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“Guys?” Valerie’s voice calls down the stairs. I glance at my watch. CJ and I have been shooting the shit for hours.
“Yeah, hun?”
“I need you on grill duty.” Valerie pokes her head around the stairwell corner.
“Sure thing,” CJ says, getting to his feet.
“I naturally assumed you were staying for dinner,” she says to me as we approach the stairs. “I also assumed you might need a place to stay tonight, so I made the bed in the guest room.”
“Thanks,” I say, and offer her a strained smile.
CJ passes her and heads upstairs, with Sam on his heels, but Valerie stops me with a hand on my arm. She glances over her shoulder to make sure CJ is out of hearing range, and then she brings her hard stare back to mine.
“You and I need to get something straight.”
“What’s that?” I ask, thinking she was going to tell me I was not welcome in her home after everything I have done.
“You don’t ever skip town without talking with your brother, you hear me?”
I blink at her and raise my eyebrows.
“You may be fine on your own, but CJ was a fucking mess, and I’m not dealing with that again, you understand?”
I just nod.
“And you’d better get shit straightened out with Bridget.” Her finger pokes my chest.
“I thought...”
Her glare shuts me up. “I was angry at first. Raven was my best friend. I shouldn’t have judged you, but I did. I thought you were being a self-centered jackass.” She shrugs. “But after you left, I got to know Bridget a little better, and I think Raven would approve.”
“Oh.” I’m not sure what else to say and her gaze softens. She pulls me into a hug.
“It’s good to have you back,” she whispers and steps away, heading upstairs, leaving me humbled.
Sam sticks her head around the corner and just stares at me.
“I’m coming,” I mutter, and climb the stairs. I need a second to put on a smile and cheery disposition for the kids. When I step into the kitchen, I scan the family room. “Where did Michael go?”
“I asked him to go visit with Naomi,” Valerie says, and CJ’s dimples deepened but he kept his mouth shut.
“Didn’t want a moody archangel hanging out with the kids?” I say what CJ wouldn’t, and Valerie presses her lips together against a smile.
“If that guy was an archangel, where’re his wings?” Alex asks and looks up from the papers spread on the counter.
“It’s a long story, Alex. Finish up your homework.” Valerie taps the counter. The girls have already moved to the couch and are engaged in some kid’s television program.
Valerie turns to me. “You have still not learned to self-regulate what comes out of your mouth.” Valerie’s tone is scolding, but she’s laughing at the same time.
“Guess not,” I say and heat fills my cheeks. “Can I help with anything?” I ask, waving at the food prep on the kitchen counters, while CJ grabs the plate of burgers and heads out into the back yard.
“I’m almost done, but if you want to set the table you can.”
“Sure,” I say, and cross to where the silverware drawer had been in the old house. I find a utensil drawer instead.
“Over here,” she says, and points to one of the drawers on the inside of the breakfast bar.
“Thanks.” I gather the appropriate number of forks, knives and spoons for six of us. “The dining room table?” I ask, pointing to the front portion of the family room where the table sits.
“Sure,” she says and continues to build an appealing salad.
I set the table and then slide onto one of the bar stools at the breakfast nook, next to my nephew. “How’s Naomi,” I ask, finally voicing the question I dreaded asking.
Valerie meets my gaze and before she answers, she glances at Alex sitting next to me and I get that this conversation is best reserved for after the kids are in bed. “She’s good.”
I glance at the papers Alex has strewn over the counter and recognize my brother’s blocked script. With just a raise of an eyebrow, Valerie answers my question with two words.
“Home schooled.”
“Really?”
“That common core crap is making the kids stupid,” she says and I let out a laugh. “My kids are already reading at a high school level, and Alex is doing advanced math. They wouldn’t be doing that in the public grade schools,” she adds, and I catch pride radiating from her.
“Well, they are CJ’s kids,” I say and she gives me that look again. “No offense, I know you’re smart, but he’s a genius. Seems logical his kids would excel in the same way.”
“Dad’s a genius?” Alex asks looking between us.
“He didn’t tell you that?” I meet his inquisitive stare. “Your dad qualifies as Mensa, just like your grandfather did.”
Alex glances at her mother and she nods.
“CJ has a pretty tough curriculum, too,” she smiles. “Naomi’s kids had some... challenges with it and they chose to go to York High last year instead of sticking with CJ.”
“Huh.” I can’t help the grunt. It seems to me, Naomi would have a difficult time letting her kids out of her sight, but I keep my narrative quiet.
“Naomi volunteers at the school,” Valerie says, catching my thoughts.
Sometimes the mind reading ability we share is a good thing and I smile at her with a nod.
“I think I’ll go help your father on the grill.” I slide off the chair and head out to the patio, letting Sam accompany me. The ocean breeze is more than welcome, and for the first time in over ten years, I feel like I’m home.
“You doing okay?” CJ asks as he glances at me.
I stare at the familiar rock wall and the ocean beyond, and nod. “Yeah. At least for the moment.” We both watch Sam sniff the property, do her business in the far corner garden, and trot back, like she’d just delivered a package of gold.
“I’ll clean that up,” I nod toward the corner.
“At least she went in the garden. Remember cleaning up the landmines all over the yard with Dad’s dog?”
“Yeah, and it sucked when we missed some. Inevitably someone would land in it when we played football here.”
CJ belts out a laugh. “You remember that time when Bear slid right through a patch of crap, he was covered in it.”
My laughter joins his at the memory. That was long before our senior year, when everything went to hell. It’s one of my fonder high school memories and the entire team had ended on the ground laughing while Bear stomped around covered in German Shepherd shit, and swearing at the top of his lungs.
“He had to have been a shit magnet,” I laugh, because if memory serves me correctly, he was usually the one who found the missed piles in our yard.
CJ glances at the slider, still laughing. “You gotta watch the language, okay?” he asks once he winds down.
“Sure.” It’s been forever since I had little ears around, and I’ll have to make the effort to keep my language clean.
CJ opens the grill and flips the burgers one last time, laying cheese slices on all but one. He closes the top and glances at me with a smile. A few seconds later, he opens the top and transfers the meat from the grill irons to the plate.
The minute the sliders open, the kids run to the table, where Valerie has already garnished the plates with salad and French fries. CJ flips the burgers onto the waiting rolls and we all take a seat. I don’t remember the last time I had a home grilled burger, and as I sink my teeth through the juicy meat, I close my eyes.
“This is the best damned burger I think I’ve ever had,” I mumble around the bite glancing between CJ and Valerie. They both smile at me and between both of them, I hear “language” in my head. “Pardon my language, kids, it’s just I haven’t had a real hamburger in years.”
Their eyes grow as big as saucers.
“I’ve been all over the world, and I can honestly say, I missed this.” I focus on eating the rest of the meal on my plate, while what I assume is normal dinner chatter resumes. It’s more of a drill on what the kids learned today before the conversation transitions to tomorrow and Valerie’s work schedule.
“How long are you staying?” one of the girls asks and I can’t remember which one she is.
“Just a couple of days until I can find a place,” I say.
CJ’s eyebrow rises. “You can stay as long as you’d like. We’ve got enough room.”
Instead of thanking him for the offer, I turn to Valerie, because it’s really in her court. My brother would offer me a place to stay if they lived in a one-room shack. I don’t want to impose, but I hadn’t really thought through living arrangements at all when I made the decision to come home.
I no longer have a house of my own in York. I never stayed around to see the final rebuild of the house on Nubble Road, and when Austin texted to ask if I knew of any decent rental properties, I offered a rent-to-own contract on the house. They are more than halfway through the contract now.
I had figured the couch in my office was my best bet for the time being, but Bridget made it perfectly clear she didn’t want me under that roof. Besides, my private office is gone and that portion of the house acts as the living area for Bridget and her daughter.
I suppose I could see if my house on Lake Wentworth could be opened, but I really don’t want to be that far away from the family, with everything I learned in the last twenty-four hours. So, it is either impose on CJ, or find a hotel.
She sends a soft smile in my direction. “CJ’s right, you’re welcome for as long as you’d like.”
I look at the child who asked the question. “Do any of you mind if I stay here for a while?”
The girls emphatically shake their heads, their auras flared with welcoming golden light, and I sigh, glancing at the only one at the table who hasn’t weighed in. Alex remains quiet as he picks at his food. I wait, even though I hear his internal dialog, weighing the options.
He finally raises his eyes to mine. “It’s dangerous having you here, isn’t it?”
“Alex,” CJ snaps, and I put my hand up, silencing him.
“I got this,” I say to my brother, before turning towards Alex. “Yes. It is. The reason I left when you were a baby was to protect you and your family. I thought I was doing that, but unfortunately, I didn’t have all the facts, and may have made things worse for everyone.” I glance around the table. “There are two very angry archangels out there. You had the pleasure of meeting one today. He was the nice one, but I still think he wants to kick my a... butt.” I correct my use of words at the last moment. “Michael won’t hurt any of you,” I add to calm their growing fears.
“And the other one?” Alex asks.
I trade a glance with CJ.
“The other one isn’t so nice.” I say, watering down the truth to a palatable child’s level. “So, yes. It is dangerous having me here.”
“Why do they want to hurt you?” Amber asks from the other side of the table.
I inhale and slowly exhale. “Because your uncle stole something of theirs and they want it back.”
Eyes all around the table widen and I wondered just how wide they would get if the kids knew I murdered my best friend to steal that something.
“Why don’t you just give it back?”
I laugh a little. “I can’t. It’s kind of... inside me,” I say.
“You could give Michael his back.” Valerie’s quiet comment pulls my attention to her.
“Really, we want to talk about this now?” CJ says, but neither Valerie nor I are paying attention.
He can help. Her silent communication echoes in my head.
He’ll smite me the moment he has it back. I killed his nephew, and I’d do the same damned thing if I were in his shoes. I transmit, keeping her gaze.
Her color pales a fraction, and she trades a glance with CJ before addressing the kids. “Your Uncle Tom is kind of like Flynn Rider from Tangled.”
“He’s Eugene?” both Amber and Arianna say at the same time.
I can’t help the smile that comes to my lips. That was one of Hannah’s favorite movies, and we had seen it so many times that both Raven and I could drop quotes from the movie without so much as a blink. “I’ve never been compared to a Disney character before,” I say, and Valerie smiles as well.
Even Alex is smiling. For a kid who’s almost eleven, he certainly acts a hell of a lot older.
“If you stay, Sam stays, right?” Alex asks.
“Yes. Sam goes where I go.”
He glances at my dog and then the rest of the family. “Then I guess I’m okay with it,” he says.
“Well, then I guess I’m staying.” I give him a pat on the back and stand, collecting the now empty plates.
“You’re a guest,” Valerie starts.
One glare from me, and she stops. “Let me at least feel like I’m earning my keep.”
The slider opens when I’m halfway to the sink and I slow to a stop.
Naomi stands in the entry, just staring at me. Her stare is anything but friendly.
“Bath time,” Valerie announces and points to the stairwell. None of the children argues, as a matter of fact, they all move up the stairs as if their lives depend on it. Valerie trades a glance with CJ and follows the children upstairs.
“Naomi,” I say, and give her the slightest of nods. My hands are full of dirty dishes and my heart pounds in my throat. Sam moves to my side and a low growl emanates from her, but at least her teeth aren’t bared. I can’t say the same for the woman across the room.
“I heard you were back,” she says. Her intentions are as clear in her mind as on her face.
“Don’t,” both CJ and I say at the same time, but it’s too late.
Naomi launches, changing from human to tiger in mid-air and there’s murder in her heart.
I don’t defend myself, instead I brace for impact when Sam launches, catching Naomi mid-flight and knocking her off course. She misses me and slides into the wall with Sam’s mouth wrapped around her front leg.
“Sam, back off!” I yell and transfer the dishes onto the counter, moving to intercept before Naomi turns her anger on my dog.
I catch her collar and yank.
“Drop it!” My command confuses both Sam and Naomi and she drops her grip. Blood speckles the white fur and Naomi hisses at me. Sam tries to lunge again, but I have a solid grasp on her. “No, Sam. Sit!”
CJ steps in front of me, blocking Naomi from another attack, while I try to calm Sam. When I glance back up, Naomi is back in human form, holding her bleeding arm.
Before I have a chance to speak, something connects with my back, knocking me flat on my stomach. I roll in time to see Sam getting ready to attack the other animal in the room.
“Stay,” I yell, giving Sam the hand signal before I focus on the other cat on the attack. A white tiger with wings; a memory surfaces, shocking the name from my lips.
“Grace?” I say as I scramble backwards. Her paw swats towards me and I duck under it as the breeze ruffles through my hair.
“Stop this! Right now!”
Valerie’s command halts everything, and we all turn our gaze toward the stairwell. Behind her stands Alex, his eyes wide and his jaw slack.
“Don’t you dare step into my home with violent intent,” she says, maneuvering herself between Grace and me.
“Do you know what he’s done now?” Naomi asks with a hitching breath.
“I don’t give a shit what you think he’s done. He’s family.”
“So am I,” Naomi growls back.
Valerie gives her a hard glare. “It’s not the same.”
Naomi’s jaw clenched and her gaze moved to Grace pacing in front of me, her teeth on display in a feral snarl. She does one more pass in front of me before she transitions back to human form. I stare at her angry teenaged features, so different from the five year old I left behind. All the forgiveness she had given back then is gone, replaced with a hostility that borders on hatred.
“He fucking closed Paradise Cove,” Grace yelled. “Now I can never see my dad again!”
Valerie moves her gaze to mine. There is a measure of shock there, but she recovers after a moment.
“First of all, you watch your language under my roof... understand, young lady?”
Some of the fire in Grace calms, and her gaze moves to the stairwell where Alex stares at her, and then her eyes drop to the floor. Her cheeks burn red, and she gives Valerie a meek nod.
While Grace is humbled by Valerie’s scolding, I climb to my feet and snap my fingers for Sam. She darts to me, positions herself just in front of my leg where she plants herself on her haunches, studying the dynamics in the room as acutely as I am.
“Did you bother to find out what happened, or are you assuming Tom just did it out of spite?”
“Val?” CJ says, calling her attention before she can get truly wound up. “Naomi needs a little help.” He points to the torn skin and the blood dripping and they trade places. It’s a strategic move because the doorway behind Grace is now filled with three others. Michael and Damian’s sons stand just outside the open sliders and they all carry the same fury in their eyes as Grace.
I do not want to hurt anyone, but I’m starting to quake in that familiar way I do when I’m close to losing it. CJ glances over his shoulder at me and sends one word. Breathe.
I huff and give him the slightest of headshakes. He hasn’t seen me in action. He doesn’t know what happens when this shit inside me ignites. It’s devastating, and it has a tendency to spin out of control.
Valerie gives me a quick glance as well before she delivers her healing mojo to Naomi. Naomi’s audible flinch nearly echoes in the silence of the room, and the broken skin mends.
“You can’t keep fanning this hatred,” Valerie says to Naomi. “It’s poison, and it’s deliberate. It’s exactly what Lucifer wanted when he orchestrated Damian’s death. Don’t you get that? This is what he wants, for all of us to be divided.”
God bless my sister-in-law. She might not be a genius, but she knows more about Lucifer’s subterfuge than anyone in this room does. She knows his game plan even better than CJ, and my brother shared his body with the devil for months.
“He gave Tom no choice. Even if Damian had known what he was walking into, you really think he’d sacrifice Hannah for his own skin?”
Naomi lowers her eye to the floor, and she shakes her head.
“You would have done the same for any of your children,” Valerie’s voice softens. “Whether you admit it or not, you know in your heart what I’m saying is true.”
Naomi looks over Valerie’s shoulder at me, and I don’t shy away from her gaze. I need her to see how much I regret my actions. I need her to understand that the moment Lucifer had Hannah I was at his mercy.
“And I’m sure there is a damned good reason why Tom closed Paradise Cove.”
“Actually,” I interrupt Valerie because I don’t want her to defend my actions. Not when that debacle was a result of my lack of control. “It was more of a reaction than any conscious decision.” Heat fills my face and I unbutton my shirt, showing the fingernail welts on my skin over my heart. “Michael...” I start and shrug, jutting my chin towards where he stands. Every adult in the room understands what the welts mean. “At least I knocked you clear of the destruction.”
Alex stood still on the steps, taking all this in, and finally others in the room besides Grace and I take notice.
“You should be upstairs,” Valerie says.
He just stands, planted in place and when his eyes meet mine, he says, “You killed Grace’s father?”
I nod.
“So, you’re a murderer and a thief?”
I trade a glance with my brother before I look back at my nephew and nod.
“I don’t want you to stay here.”
“Okay,” I answer and I fully understand his aversion to having me under the same roof.
“You don’t get to make that decision,” CJ says, pointing at Alex. “Go upstairs and check on your sisters.”
Alex spins and stomps up the stairs, leaving us in the tension layering the family room. Valerie has moved into a strategic position as well, blocking Naomi from Sam and me the way CJ is blocking Grace.
“You don’t need to protect me,” I finally say when I realize what they are doing. “I’m perfectly capable of destroying everything on my own.”
Everyone turns towards me.
“I am a living, breathing fuck up, so just stop protecting me, okay?”
I didn’t realize how much anger and hostility is brewing under the surface, or the depth of my self-loathing, until this moment when it all bubbles to the surface.
“I’m not a victim,” I add, glancing between Valerie and CJ. “I made the decision. The choice to damn my soul was mine, and mine alone. God help me, if I could turn back the clock, I would do the same goddamned thing, and you know what?”
Heads slowly shake.
“Hannah would still be dead.”
I point at Michael, “You want your grace?” My question is framed in a growl.
“Tom,” CJ has his palms facing me and his cautious tone sets my irritation switch on high.
“Let him try to take it,” I snarl, as the fury swirls inside, and the dishes on the counter start to rattle.
It isn’t until everyone takes a step back that I realize my control is shot. Sam whines, nudging my hand. I can’t stay, I spin on my heel and slip by Naomi, heading for the front door with Sam at my side.
I get halfway down the front walkway, when I run into an invisible wall. My breath turns white on the cold air and I stare in front of me, counting my breaths, trying to calm the rabid beast that has taken over my soul.
“CJ, let me go,” I say, once I’ve gotten control.
“You really want someone to kick your ass?” he asks.
I glance over my shoulder at him. “Why? You really think you have it in you?”
He closes the distance and I turn meeting his glare.
“I never treated you like a victim,” he snaps.
I let out a laugh. “You’re kidding me, right? That’s all you’ve ever done. We’ve never been on equal ground, CJ. You’re always the fucking white knight and I’m the poor pitiful kid who needs to be taken care of, to be watched over. I’ve always been the victim in your eyes.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he says, and the spark of anger in his eyes matches mine.
“The only time you didn’t treat me like a child was the day you transferred this curse to me, and it wasn’t because you thought I could handle it. It was just so you wouldn’t be alone in this. Well, great job, big brother. You put me in Lucifer’s path. This shit show is yours to bear.”
“You were already on Lucifer’s hit list, Tom. I just made sure you had a fighting chance.”
My fist swings with the intention to smash that smart ass look right off his fucking face. CJ blocks my swing and launches an attack of his own. All those years of being sparring partners come back to bite me in the ass. CJ knows my thought process as well as I know his, and this battle leaves both of us frustrated and unable to get a solid shot in.
The catalog of moves shuffles through my brain, and when he charges out of pure aggravation, I pull my next move from a more unorthodox defense list. I grab his shirt and plant my right foot on his hip, dropping onto my back and launching him over my head. I roll and climb to my feet before CJ has a chance to catch his breath.
I step to his side, looking down at him my breath huffs with exertion and he just lies there, staring at the stars, puffing just as hard as I am. After a full minute, he meets my gaze.
“I’m not a little kid anymore.”
CJ utters a laugh. “No shit,” he says and glances at the house. “We have an audience.”
This is not the first time I’ve bested my brother. “Yeah, well, at least I finally have witnesses this time,” I say and offer him my hand.
He stares at it and then up at me. “I never meant to treat you like a victim.”
“I know you never meant to, but you did, whether you realized it or not.” I sigh and pocket my hands since he isn’t taking the offer of help.
“I’m sorry,” he says and I nod, accepting his apology.
I kick at the dirt while CJ climbs to his feet.
“Lucifer orchestrated my downfall and I walked right into it. I’ve had ten years to think about that night. Ten long years to figure out where I went so wrong. I had a choice and it isn’t what you think it is.” I finally meet his gaze. “It wasn’t the simple choice of Damian or Hannah. It was the choice of good versus evil.” I keep his stare. “I chose the wrong path and there is no way back.”
I shift my weight from foot to foot, looking everywhere but at him. “It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with that, along with the fact I would do it again if I was presented with the same circumstances.”
“It doesn’t look like you’ve come to terms with any of this,” CJ says and his eyebrows arch. “Seems to me you’re still fighting.”
I laugh. “Well, I’ve gotten to the point that I can look at myself in the mirror. Not saying I like what I see, mind you, but at least I can now look myself in the eye.”
We trade a smile and I shrug, making a calculated decision.
“Sooner or later I’m going to be the devil’s bitch. I’d rather like that to be as far off as I can possibly make it. In the meantime...” I grab him by the back of the neck while I use my other hand to extract both Michael’s and Gabriel’s grace from my core. CJ struggles, but by my sheer will alone, I hold him still.
The combined grace is blinding, and with both my hand and my mind, I shove it inside my brother. The transfer takes seconds, but the effect on CJ stuns me. Every cell emits light and his eyes roll back as it engulfs him. My mental hold is the only thing keeping him upright at this moment, and I hang on while fear starts to tear through my insides.
The lightning display surrounding us creates a tinny taste in my mouth and I’m not sure if it’s just the electricity in the air, or the combination of the current along with my building fear. Flashes illuminate wings, but not the white ones I’ve seen him sport in the past. No, these are golden with a shine so bright I have to look away.
I have a second to wonder if the neighbors are witnessing this spectacle, and then CJ’s eyes snap back in place, meeting my gaze.
“What the hell did you do that for?” he breathes, as the light encompassing him fades.
“A true trinity, with trinity grace, makes you unstoppable. Now you have everything you possibly need to win.” I step away, letting go mentally and physically. “Especially, if I fall.”
He keeps my gaze. We both know what happens if Lucifer gets hold of me, but at least now it’s only his grace that’s subject to being ripped out of me, and not a trinity of grace like it had been a few moments ago.
“You want to let go of that mental hold you have on my dog?”
CJ’s lips twitch into a hint of a smile and he gives a nod. Sam streaks across the distance, winding around my legs in a frantic display, and just like that, the tension between my brother and me is gone.
I can’t say the same for the rest of the crew.