That night I awoke to a scuttling sound. A mouse in the roof space above the ceiling? As I drifted back to sleep, a tapping noise aroused me through the sheaves of slumber.
I imagined the intruder had returned to break in, but then I decided a perpetrator would try the door first. Maybe he’d found it locked and was about to throw a rock through the window.
Fully awake, I felt like a clock with a dead battery, its hands frozen in place. Until I heard rapping on the window. Pushing myself into action, I put on my bathrobe, grabbed the flashlight by my bed, and tiptoed to the window to see the silhouette of a man’s face. I heard my name.
“Evie, it’s me.” Hearing Jake’s voice sent a thrill through me.
“What are you doing here?” I moved closer and recognized his symmetrical face, illuminated by the main house’s porch light. His blond hair was cut short—Englisch. His square jaw was indeed cleanly shaven.
“Please let me in.” His voice sounded urgent.
“Nee, I can’t. Someone will see us.”
“Nee, they won’t.” His face pushed closer to the glass. “I walked in from the road without my flashlight on.”
I’d waited an eternity for this moment, but I cautioned myself. I didn’t break the rules anymore. And I didn’t trust Jake.
“Please,” he said. “I must talk to you.”
Through the window, I scanned the big house, cloaked in darkness. Not a glimmer in Beatrice’s bedroom. No barking. Maybe the veterinarian had given Heath a sedative. Still, usually Minnie yapped.
As I cinched my bathrobe, Jake stole around to the door. I unlocked it, turned the handle, and cracked it open. He slipped inside. Being this close to Jake was almost unbearable. I caught the scent of his skin and work clothes. A mishmash of conflicting memories bombarded my mind, making me dizzy.
I took another look at the big house, and then closed the door without making a sound. I hoped.
“How did you know I’d be here?”
“Olivia told me.”
I wanted to throw myself into his arms, but I remained at a distance. “Why did you come?”
“To talk.”
“About?”
“You. Me. Everything.”
I was glad it was too dark for Jake to see my face or uncovered hair. A conflict of emotions flooded my chest, making it hard to breathe. “You shouldn’t be here.” I wanted to ask him about the woman I’d seen with him, but instead I said, “You sent me only two letters—with no return address—and left one phone message, but you didn’t tell me why you left. All I knew was that you’d gone to New York, and you never said anything about your plans for …us.”
“I didn’t include a return address because I didn’t want my dat knowing where I was and trying to force me to come home. And then I heard you had a new beau and a child in Ohio.”
“All lies. I never loved anyone but you. No baby. And even if I had one, why…”
I got the distinct feeling he was lying to me, so what was the use of talking about this now? I was tempted to cover my ears. “Are you married?”
“Nee. There’s no one else. Never has been.”
“Why should I believe anything you say?” My words bulleted out as a wave of antagonism surged through me.
“I’m being honest with you, Evie. I’ve never cared for anyone but you.”
I warned myself not to be naive. “I heard you just moved back home because of your dat.”
“Yah. My mamm knew how to reach me and called as soon as his accident happened and begged me to return. Not exactly an accident, because his mule is an ornery beast. Dat should’ve sold the ill-tempered animal years ago. He was in a coma in the trauma unit at the hospital.” His words burbled like water from a hose. “When he finally woke up a couple days ago, he couldn’t speak or hardly move. Mamm was frantic, but she demanded he be released this morning. She claimed Dat’s eyes were pleading with her to come home.”
“I didn’t know about his injury until Olivia told me, and then someone here said your dat was awake enough to be transported home. I’m very sorry. Truly, I am.” I tried to imagine what it would feel like to lie unconscious in a blanket of clouds. Some days after Jake left, I’d wished I could. And never wake up. Depression and gloom had surrounded me like a shroud.
Jake shifted his weight. The floorboards creaked. “We thank the Lord he’s still alive. No one thought he’d make it, yet alone wake up after five days. Not that he’s completely aware.”
“That doesn’t explain what you’re doing here right now, Jake.” My voice cracked when I spoke his name. A tumult of emotions cavorted through my chest.
“I had to see you, Evie. That’s all I know. Olivia told me you were still single and living here, starting a new life.”
“Since you were in the area anyway, you thought you’d stop by?” Sarcasm snaked through my voice.
“Look, Evie, if you throw me out on my ear, I wouldn’t blame you. I’ve been a coward.” He moved closer, until I could feel his breath against my cheek. “I didn’t light that barn on fire. But everything else said about me was true. I pushed all the boundaries during rumspringa and never repented. Two days after I sold my car, the young man who bought it—he was only sixteen—hit a telephone pole and died. I felt responsible. Well, I was responsible for his death. He didn’t know how to drive worth a hoot. I shamed my parents. And my dat never let me forget it.”
I had no answers for him.
He ran his fingers over his cropped hair. “I couldn’t stand living at home anymore. Remember when my older bruder died? A few months after the barn fire. Dat never got over his death and took his anguish and wrath out on me. And he kept bringing up that barn fire and calling me a liar. Dat believed I was guilty and worked me like a beast of burden. So when my friend in New York told me about a job, I took it and went to live with him. I’d intended to return after a few months, but I couldn’t face my father. Or you once I heard you were dating someone, and then that you’d had a baby.” His voice sounded strangled. “I shouldn’t have believed those rumors. I should have come back to see for myself,” he said, his lips barely moving. “And courted you, if you’d have had me.”
I continued to hold my swirling thoughts in. Part of me was glad to see Jake suffering as I had. Yes, his father had been domineering and strict, but Jake was blaming his dat for his skipping town? I should want Jake to leave, but I was still hooked into him as if I were a helpless minnow.
“Guess I’d better go before I cause any more trouble.” He stepped toward the door. “I have a favor to ask.” He massaged the back of his neck. “Would you stop by the farm and see Dat?”
“Why would he wish to see me?”
“Mamm said he’s only murmured one word since he woke up. Your name. Eva.”
“Maybe he believes I’m the cause of all your problems, and he hates me and wants to chew me out.”
“I have no idea what he thinks, but Mamm thinks he believes you and I are getting married.”
“What on earth? Where would he get that idea?”
“I don’t know. His thinking’s all ferhoodled.”
“You want me to lie to him?”
“Nee, but at least see him. Please?”
“I’ll have to think and pray about it.” I hoped Bishop Harvey would stop in at the café and advise me. I already knew what he’d say—“Stay away from Jake Miller.”
Jake paused at the door. “Was that you I saw driving a buggy with an Englisch man today?”
Seeing me with another man, he’d probably experienced a slice of jealousy and a sense of possession.
“That’s why you came?” My voice rose in volume. “What I do is none of your business anymore.”
I still wanted to ask about the Englisch woman in his dat’s buggy, but I wouldn’t lower myself. I’d probably find out about her all too soon.