I heard Luca and Bark scramble down the hall. When their feet hit the kitchen floor, I snuck to the bathroom to take a shower before show day prep took over.
By the time I was out and dressed, Luca was lining up sound equipment on the dining room table, next to sticky notes with each mermaid’s name. I watched him from the hallway, his back turned to me. I loved his careful movements.
“Shit,” he said quietly to himself, and then reached into his backpack. He rifled around and came up empty.
“Hey. Do you need help?” I hoped maybe if I acted like everything was fine, it would be.
He smiled at me. “Hey, you,” he said, and started to get up, maybe to kiss me. We heard Nan rush through the front door, and I turned away ever so slightly.
“I ran out of condoms,” Luca said matter-of-factly. When what he’d said dawned on him, he blushed.
The condoms, I knew from my work in the costume shop, were to protect the mic box from sweat. It was such a common use that it was easy to forget there was anything odd about it.
“I can run to the store for you,” I said, politely ignoring his fluster, even though I was not relishing the idea of buying condoms in a town full of retirees manning registers.
“Who’s running to the store?” Nan called as she walked in to join us.
“Nothing, Nan,” I shouted. “It’s fine.”
“Do you need something, Luca?” she asked.
“Thanks, Nan,” Luca said. “I think it’s okay.”
“I’ll be back in ten,” I said. Luca nodded.
“What do you need? What’s going on?” Nan could never let anything drop. She always needed to know.
“I just—The protective covers for the mic boxes,” Luca said. “I need a few more, and Katie said she’d run to the store for me.”
“Where do you even get something like that?” Nan asked.
“I’ve got it, Nan,” I said. “It’s fine.”
She surveyed the stacks of equipment and picked up a condom packet. “Is this what you’re using?” she asked.
Luca nodded.
“Oh, I have condoms,” she said, putting the packet back on the table. “We’re all adults here. Let’s not be silly.”
She left the room. Luca and I stood in silence.
“I’m not going to look at you,” he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.
“I appreciate that.”
Nan came back with the largest box of condoms I’ve ever seen. “Here you go. Take as many as you want. No need to run to the store.”
“Thank you,” Luca said in a very metered tone.
“Thanks, Nan,” I said, trying hard to be polite and mature. She’d been so worried about my acceptance of her relationship with Isaac and I most certainly didn’t want to shame her.
“Oh,” Luca said quietly, turning to me. “These aren’t the right kind.”
I nodded.
“Because of the ribs?” Nan asked.
“I’m going to run out for a sec, Nan,” I said a little too loudly. “It’s fine. I don’t mind.”
Nan looked hurt. Like her condoms weren’t good enough.
Luca took a deep breath. “The lubrication—”
“Oh!” Nan said. “Of course! I didn’t even think of that. What good is protecting it from sweat if it’s going to be covered in—”
“Helloooo!” Bitsie called from the front door. She joined us in the dining room.
“Luca is using condoms to protect the mic boxes,” Nan told her earnestly. “But mine won’t work because of the lube.”
“Well, you learn something new every day,” Bitsie said, smiling. She understood the awkwardness and it delighted her.
“I’m going to run to the store,” I said.
“I’ll go with you,” Bitsie said.
“Helloooo!” Ruth called.
“Okay, let’s go now,” I said, instead of arguing with Bitsie. I couldn’t handle running through this whole conversation again with Ruth.
I mouthed, I’m sorry, to Luca as we exited. He smiled. There was more to the smile than the awkwardness. There was brightness. Knowing. He expected last night to mean something. We were supposed to move forward. And I wanted to. I wanted to. I didn’t know how.
* * *
“Well, it’s good she’s practicing safe sex,” Bitsie said as soon as we were in the car.
I nodded.
Bitsie laughed.
“I’m happy she’s happy,” I said. “And I’m totally pro . . . whatever. And I love Isaac . . .”
“But you don’t want the details.”
“I think she’s had a bit of an awakening,” Bitsie said with a devilish smile.
I put my hand over my right ear and started singing, “Twinkle, twinkle little star.”
Bitsie grabbed my wrist, laughing. “I promise! I’ll stop!”
“Your grandmother had sex at some point too.”
“Yeah, but she probably didn’t enjoy it. My grandfather was an asshole.”
“Ooh, I think that’s worse.”
“It’s all awkward,” Bitsie said. “Amazing, isn’t it? We get so embarrassed about the human things we do.” She patted my shoulder. “So when are you going to tell Luca you’re in love with him?”
I forced a laugh like she was talking crazy. “What? Where are you getting this?”
“You kids are breaking my heart. I’ve never seen such longing looks.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, trying my best to sound lighthearted and quippy. I parked the car as quickly as possible so I could escape the conversation.
In the pharmacy, Bitsie loudly asked the greeter, “Where do you keep the condoms?” and delighted in the checker’s discomfort as we paid for them. When he said, “Have a good day!” she lifted the bag and said, “Oh, I plan to!”
But as soon as we got back to the car, she was on me about Luca again. “That kind of love is terrifying, isn’t it?” she said, as if there’d been no break in our conversation. “Like the world opened up and showed you another layer.”
“Yeah. It is.” I didn’t start the car, fumbling with my keys. “I walked away from him once.”
“I would have too,” Bitsie said, “if I’d met Bunny when I was nineteen. I wasn’t ready for that. But you’re getting a second chance.”
“It’s still too much to feel.”
Bitsie sighed. “You were such a lionhearted kid, and now you’re walking around trying to pretend you need to protect yourself with three layers of bubble wrap? You don’t. You can handle it.”
We watched a mom and her toddler leaving the store. When the toddler got to the edge of the curb, she jumped, throwing her arms up in triumph as she stuck the landing. Her mom threw her arms in the air too, and they both cheered.
Bitsie patted the dashboard. “Whoo, it’s hot in here! Let’s go bring that boy his condoms.”
“I’m giving you that job,” I said, starting the car.
Bitsie took the box out of the bag and read the back as we drove home. “In my day, a woman buying these . . .” She shook her head, grinning. “It was considered untoward.”
“I think it’s still your day,” I said.
“Huh.” She looked at me like she was thrown by the thought. Then she nodded. “Well, I am a mermaid.” Her phone chimed. “Ooh! Nannette says we should just go to the pool. They’re all there.”
“I have to go get the costumes.”
“She says they have them.”
Everything was starting and I hadn’t had a moment to collect myself. I’m not sure what I would have gathered up in that moment, but the absence of it made me dizzy.