THIS is probably Lucian’s best known work, and it is his most extended exercise in parody. We see his gift for parody also in Lovers of Lies, and in A True History there is the same malicious wit in poking fun at his victims. At that period there was clearly a vogue for travel tales which were full of wildly fabulous and fantastic elements: these are Lucian’s chief targets, and he singles out by name the travel writer Iambulus for criticism. But he also attacks the historians Ctesias and incidentally Herodotus for telling lies in their works. By contrast, he overtly admits that there are fantastic lies in his own travel tale, but claims at least to tell the truth in saying that his narrative is false. The ninth-century scholar Photius correctly saw the nature of Lucian’s work, but his suggestion that Antonius Diogenes’ Wonders beyond Thule was an important source of A True History is difficult to assess, partly because of the uncertainty about Diogenes’ dates.
Some of Lucian’s familiar literary and philosophical preoccupations recur here: there are, for example, sardonic references to Plato and Pythagoras (2. 17, 21, 24), and at greater length he gives us evidence (2. 20) of contemporary interest in Homer and Homeric scholarship.
Those who are interested in athletics and the care of their bodies are concerned not just with keeping themselves in good condition and well exercised, but with timely relaxation: indeed, they regard this as the most important part of training. In the same way, I think it does students of literature good, after hard and serious reading, to relax their minds and invigorate them further for future efforts. It would be suitable recreation for them to occupy themselves with the kind of reading which not only affords simple diversion derived from elegance and wit, but also supplies some intellectual food for thought—just the qualities I think they will find in this work of mine. For they will be attracted not only by the exotic subject-matter and the charm of the enterprise, and by the fact that I have told all manner of lies persuasively and plausibly, but because all the details in my narrative are an amusing and covert allusion to certain poets, historians, and philosophers of old, who have written a lot of miraculous and fabulous stuff. I would give their names if they weren’t bound to be obvious to you as you read. For example, there is Ctesias,* son of Ctesiochus, of Cnidos, who wrote about India and details of the Indians which he had neither seen himself nor heard from any truthful witness. Iambulus* also wrote a lot about the marvels to be found in the countries of the great sea: he concocted a lie which is obvious to everyone, yet his subject matter is not unattractive. Many others with the same idea have written ostensibly about their journeys and visits abroad, giving accounts of huge creatures and brutal men and strange ways of living. Their leader and teacher in such tomfoolery is Homer’s Odysseus, who tells Alcinous* and his court all about captive winds and one-eyed men and cannibals and savages; creatures, too, with many heads, and how his comrades were transformed by drugs. All this was the fantastic stuff with which he beguiled the simple-minded Phaeacians. Well, when I read all these writers I didn’t blame them greatly for their lying, as I’d already seen that this was habitual even to those professing philosophy. But what did surprise me was that they thought they could report untruths and get away with it. So, as I too was vain enough to want to leave something to posterity, and didn’t want to be the only one denied the right to flights of fancy, and since I had nothing truthful to report (not having experienced anything worth recording), I turned to lying. But I am much more honest in this than the others: at least in one respect I shall be truthful, in admitting that I am lying. Thus I think that by freely admitting that nothing I say is true, I can avoid being accused of it by other people. So, I am writing about things I neither saw nor experienced nor heard about from others, which moreover don’t exist, and in any case could not exist. My readers must therefore entirely disbelieve them.
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I started out once from the Pillars of Heracles, and with a favourable wind I set sail for the Western Ocean. The purpose and the occasion for my journey was intellectual curiosity, eagerness for new experiences, and a wish to learn what was the end of the ocean and who lived beyond it. With this end in view, I put on board a large supply of provisions and a sufficient stock of water, drafted fifty like-minded companions of my own age, procured a hefty supply of arms, hired the best skipper I could for a large fee, and fitted out my boat—she was a small craft—for a long and taxing voyage. Well, we sailed gently before the wind for a day and a night without getting very far out to sea, and having land still in view; but at dawn on the second day the wind strengthened, the waves increased, darkness descended, and we could no longer even furl our sails. So we gave up and abandoned ourselves to the wind, and were driven before the storm for seventy-nine days. On the eightieth day the sun suddenly appeared, and we saw not far away a high, thickly wooded island, with only moderate breakers sounding around it, as by now the force of the gale was abating.
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Having landed and gone ashore, we lay on the ground for a long time to recover from our long ordeal. Then at last we got up, and chose thirty of our group to stay and guard the ship and twenty to go inland with me and explore the island. We had gone about six hundred yards from the sea, passing through a wood, when we saw a bronze slab, inscribed with Greek letters, faint and worn away, which stated: ‘Heracles and Dionysus came as far as here.’ And there were also two footprints on the rock near by, one of them a hundred feet long, the other shorter: I suppose the smaller one was that of Dionysus and the other that of Heracles. We saluted them respectfully and went on, but we hadn’t got far when we arrived at a river flowing with wine, which was extremely like Chian. It was wide and full, so that in some places it was even navigable. This made us much more inclined to believe the inscription on the slab, as we could see evidence of Dionysus’ visit. I decided to find out the source of the river and went up beside its stream. I didn’t find one single source, but a lot of large vines full of clusters, each having by its root a spring of clear wine, and from these the river took its rise. We could also see lots of fish in it, very like wine in colour and taste. Indeed, when we had caught and eaten some of them we got tipsy, and when we cut them open we actually found them full of lees. However, we later had the idea of mixing them with other fish, which came from water, and so diluting our alcoholic intake.
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Then, having passed over the river where it could be forded, we found a most extraordinary kind of grapevine. In each one the trunk itself that came out of the ground was thick and well-grown, but the upper part was a woman, perfectly formed from the waist up: just like the paintings we’ve seen of Daphne changing into a tree when Apollo is about to catch her.* Out of their finger-tips grew branches covered in grapes. Even the hair on their heads was formed of tendrils and leaves and grape-clusters. As we approached they greeted us warmly, some speaking Lydian and some Indian, but most of them Greek. They even kissed our lips, and each one who was kissed immediately became reeling drunk. But they didn’t let us pick their fruit, but cried out in pain if we tried to pull it off. Some even wanted to make love to us, and when two of my companions had intercourse with them, they couldn’t detach themselves, but were gripped firmly by their genitals, which took root with the woman’s so that they grew together. And now branches had grown from their fingers, and they were so covered in tendrils that they too were almost ready to bear fruit. We abandoned them and rushed back to the boat, and having got there we told the men we’d left behind all that had happened, including our companions’ love-making with the vines. Then we took some jars and filled them with water as well as with wine from the river, and made our camp there on the beach close by. At dawn we set sail with the help of a moderate breeze.
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Around noon when we were now out of sight of the island, a whirlwind suddenly appeared, and spinning the boat around lifted it up to a height of about forty miles and didn’t let it down again onto the sea; but while it was hanging up there a wind struck the sails, and filling the canvas drove us forward. For seven days and nights we travelled through the air, and on the eighth day we saw in it an extensive land, seemingly an island, circular and shining bright with a great light. We put in to it, and dropping anchor we disembarked, and exploring it we found the place was inhabited and cultivated. From there we could see nothing by day, but after nightfall a lot of other islands began to appear near by, some quite large and some smaller, and of a fiery colour. There was also another land below us, with cities and rivers on it, and seas and forests and mountains. We assumed that this was our own world.
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We decided to venture even further inland, but then we encountered what were known locally as Vulture-Cavalry, and they captured us. These are men riding on large vultures and using the birds as horses. The vultures are large and generally have three heads. You can get some idea of their size if I tell you that each of their feathers is longer and thicker than the mast of a large merchantman. These Vulture-Cavalry have orders to fly around the country, and to bring any stranger they find before the king; so naturally they collared us and took us to him. He inspected us, and making a guess from our clothes said, ‘So, strangers, you are Greeks?’ We admitted we were, and he said, ‘Well, how did you get here, having so much air to cross over?’ We told him everything, and then he began and told us his story: that he too was a human being, named Endymion,* and once while he was sleeping he had been snatched away from our land, and arriving there had been made king of that country. He told us that the land there was what to us below appears as the moon. But he urged us not to worry or feel we were in any danger, for all our needs would be taken care of. ‘And’, he went on, ‘if I am successful in the war I am now waging against the inhabitants of the sun, you shall spend your lives as happily as you like with me.’ We asked who were his enemies and the reason for the dispute, and he replied: ‘Phaethon, the king of the sun’s inhabitants—for it is inhabited, just like the moon—has been making war against us for a long time. It began like this. I once collected all the poorest people in my kingdom, wishing to establish a colony on the Morning Star, since it was empty of inhabitants. Phaethon was envious of this and prevented the colonization, confronting us halfway through the journey with his Ant-Cavalry. We were defeated on that occasion, as we couldn’t match their equipment, and retreated; but now I want to resume the contest and set up the colony. So, if you wish, join forces with me, and I will supply you each with one of the royal vultures, and the rest of your equipment. We shall set out tomorrow.’ ‘Agreed,’ I said, ‘since that is your plan.’
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So we stayed and had dinner with him, and at dawn we got up and were allotted our stations: for the scouts reported that the enemy were near. Our army numbered a hundred thousand, not counting porters, engineers, and the infantry and foreign allies. Of this number eighty thousand were Vulture-Cavalry and twenty thousand were mounted on Cabbage-Wingers. This is a massive bird, which is covered all over thickly with cabbage instead of feathers and has wings much resembling lettuce-leaves. Stationed next to these were the Millet-Shooters and the Garlic-Fighters. Allies also came to Endymion from the Great Bear: thirty thousand Flea-Archers and fifty thousand Wind-Runners. The Flea-Archers ride on huge fleas (hence the name), and each flea is as big as twelve elephants. The Wind-Runners are infantry, but they are borne through the air without wings. Their method of flight is that they girdle up their long tunics to form folds that fill with wind like sails, and so they are carried along like boats. Generally they serve as light-armed troops in warfare. There was a report too that seventy thousand Sparrow-Acorns and five thousand Crane-Cavalry were to come from the stars over Cappadocia; but as they never arrived I didn’t see them, so I’ve not ventured to describe their appearance, as amazing and incredible things were said about them.
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This was the force that Endymion led. They all had the same equipment: helmets made of beans, their beans being big and tough; all their scale-armour of lupins (the lupin-husks being stitched together to make the armour, and the husk of lupin in their country is as unbreakable as horn); and their shields and swords of Greek design. When it was time, they were deployed as follows: on the right wing were the Vulture-Cavalry and the king, with the crack troops around him (including ourselves); on the left, the Grass-Wingers; in the centre, the allies, in whatever formation they chose. The infantry numbered around sixty million, stationed as follows. Spiders in that region are numerous and very large—each of them much bigger than the Cyclades islands. These were ordered by Endymion to cover with a web the air between the moon and the Morning Star. As soon as they had done this and created a plain, he deployed the infantry on it, under the leadership of Batlet, son of Fairweather, and two others.
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Turning to the enemy, on the left were the Ant-Cavalry, and among them Phaethon. These are huge creatures with wings, resembling our ants except in size, as the largest was two hundred feet long. Not only the riders on the ants fought, but the ants themselves too, making particular use of their feelers. There were said to be about fifty thousand of these. On their right were stationed the Sky-Gnats, also numbering around fifty thousand, all of these being archers riding huge gnats. Next to them came the Sky-Dancers, light-armed infantry, but good warriors for all that; for they catapulted enormous radishes at long range, and anyone so struck collapsed immediately and died of a foul-smelling wound. Apparently they smear their missiles with mallow poison. Next to them were stationed ten thousand Stalk-Mushrooms, heavy-armed troops used for close fighting. Their name arises from the fact that they used mushrooms for shields and asparagus stalks for spears. Beside them stood the Dog-Acorns, sent to him by the inhabitants of the Dog Star: these were five thousand dog-faced men, who fight mounted on winged acorns. We were told that Phaethon too had late-arriving allies, slingers whom he had sent for from the Milky Way, and the Cloud-Centaurs. The latter did arrive just when the battle was decided—if only they hadn’t; but the slingers never turned up at all, which it is said made Phaethon furious with them afterwards, so that he ravaged their country with fire.
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Such was the armament Phaethon brought with him. The battle began as soon as the standards were raised and the donkeys on both sides had brayed (donkeys being their trumpeters), and the fight went on. The left wing of the Heliots immediately fled, without even waiting for the charge of the Vulture-Cavalry, and we chased and slaughtered them. But their right wing was too much for our left, and the Sky-Gnats advanced in pursuit right up to our infantry. But when these too came to the rescue, they turned and fled, especially when they saw that their left wing had been beaten. The defeat was decisive, many being killed and many taken alive; and so much blood was spilt on the clouds that they seemed as if they were dyed red, as they look to us when the sun is setting. A lot of blood also dripped onto the earth, so that I surmised that something like this must have happened up there long ago, which made Homer suppose that Zeus had caused a rain of blood because of the death of Sarpedon.*
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We returned from the pursuit and set up two trophies, one on the spider-webs celebrating the infantry battle, and the other on the clouds for the air battle. We were just in the middle of this when the scouts reported that the Cloud-Centaurs, who should have come before the battle to help Phaethon, were approaching. And there they were indeed advancing on us, an extraordinary sight, creatures compounded of men and winged horses. The men were as large as the Colossus of Rhodes measured from the waist up, and the horses as big as a large merchantman. However, I have not recorded their number, in case no one believes it, it was so enormous. They were led by the Archer from the Zodiac. When they realized that their friends had been defeated, they sent a message to Phaethon to return to the attack, and then putting themselves into formation they fell on the disorganized Selenites, who had abandoned battle-order and scattered in pursuit and to plunder. They routed them all, pursued the king himself to the city, and killed most of his birds. They then tore up his trophies and overran the whole spider-web plain, and they captured me and two of my companions. By now Phaethon too had arrived, and other trophies were being set up in turn by the enemy.
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Well, that same day we were taken away to the sun, with our hands tied behind us with lengths of spider-web. The enemy decided not to besiege the city, but as they made their way back they built a wall across the intervening air, to stop the sun’s rays reaching the moon. It was a double wall and formed of cloud, so that a real eclipse of the moon resulted, and it was covered totally in continual darkness. Endymion was distressed by all this, and sent to beg them to pull down the wall and not to let them live their lives in darkness. He promised to pay tribute, and joining them as allies not to make war on them again, saying he was willing to offer hostages as pledges for all this. Phaethon called two assemblies: in the first their anger remained implacable; but in the second they changed their minds, and peace was agreed on these terms:
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On the following conditions the Heliots and their allies have made a truce with the Selenites and their allies:
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That the Heliots destroy the dividing wall and do not attack the moon again, and that they return their prisoners, each for an agreed sum.
That the Selenites allow the stars to be self-governing, and do not bear arms against the Heliots.
That each comes to the aid of the other if it is attacked.
That each year the king of the Selenites pay as tribute to the king of the Heliots ten thousand jars of dew, and give ten thousand of his people as hostages.
That the colony on the Morning Star be established jointly, and anyone who wishes may join it.
That the truce be inscribed on a block of electrum and set up in mid-air on the boundaries of their territories.
Sworn to by Pyronides, Therites, and Phlogios for the Heliots; and Nyctor, Menios, and Polylampes for the Selenites.
These were the terms of the peace; the wall was at once pulled down, and they handed over us prisoners. When we arrived at the moon, our companions and Endymion himself met us and gave us a tearful welcome. He was anxious that I should stay with him and join in the colony, and as there are no women there, he promised me his own son in marriage. But I refused firmly, and asked him to send me back down to the sea. When he saw that he couldn’t persuade me, he sent us back after entertaining us for seven days.
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But in the course of my stay on the moon I noticed some strange and remarkable things, of which I want to tell you. Firstly, they are not born of women but of men: they marry men, and they don’t even have a word for woman. Up to the age of 25 each acts as a wife, and after that as a husband. They carry their babies not in the belly but in the calf of the leg. After conception, the calf starts swelling, and when the time comes they cut it open and deliver the baby dead. They then bring it to life by holding it up to the wind with its mouth open. My guess is that we Greeks have got our word ‘belly of the leg’* from there, since among them the calf acts as a belly. And I’ll tell you something else even stranger. There is a race of people among them called Tree-men, who are born as follows. They cut a man’s right testicle and plant it in the ground. From this grows a very large tree, made of flesh and shaped like a phallus, with branches and leaves, and fruit in the form of acorns a cubit long. When these are ripe they pick them and shell out the men. These are given artificial genitals, some of ivory, others (in the case of poor people) of wood, and these serve them in having intercourse with their mates.
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When a man grows old, he doesn’t die but evaporates like smoke. They all have the same food. Having lit a fire they roast frogs on the coals: they have a lot of frogs flying around in the air; and while they are roasting, they sit around as if at a table, greedily inhaling the rising steam, and so feast themselves. This is their food, and their drink is air, which is squeezed into a cup and condenses like dew. They pass neither urine nor stool, not even having orifices where we have them. And youths offer themselves to their lovers not using the rump, but behind the knee, above the calf, where there is an opening.
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They think a man is handsome if he is bald and hairless, and they loathe long-haired people. It is quite the reverse on the comets, where long-haired men are admired:* some visitors to the moon told us about them. Furthermore, they grow beards just above their knees; and they don’t have toe-nails, and in fact have only one toe. Each man has a large cabbage growing over his bottom like a tail: it is always green, and doesn’t break if he falls over backwards. Their nose mucus is a very pungent sort of honey; and when they work hard or take exercise they sweat all over with milk, such that they can make cheese from it by adding a few drops of the honey. They make oil from onions, which is very rich and fragrant, like myrrh. They also have a lot of water-bearing vines, on which the grape-clusters are like hail-stones; and my theory is that our hailstorms are caused by the clusters bursting when these vines are roughly shaken by a wind. They use their belly as a pocket for putting useful things into, as it can be opened and shut again. They don’t seem to have bowels there: the belly is just lined all over inside with thick hair, so that their children can shelter there when it is cold.
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Rich people among them have clothes of pliable glass, while the poor wear woven bronze; for the country there is rich in bronze, which they prepare like wool by soaking it in water. But when it comes to their eyes, I hesitate to tell you about them, in case you think I’m lying because my account is so incredible. Still, I will tell you this as well. They have removable eyes, and when they wish to they take them out and keep them safe until they want to see, when they put them back in so they can see. Many of them lose their own and borrow others’ eyes to see with; and rich people keep a large supply of them. Their ears are formed of plane tree leaves, except for the acorn-men, who are unique in having wooden ones. And here’s another strange thing I saw in the royal palace. A large mirror is placed over a well, which isn’t very deep, and if you go down into the well you can hear everything that is said amongst us on earth; and if you look into the mirror you can see all the cities and all the countries, as if you were actually standing in each. I too was then able to see my own family and the whole of my country; but I can’t tell you for certain whether they saw me too. If anyone doesn’t believe all this, he’ll know I’m telling the truth should he ever get there himself.
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Well, anyway, we bade the king and his friends a fond farewell, embarked and set off. Endymion also gave me some gifts: two tunics of glass and five of bronze, and a suit of armour made of lupin—all of which I left behind in the whale. He also sent a thousand of the Vulture-Cavalry to escort us for about sixty miles. On our journey we passed by many other countries, and landed on the Morning Star while it was still being colonized, where we disembarked to replenish our water. Putting out again, we headed for the Zodiac, keeping the sun on our left and staying close to the shore. We didn’t land there, though my companions were very keen to do so, as the wind was against us. But we saw that the land was flourishing and fertile and well watered, and full of many good things. When they spotted us the Cloud-Centaurs, who were serving with Phaethon, flew on to the ship; but learning that we were allies under treaty they went away. The Vulture-Cavalry had already left us.
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Sailing for the following night and day, we arrived around evening at Lamp City, which was already on our downward journey. This city lies in the air between the Pleiades and the Hyades, but much lower than the Zodiac. We landed, but couldn’t find any men, only a lot of lamps rushing around, and busy in the square and around the harbour. Some were small and poor-looking, but a few, who were large and powerful, shone very bright and clear. They all have their own separate houses and lamp stands, and they have names like men, and we could hear them speaking. They didn’t harm us, but offered us entertainment as their guests. However, we were afraid, and none of us dared to eat anything or fall asleep. They have a public building in the middle of the city, where their chief magistrate sits throughout the night and summons each of them by name; and anyone who does not answer is condemned to death for deserting his post—death meaning to be extinguished. We attended the hearings and saw what happened, and we heard the lamps defending themselves and explaining why they were delayed. There I recognized our own lamp, and I spoke to him and asked him for news from home, and he told me how everything was there.
We stayed there that night, and on the following day we set sail, being now close to the clouds. There we also saw Cloudcuckoo-city* and marvelled at it; but the wind didn’t allow us to land there. The king there was said to be Crow, son of Blackbird; and I was put in mind of Aristophanes, a wise and truthful poet whose works are quite unreasonably distrusted. Two days later we could clearly see the ocean, but no land anywhere except the territories in the air, and these were starting to look exceedingly bright and fiery. On the fourth day about midday, the wind gradually fell and subsided, and we landed on the sea. As soon as we touched the water we felt wonder-fully pleased and happy, and enjoyed ourselves as fully as we could, jumping overboard for a swim, as the weather was fine and the sea smooth.
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But it seems that a turn for the better often means the start of worse troubles. We’d been sailing for just two days in good weather, and the third dawn was breaking, when towards the east we suddenly saw a large number of sea-monsters and whales. One of them in particular, the largest of all, was about one hundred and seventy miles long. He came up on us with gaping mouth, lashing up the sea to a surge of foam far in advance of him, and showing teeth much larger than human phalluses, all of them sharp as stakes and white as ivory. We embraced and bade one another a last farewell, and waited. In no time he was on us, and with one gulp swallowed us down, ship and all. However, he didn’t manage to crush us first with his teeth, as the ship slipped through the gaps into his interior. When we were within him, there was darkness at first and we couldn’t see anything, but presently he opened his mouth and we saw a great hollow cavern, flat everywhere and high, and big enough to hold a populous city. Inside it there were small fish lying around, as well as many other dismembered creatures, and the sails and anchors of boats, and human bones and merchandise. In the middle there was land and hills on it, which I suppose was the deposit formed from the mud he had swallowed. Indeed, a forest of all sorts of trees had grown on it, and vegetables had sprouted, and everything seemed to be carefully cultivated. The circuit of the area was about twenty-seven miles. We could also observe sea-birds, gulls, and kingfishers, nesting on the trees.
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Then indeed we wept for a long time; but after a while we made our companions stir themselves, and we shored up our boat, and ourselves rubbed sticks together to make a fire and made a meal with what was available. We had a plentiful supply of all kinds of fish, and there was still the water from the Morning Star. On rising the next morning, whenever the whale opened his mouth we could sometimes see mountains, sometimes only the sky, and often islands; from which we realized that he was rushing quickly in all directions over the sea. When at last we got used to our surroundings, I took seven of my companions and went into the wood, wanting to have a general scout around. I hadn’t yet gone a thousand yards when I came upon a temple of Poseidon, as the inscription revealed, and not far away a lot of graves with tombstones on them, near to a spring of clear water. We also heard a dog barking, there was some smoke in the distance, and we guessed that there was a farm-building as well.
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So we went on eagerly and came across an old man and a youth working very hard in a garden, which they were irrigating with water from the spring. We stood there with mingled delight and fear; and they too, no doubt with the same feelings, stood there silently. After a while the old man said, ‘Who are you, strangers? Are you sea-gods, or just unfortunate men like us? For we are men and bred on the land, but now we have become creatures of the sea and we swim around along with this beast that contains us. We don’t even know for certain what is happening to us: we guess we must be dead, but trust we are still alive.’ I replied to him: ‘We too are men, good sir, newly arrived as we were lately swallowed up, ship and all. We have just now set out, wishing to find out the state of things in the forest; for it seemed very big and dense. But it seems that some god has brought us to see you, and to learn that we aren’t the only ones trapped in this beast. But do tell us what’s happened to you—who you are and how you came here.’ But he said he wouldn’t either tell or ask us anything until he had entertained us as best he could; and he took us to the house, which was an ample building, equipped with beds and other furnishings. He served us vegetables and fruit and fish, and poured wine for us as well; and when we had had sufficient he asked us for our story. I told him everything from beginning to end—the storm, the island, the journey through the air, the battle, and everything else up to our descent into the whale.
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He was utterly amazed, and then in turn he told us his own adventures in these words: ‘Well, strangers, I am a Cypriot by birth. I set out from my country on a trading trip with my son, whom you see, and many servants as well, and I sailed for Italy with a mixed cargo on a large ship, which you probably noticed wrecked in the whale’s mouth. As far as Sicily we had an untroubled voyage; but there we were caught in a violent gale and carried out to the ocean for three days, where we encountered the whale and were swallowed up crew and all: the others were killed, and only the two of us survived. We buried our companions, built a temple to Poseidon, and now live this life, growing vegetables and living on fish and fruit. It’s a large forest, as you see, and besides it is full of grape-vines which yield a very sweet wine. And you may have noticed the spring of lovely cold water. We make our bed from leaves, have plentiful fires, hunt the birds that fly in here, and catch fresh fish by going out to the gills of the beast, where we also have a bath when we want to. There is also a lake not far off, about two and a half miles round, with all kinds of fish in it, where we swim and sail in a little boat I built. It is now twenty-seven years since we were swallowed up. We can perhaps put up with everything else, but our neighbours living around us are extremely surly and unpleasant, being a fierce and unsociable lot.’ ‘Really?’ I said, ‘there are other people in the whale?’ ‘Yes, lots,’ he replied, ‘and they are unwelcoming and uncouth in appearance. In the western or tail-end of the forest live the Saltfish tribe, with their eel’s eyes and crayfish faces: they are quarrelsome, bold, and flesh-eating. On one side, by the right-hand wall, are the Sea-Satyrs, who are like men in their upper halves and lizards in their lower: but they are less wicked than the others. On the left are the Crabclaws and the Tunnyheads, who have a friendly alliance with each other. In the interior dwell the Crabs and the Solefeet, a warlike race and very fast runners. The eastern area, near the whale’s mouth, is mainly uninhabited, being washed over by the sea. But I live here, paying the Solefeet an annual rent of five hundred oysters. Well, that is the nature of the land, and you must consider how we are going to fight all these tribes and how we can survive.’ ‘How many are there altogether?’ I asked. ‘More than a thousand,’ he said. ‘And what weapons do they have?’ ‘Only fish-bones,’ he replied. ‘Then the best plan,’ I said, ‘would be to meet them in battle, since they are unarmed and we are armed. If we win, we shall live here in peace for the rest of our lives.’
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This was agreed, and we went back to the boat to make our preparations. The pretext for the war was to be non-payment of the tribute, and the appointed date had now arrived. So, when they sent and demanded it, he gave the messengers a disdainful reply and sent them packing. Then first of all the Solefeet and the Crabs, furious with Scintharus—that was his name—arrived with a tremendous uproar. But we expected the attack and were waiting for them fully armed, having posted an ambush of twenty-five men. The ambush had been ordered to fall on the enemy when they saw them go past, and they did so. Falling on them from behind they cut them down, while we ourselves, being twenty-five in number (Scintharus and his son having joined our force), encountered them head on, and risked the engagement with strength and spirit. At length we routed them and chased them right to their lairs. One hundred and seventy of the enemy were killed; on our side only one, the helmsman, who was pierced through the back with a mullet’s rib. During that day and night we camped on the battlefield, and set up a trophy made of the dried spine of a dolphin. On the next day the others arrived, having heard what had happened. The Saltfish were on the right wing, led by Pelamys, with the Tunnyheads on the left and the Crabclaws in the middle. The Sea-Satyrs did not engage, as they weren’t willing to join either side. We advanced to meet them, and closed with them shouting loudly by the temple of Poseidon, so that the whale echoed like a cave. We routed them, as they were lightly armed, and chased them into the forest, and thereafter we were masters of the country. Shortly afterwards they sent heralds, wishing to collect their dead and treat for peace, but we weren’t prepared to come to terms. In fact, on the next day we set out against them and completely wiped them out, all except the Sea-Satyrs, who, when they saw what was happening, rushed away through the gills and threw themselves into the sea. Then we wandered over the country, now free of our enemies, and lived there untroubled from then on. For the most part we occupied ourselves in exercising, in hunting, in cultivating vines, and in gathering fruit from the trees; and, in short, we were like people who live in luxury and are free to roam around in a large prison they cannot escape from.
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Such was our way of life for a year and eight months; but on day five of the ninth month, around the second mouth-opening (for the whale did this once every hour, so we could tell the time by his openings), around the second opening, as I said, loud shouts and uproar could suddenly be heard, and what sounded like boatswains’ calls and the beating of oars. Full of excitement we crept right up to the mouth of the beast, and standing inside his teeth we saw the most astonishing sight I’ve ever beheld: enormous men, a hundred yards tall, sailing on enormous islands as though on triremes. I know no one will believe what I’m going to report, but I’ll say it anyway. The islands were long but not very high, about fourteen miles in circuit; and on each of them were sailing about a hundred and twenty of those men. Some of these were sitting in a row along each side of the island, rowing with oars made of enormous cypress trees, not even stripped of their branches and leaves. On the stern, so to speak, stood the helmsman on a high hill, gripping a bronze tiller a thousand yards long. On the prow were about forty warriors fully armed, like men in all respects except for their hair, which was blazing flames, so they had no need of helmets. Instead of sails, the wind struck the forest—there was a dense one on each island—filled it like a sail, and so carried the island wherever the helmsman wished. They had a boatswain appointed to keep time for the oarsmen, as they moved on swiftly, like warships.
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At first we could see only two or three, but later about six hundred appeared, which took up their positions for action and began a sea-fight. Many dashed together prow to prow, and many were rammed and sank. Some grappled one another, fought fiercely, and weren’t easily separated; for the men stationed on the prow showed the utmost zeal in boarding and slaughtering, and gave no quarter. Instead of grappling-irons they threw huge octopuses, linked together with lines, which caught on to the wood and so firmly gripped the island. They struck and inflicted wounds using oysters as big as waggons and hundred-foot sponges. One side was led by Flashing-centaur, and the other by Seadrinker, and the fight apparently arose from an act of plunder: Seadrinker was alleged to have driven off many herds of dolphins belonging to Flashingcentaur. We gathered this from hearing them accusing one another and calling the names of their kings. At length Flashingcentaur’s side won, and sank about a hundred and fifty of their enemy’s islands, capturing three others with their crews. The rest backed water and fled. They pursued them for a while, but as evening came on they turned back to the wrecks, taking possession of most of the enemy’s, and recovering their own: for not less than eighty of their islands had sunk. They also set up a trophy of the island-fight by staking one of the enemy’s islands on to the head of the whale. They spent that night by the beast, fastening cables to him and riding at anchor close by: for they had large strong anchors, made of glass. The following day they made a sacrifice on the whale, buried their friends on it, and sailed away rejoicing and singing what seemed to be victory-hymns. That is the story of the island-fight.
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