Jake finished signing the papers to take over the feed store the next Monday and called Red on his way home to the Double C to tell him the good news. Red had been happy for him, but he’d caught a note of envy in his voice.
“That’s great, man.”
Jake felt a little awkward at his best friend’s obvious unhappiness. “Man, I’m sorry, I just…”
“Hey, you don’t have to apologize to me. My time will come.” Red’s voice picked up on the last, and Jake felt a little better.
“Well, thanks for listening, but I just got home.” Jake pulled his keys out of the ignition and hopped out.
“Ohhh, home, huh? Look at you, all moved in and getting comfortable. I thought this was a temporary thing.” Red’s voice had an edge to it, and Jake tensed.
“What’s your problem, Red?”
The line was quiet for a minute before Red snapped, “I don’t like you stringing Rand along. You helped her keep the ranch, and that was good of you, but I’ve caught her watching you. She looks at you like she’s in love with you, and I don’t want you taking advantage of her.”
Jake was thrown by Red’s observation, but his voice didn’t show it as he said coldly, “What I do with my wife is none of your business.”
“If you play with Rand and hurt her, it will be.” Red’s voice sounded just as murderous.
Jake growled, “I’m not going to hurt her.”
“Good, then we won’t have a problem.”
“Night, Red.”
“I’m just thinking about her, Jake. She’s been through enough.”
Jake stopped on the porch. “Stop thinking about her and leave Rand’s feelings to me.”
He hung up the phone and walked inside, yelling, “Hey, Rand, I’ve got something to tell you!”
Walking through the living room to the kitchen, he saw the table set with flowers in the middle and candles on either side of the vase. Two place settings on a crocheted tablecloth each held a baked potato, steak, and broccoli. And Rand stood on the other side of the beautiful setting in a slinky black dress with ripples of brown hair falling over her bare shoulders.
“Gah…” was all that came out of his mouth as she smiled in the dim lighting and asked, “How was your day?”
He couldn’t stop staring at her in the scrap of fabric that barely reached midthigh and the dipping neckline. Her nervous laugh brought his eyes back up to hers, and she joked, “Just blink once for good, twice for bad.”
He blinked once slowly. He hadn’t moved from the spot, and she asked, “Are you hungry?”
For steak and potatoes? No. Not with you in that dress.
He shook his head, and she gave him a smile bordering on seductive. “Good.” She slipped the dress straps off her shoulders, and the scrap of fabric slid down with the help of her hands until it pooled around her ankles. “Me neither.”
* * *
Rand had been planning this move since she’d called Jamie yesterday and asked her for advice. Jamie had brought her the dress today, which she called her “sure thing” dress. She had told herself over and over for so long that she didn’t want to love him, and she didn’t want anything to change. But from the first time he’d kissed her, it was too late for her.
She had changed. She had fallen in love with her best friend; she just couldn’t admit it to herself and set herself up for heartache. But listening to Earl talking about her mother had convinced her that it was worth it. It had to be worth it. She had to tell him how she felt.
Now here she was, standing as buck naked as a baby, and he stared there like a drooling idiot. Suddenly self-conscious, she raised her hands up to cover her breasts and said, “I thought I would surprise you…”
“You did.” He strode toward her purposefully, and the hungry look in his eyes stopped her explanation. He slid his hand up and into her hair, pulling her against his hard chest. She melted into him, and he bent to kiss her lips like she was a steak he wanted to devour. She shivered as he ran his free hand down her back and butt, and her naked breasts and belly rubbed against the rough cotton and denim of his clothes. The sensations made her quicken, and she struggled to get closer.
He didn’t stop kissing her all the way back to the bedroom, even as he unbuttoned and discarded his shirt. Once they reached the bed, he toppled her onto the mattress and untied his boots, throwing his socks across the room. He stood up straight and slipped his jeans down his hips, kicking them off impatiently.
“Jake…” she started.
When his mouth found her breast, she couldn’t form any other words.
After. I’ll tell him after.
* * *
The sun streamed through the bedroom window, and Jake watched the light dance across Rand’s skin and cast a golden hue to her brown hair. Her mouth was parted softly, and her hair covered half her face, the blanket down around her hips so her whole back was exposed. He ran his hand over the soft skin.
He slid out of bed and headed for the shower. He laid his head against the cool tile and let the hot water flow down his back as he went over every little detail of being with Rand. She was so passionate. She’d been teasing and shy, and he wished he could spend the day peeling back more and more of her new layers. It was amazing that he’d known her for twenty years, but he felt like he was getting to know her all over again, a new surprise every day. And he loved it.
He shaved and brushed his teeth, the sight of her toothbrush next to his making him laugh. Who would have ever thought he’d be here, living in Rand’s house, sharing a bathroom, a bed…
He wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door to sneak down to the other bedroom. He’d hung his clothes up there because Rand’s closet was so small, it barely held her meager wardrobe.
His emotions were confusing as much as they were exhilarating. He wanted to be with her, liked the way she made him feel, but it also scared the shit out of him. He’d gone into this thing thinking it would be temporary, a way to help Rand and have her until this crazy attraction to her went away. But if anything, he just seemed to be getting deeper and deeper. He loved watching her eat, sleep, laugh… He watched her when she didn’t know it, and felt protective. Possessive. A word kept rattling around in his head that he’d never used with a woman. He’d dated, had girlfriends even, but never had he thought of a woman as being his.
He heard a noise in the doorway as he was pulling on a pair of boxers, and there stood Rand, wrapped in a sheet, her brown hair tousled. “What are you doing?”
He smiled at her bleary eyes and got up to pull her close. She snuggled against him, and he felt her mouth rain soft kisses on his chest. He held her against him and kissed her hair and her bare shoulder before answering, “Getting ready for work.”
Her hands caressed his back, and she murmured, “It’s early. You should come back to bed.”
He grinned and reached to tilt her head up. “Insatiable woman, I have inventory to do. And don’t you need to be out wrangling some cattle?”
When Rand pouted, honest to God pouted like she’d been doing it for years, he almost changed his mind. Something about her protruding, plump lip made him want to take it into his mouth and suck.
He realized she was talking and said, “What did you say?”
She rubbed against him like a cat and said sweetly, “The cows can wait around a few minutes.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I can do better than a few minutes.”
She slipped her hands into his boxers and gripped him. “Then come on back to bed, and show me.”
He pulled back and dipped her over his shoulder. She laughed as he hauled her back to the bedroom and dumped her unceremoniously. He grabbed a condom from the bathroom cabinet, lost his boxers, and flopped onto the bed, rolling it on. He lay down on his back and brought her over him so she straddled his hips, and he rubbed against her.
“How ’bout it, cowgirl? You got me right where you want me. Do with me as you will.”
Rand’s cheeks were sweetly pink as she sat above him, looking unsure. He took her hands and slid them over his chest. “I love it when you touch me.”
Her big brown eyes met his in the early morning light, and her hands roamed over his chest and abdomen, those callused palms making his erection jerk. He slid his hands up to cup her breasts and enjoyed the way her head tilted back and her eyes closed. Just watching her, being able to really see her responding to everything he was doing, was the hottest thing he’d ever seen.
His hand dipped down until he found her core, and he slid a finger over the little nub, making her tense. He continued until he slipped his index finger inside her, feeling her readiness. He grasped her waist and lifted her, shifting his hips forward until the tip of him rubbed against her warmth. He caught her surprised look and said, “This way, you can control everything.”
She sat above him for a moment. He reached up and touched her face, teasing, “Trust me, you’ll like it.”
She leaned her cheek into his hand and smiled. “I believe you.”
There was no more hesitation as she slid down over him, and he groaned when she finally encased him in her silky sheath. She adjusted herself, then moved her hips a bit. By her gasp, he figured she’d found something she liked, and he grasped her hips and moved her forward again.
Together they found a rhythm. He could feel himself getting close as he watched her rock above him, her mouth slightly open, breasts thrust forward, and her eyes tightly closed.
Her muscles clenched around him as her moans went up two octaves and her whole body quivered. He thrust up into her one last time and yelled as he came, grasping her to him as she fell forward on his chest, her hair covering his face.
He tried to catch his breath as her breasts pressed against his chest, and reached up to move her hair from his face. He caught the dewy look in her eyes and smiled. “So am I getting any better?”
Her smile was dreamy. “Oh yeah. That was wonderful.”
He kissed her smiling mouth and said, “All right, hussy, I’ve got to get to work.”
She rolled off the bed slowly, stretching, and he watched her naked behind as she padded to the bathroom. “Well, I’m going to hop into the shower and get ready to feed.” She turned and gave him fluttering eyes, “You sure you don’t want to come in?”
He let out a bark of laughter at her come-hither look. “I’ve created a monster. What happened to my nervous, shy wife?”
She shrugged and replied, “I guess she just finally got a taste of really, really good sex.”
She shut the door on him, and he lay back on the bed until his laughter subsided. Being married to Rand was definitely better than he was expecting.
He climbed out of the bed and made his way down the other bathroom to clean up. When he reached down to take off the condom, he noticed the rip in the thin latex, and the blood in his head disappeared. Gripping the side of the sink, he stared back at his pale reflection.
Fuck no. Fuck fuck fuck!
He tried to push down the panic, but he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. He had never had sex without a condom, even when the woman was on the pill, and he’d sure as shit never had one break on him.
He cleaned up and went back into Rand’s bedroom, sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. He couldn’t fight the images that rushed through his head of a little brown-haired girl with freckles, smiling at him like he’d hung the moon, or a little boy who looked up at him with trust in his green eyes. No, he couldn’t do it; he couldn’t put a child through that inevitable disappointment.
How was he going to tell Rand all this?
She wants kids less than you. She’ll understand.
* * *
Rand hadn’t been able to tell him how she felt last night; she had chickened out big-time. Tonight, though, she was going to do it. Just three little words, right? How hard could it be?
Rand came humming out of the bathroom, wrapped up in a towel, and the first thing she saw was Jake looking like his world had just crashed down on his head.
“What happened?” She knelt in front of him, her heart lodging in her throat at the sheer despair she saw in his deep-green eyes. “Jake?”
“I made a mistake,” he whispered.
Rand tried to swallow, but her worry and fear were working to tighten her airway more. “Whatever it was, we can fix it.”
He didn’t say anything for a few moments, and the silence was filled with suspenseful meaning.
Maybe the mistake was he married you.
“The condom broke.” Jake’s words thrust through her self-doubt, and she almost cried with relief.
“Is that it? Oh God, you scared me. That’s okay, I’m—”
He stood up so fast, she fell over on her butt, barely catching her towel. “No, it’s not fucking all right, Rand! I don’t want kids. Ever. Period.”
She stared up at him, so surprised, she couldn’t move. He looked like a cornered animal, snarling and snapping at her, and her heart dislodged from her throat and sank to the bottom of her stomach.
“I can’t believe this. I’m so careful, always. How could this happen?”
Rand recovered slowly, pushing herself to her feet and facing Jake. “What I was going to say was, you don’t have to worry, because I’m on the pill.”
Red stained his cheeks. He seemed at a loss for something to say, so she decided to help direct the conversation. “I’ve been on the pill since I was fourteen because of…my time of the month. It helped with some of the symptoms.”
Silence stretched again until he softly said, “Well, that’s, ahem, good.”
“Yeah, I guess it is.” She could feel her blood boil inside, the flames of humiliation and anger making her skin burn. “Is it kids in general you want to avoid, or just with me?”
“It has nothing to do with you. It’s just a personal preference. People don’t stay together or stick around, and I just don’t want to bring a kid into that.”
“And that’s everyone, right? ’Cause Red’s mom and dad haven’t been together for thirty-plus years or have five perfectly sane kids.” Sarcasm oozed out with her words, but she was beyond caring. All her hopes that Jake was really with her, that he felt the same way she did, had been dashed by his stupidity.
“Look, there are exceptions to every rule, but you and I both know the reality. Parents don’t stay together, and some even leave. Divorce, separation, abandonment. I don’t want it for mine.”
It killed her, destroyed every ounce of her pride to ask, but she had to know. “Is that where we’re headed, Jake? When that year is up, are we going to be done?”
His hands slipped through the short strands of his hair before he answered. “I don’t know, Rand. I’ve been taking one day at a time, seeing how things go.”
“But you don’t really think this is going anywhere, right? This is just a fun little experiment for you.”
His whole demeanor turned defensive as he snapped, “What about you? Weren’t you just using me as a test subject until you found someone who suited your wants and needs? I’m used to being that guy, but let’s not pretend this hasn’t been just about you finally getting your rocks off.”
Rand had never been a delicate flower, but she’d also never been a brawler either. She had no idea she had swung her fist and caught Jake right on his chin until she was cradling her throbbing fist, staring at Jake’s surprised face.
“Get out,” she snarled, squinting to keep the tears at bay.
A dark scowl marred his handsome face, a face that only an hour before had been filled with tenderness. “Gladly.”
He spun away from her and walked out of the bedroom, the front door slamming behind him. Choking on her grief, she flung herself on the bed and lost it. Cries escaped with each racking sob, and for the third time in her life, she felt like her world had been ripped apart at the seams. Her mother. Her grandfather. And now she’d lost Jake too.