CHAPTER NINE

“You look like crap Hanna.” Kat hovers in the doorway of my room, her arms crossed over her chest.

Yeah, well, I feel like crap, so why shouldn’t I look like it too, I think to myself.

The colossal mess I’ve made between Jared and I is all I can think about and it’s seriously dragging me down. In fact, it beat me up pretty good and I’m surprised I’m not a pile of mush on the floor.

“You’re not planning on wearing that to the vigil are you?” Kat asks indicating my current outfit.

With a sigh, or maybe it’s a grunt, I don’t know, I haul myself up off the bed, dragging my feet over to the closet. “No, I guess not.” I flip through the hangers not really looking at any of it. “What are you supposed to wear to these things anyway?”

“Move over, let me look.” She pushes me out of the way, taking over. “You can wear anything really, but it’s always better to look good like me in my opinion.” She’s wearing a floral dress that stops an inch above her knees with a plunging neckline that’s a little too low for my comfort. The top half of her hair is pulled back and held with a barrette, leaving the rest to flow in loose curls. “So lets see if we can find you something nice.”

Because all of the things I have are crap.

I know Kat doesn’t really think that my stuff is crap. I’m just in a crappy mood because I’ve totally messed things up, probably beyond repair, with Jared. Why did I have to kiss him last night? Why couldn’t I have just kept my feelings to myself until I better understood them? If I had he wouldn’t hate me right now and I wouldn’t be feeling so guilty about letting him think I don’t reciprocate his feelings because I do. So much, I think I do.

Why does everything always have to be so complicated and confusing? Why can’t I just be a normal girl with normal obvious feelings for a boy she’s known most of her life? I don’t want to have to question how I feel because of crazy outside circumstances and I don’t want Jared to be hurt by my questioning it. But I guess it’s too late for that.

“Earth to Hanna?”

“Huh?”

“Do you have any dresses or skirts?”

“No, probably not.” I lean back in the desk chair, tilting my head back so I can see the painted stars above me swirl as I spin around and around. It hurts too much to think about Jared and all I want to do is spin faster and faster until I disappear into the constellations.

Kat exits my closet empty handed. “I need to take you shopping so we can buy you some girl clothes.”

“Jeans and t-shirts are girls’ clothes too you know.” I stop spinning and watch as the multiple Kats I see before me merge back into one person.

“Come on.” She grabs my hand, leading me out of my room and down the hall. We stop outside my parent’s bedroom door.

“I can’t go in there.” I state it like a fact because it is. I haven’t been in their room since they died and I have no desire to go in there now, if ever. I don’t want to look at their things knowing that they're never coming back.

“Your mom always wore such nice clothes and I thought maybe you could borrow something for tonight.”

Kat is insane if she thinks I’m going to wear my dead mother’s clothes. I have a hard enough time suppressing the panic attacks that creep up on me when I pass their door. There’s just no way. “I can’t.”

The doorknob twists under Kat’s hand, the door cracking open a sliver.

I don’t think. I only react and my reaction is to slap her hand away and slam the door shut. “I said NO, Kat.”

A red handprint flares on her forearm. “Ow, Hanna. That hurt.”

Guilt kicks me in the gut and I regret hitting her immediately. “I’m so sorry Kat. I didn’t mean to smack you like that. I just…I just can’t go in there.”

“Okay, geez.” She rubs at the welt then narrows her eyes. “What’s your problem anyway? You’ve been in a mood since I got here.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Tears sting the back of my eyes and I struggle to blink them away. “It’s just. I haven’t been in their room in two years and I got into a fight with Jared earlier and there’s…” I tug my sleeve down until my whole hand is inside. “All this other crap I’m going through right now.”

“Like what?” She asks, her voice losing the hard edge it had a few minutes ago. “You can talk to me Hanna. You’re my best friend. I’m always here for you. You know that right?”

I nod and for a moment I seriously consider telling her everything, but in the end all I say is, “I probably have a nice shirt in the back of my closet I can wear and I just bought a new pair of jeans last week that I haven’t worn yet that can go with it.” Taking the hint that I don’t want to talk right now Kat follows me back to my room.

I disappear into my closet reemerging with an ocean blue top still on the hanger. It’s probably one of the dressier shirts I have. Little ruffles flow from the collar down to an empire waist cut and from there it gathers around the torso giving the bottom half a bit of a flare. The material is a little sheer so I’ll have to wear a tank top underneath. Kat would probably wear it as it is. I hand it to her before disappearing once again into my closet to retrieve the pair of raven black skinny jeans I bought to go with it.

“Oh, I like this. Too bad we’re not the same size because I would so borrow this.” She hands the shirt back to me so I can get changed. “I do hope you have some other type of shoe that’s not Converse to go with it.”

I smile a little as I duck behind the closet door to change. “Nope, but you can help me choose between the blue or black ones.”

Once I’m changed and she’s satisfied with how I look we head outside. I slide into the passenger seat of Benzie, Kat’s little red Mercedes convertible. The one before this was named Tom after the cute salesman. Kat’s mom is a wealthy lawyer so she gets a new Mercedes every couple of years along with all the expensive clothes, purses, and shoes that she wants. Material things are how Kat’s mom makes up for being gone most of the time. And Kat seems to be okay with that arrangement.

I buckle my seatbelt using the excuse of flipping my hair over my shoulder to sneak a glimpse at Jared’s house. The driveway is empty; no lights are on in the house. My shoulders droop.

I’m not as inconspicuous as I think I am though because Kat notices the change in my demeanor. “Was the fight between you and Jared that bad?”

“Yeah. I messed things up by doing something that I shouldn’t have.”

“What did you do?” She looks over at me while she backs down the driveway.

I consider whether or not I should tell her given that he’s technically one of her ex-boyfriends. Of course, she swears that she hates him now, so maybe if I just blurt it out it won’t be so bad.

“Ikissedhimlastnightandthenwemadeoutforawhileuntilwebothfellasleep.” I brace for impact but Kat’s eyes remain on the road, though I think she’s stiffened a little. “And then today I basically told him it was a mistake and now he’s mad and hurt because he doesn’t think it was.”

I wait for her to say something, anything, but she doesn’t and silence hangs awkwardly between us. She brakes at the stop sign. A tan minivan drives past leaving the road clear for her to go. She doesn’t.

She’s mad. I’ve broken some sort of girl code about making out with your friends ex or something and now she’s going to rip me a new one. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

“Do you know why Jared and I broke up sophomore year?” She doesn’t look at me. Feelings of unease settle in the middle of my chest.

“No, neither one of you ever really talked about it.”

She puts the car in park even though we’re in the middle of the street. Shifting in her seat she finally looks at me. “We broke up because of you.”

“Me?” Why would they break up over me?

“Yeah. It was always you he was in love with. It was never me. That’s why I was always so mean to him. Especially when you were around. I couldn’t stand the sight of you guys together.”

She’s still mean to him. Does that mean that she still has feelings for him? And how did I not know any of this? How did I not know how he felt this whole time? No wonder he was so hurt.

“Are you mad at me?” I ask, afraid of what her answer will be.

“No. Back then I was. Back then I wanted to hate you, but I couldn’t, because you were also my best friend and I needed you.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

“For a long time I did, but I don’t anymore. I’ve moved on. I’m just mean to him now for the fun of it.” She smiles cheerfully, but I can’t help but wonder if she’s lying. “The question now is do you have feelings for him?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think that I do, but I don’t know if I should.”

A car honks behind us. Kat flips them off before putting Benzie back in drive. She doesn’t say anything else and neither do I, which is probably for the best. I don’t know what to do about my feelings for Jared and I’m not entirely sure her feelings for him are completely gone. I don’t want to end up losing two friends in one day.

Downtown the streets are packed with people and every available parking space is taken. “Maybe we should have come earlier. I think everyone in town is here,” I say.

Maybe Jared’s here, I silently hope. If I happen to accidentally run into him here maybe we can talk. Maybe I can fix things because the way they are now just sucks.

“I know. What a turn out.” Kat drives slowly through the town square, narrowly avoiding running someone over. Once we get through the horde of people she hooks a right on Benson Street, all the parking spots there are full also. We end up driving down two more streets before finally finding something near the park. After shutting off the engine she reaches into the backseat to pull out a plastic bag containing two throw away cups and two candles. She hands me mine then tosses the empty bag over her shoulder.

“What about matches?” I ask.

“Damn. I forgot those. We’ll just have to borrow some from someone when we get there.”

The sun has long since set leaving the park in front of me hidden in shadows. Only a lonely streetlamp beside the basketball court casts any illumination. My stomach knots and my hands begin to shake as I get out of the safe confines of Benzie. Dark shadowy places are not my friend. I learned that lesson the hard way in the alley outside The Iron Knife.

Standing along the edge of light from the streetlamp in the park, a tall blonde haired boy comes into view. My hands clench into tight fists at my sides, fingernails dig into my palm on one hand, and into the wax of the candle in the other. Fear freezes me until I become a statue, my tongue thick in my mouth as his name moves past my lips.

“Who’s Blondie?” Kat comes around the car to stand beside me.

Just then, the blonde boy comes flying down the parks walkway on a skateboard followed by two other boys. They breeze past Kat and I while whistling, blowing kisses, and grabbing at themselves.

“Eew, gross.” Kat flips them off, her face scrunching in disgust. Their laughter drifts back as they dissolve into the shadows ahead.

Not Blondie.

“Are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost or something.”

I shake it off with a laugh that comes out a little weird and high pitched. “I’m fine. Just thought I saw something is all.” Like my life flashing before my eyes.

I pry my fingernails out of the candle leaving behind tiny crescent moon shapes in the wax. “We better get going before it starts without us.”

The rest of the walk to the town square goes by uneventfully, but that doesn’t stop me from searching every shadow we pass for something malevolent. It’s not until we mingle in with the crowd that I start to feel a little safer, a little less exposed. I recognize most of the people around me from school or from the shops around town and take comfort in it.

Mr. Green, my English teacher, spots me and briefly waves, but Kat grabs my arm leading me in the opposite direction across the square before I can return the gesture.

“I told Will we’d meet him over by Lola’s. He’s probably already there,” she says.

Every business except for Lola’s Café and Bakery has closed for the vigil so it’s not surprising to see how packed it is, as we get closer. The longest line I have ever seen starts at the counter, winds out the door, and doesn’t end until about the front of Hank’s Hardware Store two buildings down. Guess people need their lattes and donuts to go with their tears and candlelight.

A large man carrying a Styrofoam cup tries to squeeze himself between the doorframe and a small woman waiting in the line. His boot catches on the frame knocking him off balance. The cup in his hand tips forward. With the speed of lightning, another hand strikes out from the crowd, catching the cup before it hits the ground, not a drop spilled. I crane my neck to get a better look at whom the hand is attached to, but all I can see is the back of his head; black hair styled in a faux hawk.

I lean closer to Kat. “Did you see that?”

“See what?” She suddenly jerks my arm to the right knocking me off balance as she pulls me further into the crowd. I trip over the toe of my shoe and do a little hop step to prevent myself from doing a face plant. “I think I see Will. Come on Hanna, speed it up.”

After a few more arm pulls, and almost trips, we make it to the sidewalk in front of the café where to my relief she finally lets go of my arm. I take a moment to massage out the cramp she left behind.

“So where’s this Will guy?”

No answer.

I look up from my arm expecting Kat to be standing there. She isn’t. “Kat?” I skim the crowd looking in all directions for her. I push through the crowd not seeing her anywhere. My breath picks up, hyperventilation well on its way of taking over when my eyes land on something that stops my breath altogether.

Sitting at our table in Lola’s Café is Jared. He has his arm draped across the back of the chair beside him, a chair that’s occupied by Amber Bradford. A girl who has dated every player on the high school baseball team, at once, with the exception of one; Jared Vaughn.

His head falls back in laughter as Amber playfully slaps him across the chest. What is he doing with her? He hates her. He shouldn’t be in there flirting with her.

My stomach sours and my heart breaks, as I imagine the two of them together until something else replaces those feelings of hurt. Something darker. Guess he’s not that upset about what happened between us after all. My hands automatically clinch into fists, my feet moving forward taking me through the door stopping only when I’m standing in front of Amber. Without a word, I grab her by her bleach blonde hair dragging her up out of the chair and then tossing her to the floor.

“Earth to Hanna.” Slender fingers wave in front of my eyes bringing me back to reality. Kat stands in front of me blocking my view of Jared and Amber through the window. My hands unclench, my feet still planted firmly on the sidewalk outside the café.

“Come on, Will’s waiting for us over there.” She points down the sidewalk. “What are you staring at anyway?”

“Nothing.” I look away before she has the chance to follow my line of sight. “Let’s go.”

I pull myself together enough to follow Kat’s lead, wedging in between the small gaps in the crowd. Seeing Jared flirt with Amber hurts more than I care to admit. Against better judgment, I stop at the edge of the café window risking one last look. For the briefest of seconds his eyes lock onto mine with a million different emotions struggling to break through to the surface. Severing the link, I disappear into the crowd.

“There he is,” Kat says pointing in front of her as I catch up. At the edge of Hank’s Hardware Store, standing before the mouth of a darkened alley, is the boy with the black faux hawk. His back is toward me so I can’t see his face or the face of the person he’s talking to. The conversation looks heated judging by Faux Hawk’s body language. After a few more finger jabs from Faux Hawk, the other person turns to leave.

I catch a glimpse.

Officer Jensen?

A woman with three kids cuts in front of me obscuring my view. I maneuver around them but by then it’s too late. Officer Jensen, (if that’s who it was), is gone. Kat runs ahead linking arms with Faux Hawk like they’re old friends.

“Hanna, this is Will. Will, this is my best friend Hanna.”

“Hi,” I say with a half wave. He’s taller than Kat, which makes him almost a good foot taller than me. He’s dressed in black from head to toe; black t-shirt, black jeans, black motorcycle boots. A pale white scar runs through the edge of his left eyebrow ending at the corner of his eye.

Déjà vu settles over me.

“It’s nice to meet you Hanna.” He extends his hand and as we touch the symbol on my wrist burns under my sleeve. His midnight blue eyes are the last thing I see before the world washes away and I become Sam.

 

“Come on Will, I know you’ve heard the rumors too.” I peer out the door looking up and down the hall before shutting it. “I want to find him.”

“If there is even anyone to find, Sam. What they’re whispering is pretty far out there.” Will leans lazily on the window seal, his back against the glass.

“Is it really that far out there? Look at who we are Will. Look at what we do.”

“Yeah, but what you’re saying is against the laws.”

“People break the law all the time.”

 

“Hanna.” Someone smacks my face. “Hanna wake up.” My eyes open to Kat’s face inches from mine. She sighs in relief. “Are you okay? Should I go get help? Will can stay with you.”

“No. I’m fine.” I half sit, leaning on my elbows. The world takes a violent dip and my head spins. Nausea digs its claws up my throat. I close my eyes taking deep breaths until the spinning stops.

“Its okay folks. She’s fine, you can stop gawking and go about your business.” Kat waves her hands out in front of her, shooing away the looky loos before turning her attention back to me. “At least let me go get you some water or something.”

“Water sounds great. Thanks.”

Kat hugs me, nearly knocking me back to the ground. “You scared the crap out of me. Don’t ever do that again. I’ll be right back.” She disappears into the crowd, leaving me alone with Will.

He offers his hand to help me up.

I have no intention of touching him ever again. “I know who you are.”

He raises an eyebrow. “And who am I?”

“A member of The Order.”

In one swift movement he’s kneeling down beside me shoving my sleeve up. “So it’s true then. Sam marked you.” Just as fast, he lets go of my arm tossing it aside. He stands. “Eric said he thought he saw it on you, but I was hoping…” He charges the alley wall slamming his palms against it. “Damn it Sam.”

“Who’s Eric?”

“My brother.”

“And this symbol, what does it mean?” I ask hoping to finally get some answers. I cover my wrist back up with my sleeve as I climb to my feet, dusting off my backside.

“Nothing good.”

“That’s not really making me feel any better about it.”

“It wasn’t meant to.” Will pushes away from the wall coming to a stop in front of me. He’s an emotional tornado - confusion, hurt, heartbreak, sadness, and most of all anger, all swirl around in his features. The muscles in his jaw tighten as he clenches his teeth together. “Tell me everything that happened at The Iron Knife. Now.”

It isn’t a request.

Who does this guy think he is? I’m the one who’s been walking around with this mark on my wrist. I’m the one who’s been getting visions of someone else’s life along with developing super human abilities. I’m the one who’s being tormented by some evil blonde guy with black holes for eyes because he wants whatever’s in those memories. If anyone is going to demand anything it’s going to be me.

My hands fly out shoving him hard in the chest, knocking him back several steps. “I’m not telling you anything until I get some answers first. Starting with who The Order is, and why this Sam guy marked me, or whatever it was you said he did.”

For a second Will’s eyes widen in surprise at my outburst, but it’s not long before they go back to being narrowed and angry. With his lips pressed into a thin line, he steps forward until the tips of his boots scuff against the tips of my Converse.

If looks could kill, we’d both be dead right now.