THE pain in his stomach was almost unbearable. He sat on the toilet retching as sweat poured from his armpits and his forehead. He was clammy and sick. Making money should not be this hard, Manny thought.
Tandy had called with the date for him to meet Dana Trip’s spiritual adviser. For five million dollars, a day at the spa would be worth it, Manny had thought. He had no idea what was in store for him.
When they arrived at the very exclusive spa on Fifty-seventh Street at the corner of Madison, Manny was actually looking forward to the day of pampering. A sauna and a massage were just what he needed to relax his overworked muscles. The spa itself was decorated with warm woods and soft lighting. There were no windows, and a multitude of fragrant candles contributed to a sexy, relaxed, calming atmosphere.
Together, Manny, Tandy, and Dana sat in the lounge area sipping a warm, bitter tea. When Manny first sampled the concoction, he was repulsed by the unpleasant scent and taste. He quickly returned his cup to the table. Dana, however, drank hers down. Tandy also had no problem swallowing the drink. The two women then turned to Manny and waited for him to follow suit. Thinking again of the money he was about to make, he took a breath and choked down every drop. Their toga-clad hostess then instructed them to go into private rooms and change into a fluffy terry-cloth robe. Manny noted that this was how the truly rich lived. He had visited ritzy spas like Bliss and Elizabeth Arden. This place was on an entirely different level. Even his five million wouldn’t buy dollars this long, though he would definitely be moving up in the world.
When he got out to the next room, a communal massage area, Dana was already seated, waiting for him and Tandy and the masseuses. Dana was not a bad-looking woman, Manny thought. She was in great shape for fifty years of wear and tear. She clearly took care of herself with the gym and the surgeon’s knife. She had explained to Manny that she did not want to discuss any business until their day had ended and they were all clean. She also wanted to reserve her thoughts until Shuram stopped by, which would be after all of their treatments. Whatever. Just as long as she signed the net-exclusive, as Tandy had promised, Manny didn’t care if he had to be massaged all day and meet the Dalai Lama.
Manny had not understood, however, exactly what a Shuram Alita cleansing was. Tandy had told him he would spend a day in the spa getting rubdowns and sweating on Dana’s tab. But the massage, even though it was full-body, had focused in large part on the abdominal area. After a good five minutes of rubbing, the gases in his stomach began to churn. He felt hot bubbles move around, and then he felt gripping pains. The masseuse continued rubbing, despite Manny’s protests that he was not feeling well.
“You are fine. This is how it begins. Just relax,” came the response.
Dana offered comfort as well: “Manny, you will feel better after you go to the bathroom. Just be sure to sit there and wait until you are all cleaned out, otherwise you will have to go again and again.”
Manny was in for a colonic, and Tandy had not told him. Was she aware that this was what they would be doing? Judging by her cool demeanor, this was a regular day for her. Had he known he was to participate in a group colonic, he never would have come.
Finally, the massage was over, and he was able to go to the bathroom, barely in time, to relieve himself. Oh, the pain of his grumbling stomach. It felt like there was glass buried in his colon. He couldn’t believe Tandy had fooled him into this sick ritual.
At last he had nothing left to expel from his body. Weak and spent, Manny made his way toward the next treatment, hoping he would be able to truly relax and rest and gather his strength. To his dismay, the next course was not rest but yoga. His initial thought was Good; a nice stretch would keep his tummy calm.
Dana and Tandy contorted their bodies this way and that, looking very serious as they followed the lead of their instructor. Manny tried to joke about how hungry he was and how his legs wouldn’t follow what he was telling them. Neither Tandy nor Dana laughed or appeared amused. “Manny, please try to focus” was all the instructor said.
“Okay,” Manny remarked sullenly, thinking that everyone here besides him was crazy. Again he had to remind himself that this sacrifice was for a good cause. Five million dollars was worth any insanity.
The final treatment of the day was a communal aromatherapy seaweed wrap. Despite the fact that these three people were fully naked in the same room, they were unseen by one another as each of their technicians rubbed them down with warm green goo. The fragrant scents of oil and spice filled the room, then they were covered with warm electric blankets and told to remain like that for twenty minutes.
After five minutes, Manny had had enough. Even though he was lying down, he was beginning to feel lightheaded and weak all over again. How these women went through this process without seeming to suffer in the least was beyond him. They were made of a different cloth, tough and strong. The cleansing process seemed to be more of an endurance test than anything else, and Manny thought he was sure to fail. He could not take one more wacky treatment or drink. He needed food. A Big Mac and a large order of fries were all he could think about. Tandy and her crazy concepts. What if he just bolted? He knew the answer to that. Dana would not sign a net-exclusive if Manny could not survive a cleansing. And besides, who did he think he was, trying to play in the big leagues? He really was just a salesman. He was beginning to consider the possibility that his life, as simple and ordinary as it was, might be his destiny, his fate. His thoughts were interrupted by the spa attendant, who told him that after they showered off the green goo, they would be served lunch and be joined by Shuram Alita. Food!
Manny wanted to get a moment alone with Tandy, to see how she thought things were going, but she was always with Dana and gave him no indication that she, too, thought the whole production was overkill. He was amazed at her ability to act completely engrossed in the process. Dana probably believed that Tandy bought into this type of spa treatment—spiritual supervision. Tandy was good at playing different roles. Manny just wanted to go home.
“Shuram. Blessings.” Dana bowed and showed great deference to her guru, who turned out to be not only a Westerner but a six-foot-tall middle-aged man sporting a slick precision four-hundred-dollar haircut who, beneath his long mauve tunic, was, Manny could swear by his accent, a native New Yorker with the gravelly voice of a smoker, or at least a former smoker. But Dana either saw past the man’s artifice or was completely out of her mind and desperate to believe in something.
“My Dana. How was the cleansing?” He spoke to her from his pillowed seat at the table, set for four, as if he were her father.
“So satisfying.” Dana beamed. She truly looked refreshed and glowing. Manny knew that he was not glowing. He probably looked ashen, and he felt dehydrated. He had tried to drink water after every treatment, but it had not been enough.
“Shuram, please meet my friend Tandy and her friend Manny.” Dana held her arms out toward Manny and Tandy like Vanna White pointing at the Wheel of Fortune.
“Ahh, Tandy, so nice to meet you. Dana speaks so well of you.” Shuram almost seemed to be flirting. Maybe he was one of those fake gurus who slept with all his female idolaters, Manny thought.
Shuram turned his gaze on Manny. “Did you like the cleansing?”
Yeah, right, how ironic, Manny thought, since his stomach muscles were still strained from the morning’s gripping pains. “Well, I’ve never done anything quite like it before. And I must say, I am a whole lot cleaner than when I came here this morning.” Manny chuckled, trying to keep the mood light. Shuram studied him a moment and then laughed along. With this approval, Dana allowed herself to laugh. Tandy gave Manny a smirk that said, “You’d better not fuck up this deal.” Manny heard her, loud and clear.
Much to his disappointment, lunch was not extensive. They had a clear broth that tasted like hot water flavored with cilantro or basil or some other unidentifiable herb, and a plain salad with lemon. They were also served water with a slice of lemon. Manny was famished and cranky. He wanted real food. He had been at this spa for six hours and had had enough of Dana and her weird guru guy, who did not speak to anyone after the introductions. Following his lead, Dana did not speak, and falling in line behind her, Tandy didn’t say a word. Manny knew from the looks Tandy was giving him that he was not to say anything, either.
After Shuram finished his meal, he asked if Manny had brought the papers that Dana needed to sign. Manny excused himself and ran quickly back to his dressing room to retrieve the net-exclusive agreement that he and Tandy had drafted, along with the power of attorney. Shuram studied the papers, whispered to Dana, and left the room. One glance at Tandy, and Manny knew her facade was about to crack. She looked desperate to know which way the day had gone. Dana did not hold them in limbo for long. She announced that Shuram had felt the energy was good among Tandy, Manny, and herself. She was permitted to sign. Clearly, he was a fake, Manny realized, if he thought Tandy had good energy. But Tandy was a pro, Manny reminded himself.
Dana signed every page that Manny pointed out for her. She hardly read a word. Apparently, Shuram’s blessing was really enough for her. Contract in hand, Manny hurriedly got dressed. In his haste to leave the spa, he did not hear the warning to eat small, light meals and broth. He went to the nearest McDonald’s. As soon as he finished his burger and fries, he was sick all over again. But Manny was feeling no real pain. Step one of his plan to jump from salesman to real estate developer was in place. Getting the net-exclusive had not been all that bad. Now he had to make sure Lauren came through for him.