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“HOW MANY freaking times do I have to tell you not to get damp wood?” Ben throws down the branches I hand over to him with a scowl on his face. “You can’t start a fire with that!”
“I’m sorry,” I mumble.
“You’re sorry?” Ben’s face turns red under his curly, brown hair. “What good will that do me? You have to make yourself useful in the wilderness, if nothing else.”
“Shut up, Ben,” Colin snaps. He’s busy next to me skinning a rabbit. “Like you never make mistakes.”
Ben smiles a superior smile. “Oh, really? Well, as far as I know I’ve kept us all alive so far. Who shot that rabbit? And who caught the two pheasants we ate yesterday?”
Colin raises a quizzical eyebrow. “And who got smacked in the face last night because he snuck into a sleeping tent he wasn’t supposed to be in?”
I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing nervously. Ben’s a survivor, no doubt about it, but social skills aren’t exactly his strong suit. Last night, Mara made it perfectly clear she’s not interested in him. It was a good thing Colin heard her screaming – I’m not sure the blow to his nose would have been enough to get the message across otherwise.
“What are you laughing about?” Ben snarls, catching my almost-smile. “You think it’s funny?”
As a matter of fact, it’s not. Nothing funny about living in a world where the strong always win and have more rights than the rest of us. It’s been like that ever since I moved to the manor house almost six years ago.
Ben is Saul’s younger brother, and Saul is the leader of the manor. He organizes fighting games between the strongest boys and the weaker members of our group to keep them perpetually afraid. You never know when your number’s up. Only a few weeks ago Colin was beaten up by Max, a giant of a guy nicknamed The Bear.
Saul also decides who needs to take hikes into the wild in order to learn survival skills – and if you’re not in his good books, you’re sent out every other week – and who gets to live in the manor house. He decides when he will read from The Book, and picks the chapters to be read during our assemblies.
“I think you should leave Mara alone,” I reply feebly. “She’s already told you a couple of times she doesn’t want to marry you.”
Ben grins maliciously. “Who said anything about marriage?”
Completely shocked, I hold my breath. Everybody knows where babies come from. If you do... that... without taking responsibility for the child and raising it until its tenth birthday, you’re pretty much a criminal. In the rare event that it does occur, the boy is obliged to marry the girl.
Something tells me that Saul won’t oblige his younger brother to anything.
I turn around in disgust. The flints I was using to start the fire fall out of my hands and drop to the ground. I duck down and look left, then right, my eyes inadvertently searching for help that won’t come. Why would it? In this world, we need to take care of ourselves.
“Leia, wait.” Colin instantly recognizes my stance – I’m about to take off. Because even though I’m strong and not easily intimidated, I genuinely fear confrontations with Ben. Every single one of them has ended the same for me. Our leader’s baby brother always makes it perfectly clear that I’ll draw the shortest straw no matter what. Even if it isn’t fair. Even if I want to stand up for my best friend but I’m forced to watch from the sidelines feeling inadequate and helpless.
“No,” I snap at him.
I run down the forest path, through the trees, across the grassy fields, as far away from Ben as possible. I won’t let him see my tears.
I keep running until I get to the beach.
The sand tickles my toes as I walk toward the sea. The surf bubbles and foams over my bare feet while seagulls shriek above my head. The endless surface of the water extends to the horizon, whichever way I look. Further than I’ll ever be able to see and far greater than I’ll ever be. I feel small in comparison.
Our island world isn’t very big. If I turned around now and walked north, I’d be able to cross this land within a day. It would take me to another beach, and I’d be faced with another stretch of endless sea. Nothing but sea. We’re on our own, and we only have the Force deep within us to depend on. It comes from the inside, not from the outside. It’s what the ancestors taught us, and it’s what we believe in to this day.
And yet, our world isn’t as simple as it may seem at first glance. If I were to walk westward from here, I’d come across a barrier – the Wall. Behind it live the Fools. According to our forefathers we’re not supposed to venture beyond it.
It’s actually not difficult to cross the Wall, but nobody wants to. The Fools don’t believe in the Force within. Instead, they think that something outside of this world will save them and come to their rescue. No one wants to mingle with idiots like that.
Likewise, the Fools keep to themselves. They leave us alone. To be honest, I wouldn’t even have believed there are Fools, if not for the fact that I saw one of their ships once. It was far away in the distance, so far away from the island that it frightened me. Everyone knows there’s nothing beyond the horizon. Ships that sail out never return.
And yet, it stirs something deep inside of me to see how brave they are. How much they’re willing to risk to expand their horizon. Our world may be safe, but it does make me feel trapped sometimes. Especially with a horrible leader like Saul at the head of it. I know I should get married as soon as possible to get away from the manor and move back to Newexter, where the parents live, but I don’t like anybody enough to want to get married yet. And if I leave now, I’ll ruin my chances of ever getting a partner. That’s just the way things are done here.
Sighing, I spread my arms like wings and walk into the sea. When the water reaches my waist, I lower them and touch the water with my fingertips. The cold gives me goose bumps all over my body, but standing in the sea and touching the waves like this makes me connect with the Force. It’s as though I’m closer than ever to the source that feeds the entire universe. It feels like I can take on everything – the hikes through the wilderness that Colin and I have to endure because Saul claims we aren’t ‘embracing the Force’ enough yet, the fear of never finding anyone to share my life with. My fear of being disappointed. My doubts about the way things are, which I never show to anyone.
But I can’t leave any room for doubts. When I turned ten, I was officially a grown-up. Colin and I joined the rest of the youngsters in the manor house the day after our birthday. We had our own room, but we didn’t stay in it a lot. Much more often we were outside, making bows and arrows for the hunt. We were taught how to make fishnets. We learned how to make fire – although I never quite got the hang of that. And some time later, Saul claimed most of the rooms in the house as his own, but we no longer cared about sleeping indoors. The youngsters had their own tents and huts.
We learned how to take care of ourselves.
I startle when I see dark clouds gathering on the horizon. Thunderclouds are a bad omen. The stories of our ancestors tell us about rain burning the skin and causing sickness in their people. It’s never happened in my lifetime, but we’re still afraid of it.
It’s time to find shelter. Besides, by now I’m starting to feel a bit guilty for leaving Mara behind with just my brother and Ben for company. Of course Colin can protect Mara if needed, but they’re not really friends.
My heart pounds in my chest when I retrace my steps to where I’ve left Mara and Colin behind.