- FEN -
Parents lie.
They do.
I remember mine doing it that uncomfortable evening when they had The Talk with me. The big one. The Talk all parents find so painful, yet their discomfort pales compared to the agony of their kids.
I don’t recall the details—only this urge to run from the room and cut off my ears. (I theorize that’s what happened to Van Gogh.)
No kid wants to hear about sex from their parents, even though it’s an absolute necessity.
But the one thing I remember clearly is how they told me that sex is better when you know someone well. When you’ve spent time learning what makes them tick. When you have all the right emotions in tandem with the event, like commitment and caring and that four-letter word that I promised I’d never utter to a woman who isn’t family.
They lied.
If I was one of my brothers, I wouldn’t say this. I’d be saying that my experience with Kaila last night far eclipsed any one-night, one-week, or (every once in a while) two-week stand that I’ve had with a woman.
Because it did.
But now I’m lying next to this extraordinary woman, knowing how lacking I really am. Sure, I can make her cry out my name shamelessly. Yet I can’t offer her all that I want to.
Frowning, my gaze melts into her. She’s a sight in the morning—ebony hair stretched out on the pillows, soft skin the color of mocha thick with cream, and ample curves that tempt me. And as much as I want her to wake up and do this all over again with me, I find myself looking forward to time with her today whether we’re having sex, driving on a lackluster interstate again, or simply existing.
I look at her and I want to plan things. I want to write up a list like she did, but this one would be filled with things I want to experience with her.
I’m not a fool. I’ve always known I was capable of loving someone. It’s in my blood. Despite my father’s betrayal of my mother, I know he’s not faking that love in his eyes when he takes her hand or laughs at the same jokes she’s told for thirty-something years.
My genetics make me capable of love. But my experience makes me fight hard against it.
Fifteen is a rotten age to have your illusions destroyed. I was just starting to harness my hormones and learn that there’s something more to them than meets the eye.
I’d admired my dad back then, maybe more than I should have. But that’s what boys do. I knew how difficult it was for him, living in the shadow of the family that employs half our town. For him, it had to be even worse than my brothers and I experienced—knowing that a third of that company was once his and he had let it slip away.
That was no excuse for him to cheat, though. And knowing that this man who I once thought was so strong was really that weak… it changed everything for me. It made me look at myself like I might be just as vulnerable and flawed as he is.
Flawed isn’t what I want to offer Kaila.
I frown at the reminder of it.
I can’t offer her forever. But I can offer her breakfast. So I slide silently out of bed, throw on some shorts and a t-shirt, and jog over to Pop’s to pick up some donuts and coffee.
When I’m back at the townhome, donuts in hand, I find her fully clothed and trotting down my stairs.
She tucks in her chin when she sees me. “Oh, hi.”
“Hey, you’re not running off so fast this time,” I tell her, remembering the way she bolted that night three months ago. “You still want to ride a roller coaster, right?”
She lets out an awkward laugh. “I kind of feel like I’m already on a roller coaster.”
She doesn’t need to explain. I understand exactly what she’s saying.
“Yeah…” I breathe out my response, trying to figure out my next move.
“Thanks for last night,” she barely whispers it, clears her voice, then continues. “I was a little wound up. It was a big day for me.”
Brightening, I see an opportunity here. “You’ll have another big day coming up later this week. You’re a consultant now. Pulling in the big money. That’s going to be exciting.”
She grins, and I’m grateful for it. Something about her smile shatters any tension in me right now and tells me exactly what I want. I may not know how long this can last under my terms, but I do know what I want today.
I just want more of that—that smile on her.
“Yeah. A little terrifying, too.”
“You’re going to be incredible.” I ease closer to her, hoping she won’t back away, and then rest my hand on her hip, pulling her flush against me. “I’m hoping with such a big meeting on the horizon for you, you’ll still be a little wound up. You know—maybe need a distraction while you’re here.”
Her eyes spark and she nibbles on her lower lip, riling me in the most sinful way.
“Maybe I will.”
Her sultry tone is decadent to me.
“Well…” My lips are close to hers. “I do find myself available for the next several days.”
“You do?”
“There’s only twelve or so single women in Newton’s Creek,” I joke, leaning in even more. “So my schedule’s kind of open.”
Pulling those tempting lips a couple inches further from me, she suddenly looks mischievous. “Hmmm. As a business major, that tells me that since supply is less than demand, then my value has just skyrocketed.” Playfully, she looks me up and down, sliding her hands along the hills and valleys of my muscles.
I’ve never been so grateful for the workout room at my community’s gym as I am right now.
“Sooo…” Her murmur is melodic. “…since I’m a hot commodity, I might be able to find better than you, Fen. I mean, looks and personality can only take you so far.”
I know she’s kidding as she says it. Yet there’s this small sliver of me that is shaken by those words, because they’re so damn true.
She can do better than me. She can do better than a guy who’s always got his eye on the exit sign in relationships.
I’m just about to admit it because it’s the right thing to do, when she goes up on her toes and presses her mouth against mine.
To hell with the right thing to do. This woman tastes like goddamn sunshine.
My lips trace the line of her jaw to her neck as my hands slide up the same t-shirt as she had on last night. I take her breasts into my hands, eager to feel the way her nipples harden under my touch.
And they do. She’s aching for more of this, just like I am.
Thank heaven.
I lift her shirt off her and watch her chest rise up, taking in a lungful of air.
God, she’s extraordinary, soft and curvy like a woman should be.
“I have looks and personality,” I mumble, my mouth laying claim to the soft skin below her breasts as I begin to kneel. “Anything else I have to tempt you with?”
She lets out a short whimper as I tug at her leggings. “Maybe a few other assets.”
I ease her leggings and panties off her and guide her feet to step out of them. She’s naked in front of me under the harsh lights of the foyer, and I’m about to come undone at the sight of it.
I nuzzle the small thatch of soft curls and find the tiny nub that always makes her pulse quicken. “Is my tongue one of those assets?” I ask before licking her in tiny circles as I grasp her butt, entrapping her in my hold.
“Mmm…” The long murmur she expels can only be interpreted as a confirmation. I massage her with my hands as my tongue plays with her. She leans back, almost stumbling as she finds herself against my wall for support.
When I slide a finger inside of her, I feel her knees buckle. So I grip her hips hard, so that she can stand until I’m done with her.
And I’m realizing, I might never be done with her.
She climaxes spectacularly, and I savor this power I seem to have over her. In my hold, I feel her body start to go limp, so I stand and pick her up. But instead of taking her to the bedroom, I take her into my living room where a nearly wall-height art deco-style mirror leans against the wall. I lower her to the rug and stretch out her body with the mirror at her side, so that she can see me blanket her after I’ve removed my clothes and slipped on a condom I had ready in my pocket.
“So what other assets do I have?” I ask, my cock just outside of her entry, deciding I’m going to make her beg just a little.
“A good memory, for one thing,” she says, a smile easing up her face as she gives the mirror a glance.
“Anything else?” I ask, letting the tip of me touch her moisture, teasing her mercilessly.
“I don’t know…” She teases me right back.
“Really?” I brush myself along her wet slit and watch her eyes clamp shut, wanting more of me, I’m certain.
“Well, maybe I can think of something else,” she giggles, her pelvis arching, trying to take me inside of her.
“Oh, no.” My tone is warning. “The more you struggle to list my assets, the more I’m going to make you beg.”
Her legs open wider, bending at the knee and lodging themselves around my waist.
“Okay, okay.” Her laugh is breathless. “You’re amazing inside of me.”
I cock my head, pretending I’m not convinced.
“Fen, get that asset in me—now!”
Again, I let the tip of me press lightly against her, then nudge a little harder just before I pull back. “I’m not getting the feeling that you fully appreciate my mad skills.”
Her pelvis is thrusting in a rhythm that I know she wants from me. But I have more patience than that.
“Please!” she finally screams out.
“Well, when you ask so politely…” I slide into her, and then all humor escapes me—the feeling of our joining together like this is so intense.
My eyelids press together as I try to not explode in her right away. I’ve had my share of sex in my life, but nothing—nothing could possibly compare to this feeling of completion I have when I’m buried in her.
I watch, feeling slightly triumphant, as her head lolls to the side and she looks at us in the mirror together. “Do want to see yourself come, baby?” I murmur, sucking in a breast as I arch my back to thrust completely inside her.
She only whimpers in answer. I keep my pace slow, letting her watch the buildup of this moment, letting her eyes absorb the way her lips part as she pants, the way her fingers dig into me, the way it looks when I slam into her with more force than I probably should.
She does that to me—drives all sense from me—and even more when I start to feel her channel tighten up around me and I know her climax is within reach.
I should wait—I should stretch this out as long as I can. I know I’m capable.
But there’s this part of me that needs her to see me like this—right now with the mirror revealing everything. Because I’m unable to tell her what she does to me. If she sees it—if she sees the power she has over me—I hope it will be enough.
So just as she cries out, I let go, too, my cock throbbing as it plunges in again and again until there’s nothing left of me.
Heaving, I collapse to her side, taking her along with me because I’m not quite ready to slide out of her. I want to savor those tiny shivers of her body as her orgasm slowly disappears into the distance.
My heart is doing double-time. I press my hand against her chest to confirm that she’s feeling the same way.
This is too much for a guy like me.
“You know,” I breathe out, “I have this crazy debate going on in my head.”
Suddenly, she looks uneasy, and considering who’s doing the talking, it’s no wonder. Usually the post-sex debate I have going on in my head is something like how much longer I should hold her before I can justifiably nod off to sleep.
So I follow-up right away as I slide out of her. “I mean, I can make some pun about how the thrills we’ll get at Buckeye Land today aren’t going to nearly compare to what we just did. But that would probably be as tasteless as the green sand jar.”
She rolls her eyes just before I get up to toss the condom in the trash. “Comedic talent definitely isn’t a Sheridan trait, is it?”
“That’s one reason I work out so much,” I admit, joining her again on the rug. “I’m trying to overcompensate.”
“You’re doing a thorough job of it.” She nudges me onto my back and her lips move to my abs, kissing each one. “Though it might be easier to do what other men do and just buy a flashy car or powerboat.”
Her lips are just below my navel, and I suck in my breath. My body already is showing signs of recovery, even after barely a minute.
Her effect on me is stunning.
“I—” My voice is strained. “—wonder if you might want to skip Buckeye Land for more of this today?” I dare to ask it, knowing the answer I’m hoping for from her.
Her head angles to look at the clock on the DVR and she jerks her head upward with a gasp. “I had no idea it was so late! Yeah, I still want to go. This might be my only chance to ride a roller coaster. Do you mind?”
Suppressing a groan of defiance, I lift myself off the floor. “I better get in the shower then.”
Tolerating a day on kiddie park coasters when I could be having more sex with her?
Well, hell, if that’s not love, then I’m not sure what is.
Just before I’m stricken with terror at that thought, she gazes at me with those dark eyes and purrs, “Mind if I join you?”
“No, I don’t mind at all.”
I find that’s the last time I say no to her for quite some time.
Needless to say, it’s past noon by the time we make it to Buckeye Land. And I’m not going to complain about it.
When we arrive there, she tells me she’s famished. So I take her to the Princess’s Court to grab a bite to eat before we ride their latest coaster. Probably not the smartest move when I’m with a girl who couldn’t handle the teacups at Disney, come to think of it.
She looks like she’s brimming with anticipation as we find a spot to sit. The roller coaster she’s eyeing as we plant ourselves on a hard bench under a purple umbrella with our food is hardly worthy of the excitement in her eyes.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she says.
“You mean, eating a Dragon Dog with a side of Fairy Fries? Yeah, me neither.”
She angles her head. “No. I meant going to ride on a real roller coaster.”
I glance over my shoulder again at their most recent addition to the park. It boasts a small loop, but is still geared for a pretty unambitious crowd. “You do realize we’re the only people who came here without kids. That should tell you something.”
“Yes. It tells me that I’ve been deprived of thrill rides for way too long. I plan on riding that thing at least twenty times today just to catch up with everyone else.”
I puff out my cheeks, but say nothing. I should just be happy she sounds like she’s not going to make me stand in line to ride a flying dragon or take a picture with the Buckeye Princess. “Well, you came at the right time. They didn’t even have a ride like that here when I was a kid. For a while there, I was sure it was going to shut down.”
She looks around her. The place is clean, well-kept, and doesn’t look as time-worn as it did back in my childhood.
“What turned it around?”
“Uh, they got some publicity.” I chuckle. “Not the best kind either.”
Her brow pinches. “Don’t tell me they had an accident on one of their rides.” She suddenly looks a lot more apprehensive as she gazes again at the coaster.
“Oh, no, nothing like that.” I tell her the story about my cousin and his wife and how they… well… accidentally put Buckeye Land on the map years ago.
She’s laughing hysterically by the end of it. “Wow. There’s a good example of any publicity being good publicity.”
“No kidding. People came here just out of curiosity because they heard about it in the news. And then they got new ownership that started cleaning the place up a bit.” I glance around me approvingly. “They really turned the place around. That coaster with a loop went up just recently, I think. They’ve probably got a few other rides that are new, too.”
After lunch, we get in a line packed with kids who are barely above my waist. A year or two ago, I would have hated it here.
But since we had little Stella staying with us a while back when her dad was deployed, I’ll admit I’ve started liking kids. They’re not nearly as annoying as I used to think. And while their noses do run and they tend to be overly sticky, if a guy’s armed with a tissue and some wipes, they’ll endlessly make you feel useful.
So I don’t really mind being here, especially with Kaila.
As she strikes up conversations with the little tikes around us, I can’t help thinking what a great mom she’ll be one day, if she decides to juggle parenthood with this high-powered business career she’s been fantasizing about for so long.
“You’re good with kids,” I say.
“Kind of important with my work, you think?”
“Yeah. Guess so.” I lean against the metal bar that funnels our line toward the coaster. “You ever wanted to have some of your own?”
She looks thoughtful for a moment. “I do. Maybe one day. If I met the right guy. What about you?”
I nod. “I’d need to meet the right guy, too.”
She laughs at my joke and I feel rewarded by it. Something about the sound of it inexplicably warms me inside. “Seriously, though, I was pretty happy with the idea of not having kids ever until Stella came to stay with us a while back.”
“And now?”
I shrug. “I guess I do. You get used to it—having this little kid who hangs on your every word and just soaks up everything. It’s pretty incredible.” My face screws up a bit. “I’m trying to figure out how to do it without committing to a woman.”
“You’re willing to commit to a kid, but not a woman?” She tilts her head. “You know, there are doctors you can see who might help you get over that.”
I laugh at her candor. I love that I am standing with a woman I’m hoping to have sex with again tonight, yet she has no problem calling me out for the worst aspects of me. “Or I could just keep talking to you about it. You have to remember, you’re the first person on the planet who knows why I don’t commit. You should feel flattered I confided in you.”
“Or overburdened,” she says in her most martyred tone, then shooting me a grin.
“You’re right.” I pull her close to me, but not too close—feeling the need to keep things rated G in this line. “So, you’ve taken something from my load. What can I take off yours? Anything you care to share?”
Her smile falters, then the sides of her mouth ease downward. It’s a sight I hate to see.
“I find myself somehow jealous of a baby who’s not even born yet.” Her voice is small. “Isn’t that pretty messed up?”
My brow furrows. “Annie’s baby?”
Her shoulders sag. “Yeah. Weird, huh?”
“Why jealous?”
“Maybe jealous isn’t quite the right word. But it’s just that friends come and go on the island so much. And without my parents, I always feel kind of alone. Annie—having this business with her—it’s like we have something big in common that makes me feel like we’re almost… family.”
“That won’t change after the baby comes.”
“Of course it will. She’s even said she wants to stop working.”
“But she’ll still be your friend.”
“She’s my best friend, really,” she says in a way that seems like she’s almost ashamed to admit it. “Most of my friends from growing up have left the island or are busy with babies at this point. I barely even see my cousins unless there’s a holiday.” She glances over her shoulder and scoots up a few paces in line. “But Annie and I won’t have the same things in common anymore. And kids—they wear you out. Her life is going to revolve around mom-groups and playdates and eventually, I won’t have much of a place in her life.” Her gaze jerks upward to meet my own, and her eyes widen. “And that’s okay. I just want her to be happy. Really. But I can’t help feeling this pang of—something. Makes me feel pretty pathetic.”
I pull her close to me again and plant a kiss on her forehead. “I know how much Annie cares about you. She’s going to need you especially after the baby is born. You’ve been there for her through some rough times, Kaila. That makes you part of our ‘ohana whether you like it or not.”
After I say it, I feel myself inhale sharply, realizing what I’ve just said. Our ‘ohana. Our family—meaning mine, too. Even though I know it’s true, I feel the confusion well up inside of me.
There have been people who entered the Sheridan fold—servicemembers, colleagues, friends—who I’ve come to consider as family before.
But I wasn’t sleeping with any of them.
How screwed up is all this going to be when we return to Hawai‘i and I try to slide back into my old ways?