Chapter One

 

"Don't eat the dirt, kid, get up and get back on." The voice was clear as a bell, and familiar. She raised her face from the soft earth and glanced around. Her heart beat quickened, her mind reeled, and tears clouded her vision for a moment.

"Dad!" she cried out.

"You sure must like eating dust." The man in black stood leaning against the barn door, staring intently at her. He was tall and lean and sexy as all get out, yet he wore it like an overcoat he wasn't aware of having. His hair was dark, and barely blew against the wind as he kept it clipped short, his stance provocative and powerful, and his arrogance beamed at her. Women just didn't ignore men like that, Letty reasoned as she peeped over her shoulder at him. The man was cowboy through and through, rough, determined and all grit.

"Love it." Letty let her backside fall as she spit out the dust from her mouth and tried to keep her own dignity as she managed to right herself once more. The voice she'd heard shook her to her core. Where had the voice come from? Despite the handsome cowboy, the voice had distracted her and the mystery behind it even more. She knew she heard it, but the cowboy obviously hadn't. Had she merely thought she heard her father speaking?

No one was around but the sexy cowboy.

A chill ran through her, but she refused to give into it. It was perfectly normal to think you heard someone that was dead, wasn't it? Sure it was, especially if that someone happened to be your father, whom you loved dearly.

The cowboy didn't laugh at her; instead he smiled smugly as though he expected her to be dumped once more.

"The name's Hank Silver." He moved a little closer as she continued to dust her jeans and shirt and walk toward him.

She glanced up at him, batting her eyes. "Silver."

He smiled an impish smile that curled on one side of his mouth. "That's what they call me."

She waved at the camera man to stop shooting. "I don't think they want to see me eat dirt, Candy Man."

Her photographer chuckled and closed his camera, packing up his gear.

She grinned at the camera man as he waved and left. "Tomorrow at one…" he called over his shoulder at her.

Letty glanced at him, giving him a quick once-over and then returned her attention to the cowboy.

"I'll be there," she called back.

"You're a model?" The cowboy twisted his head.

"In my spare time, yes…" She nodded. "But I'm afraid my debut in the dirt was not part of the shots he was trying to capture. I’m working for a country and western manufacturer, doing a few ads for them."

She took his hand, and immediately it felt sweaty, warm, and firm. Her eyes drifted to his. And what eyes, brown, gorgeously brown and full of mischief. He pretended to be moderately impressed.

"Who's they?" She smiled back and slowly let her hand fall from his.

He looked blankly at her for a moment, and then nodded. "Hell if I know…" He grinned again.

"I've seen you around but no one bothered with an introduction." She reached down to get her black hat and dusted it against her leg. Before he could say another word, she had climbed back on the horse and was thrown in seconds…again.

"Sometimes, you can get in over your head, you know?" he said, watching her fly through the air and land not too charmingly on her bottom. For nothing would she rub her bottom in front of him. She'd ridden many times and this horse wrangler was not going to laugh at her. He was not going to win. She grimaced as she got up once more, not so dignified.

As a young girl she had helped her father bust broncos many times, but time had a way of unlearning a person, she reasoned. It'd been too long since she rode. She was definitely out of shape, something she intended to rectify. If only she hadn't heard her father’s voice so clearly she wouldn't feel as though she had to ride the horse. But her father would have expected it. Those words rang in her head. McKays didn't give up, no matter what.

"Look, it may not look like it, but I've been riding since before I could walk," she returned, gritting her teeth as she walked to the corral fence. She groaned a little and he moved toward her.

"Obviously not in some time though. Are you hurt?" he asked, concern lacing his voice.

His genuine concern startled Letty.

"Someday, I'm going to tame that one." She set her chin out as she gave Thunder a murderous look. "And no, I am not hurt. I'm going to ride Thunder, maybe not today, but someday. I'll ride him yet."

"You are one determined woman, must be a McKay." He chuckled.

"Must be…" she answered, not giving him a look.

"Which one are you?" he asked, still staring at her backside.

"Letty," she answered and disappeared around the corner of the barn. Never give a man too much information, her mind flashed once more to her father. He'd been full of advice and Letty found herself paying attention more now than ever.

The cowboy's glance followed her; she could feel the heat from his probing eyes.

Energized by his light flirtation, she practically ran to the house to change. This shoot was not going well. She had purposely wanted to do some ad work for a Western outfitter but today was obviously not the right day for it. Maybe the horse was a little much, but she used to love riding and she wanted to get back into it again. She also wanted to keep modeling as it provided an income and she liked having her own money. Thinking about the inheritance, she shook her head. I'd rather have you here, Dad! I wish you knew that!

Darn if she wasn't beginning to like it here, despite the fact that moving back home had changed all her plans. She wouldn't let anyone know, but being home felt very right for her now and no one would understand that. In fact, some of her friends didn't understand why she would leave her third year in law school to live on a ranch. However, she had left out she would be a rich woman once the year was up. Some things didn’t need sharing.

Something niggled in the back of her head though when she recalled the shiver that ran through her from the voice she obviously hadn't heard.

In reality, her dad wouldn't like her giving up her law career. He wouldn't understand.

She hadn't actually quit school yet, but it was on her mind constantly.

The trade she had chosen in life wasn't working well for her. There was way too much tension in the studies and after several enacted court room dramas, she wasn't at all sure this was what she should be doing. She hadn’t wanted to be one of those that never finished what she started but it looked as though she would be.

Why the doubts now, she kept asking herself, was it because she no longer had to succeed at law, or the fact that the passion for it had fizzled out? Still, if she continued her education, she could command many jobs later. Quitting was not in a McKay's vocabulary.

Yet she knew that once the passion for a career burned out, it would be hard to resurrect.

This morning had been unsettling. Letty was not superstitious. The voice, she was so sure she heard, belonged to her father. But that was impossible. Her father was dead. Yet the eerie feeling wouldn't leave her. It had to be from missing him so much. Grief was a strange thing, and Letty knew she was suffering to some extent, perhaps more than she wanted to admit. George McKay loved his girls, and they loved him, all of them.

Yet hearing his voice was not something she could share with anyone. They might think she was crazy.

Thank God she had Julie, her older sister, to lean on a bit since she came home.

Yet Julie and Cade Weston were making plans to get married already, and Wendy was madly in love with Wade, little good it seemed to do her. The only one that didn't have any definite plans was Sandy.

Letty thought about Sandy, the most agreeable and quiet sister of all, and yet the most complicated. Letty wondered quietly what kind of man it would take to win Sandy's attention.

However, when she turned the corner of the barn and saw Sandy talking to Candy Man she stopped for a second.

Wow, that's so out of character for her.

But it had been years since she’d been close with Sandy and maybe she had gotten out of her shyness with men.

It wasn't her business, who Sandy talked to, and it could have been just a casual conversation, but Letty knew Candy Man had been around, and flags went up and down Letty's spine. She didn't want to see Sandy get hurt.

Good sense told her to stay out of it unless she was invited.

Sandy wouldn't appreciate my butting in.

Besides, Candy Man, although a hunk in his own right, was not a bad guy. The problem was he was experienced, and Letty doubted they were in the same league. Yet, she cranked her neck to the side and admitted, opposites did attract!

For all she knew Sandy might have more experience than she thought.

Getting to know her sisters again was a challenge except for Julie. It seemed they needed each other just to get through the days. And having Julie's daughter, Kellie, around all the time sure made for a family atmosphere. Letty almost felt like everything was right, except Dad wasn't here any longer. That left a wide gap for Letty. Another withheld secret from the family, she loved being surrounded by them all, although she managed to hide that fact better than anyone. Letty was good at hiding her feelings, at least she thought she was.

She climbed the stairs and went straight to her bedroom, stretching the tired muscles that were bound to be bruised by tomorrow.

Gradually, the melancholy began to fade and she chalked it up to the stress of losing her father. It was normal to imagine things like voices after a death, wasn't it? She couldn't help but glance down at the corral once more from her bedroom window. He was still there, Hank Silver, and he was putting a saddle on Thunder, one of the wildest horses they had ever purchased and the same horse Letty had to try to ride in front of Candy Man, her best photographer. Not that she thought she would impress him. Mike just didn't impress.

She'd tried a few years ago when a magazine assigned him to her. After all, Candy Man, Mike Tobin, was a hunk. However, she soon learned that while shooting, business was the first and only thing on his mind. He stayed focused and Letty appreciated that.

Now as she watched she noticed what ease Hank moved around the horses, and how natural he sat the saddle. His ride on Thunder was nothing short of determination to dominate. Even as he mounted Thunder the horse reacted differently. The man had command and the horse knew it. She envied him that moment. She envied any man who mastered the ride.

Different than most of the other cowboys, Hank seemed so self-assured and confident of what he was doing. Yet he was no show-off. He'd waited until she went inside to master a ride from Thunder. She didn't doubt for a moment he was a "bad ass" cowboy. He was much too handsome and devilish not to be. But she was silently grateful that he hadn't shown her up on Thunder.

She wondered if she handled that first meeting well or not.

Had she made an impression on him? She doubted it.

Not that it mattered. He was a hand here, and she shouldn't mix. Telling herself that was one thing, doing it another, for Letty had always been the real rebel of the family, defying rules and regulations her father had set forth. Oddly enough, her father had admired that about her.

Her dad had spent years explaining his daughters would not date a ranch hand. But Hank was intriguing, and she couldn't deny she reacted to him.

Besides, Dad was gone now and she had to face that and get on with her life.

Intriguing? Hank Silver acted different.

But then what did she know about anyone around here? She hadn't so much as bothered with a man in a long time. Not that they didn't try to wine and dine her, but since moving home her interests had changed.

She was changing every day.

She didn't understand it any more than anyone else. She'd never been one of her daddy's cowgirl daughters. She did what she did on the ranch with humility. She rode because she enjoyed it, and for no other reason. Her father had come to respect that about her, and there had been an easy banter with him most of her life, because she used no pretense. She was as open with him and he was with her. He had understood her better than anyone. She silently missed him more every day she was home. The ranch didn't feel right without him. Without her father, the ranch was just a puzzle without the last piece.

If it weren't for Julie, she'd feel like an outsider. Only Julie seemed to know and understand the real Letty McKay.

She ran the tub in the connecting bathroom full of water and stretched out, after locking the doors so she wouldn't be disturbed. She let the water ripple over her as she took a washcloth and soaped it up.

But the moment she touched herself she tingled and that shocked her.

What a new experience. She couldn't ever remember tingling.

She shrugged it off but as the water poured from the rag, it ignited her senses. What was wrong? She hadn't been sexually stimulated since she began law school.

And naturally so, she had to fight tooth and nail to get respect and good grades. She'd been too busy trying to earn the respect of her male peers to get too deeply involved.

The struggle with managing a job and an education had been getting to her just before the letter came about her father. Without another thought, she dropped everything and ran home, nothing mattered but getting home. And when she walked into the house she had been born in, her heart sank that her father wasn't there yelling a hello at her from another room. The feel of him was there, as though he had just stepped out for a moment, but he was not there.

She squeezed her eyes shut and quickly blocked out the call she received from Wade about her father. Wade had told her he was contacting all of them personally, as her father would have wanted. After he announced her father's death, Letty remembered nothing of their conversation. In fact, she had dropped the phone and ran to the closet, plopped down in the floor, and curled herself into the fetal position, holding herself in a ball, not crying, not making a sound.

No one would ever know…but herself.

In a few weeks of being home, she found her moods becoming more relaxed and comfortable. The tension from school was lessening. What had happened there on a night that was supposed to be a celebration was burning into her memory, but she had purposely blocked it and tried to forget it. Not into self-pity, she didn't dwell on the negatives of life, but survived despite them, like her father.

It would be a long time before she trusted a man again though. At least that was what she told herself.

She glanced around her room. She was alone, but a shiver ran through her.

Sighing, a tear escaped down her cheek. Another thing she hadn't done in a long time, cried. A sadness from deep within swelled within her. Now, here, alone, she let the tears roll down her cheeks. It had been weeks since the funeral, but the rawness of it hit her hard.

She knew this moment would come, but she thought it would come with more dignity. His voice haunted her. She splayed herself with water over her face and washed the tears away, determined to be strong. Everyone thought Letty was the strong one, if only they knew her.

But it wasn't her father, law school, or anything else except those soulful eyes of Hank Silver that made her shiver now as she soaped her breast. He couldn't be as bad as some she had met in law school, one in particular. She ran the washrag around her body as she forced those thoughts from her.

"Good grief, what's wrong with me? He's just a plain ranch hand."

Or was he?

Why did a self-assured man like that, work as a ranch hand?

Why didn't he have his own place in life? He had the same kind of command that Wade and Cade exercised every day.

Then she shook her head. "No, he isn't just a ranch hand. There's nothing plain or simple about Hank Silver. He's fascinating. There's something very different and sexy about him, but I'll never let him know I see it." Her voice lowered as though she were keeping a secret. She scrubbed herself hard, as though scrubbing could erase the errors in judgments she had used.

"Who am I kidding, I was lonely at college. Me…who would believe that?" It's not that she didn't have men interested in her most of the time; it was that she wasn't interested in them. Not since Eric had she seriously dated. She had plenty of male friends, men she loved talking to, learning from, but none of them held any spark for her and she wondered what was wrong with her. Why wasn't she attracted to any of them, some of them law majors like herself, smart, confident, affluent, but there was something lacking and she didn't know what it was. She had secretly searched for what her heart ached for, but never found it. Had Eric ruined her life for the future? Would she allow him to?

No, she was stronger than that and she would never allow it to happen again.

Buck up!

Her father's words echoed in her ears.

Date rape wasn't something you talked about. She had so trusted Eric. She never once suspected his true character. He had disguised it so well. But Letty had been brought up strong, and able to go on by the character she missed the most, her father. She would not let Eric ruin her future. She was a McKay and McKay's didn't yield.

Determined not to wallow in self-pity she changed her direction of thought.

Awareness sprang forward once more as the warm water continued to relax her. This was the first sign that maybe she had healed; maybe she could learn to trust again. She would not overlook her sudden fascination with Hank Silver. Although merely a ranch hand, there was something much deeper within Hank that had her paying attention.

Hank carried himself differently, lazy, relaxed, and sexy as all get out. Her nipples puckered at the thought.

Letty glanced down at herself, realizing this was the first time since Eric that she instantly felt a real attraction. "This is insane!" she admonished aloud. "Just thinking about the cowboy gives me goose bumps."

She scrubbed herself hard for a minute then leaned back and relaxed.

Big mistake! Thoughts of Hank Silver lying on top of her, kissing her, and touching her sent her blood pressure to boiling points. What was wrong with her, she'd been around many men that were more suave, more attractive even. But Hank Silver pushed her buttons with a mere crooked smile. One look into his warm brown eyed stare captured something within Letty that astounded her.

She thought about his looks, he was dark haired, dark eyed and his body was almost to the point of graceful when he walked. His smile although crooked was sexy. She'd found him oddly attractive ever since she first noticed him the day he hired on to break some wild horses. Like the wild horses himself, he reeked of rebel. She liked that. He was from the old school of cowboy, she recognized that instantly in him and it attracted her too.

She closed her eyes and let the dream take hold. It was so pleasant, so much coming together, so much erotic touching. She could feel his hands exploring her, his eyes devouring her, and his lips caressing her.

"Get a grip!" she hollered as her eyes popped open. Good grief, she'd just met the man, and already she was having erotic dreams about him. She'd never indulged in such a thing. And yet, her mind began to wander, what would it hurt. After all, it wasn't reality!

She moved the washrag over her breast and closed her eyes as she felt the warmth of his lips caressing the tips and pulling gently. She sighed aloud!

She indulged in the fantasy for several long moments, feeling the gentle swell of arousal, then her eyes flashed open and she shook her head. "This is so outrageous. He's a common cowboy, for God's sake!"

She almost laughed; no one would believe that Letty McKay was still a virgin. Even though Eric had actually tried to rape her, and had deliberately hurt her. He had only physically hurt her. Her soul was still intact; she was still a virgin, as she had never given herself to any man. She deliberately shut out the damage he tried to force upon her. She'd been strong while Eric tried his best to destroy her, but she walked away, untouched.

She never told a soul about the incident. No one. No one knew why she suddenly quit seeing the infamous law student with such promise. There was no one to confide in. Most of the female law students thought Eric was the only man to have. Most of them would have given in to him willingly. But not Letty McKay. She put a higher price on her own head and heart.

Yet despite her victory that night, Eric killed something precious within her too…her trust.

Although Letty gave off the appearance to the world that she was worldly and knew so much more about life, she was still just a twenty five year old virgin. She doubted even her sisters would believe it. But that was the truth and her body seemed to scream it.

My heart has been violated! And it would take a heck of a man to earn her trust again.

And that's how she had handled that night, silently, with dignity. He hadn't destroyed her heart, only her dignity for the moment.

Deliberately she started scrubbing the rest of her body and ignoring the fantasy, thinking it was gone. But it wasn't. When she touched her private parts, her body reacted violently. Without thinking further, she stood up, rinsed herself and got out.

Letty disciplined herself around men, long ago. She had to. Law students were ruthless in the classroom, and just as ruthless in their lives. They usually drank and partied harder than other students.

Eric Atherton was no exception, other than being the most attractive man in the school. Every girl wanted him. And when Letty finally won his attention, the last thing she expected was him forcing himself on her. He didn't have to; Letty was as smitten as the next. Until he'd tried to make love to her and it turned sour. Unable to take no for an answer, Eric became violent, accusing her of being a tease. He'd slapped her around, but he hadn't succeeded in raping her.

Had she been a tease? That question puzzled her for so long. She'd been very attracted to him, wanted his attention. However, she never once dreamed her own rejection of sex would lead him to violence. His hard slap to her face had jolted her from semi-aroused to completely defensive.

Letty often wondered if she did others a disservice by not reporting him.

But she was angry, angry that she had succumbed to his charms in the first place. Angry that she hadn't been able to see it coming, she blamed herself for a long time afterwards. It took the rest of her junior year to try to forget it, to force it to the recesses of her mind. And she never dated again. She concentrated strictly on her studies, determined to get her degree.

Her girlfriends didn’t understand the extreme change in her, and she wasn't about to explain it to them.

Letty resolved never again would a man capture her heart. She'd dedicated her life to starting her own firm. Nothing was going to stand in her way. And yet, even as determined as she seemed, something had gone out of her life that night that Eric hurt her. Like a light being turned off, her passion for justice faded. Her love of man faded, until she met a gracefully shy man, Hank Silver.

Why had Hank changed things? He hadn't asked her out, or been overly flirtatious, and yet she suspected he didn't dally with many women. Perhaps Hank was the balm she needed to survive and get out of her funk.

Perhaps he was her medicine.

Funny how easily she'd let that night with Eric go, after returning home. It no longer seemed important, but she had buried her wounds deeply. Eric wounded her ego and her emotions more than anything. And Letty learned to cover it up. He'd changed the way she saw the world. She'd become harder, more judgmental of men, less trusting.

Most people would think she was crazy, for not pressing charges but he hadn't actually raped her, he'd just slapped her a couple of times before he came to his senses and turned her loose. Maybe she was crazy. But a small voice inside her head told her Eric would get his comeuppance. Besides, he had only destroyed her trust, not her heart; she wouldn't let him ruin her life. She had won that night, and now, in the light of day, she realized her own triumph.

She heard Julie and Kellie come in and decided she had better get out of the bathroom.

Wrapping the towel around her, she unplugged the tub, and unlocked the doors and went to her room.

Wendy was there, sitting on her bed and watching her curiously. "Julie said you were giving up law. Why? You only have another year and you'll be finished, why quit now?"

Letty paused a moment to reflect on that question.

"I don't know." Letty shrugged. "If we are really going to inherit a huge sum of money, there seems no reason to continue with it," Letty said flippantly. "Money was my goal at first, and then I actually began to like the thought of saving some innocent soul. I just found that law was not as sacred as I once thought, and more political than I care to admit. But now, being here, I don't know…it's just not important any more. Don't tell anyone, but I like being home."

"But you are so close to getting your degree…" Wendy insisted. "I can't imagine letting something like that go."

"I know. And I might go ahead and get a degree, I don't know yet. That way if I squandered away the money, I'd have something to fall back on. But coming home sort of changes things, at least for a while. I don't want to think about how grueling school is, or how lonely. I want to enjoy the fact that I'm home again. I still don't understand Dad's insistence on staying here. It's not like he's here to be with us. And truthfully, I miss him like all get out. But I know one thing, coming home is right; it's where I belong…at least for now. And who am I to argue with fate itself?"