Awkward did not begin to cover Rand’s feelings among all of Red’s ultrafeminine sisters, Jake’s bright-eyed mama, and Red’s constant staring. And the worst part about it was dinner hadn’t even been served yet.
Jake slipped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “You doing okay?”
Rand nodded. “I thought you were going to tell your mother this was all a scheme?”
Jake shrugged. “Haven’t found the time yet.”
Before she could respond, Red’s sister Tabitha came over in a slinky black top and a pair of Wranglers so tight, it was a wonder her legs weren’t numb.
“Miranda, I love your hair. I wish I had natural wave to mine, but it’s just so flat without a hundred products.”
Rand shifted her feet, unprepared for the other woman’s enthusiastic compliment. “Thank you. I usually just throw it up, but Jake likes it down.”
“Well, of course he does. Men like a little something to grab on to in the bedroom, which is why I keep mine short. Swearing off men for the rest of my life. Mama keeps saying I’ll change my mind, but if she wants grandchildren, she better find me a good sperm bank and a turkey baster.”
Jake choked next to her, and Rand asked before she really thought about it, “What’s the turkey baster for?”
Tabitha stared at her like she had spoken French. “Well, you know, the sperm needs to get up there somehow…” She looked helplessly at Jake.
Rand stared at the two of them, taking in Jake’s shaking shoulders and Tabitha’s mouth twitching in amusement.
Mortified, she said, “You know, I need to use the bathroom.”
She moved out from under Jake’s arm to the bathroom, and while she was washing her hands, she got Tabitha’s meaning and groaned. “Oh man, that is so gross.”
She came back out to find Jake smirking at her, and she returned his amusement with a disgruntled “This is not funny. She’s going to think I’m stupid.”
He wrapped his arms around her and said, “Naw, just a little naïve.”
She tried to pull away, but he held fast. As Red approached them, Rand noticed he was frowning darkly.
What’s the matter with him?
“Jake, I want to talk to you,” Red said gruffly, barely meeting her eyes.
“Alfred, get in here and help me bring out this food,” Hannah Calhoun called from the kitchen.
“Why can’t one of the girls do it?” he hollered back.
His father, Alfred Senior, yelled from in front of the TV, “Don’t you sass your mother, boy! Get your ass in there before I put my boot print on it.”
Red left them with a grumble, and his mother whacked him with her wooden spoon as he passed.
M.J., Red’s oldest sister, approached them and handed Rand a card. “If you’re ever interested in being a hair model for me, I would love it. You have an awesome head of hair. So thick and beautiful.”
M.J. reached out and picked up Rand’s heavy locks, running her fingers through it. Rand had never been comfortable with invasion of her personal space, unless you were about six foot three with sandy hair and green eyes
She gave Jake a look she hoped he’d interpret as “Help me,” and Lord bless him, he said, “Excuse us, M.J., that’s a kind offer, and I’m sure Rand will let you know if she changes her mind, but I actually love her hair long.”
M.J. waved her hand. “I wouldn’t take off much. Just enough to give it some shape.”
Rand had an irrational fear that the other woman’s hand would turn into sharp scissors at any moment and start hacking away at her hair.
She decided to take matters into her own hands. “I should probably help your mother set the table. Excuse me.” She practically ran past M.J. and into the very crowded kitchen.
“Can I help with anything?” She meant to ask it quietly and politely, but it came out more high-pitched and impatient. Red, his mama, and Jake’s mama, all turned to her with a mix of curiosity and surprise. “Sorry, I just like to be useful.”
Hannah smiled and held out a platter. “Well then, here. We wouldn’t want you to feel useless.”
Rand took the plate and carried it to the table, sitting next to Jake and realizing that Jake’s mother had taken the seat next to her. Smack in the middle of her fake boyfriend and her fake boyfriend’s mama? How much worse were things going to get?
* * *
Wow, Jake didn’t realize how bad things could turn so fast. Only a few hours ago, Rand had looked ready to head for the hills, and now she sat between his mama and Red’s, sharing stories of their exploits.
“Really, I tried to talk them out of it, but they insisted they could drink the whole bottle. I ended up having to pull them off the stage, where they had started pole dancing. Badly.”
Red defended their honor, much to Jake’s horror. “Hey, I think we made about fifty bucks that night.”
His sisters burst out laughing, and Rand continued, “What Red doesn’t remember is the muscle-bound biker chick that almost took him home. That’s where the fifty came from.”
Red’s face turned as bright as his hair as the room hooted.
Jake shook his head, and his mama asked, “How much did Jake make?”
“Not much, but he did insist on getting a tattoo that night.”
“Really?” Tabitha sat forward and asked, “Is it anywhere exciting?”
Jake held his hands up in a time-out symbol. “All right, ladies, that’s the end of that. My mama’s in the room.”
The woman who’d given birth to him turned traitor as she raised a brow. “Actually, this is the first I’ve heard about a tattoo. Finish the story, Rand.”
Rand shot him a guilty look, and he stopped her from her obvious thoughts of backtracking. “Oh no, you’ve opened your big mouth already. Please go on.”
She must have chosen to ignore his sarcasm, because she smiled devilishly. “Okay, so he’s looking at the wall and points at what he thinks is a skull, but the artist thought he was pointing to the drawing next to it, so he asks Jake where he wants it, and Jake says, ‘Somewhere where my mama won’t see it.’” There were several snickers before she continued, “The artist gave him a weird look but ended up putting a heart with the name ‘Mama’ on his butt.”
Raucous female laughter filled the room.
“All right, real funny. Now if you’ll excuse us, I better get Rand home,” Jake said, standing.
Red’s two younger sisters hissed and booed, while Hannah protested, “But y’all didn’t get any pie.”
“We had some earlier.” He stepped forward and held out his hand. “How about it, Rand?”
He waited patiently as she looked around at the disappointment of her captive audience and murmured, “I do need to get up early.”
He didn’t even give her a chance to be swayed by the protestors, just reached out and pulled her to her feet and against his chest. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, whispering, “I’ll get you for telling them about my tattoo.”
Her cheeks were bright red when he pulled away, and all the ladies made awws and oohs, even his mama. He nodded to her, and she stood to give him a big hug. Rand slipped away from him to be hugged and advised by the Calhoun women.
“I’ve always liked Miranda, you know.”
His mother’s word pulled his attention back to her, and he hiked up an eyebrow. “Really? I seem to remember you saying she needed some softening up.”
“She does need softening up, but she’s got a good head on her shoulders and a sweetness about her. You could do worse.”
His jaw dropped, and he goggled. “Rand? Sweet?”
“I understand she needs to marry to secure her inheritance,” his mother said, giving him a pinch.
He was afraid to ask where she was going with this. “Yeah, she’s got a couple of months left.”
His mother gave him serious eyes as she moved him away from the others. “You should marry her. You help her, and maybe she’ll help you buying the feed store.” Then she had the gall to wink at him. “Maybe I’ll get a couple of grandbabies and you’ll get a wife that will corral your fickle streak.”
“Rand, you have five seconds to get your butt out that door, or I’m leaving you!” He kissed his mama’s cheek. “Good night, Mama.”
“Good night, son. Good night, Miranda.” His mother gave Rand a hug and patted her cheek. “You’ve grown up so nice.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Hansen.” Rand’s face was cherry red as she followed Jake out the door to his truck.
“Y’all hang on a minute,” Red called behind them.
Jake and Rand stopped outside the small ranch house as Red caught up to them, his intense gaze shifting between them. “I just want to make sure y’all know what you’re doing.”
“Look, Red—”
“We’re good. We’ll see you later,” Jake interrupted, not wanting Red to know about their fake relationship. For some reason, the way Red had been looking at Rand all night had been getting under his skin, and he didn’t want Red thinking the field was open to play ball on.
Red’s eyes went from wide with surprise to narrowed, his mouth turning down with irritation. “All right, then.” When he wrapped his arms around Rand to give her a hug, Jake turned his back on them to go around the truck.
Why are you being such a dick about this? If Red is interested in Rand, then he is a perfect backup for Jay.
He listened as Rand said good night and didn’t look at her until he heard the front door slam.
“What put a burr in your bonnet?” she asked as he unlocked the car doors.
He hopped in and cursed. “I just wanted to get out of there is all.” He started the car and could feel her watching him in the dark.
He caught her shrug as she settled back into the seat. “Well, I don’t know what your problem is, but thank you. I had a lot of fun.”
He pulled out onto the highway and thought about the day. Hanging with Rand was always fun, but today, with their little charade, it had been…more. He’d been happy and relaxed, even with his mother plotting how to get them down the aisle. And it had everything to do with the woman sitting next to him.
He slipped his arm over the back of the seat and squeezed her shoulder. “Me too, Rand.”
Her smile flashed at him in the darkness, and he was struck by how sweet that smile was. Maybe his mother was right. Marriage to his best friend couldn’t be bad, especially since he knew how very eager Rand might be. She could keep the Double C, and he could…
No, he couldn’t ask Rand for money. And there was no way he’d be able to marry her, live down the hall from her, and never touch her. Not now, when he knew she tasted sweeter than peach cobbler and was just as warm.
“What are you thinking so hard about?” she asked.
He glanced over at her and lied. “Just thinking that if Jay doesn’t show up on your doorstep tomorrow, he’s dumber than a box of rocks.”
She sighed and leaned her head against his arm. “I hope you’re right. Otherwise I’ll be moving into your place. Scout too.”
Jake knew there was something malfunctioning in his brain when the prospect of having Rand and her mischievous kitty cat move in didn’t sound like the worst idea. In fact, having Rand in his house and, more importantly, in his bed, sounded good. Really good.
“What were you and your mama talking about?”
He tried to steer his mind from the dangerous track it was on and back to the present. “Oh, she just wanted to know how things were going with buying the store.”
“The hardware store? You didn’t tell me you were trying to buy it.” Her tone held a touch of hurt.
“I didn’t really tell anyone, but it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t get a loan.” He tried not to sound bitter, but it escaped with the words anyway.
Her hand touched his arm sympathetically. “I’m sorry, Jake.”
He shook his head. “It’s okay. It was just a pipe dream anyway.” He pulled into her drive and parked in front of the porch. He opened up his door and came around to get hers, but she beat him to it. “Someday you’ll learn how to wait for the gentleman to get the door.”
“I have some money in the bank,” she blurted out. “It was supposed to be a college fund, but since I only got my associates, there’s quite a bit left. What if I cosigned the loan? Would the bank do that?” She walked up the porch steps ahead of him, and he was stunned silent by her offer.
“I can’t take your money, Rand. If the business went under, you’d lose it.”
She turned with a laugh and assured him, “That store has been there for fifty years. I’m pretty sure it will stand a few more until you can pay me back. Do you have any savings?”
He blinked, and his mouth probably looked a bit like a fish taking air. “I’ve got about twelve thousand.”
Her smile was bright in the dark. “We can go talk to Martha and Bob Haskins this week if you want.”
He felt like he should still dissuade her. “Really, Rand, you don’t have to…”
She rolled her eyes and chided, “You’re helping me out just because you’re my friend. Let me help you.”
He stopped arguing and let out a whoop of joy, picking her up around her waist and spinning her. A surprised laugh escaped her, and when he finally set her down, he gave her a hard, fast kiss. “You are the best, Rand Coleman.”
“Yeah, I kinda knew that already.”
He laughed and kissed her again. As her mouth opened eagerly under his, he groaned, forgetting about the plan. Instead, he lost himself in her, until she pulled away, breathing hard and staring up at him with wide eyes. He couldn’t look away, and he ached to bring her back against him.
She cleared her throat, breaking the spell. “So, what’s the next step to getting Jay’s attention?”
It was as if someone had poured a glass of ice water down his pants. If she’d wanted to break the mood, she’d definitely succeeded. Jake wondered if the way he was feeling was all one-sided. Maybe she really wasn’t interested in him at all as more than just a teacher.
You need to stop worrying about how she feels, because this was always supposed to be about helping her find a husband, not getting your jollies off.
Trying to keep the irritation out of his tone, he said, “Don’t worry about Jay. By tomorrow, he’ll be eating out of the palm of your hand.”
Rand’s smile was a flash of brilliance. “Thanks, Jake. For all of this. You’re a really good friend.”
As she walked inside, Jake had the sudden urge to beat his fool head against the wood of the doorjamb.