The sun had set in Sunrise, and it was Esther’s last day in her house. The bank notice would be posted today. She wanted to be there when it happened. When her home became just a house again. When it was no longer hers. It had never really been hers, though, had it?
She sat in the rickety chair next to the table. She’d gathered up all the things that were truly important in her mother’s small trunk. She’d taken the few dishes that her mother had loved. The doilies her mammie had crocheted. The embroidered wall hanging from her upstairs room: For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. There were some letters and the blanket she’d never fixed after Daisy unraveled it. She kept her dat’s hankies and his harmonica. How she wished she’d had his hat and boots, but he’d been wearing them when he ran into the burning house.
Ever since the dream she’d had of her dat, she often found him in her sleep. Sometimes she only heard his laughter or saw his smile. Then there was the dream in the snow and him telling her she didn’t need to be afraid.
Was it a message from the other side of heaven? Or just a dream? She would never know but it had given her the comfort she’d desired and had offered her one more push to return to her life.
Everything was in the trunk that sat outside, ready to be moved to Alvin’s house. Her cousin had asked her if she’d help him with the children while Dorothy fully recovered. Esther wasn’t sure she wanted to return to where her dat had died, but she knew her place was to serve and help where she was needed without complaining. The house had been a complete loss, and another had been built in its place. It wasn’t completely finished, but it was livable. Living there was only temporary, Esther knew. What came after, she wasn’t sure.
It had taken her days to find the right words in a letter to Joe. She hadn’t even sent it yet. She didn’t want to hand Joe and Daisy her grief now that they were doing so well. Joe was teaching again at a local high school. Literature, he’d said. Daisy was thriving. Her oral skills were far better than Joe had imagined they could be, and she was beginning to learn to read properly. The best part was that she had a classroom filled with friends who were all just like her.
Three knocks came to the door now.
She was surprised that the banker would knock. Or maybe that was him nailing the notice on the front door of her home—the house.
Esther’s sigh filled the small kitchen, and suddenly she couldn’t stand. Would she make a fool of herself in front of a stranger who didn’t care? She closed her eyes. Her mind filled with the memories and voices and sounds.
Esther, Daddy’s going to take you fishing. Get your coat.
Merry Christmas! The brown paper tearing, revealing a rag doll her mother had made.
I got the job! Her dad’s heavy steps walking across the kitchen. Esther squealed with delight when he twirled her around. The harmonica playing a tune to lull her to sleep.
Her childhood hadn’t always been grim. It had been happy once. This house had been happy once too.
It had become happy again with Daisy’s giggle. Her dat’s jokes. Joe.
“Esther?”
Her eyes opened. Was this a vision, or was Joe actually standing there in front of her? His hair was a little shorter than in her memory, and it was perfectly groomed. His eyes were bluer and clearer. He wore a tweed suit and a black overcoat and held a black felt hat in his hands.
And here she was, wearing one of her day dresses, the old brown one. And how thin she’d gotten in the last weeks. She must look terrible to him. And the house. It was even emptier than normal, since she had given away everything but the large pieces of furniture, which would stay.
“Joe?”
Joe stepped toward her and knelt down. Her hands were warm in his. He was real.
“You’re here?” Esther whispered. She took his face in her hands and touched the curves of his ears and jaw, then returned her hands to his. He was there. Why was he there? “Is everything okay? Where’s Daisy?”
Esther looked around him, then back to him.
“I’m fine. Daisy’s fine. She’s happy but misses you.” His eyes roamed her face, and Esther found a thrill of pleasure in his gaze and closeness. “I haven’t heard from you in weeks. I was worried so I called Angelica, and she just said that something terrible happened and that I should come.”
“Did she tell you what happened?”
“I made her, even though she told me that you wanted to tell me yourself,” Joe said. “My darling, why didn’t you call me sooner? I would’ve come right away.”
Before Esther could speak she replayed his endearment in her ears. My darling.
“I didn’t want you to come to pity me,” Esther admitted and stifled only part of the sob that rose in her throat.
“You lost your father, my dear. It’s tragic, and I’m so sad for you,” he said and caressed her face. “I wish I could take all the pain away.”
Joe stood and gently brought her to stand with him and then kissed her. His love and touch filled all the empty spaces inside of her. Their lips together were warm and soft, and she let her body melt into his.
When he pulled away, he continued to hold her closely.
“I love you, Esther. I want to take you away from all of this and give you a new life.” His voice was hoarse.
Esther couldn’t find her voice. Could she say yes this time? Hadn’t she written the letter telling Joe that she was ready to begin anew if he still wanted her?
She looked around the house and realized it didn’t matter that it was no longer hers. The scene through the window was frozen and cold. The only warmth and heat that she could find was standing in front of her. And he loved her.
“I’ve lost too much. I even lost you, and I can’t lose you again.” He shook his head as if trying to find the right words. “But, Esther, do you love me?”
Joe looked into her eyes and searched them for her answer.
“Yes, I love you,” she said with a mixture of laughter and tears.
“And you’ll marry me? Be my wife?”
Esther smiled and pulled Joe closer. She offered her answer in a kiss. She drank it in and gave herself to the pure pleasure of his touch. Joe’s hands pressed against her back and held her so close, and yet it still wasn’t close enough.
When they parted, Joe curled Esther’s hand around his arm and led her out of the house.
Esther didn’t look back as they left that day, but in her heart, strains of a melody that brought the kind of peace that only came from the Promise Keeper:
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free.
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.