~ KAILA ~
I’m dreading this weekend.
On Monday, I’m sure I’ll feel differently.
I’ll have a destination; the Human Resources department at JLS Heartland is expecting me to show up at 8:30 in the morning for a mountain of paperwork. And likely the first question I have for them will be about this tuition reimbursement plan Ryan mentioned. For a girl who’s been working toward her degree for this long, that was music to my ears.
If that’s not enough to distract me from Fen, then I don’t know what will.
I’m being handed everything I’d ever dreamed of. Yet I can’t help feeling empty inside, thinking of Fen already thousands of miles away from me. He’s probably halfway across the ocean now, headed back to the island that was my home for so long.
But now, just like that, it suddenly isn’t my home.
As I walk along Anders Street, taking in the atmosphere that should still seem so new to me, there’s an odd feeling in my gut.
Is this homesickness? I wouldn’t know. And now, with Fen so far away, I’m not sure I can distinguish between missing Hawai‘i and missing him.
Frowning, I grab a donut at Pop’s mostly just to hear his cheerful “Happy Saturday” rather than to eat. I have no appetite, even though it’s approaching the dinner hour and I barely had anything resembling lunch.
Following the sound of water babbling over rocks, I trudge down to the gazebo where Fen and I once stood together. I look down at the creek. Coming here is probably a mistake, but there’s little in this town that doesn’t remind me of Fen. Besides, I prefer sharing my evening with all the dog walkers, joggers, and cyclists here rather than sitting by myself in the townhome.
Minutes turn into an hour, and the donut disappears from my grasp without me even noticing just how delicious it was.
Too many couples come into my view here, walking hand-in-hand like I once did with Fen, so I divert my gaze and let my eyes soak in the sight of the clear stream they call Newton’s Creek.
“Kaila?”
I hear the voice behind me and my back stiffens, ready to swear it’s Fen’s voice, haunting me.
“Kaila?”
I don’t want to turn around right now. Because I know my mind must be playing tricks on me; Fen is above the ocean right now, fast-approaching Kona.
So I turn, readying myself to see one of his cousins; their voices are similar to his.
But it’s Fen I see, standing there.
Jaw gaping, my eyes widen. “Fen?”
My brain starts firing, trying to conjure reasons why he’d be here right now. He forgot something. His flight was cancelled. He was diverted back to Ohio for some inexplicable reason. But none of it makes sense to me. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m really mad at you, Kaila,” he says, even though a slight smile betrays something far from anger.
“What?” I couldn’t be more confused.
“You never ask me what I want,” he continues. Only then, do I recognize the words I said to him days ago, standing in his foyer, desperate to share the night with him.
I shake my head, still confused. “What do you want, Fen?”
“I want you, Kaila. I want a relationship with you, even though I know it must sound like a joke from a guy with my track record.”
I feel the corners of my mouth curve upward, even as logic tells me the impossibility of it. “Fen, I’m flattered. Really. And touched. But you’re needed on that island—you have a nonprofit you’re starting that will really help people. I don’t want you to stay here for me. And I need this job. It’s a game-changer for me.”
“I know that. I want you to take that job. And I plan on returning to Hawai‘i. But they’ve got these crazy things these days called airplanes, Kaila, and they’ll take me to visit you whenever I can. And you’ll be traveling, so anytime you hit the West Coast, that’s just a five-hour flight from me. That’s nothing.”
“You’d do that?” I hold my breath.
“Of course I’d do that. Hell, I’d surf across the damn ocean if that was the only way to get to you. And I’m a lousy surfer.”
“I’ve heard.”
“Kaila, we can make this work. And if there’s any chance that you feel the same way I feel, I think we should give it a try.”
“How you feel?” I ask. “How do you feel about me?”
He takes both my hands and leans in. His lips taste like magic to me, a spell that makes every nerve tingle with hope.
“I love you, Kaila. Looking back, I think I’ve loved you since that night you stalked me in the parking lot of the Dancing Coconut, but I was too stupid then to recognize it.”
I laugh, remembering that night and thinking of all that’s happened since then. Chills cascade over my arms as he looks at me with hope in his eyes. Could I really be this lucky? Because if it’s my imagination that has conjured this up, then I don’t want to shatter it. I want to stay right here in this illusion, with his touch warming me and the sounds of the creek and gentle laughter of people nearby.
I hesitate to speak, just memorizing every intricacy of this moment in case it might dissolve at the sound of my own voice.
But I take a chance.
“I love you, too, Fen.” I find myself squeezing his hands now, the feel of them somehow grounding me, assuring me that this is real. “I love you, too.”
His smile widens like the sunset spreading out in our view, and he brings his lips to mine. Our bodies meld and my soul fills with a sense of belonging I’d normally worry was just a mirage.
But it’s real this time.
In my soul, I know it to be true. And if I had any question of it, I can somehow hear the reassurance of it whispered in the breeze in voices that sound so much like my parents, telling me that I’m alone no longer.