problem,” he said after a long moment. “I’ll move everything for you after dinner.”

“Good.” Hannah couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice.

Riley mumbled something under his breath, but Hannah didn’t hear what it was. She would have asked him to repeat it, but she didn’t think what he said was meant for her ears.

Riley walked over to the stove and picked up the lid of the small pot of stroganoff that was simmering on the back burner. He stared into the pot an extra-long time before replacing the top, then turned and walked toward the living room.

“Oh, before I forget, Cheryl phoned,” Hannah added. “She invited us over to play cards next Saturday night. Do you have anything planned?”

“No.” The word came out sounding far huskier than normal.

“I’ll call her tomorrow then and tell her we’ll be there. I told her I didn’t know how to play pinochle, but she said it was easy to learn and that I’d pick it up in no time.”

He nodded, but Hannah had the impression his mind wasn’t on Cheryl’s invitation or playing pinochle. “Isn’t this Friday your poker night?”

He didn’t answer her and seemed to be lost in a fog.

“Riley?”

His gaze turned upward, meeting hers. The air in the room seemed to go still. Even the radio, which was playing in the corner, seemed to fade. Their gazes locked. Riley’s expression was so tender, as though he derived a good deal of joy just looking at her. This night—either by hook or by crook, Hannah decided—she was going to make love with her husband.

From out of nowhere came the memory of the first night they’d slept together. She remembered the way he’d shaped his body around hers, holding her against him cocoon style, his long legs entwined with hers. She recalled, too, how she’d been forced to carefully lift his arm from her waist in order to escape his hold and steal away the following morning. A king-size lump formed in her throat, and it was all she could do not to promise him she’d never run away again.

“Poker?” he repeated after what seemed like a millennium. “I…don’t remember. Why?”

“No reason. I was just wondering.”

He walked out of the kitchen as though he weren’t sure where he was headed. He stood in front of the picture window in the living room for several moments, although there was nothing going on outside that she could tell. Hannah had the oddest feeling that if she were to speak to him, he wouldn’t hear her. It was at times like these that she felt at such a loss.

True to his word, Riley helped transfer her personal items from one bedroom into the next while she washed the dinner dishes. He cleared a space for her in his closet and then carted her clothes across the hallway several hangers at a time. The chest of drawers took far more time and effort.

They played a game of Scrabble, which she won handily, and watched a little television. By nine-thirty Hannah was ready for bed.

Not so, Riley. He made an excuse of needing to gas up the car. He rejected her offer to go with him and suggested instead that she go bed without him. He promised to join her later. Hannah could only agree, but she was determined to stay awake. He wouldn’t thwart her that easily,.

* * *

Riley sat in his car in the dark of the night, trying to come up with a logical excuse to find somewhere else to sleep for the next ten nights. It was only ten lousy nights before the Atlantis was scheduled to be deployed. Thus far he’d managed to keep his hands off Hannah, but he swore the woman was enough to tempt the saints.

Riley Murdock was no saint.

He didn’t even make the pretense of being one. Hannah was home sleeping in his bed, and short of spending the night sitting in the cold, he’d soon be joining her there.

Hannah, all soft and warm with sleep, waiting for him to join her. In their bed. The very thought was enough to drive Riley to his knees.

He hadn’t slept worth a damn since Christmas night, when she’d rushed into his arms and they’d come so close to making love. He’d seen the look in her eyes then: bold as could be.

Passion. A desire so strong that it awed him, and had haunted him every night since.

Riley didn’t know how he was going to be able to resist her.

He knew his actions since Christmas had confused and flustered Hannah. Hell, he was baffled himself. Questions paraded through his mind each and every night. Plenty of questions and not a single answer.

He was a crazy man not to make love to Hannah when she’d given every indication that she’d welcome his attentions. He was certifiable. A candidate for intensive counseling.

The frightening part of all this was how much he wanted to make love with her. He thought about it constantly, but he couldn’t make himself breach the barrier of his fears.

He’d hurt her again. He might injure the baby. He’d been too large for her that first night. She’d been so damned tight and hot.

Quickly Riley banished the memory from his mind, knowing if he didn’t find something else to think about, he’d soon fall victim to his own needs.

Slowly, with a good deal of reluctance, he drove back to the house, noting when he walked inside that it was only a little after eleven. Hannah would be asleep by now. At least he wouldn’t be left to contend with any of her questions. He wouldn’t have any answers for her, either.

He undressed in the dark, showered and as silently as humanly possible, he slipped between the sheets, staying as far away from her as he could. It surprised him how easily he drifted off.

Riley woke sometime in the middle of the night to find Hannah lying facing him. He opened his eyes and breathed in the fresh, clean scent of her. Wildflowers. In full bloom.

A thick strand of hair had fallen across her face, and although he feared he might wake her, he chanced lifting the shiny brown curl from her cheek and gently brushed it aside.

She was wearing the flannel nightgown. Riley never thought he’d appreciate the sexless thing, but he was wrong. He was eternally grateful she hadn’t donned one of those sheer nighties. Or something made of silk. Silk was his downfall. The mental image of Hannah wearing a silk gown blossomed in his mind, and he banished the thought before it could take root. He had enough of a problem dealing with the reality of her in his bed without complicating his life by introducing fantasy.

Releasing a deep rush of air, Hannah scooted closer. So close he could almost hear her heart beating.

Closing his eyes, Riley tried to force himself to go back to sleep. Damn, but he could hear her heart beat. It was pulsing like crazy. No, he decided a second later; that was his own heart.

Slowly, against his better judgment, he brought his hand up to the front of her gown—just to determine if it was her pulse that was pounding so violently, he assured himself. If it was, then perhaps there was something medically wrong with her, or with the baby.

His hand slipped past the small pearl buttons, past the lace trim and edging of pink embroidery.

Past the point of no return.

A thin layer of perspiration broke out across Riley’s upper lip as he pressed his palm to her chest.

The tips of his fingers felt for her pulse, but the heel of his hand rested against the bulging fullness of her lush breast. Riley’s heart seemed to be working just fine, but his breathing came to an abrupt halt. An ache, low in his belly, began to pound like a giant fist.

Only it wasn’t his stomach that was throbbing.

A better man than he might be able to resist Hannah. Jerry could resist her, but not Riley. Not for a second longer. His hands shook like a schoolboy’s as he captured her breast in his palm. He lifted it, savored its weight and pear shape. She was right; they were fuller, sweetly fuller than he remembered.

Dear God, she felt good. He’d thought to relieve one ache and in the process created another—one that was ten times worse than the first.

He had to touch her, he realized; really touch her, or go mad. The pearl buttons slipped free of the restraining material with little more than a flick of his fingers, her gown spilling open wider and wider, granting him ample room to slip his hand inside.

He sighed out loud as her breast fell into his palm. Her nipple formed a hard bead against him, and unable to restrain himself, he groaned at the small intimacy.

Oh, God, what was he doing? Riley was nearly frantic with the knowledge of how far he’d allowed this little experiment to take him. His breathing was labored and deep. His heart beat high in his throat.

He was about to pull free, thinking he had never sunk lower than he had at that moment, when he noticed Hannah’s beautiful gray eyes watching him in the dark.

Then she smiled—the sweetest, most dazzling smile he’d ever seen in his life. It seemed to light up the entire room.

“I remember how you sucked on them,” she whispered into the stillness. He remembered, too, and against every dictate of his will he grazed the hard rosy tip with his thumb. He marveled at her quick, ready response.

“Do it again, Riley,” she pleaded softly. “Like you did that night.”

Riley didn’t take the time to think; he couldn’t. Instead, he crushed her mouth with his, frightening himself with the powerful need she created in him.

Their kiss was wet and wild. As their mouths ground against each other, Riley cupped her breasts, marveling once more at how incredibly soft her skin felt; softer than anything he’d ever touched. Softer than velvet. Softer than fur or silk.

Consumed in a fire of his own making, Riley slipped his mouth down the ivory perfection of her shoulders and finally to the swell of her breasts. His lips sought the nipple, drawing it forward, feasting on her, suckling until she moaned and arched her hips, seeking the pleasure she’d experienced all too briefly, all those months ago.

Riley longed to show her all the delightfully scandalous things they could do to please each other. But he dared not…not with Hannah. He would shock her, repulse her.

He used his tongue to create a wet, slick trail between her breasts, moistening, laving, sucking. He altered between gentle and not-so-gentle until Hannah raised the entire upper half of her body off the mattress in silent entreaty.

All ten of her fingers dug into his scalp. “Riley,” she pleaded, “I need…”

Riley needed her, too. Needed to be released from the desire that was so strong it pained him. So wild it frightened him. So deep it humbled him.

He lifted his head and kissed her, keeping his hands busy molding, kneading, shaping her breasts. God help him, but he couldn’t get enough of the feel of her.

Where he found the strength, Riley never knew. Slowly, he drew her head down to his chest and closed his eyes to the agony of physical frustration.

“Riley?”

“Shh…Sleep.” He gently stroked her hair, praying, pleading, doing everything he could to force his mind from the beautiful soft woman in his arms.

“Sleep?”

“Sleep,” he repeated. “We’ve both got to work tomorrow.”

She was frustrated, too. Unsure. But he wouldn’t answer her questions. It took some time before the smooth, even flow of her breathing convinced him she’d drifted off. At least one of them would get some rest that night, but it wouldn’t be he.

* * *

Hannah chose the soft pink dress Riley had given her for Christmas to wear to Cheryl and Steve’s for cards a week later. With a patience she hadn’t expected, Riley had spent the better part of two evenings going over the fundamentals of pinochle with her. She’d never played cards much, but she was willing to learn, and Riley was tolerant with her lack of skill.

“You look…beautiful,” he said, coming out of the bedroom. He stopped as though he couldn’t take his eyes off her; but if that was the case, then he shouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her, either. That certainly didn’t seem to be a problem of late. They might as well not be married for all the good it did them. Riley was scheduled to ship out sometime early the following week, and they’d yet to make love.

Not from lack of trying, at least on Hannah’s part.

Sometimes Hannah suspected he was playing a cruel game with her, but if that was the case, he was the one who was suffering.

Not once in the week since she’d moved into his bedroom had they managed to go to bed at the same time. Inevitably Riley came up with some nonsensical excuse to linger several minutes, and oftentimes hours after she was already in bed. Although she tried to wait up for him, she almost always fell asleep.

She found it uncanny that he would know just when she would be sleeping before he’d join her. Only once had he woken her, but when she’d tried to talk to him, he’d pretended to be exhausted, had rolled away from her and gone directly to sleep.

Pretended. Hannah was sure he was as wide-awake as she was.

In every other way, other than the physical aspect of their marriage, he was a model husband. With the exception of the first night she’d moved into his bedroom, they hadn’t so much as cuddled, at least not that Hannah was aware.

“I’m going out to start the car,” Riley said, turning away from her. He’d taken to doing that lately—making sure it was warm and cozy inside before he came for her, not wanting to chance her catching a chill.

Hannah had been looking forward to this evening with Cheryl and Steve, even if it did involve playing cards. She was grateful for the friendship of the other Navy wives she’d met through Steve’s wife.

Riley’s hand was on her shoulder as they stood at the front door and rang the Morgans’ doorbell.

“They must be making this a round-robin,” he murmured.

“Round robin?” Hannah asked.

“That’s Lenny’s car across the street. And I noticed Floyd’s one block over.”

The door opened just then and Cheryl stepped forward, grinning from ear to ear. Standing between them, she took Riley’s arm and then Hannah’s, leading them into the living room.

Pink and blue strands of crepe paper were draped across the ceiling and the table was set with a large lace tablecloth and a pretty bouquet of pink and blue carnations.

“Surprise!” Cheryl cried, laughing and throwing her arms into the air.

Immediately people started popping out from every corner. Four jumped up from behind the davenport. Three came from the kitchen and as many more from the coat closet.

“What’s going on here?” Riley asked, clearly perplexed.

“Don’t you recognize a baby shower when you see one?” Cheryl chided.

“A baby what?” Riley asked again, scratching his head. He looked to Hannah for an explanation.

“It’s a party for the baby,” Hannah told him, smiling. She recognized several of the wives and a couple of the husbands.

“Here, ‘ol buddy,” Steve said, handing Riley a cold can of soda. “Sit down and we’ll explain everything.” Riley cast a dumbfounded look over his shoulder as Steve led him toward the front of the room and sat him down. Next, Riley’s friend escorted Hannah to the second chair and then placed a paper crown from a fast-food restaurant on top of each of their heads.

“I thought only women had parties for babies,” Riley muttered under his breath.

“I did, too,” she whispered back.

Cheryl dragged out a card table stacked high with gifts.

Hannah couldn’t remember a time when she’d had more fun. Jenny Blackwell, Floyd’s wife, had baked a cake in the shape of a stork delivering the baby and had done an incredible job. It was almost too beautiful to eat. Riley, however, had no such qualms. He sliced off huge pieces and passed them around to his friends, then wolfed down two slices himself.

When it came time to open the gifts, everyone gathered around. Hannah was self-conscious about being the center of attention as she carefully pried away the paper. Each gift touched her heart. There were so many things, big and small, they needed yet for the baby, and it meant so much to her that Riley’s friends would do this for them.

“Is this the gal?” Floyd Blackwell asked, claiming the empty chair beside Riley while the others chatted around them. He had a kind, round face, and a bald spot was beginning to form on the crown of his head.

“Yes,” Riley replied stiffly, glancing anxiously toward Hannah.

“I thought it must be.” He laughed and took a generous bite of the cake his wife had baked. “I’ll tell you right now,” he said to Hannah, “you certainly sent Riley on a merry goose chase. He spent the entire month of August looking for you.” He turned to Riley, disregarding the deep scowl. “Did that private detective ever turn up anything?”

“Floyd,” Riley prompted meaningfully between clenched teeth, “don’t I hear Jenny calling you?”

“Jenny. Naw, she’s across the room talking to Cheryl. Oh…Oh, right. Yes, well, it was nice meeting you, Hannah,” he finished, rushing to his feet.

“What was Floyd talking about?” Hannah asked her husband a few minutes later.

“Nothing. He was just blowing some hot air.”

Hannah didn’t believe that for a moment, and was left to ponder Floyd’s words. Had Riley tried to find her after that night? It certainly sounded like it. The knowledge did funny things to her heart. He had cared even then.

It was after eleven by the time they arrived back home. Riley unloaded the gifts from the car while Hannah carried in leftover cake. The night had been such fun, and Hannah had enjoyed every minute of it. Even Riley seemed to be in an extra-good mood.

To Hannah’s way of thinking, the time to strike was while the iron was hot, an old cliché she’d often heard her father use.

While she was in changing for bed, Riley sat out in the living room, reading the newspaper.

He didn’t look up when she entered the room, and she noticed that he’d brewed himself a cup of coffee as though he intended to stay up a while longer. His hand held a pen as if he planned on working through the crossword puzzle.

She was determined to see that that didn’t happen.

“Riley, come to bed.”

“I will in a few minutes,” he replied, studying the paper, still not glancing toward her.

“Not tonight.”

“I beg your pardon.” He looked up, and Hannah could have kissed him for the reaction he gave. She’d combed her hair, spreading it across her shoulders like a giant fan. The peach silk gown clung to her, and she reached for its satin tie, releasing the front.

“It’s time to come to bed. Now,” she said, holding her hand out to him.