I am your humble narrator Eliza, and I am contractually obligated to bring you another exciting instalment of what I’m told is your favourite telenovela. Let’s get started.
Last week on…
(aka Profound Justice!)
Our heroes Inspectors Siva and Lestrade were eating taquitos at their favourite taco truck, going over all the clues they had uncovered on El Jefe, the mysterious crime boss they have been chasing after the whole series. (They can’t be very good investigators if they haven’t even figured out who he is yet, right?) Inspector Siva’s best friend Nazhar had joined them and asked about the case. However, he left before the inspectors’ rivals, Inspectors Huda and Boey, came over and took their last fish tacos, taunting them the whole time!
These are my kind of people, of course.
Siva and Lestrade took offence, and as they got up to confront the much better police officers, Siva clumsily knocked over some of his files, spilling police reports, surveillance photographs and court transcripts all over the ground. As he bent down to pick everything up, Siva noticed an anonymous note he’d never seen before that said they should investigate the CEO of the MEGA-DESTROTECHNOBOT Corporation, Mr Watson Tan.
107 episodes in and this is the first time they’ve even thought he might be connected to this case, so what are the chances he’s actually El Jefe, the mysterious crime boss they’re after? I mean, that seems highly improbable, right? Eh, what are you going to do? It’s a telenovela. This kind of thing happens all the time.
Are you sure you wouldn’t rather watch another telenovela, a better one? No? Okay then, let’s get on with this.
Welcome to…
¡La Justicia Profunda!
∗ ∗ ∗
“Let’s stop messing around with these taco thieves, partner,” Inspector Siva said. “I’ve discovered a new clue!”
“You couldn’t even find a clue for the mystery of what you had for breakfast this morning, let alone a real case,” Inspector Boey said.
“Yeah, you better give it here, so we real cops can investigate this case,” Inspector Huda agreed.
“He’s twice the detective that the two of you combined will ever be,” Inspector Lestrade said.
Inspectors Boey and Huda laughed as they took the last bites of their recently acquired fish tacos.
Inspector Siva finished picking up all the paperwork he’d dropped, and he and Inspector Lestrade walked away.
“What did you find, partner?” Inspector Lestrade asked once they could no longer hear their rivals’ laughter.
“This mysterious note,” Inspector Siva said. “It says we should investigate Mr Watson Tan, as he may know who El Jefe is. Or even be El Jefe himself!”
Dun-dun-dun!
Sorry, I had to do that. I’ll have to do it one more time later this episode, so keep an ear open for it.
“But he’s the CEO of the MEGA-TECHNODESTROBOT Corporation,” Inspector Lestrade said.
Didn’t I say that already? Oh, right, they can’t hear me.
“He’s untouchable so long as he supplies Mexico City with all the cheap worker robots it needs,” she continued.
“Nazhar works for Mr Watson,” Inspector Siva said. “He should be able to get us a meeting with him.”
Inspector Siva made a quick phone call and, before they knew it, the two inspectors were in an elevator inside the tallest building in Mexico City, the Torre Reforma.
When they reached the top floor, a girl with a messy ponytail and wearing a shirt and cargo pants showed them into Mr Watson’s office.
“Would you like any beverages?” she asked.
“I wouldn’t mind an horchata,” Inspector Siva said.
“I’d like an oolong tea,” Inspector Lestrade said.
“Right away,” she said. “Mr Watson should be in shortly.”
She left the office and the inspectors did what they supposedly do best: they inspected.
Mr Watson’s office was quite large, with an oak desk in front of huge bay windows overlooking the city, as well as the Torre BBVA Bancomer, the second tallest building in Mexico City, which was right across the street. Mr Watson had put up art from all over the world on his expansive walls. The inspectors saw classical and modern art from Mexico of course, but also from Chile, Argentina, Honduras, and various nations in Europe, Africa and Asia.
Inspector Lestrade was staring at a painting from China that featured many horses in various poses when someone said, “Beautiful-is-it-not? I-always-forget-what-it-is-called-though.”
The two inspectors whirled around and found Mr Watson standing in the middle of the room. He was wearing a dark blue suit with a light blue tie under his large eye.
The girl from before was standing next to him, holding the inspectors’ drinks.
Some inspectors they are. They didn’t even realise someone else was in the room with them.
“Miss-Wendy,” Mr Watson said. “What-isthename-of-this-painting?”
“Oh, er…. It’s called One Hundred Horses,” the girl said as she handed the inspectors their drinks.
“And-in-Mandarin?” Mr Watson asked.
“Uhh… Baˇi jùn tú?” Miss Wendy said.
Mr Watson shook his head. “Yourpronunciationis-still-atrocious-Miss-Wendy. I-am-sending-you-back-to-tuition. Nowpleaseexcuse-us.”
“Yes, Mr Watson.” Wendy hung her head and walked out of the office.
“Mr-Nazhar-did-not-mention-why-he-putthismeeting-on-my-schedule-Inspectors-soI-apologise-for-not-knowing-the-purpose-ofyourvisit.”
“That’s my fault, Mr Watson,” Inspector Siva said. “Nazhar is a friend of mine, and I kind of forced him to set up this meeting.”
“That-is-no-way-to-treat-your-friendsInspector.”
“That’s what I’m always telling him,” Inspector Lestrade said. “He’s going to run out of friends soon, if you ask me.”
Mr Watson walked around his large oak desk and sat in front of the large windows, so that the inspectors had to look at the setting sun behind him.
“How-may-I-help-you?” Mr Watson asked, steepling his fingers under his eye.
The two inspectors looked at each other as if they were communicating telepathically, though I can assure you they were not. This isn’t that kind of telenovela.
“We’re investigating El Jefe,” Inspector Siva said. “And we have reason to believe you may have information pertinent to our case.”
“I-see,” Mr Watson said. “And-what-is-thisreason?”
“We can’t tell you that, Mr Watson,” Inspector Lestrade said. “It’s federale business.”
“I-see.”
“We’re hoping you can shed some light on how El Jefe operates in the city, who his lieutenants are, how he moves his stolen goods, that sort of thing,” Inspector Siva said.
Mr Watson hadn’t moved since he’d steepled his fingers, but he dropped his hands and stood up. He turned his back on the inspectors and stared out his large windows.
Which was a pretty cool move, frankly. He’s totally in charge of this conversation now.
“I-used-to-be-a-poor-robot-from-the-barrio-barelyscraping-by,” Mr Watson said. “But-Iworkedmy-way-out-of-that-situation-andnowI-am-the-richest-robot-in-all-of-Mexico. Possibly-even-the-world.”
He continued to stare out the window as the sun dipped below the horizon. Even though it was night, Mexico City was possibly brighter now thanks to the brilliant lights that stretched across the biggest city in the world.
Even I have to admit it’s quite the breathtaking sight.
The Torre BBVA Bancomer was lit up as well, though a few floors were still dark. Presumably those guys had gone home already.
“Now-I-admit-I-had-to-dirty-my-hands-onceina-while-when-I-first-started,” Mr Watson continued. “It-is-almost-impossible-not-to-whenyouare-that-poor. But-now-that-I-am-the-richestrobotin-Mexico-why-would-I-jeapordise-thatbyassociating-with-a-criminal-element?”
Inspector Lestrade glanced at Inspector Siva, who nodded.
“We don’t think you’re associating with El Jefe, Mr Watson,” she said.
Mr Watson turned to face them again. “Then-why-do-you-think-I-would-know-theanswersto-your-questions?”
“Because we think you and El Jefe are the same person,” Inspector Siva said.
I literally have no idea why he would think that. They are the worst detectives.
Meanwhile, right outside Mr Watson’s office, Miss Wendy and Nazhar were trying to listen to the conversation going on inside.
“Oh my gosh!” Miss Wendy said. “They just accused him of being El Jefe.”
Nazhar pushed his glasses up his nose. “They did?” he said. “I have to go.”
“What, why?” Miss Wendy asked as Nazhar walked out the door. “Do you think Mr Watson really is El Jefe?”
But Nazhar hadn’t heard her last question. He almost ran into the stairwell and checked to make sure no one was using it. He pulled out his handphone and dialled a secret number that only he knew.
“Hello, sir,” he said, once the other person picked up.
“Report, Mr Nazhar,” the other person said.
“It’s gone better than I could have hoped for, sir,” Nazhar continued. “I simply hoped to confuse the investigation, but they’ve just accused Mr Watson of being El Jefe!”
At the other end of the line, the man chuckled softly. He walked around his desk in one of the darkened floors of the Torre BBVA Bancomer. He had a very good view of Mr Watson and the two inspectors discussing their accusation.
The man lifted his hand to his luxurious moustache, and tried to twirl it like one those old-timey cartoon villains, but managed only to grasp at it as it was moulded to his face.
“Little do they realise just how close they actually are to El Jefe, and that their best friend works for him.”
Dun-dun-dun!
I told you I’d be doing that again.
∗ ∗ ∗
And that’s the end of this episode, ladies and gentlemen. We’re 108 episodes down, with only 237 left.
…That’s a lot more than I was expecting. My life is a sham.
Next week on…
Inspectors Siva and Lestrade are thrown out of the Torre Reforma as their accusation doesn’t go over very well with Mr Watson. He may not be El Jefe, but he is a powerful robot, and he’s now quite angry with them, so good on our heroes for making another enemy.
Inspector Siva’s best friend Nazhar pretends to console the two of them while actually trying to get more information.
All this while the real El Jefe continues to amass power in the shadows, and keeps trying to twirl a moustache that will never, ever move.
I am Eliza, and I have been your very reluctant narrator. Have a better day than I’ve been having.