Psalm 34: 7.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them

Chapter 13.

 

Kate took a deep breath as she raised her hand to knock on Ryan’s front door. She didn’t know what the man was going to do, what he would say, or how he would react. She thought about what she would do if their roles were reversed. She would be mad. She would be hurt. But in her line of work, she would understand. He was a cop; maybe he would too.

Her knuckles rapped against the wood of the front door and she took a step back and waited. She knew he was home; his police cruiser sat in the dusty driveway. Ryan’s house was small but nice, with a freshly mown yard and even a little garden that ran along the front of the front porch.

The door opened and there he was. It was almost strange to see him in anything but his uniform. He wore black gym shorts and a gray tee shirt with the Pittsburgh Pirates logo on it, a yellow P. He was staring at her, and Kate realized he must be feeling the same way that she was. She wasn’t wearing Amish clothes now - the charade was over, and so she was wearing jeans and button up blouse. The prayer kapp was gone; her hair was loose, and swirled around her shoulders. She wore make up, not a lot, but enough to look a bit different.

“It’s weird,” Ryan said finally.

Kate bit her lip. “I know.” He didn’t seem angry with her, but she could not tell how he was feeling.

“I don’t know what to say.”

Kate nodded. “I came to do the talking.” He seemed tense, but that was to be expected.

“Want to go for a walk?” he asked.

Kate was surprised, and relieved. She had expected him to invite her in; that is, if he wanted to speak with her at all, but she quickly accepted and they stepped off the porch together.

“There’s a little lake back here,” Ryan said, pointing toward the back of his property. There was a line of trees there, and Kate supposed the lake was past them. They walked toward the trees for some time in silence. Kate did not know where to begin, and she suspected that Ryan didn’t either.

Finally Kate took a breath. She said she had come to talk after all. “I should explain,” she started, and Ryan nodded.

Kate continued. “I was in danger; my life was in danger. You know by now, but I’m a U.S. Marshal; I work for WITSEC. Someone came after me, and my boss thought I should disappear for a while. He knew the folks I stayed with. They agreed to help me.”

“So they knew you weren’t Amish?”

Kate looked at Ryan. His shoulders were tense, and we tone was even, and there was no way she could guess how he was feeling. “On the bishop and his wife knew. Everyone else, though, the people I met, the others in the community, didn’t know.”

“You lied to Amish people?”

“I had to.”

“So there was no accident, no amnesia.”

“Right,” Kate said. They had reached the woods now, and were walking among the trees. Kate could see the woods did not stretch on for very long. She could see a clearing, could see a little lake with dark water moving slightly in the breeze.

They were silent again until they got out of the woods, and walked to the edge of the lake. It wasn’t large, but it was big enough to have a small, hand built, wooden dock, with a silver and red canoe tied to the last post.

“Want to go out on the water?” Ryan asked, and Kate nodded. He led her to the dock, held the boat steady with his foot as she climbed in. She couldn’t help but think that before he had found out about the truth he would have held her hand as she climbed in, but now he was content to let her manage on her own. He got in after her and untied the rope holding the boat still. They sat on aluminum benches facing one another and each took up an oar. They paddled out into the center of the lake and then let the window blow them this way and that as their conversation continued.

“Why lie to me? I’m a cop. I could have helped you,” Ryan said, and Kate could tell he was hurt. His voice was quieter than she had ever heard it, and his eyes never once met hers. He glanced around as he spoke, intent on not looking at her.

She knew how she felt about him, and she had known he was attracted to her, but she had been left to hope that he cared for her, the way she cared for him. He was hurt because he liked her. He cared for her. He was hurt because he knew that he could love her. He may already love her. Kate knew she already loved him, if she were being honest with herself.

Another stretch of silence as Kate looked at Ryan and he turned his head to look toward the shore, where a growth of green grass sat, long and swaying, among a smattering of green and brown reeds.

“I couldn’t tell anyone. It wasn’t safe,” Kate said, finally.

Ryan snorted. “Oh, I could have been one of them? One of the people after you?”

“It’s not like that and you know it,” Kate said, hurt by his words. “It’s to keep both of us safe. The less you know, the less likely someone uses you to get to me. No one knew. Just me, and my boss, and his friend, the bishop, and the bishop’s wife. That’s it. Just the people helping me.”

“I just wish you would have told me,” Ryan said.

“I couldn’t have. I couldn’t, not until I knew I was safe.”

“You said you were thinking about leaving the Amish community. You weren’t even in it.”

“I was playing a role,” Kate said, though as soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted them.

“That’s what it all was?” Ryan asked, picking up on her poor phrasing. “A role?”

“No,” Kate said. “Not my feelings for you.”

“So you do have feelings for me?” Ryan asked.

“Yes.”

“In your cabin, before..,” Ryan’s words trailed away, and then he did not speak again for a few moments. “We almost kissed,” he continued, “but then you told me to leave.”

Kate nodded.

“Why?”

“I knew my time was short here; I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

Ryan shook his head, and then for the first time in the boat, he looked at Kate. “So if I hadn't been there, when you did all of that, fought that guy, what would you have done? When it was time to go, I mean. Would you have just left?”

Kate sighed. She thought for a moment. That had been her plan, and she knew it. “Yes,” she said finally.

“Well at least you aren’t lying now,” Ryan said, with a sarcastic laugh.

“I wouldn’t have been able to stay gone, though! I would have had to come back, to tell you everything, to see you,” Kate said. She would have come back. She and Ryan did have something; Kate needed to tell him. “We have something here. We do; we both know it.”

“How could I ever trust you though?” Ryan asked. “A good relationship is based on trust. Could we do that?”

Kate shook her head sadly, as tears welled up in her eyes. “I was in danger. It wasn’t just some lie I was telling. I was going to be killed. Someone was going to kill me if they could. If they could find me. Listen, it’s what I do, in witness protection. I help people who are hiding. And they’re hiding, because if they don’t, someone will kill them. That’s what would have happened to me. If I wasn’t hiding, they would have killed me.”

Something about it this time appeared to make Ryan realize. He looked at Kate, his eyes on hers. He began to nod, softly. “I know,” he said, in a voice so quiet it was almost a whisper. “I know. I’m being stupid; I’m sorry.”

Kate smiled. She laughed, and cried, her eyes brimming with sharp, salty tears for a reason she couldn’t comprehend. Ryan’s own eyes shone with tears, though he must have fought them, as none fell.

“I’m sorry,” Kate said again, in a small voice.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Ryan said. “I’m sorry. I was being an idiot. I was hurt, but it was a stupid reason to be hurt.”

Kate hurried to reassure him. “I would have come back. Truly.”

Ryan smiled at her. “Well now you don’t have to come back; you’re here.”

Kate smiled and nodded.

“What are you going to do, though?” Ryan asked. “Where do you really live?”

“Wyoming,” she said.

Ryan whistled. “That’s a long ways away, isn’t it?”

Kate nodded.

“So what do we do?” Ryan asked.

“I don’t know; I don’t know right now. I have to go back soon. I have a lot to get back in order; I’ve been gone a long time. I have a job.”

“I do too,” Ryan said. “I understand.”

“Let’s not worry about it, not today,” Kate said. “I’ve been worrying about a lot lately, and I don’t want to worry anymore.”

“So how do you feel about marriage?’ Ryan asked.

Kate jumped so much that she nearly fell overboard, and Ryan had to put out his hand to steady her.

“Is this a proposal?” she asked shyly.

Ryan smiled. “Not officially, because I don’t have the ring yet. And when I do have the ring, then I’ll have to go down on one knee and make a speech. So this is kind of an unofficial proposal.”

Kate simply said, “Yes.”

“Okay,” Ryan said, coming forward, leaving his bench to sit on Kate’s, next to her. He slid his arm around her, and she closed her eyes as she turned her head to his. He kissed her, their lips pressing together, and it was such a long time coming, and it was perfect. There was nothing beside them, at least for that kiss. The water was still, forgotten by them both; the uncomfortable bench beneath them was like sitting on a cloud. The bugs which buzzed up and down the shore were silent; the frogs’ croaking couldn’t be heard. Kate could sense nothing but Ryan, and his lips.

Soon they were heading back to Ryan’s house, their pulses racing, their hands together, fingers entwined.

“Would you like to get some lunch with me?” Ryan asked.

“Yes,” Kate said with a smile. “Or we could just kiss some more.”

Ryan laughed. “If we kiss too much I won’t have time to pack.”

Kate was puzzled. “Don’t you mean I won’t have time to pack?” she asked.

Ryan shook his head.

“Where are you going?” Kate asked.

“Well, Wyoming needs cops too, doesn’t it?”

Kate stopped walking, her hand forcing him to stop, too. “You aren’t serious,” she said.

“I am. If you are,” he answered.

“I am.” Kate was serious. She and Ryan were in love. She was so serious that she too would move for him, but she mentioned that, he waved his hand.

“You need to be there for your work, right? I can do mine anywhere. There are a lot of cops all over. You have to go to back to looking after people in WITSEC.”

Kate couldn’t believe her luck. Just a day ago she was hidden, pretending to be Amish, worried about what life without the man with whom she had fallen in love would be like. And now here they were, the ruse up, planning a life together. It wasn’t often when everything came together so perfectly, and Kate knew that well enough to not let it go.