Chapter Fourteen

 

True to her word, Letty moved out of the ranch house and into a small apartment just a couple of blocks from the café. The apartment wasn't pretty, it held only the essentials, but it would do. She spent the next weekend fixing it up. She planned on wall-papering it, and decorating it so that it would be sunny and bright.

Debby and Joe offered to help her, and Letty so appreciated it.

Determined not to let Hank or the move bother her, she sunk herself into working and shopping for her new place.

The landlord had been so sweet about letting her re-decorate the place and Letty asked Debby and Joe about what to buy and how much. She had no idea how to decorate, but the excitement of it helped her get through the loneliness she suffered.

She missed the ranch, but she missed Hank and Caleb more than anything. She doubted she would ever see them again, and it broke her heart when she thought about it.

How could a woman fall in love like she had? How could you love a man that never asked you on a date, or took you to meet the family? But she did.

Debby and Joe knew there was something wrong with her, but she refused to talk about it. She satisfied them with saying she simply missed her family and the ranch.

"I don't see why you had to move, honey," Debby said. "I mean, it's not like your folks kicked you out, like mine did."

Over a pizza and Coke, Letty got to know Debby much better.

"Your folks kicked you out?"

"Oh sure, I was dating Bo Lyle, I was sixteen, pregnant and they couldn't put up with that being born again Christians like they were. Said I was whoring myself and that I should repent. When I didn't, they threw me out. Well…to make a long story short, Bo left about the time I told him I was pregnant. If it hadn't been for Joe I would have been in real trouble. I had no money, nowhere to go. He and his wife took me in for a spell, gave me a job and I begin to get on my feet."

"What happened to the baby?" Letty asked, reaching for her hand.

"Joe and Carrie, his wife, helped me find an adoption agency. I gave it up. I wasn't doing that well, and I was still very young."

"Oh…God, Debby. I wish I had known you then, I could have helped you…"

Debby squeezed her hand. "The baby was adopted by some folks in Dallas. They were pretty well off and I got a full report on her for several years. Then they stopped sending me anything about her, I told them it was just too painful. But I knew she was in good hands."

"That must have been terribly hard on you." Letty pulled Debby into her arms to let her cry.

"Hardest thing I ever done. I mean, I held her in my arms once, and she was so pretty…" Debby cried. "For a while, when I first got pregnant, I had such dreams. At least until Bo left town then I realized it was just dreams."

"Did you ever hear from Bo again?"

"No, not directly. One of his old buddies told me he got married; he's got about six kids now. But I never saw him again after he left town," Debby cried. "It's just as well, I don't think I want to see him again. Not now."

"I can understand that."

Letty held Debby for a long while letting her cry and letting her tell her story in all her own words. She just listened and cried with her.

Hearing Debby's story made Letty realize what a sheltered life she had led and she could see things more clearly. Life was hard for a lot of people, and she was just now learning how hard it could be.

Joe told his story too, and Letty wanted to cry. Joe and his wife had lost their grown son in the service, in Afghanistan. The boy had insisted on enlisting in the army, and they could not stop him. Two years later, they were informed he died in the line of duty. It was nearly more than they could bear. Joe admitted he had thought seriously of killing himself, but his faith had kept him from it, that and his love for his wife.

All the long talks she had with Joe and Debby made Letty more humble, and able to see people with different eyes. It also made her realize that not seeing Hank was not the end of the world.

It didn't stop her from missing him though.

"I know there is something wrong in your life too," Debby said one day when Letty grew too quiet.

"Oh, it's nothing…"

"No, it's something. We've shared with you, won't you share with us?" Debby offered as she shot Joe a glance.

"There's nothing really wrong…" she began, but Joe raised a brow.

"I miss home for one thing…" she insisted.

"Yeah, but that's not what is eating you." Debby shook her head. "Come on, you are among friends, here."

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Letty asked.

Both of them nodded.

"I've never even dated Hank."

"Hank, is that his name?" Debby smiled.

"Yeah. He's a horse wrangler on the ranch. I don't know what it is about him. But I never really connected with anyone like I have with him. It's like…I don't know. You've heard the expression of soul-mates. That's the only thing that explains it."

Joe nodded. "Yep, I know exactly what you mean. When I met Carrie, I took one look, and I knew. It was the strangest feeling."

Letty laughed. "Really, I thought ya'll would laugh at me."

"We aren't laughin'. But we sure would like to see you do that more often."

"What?"

"Smile…" Debby chuckled.

"Hank is old fashioned. He's like I don't know…macho. Wants to wear the pants in the family. He thinks, because I have money, that we aren't compatible."

"So that's the reason you left home, to show him?"

Letty considered her words. "Well, I had planned to leave before I did. It's hard to explain. My father built that ranch from nothing. He made something of himself. But…then when he died and they read the will. I don't know, I began worrying all the time. I'd never given the money a thought. I had made it. But now, I was going to inherit money. Money I didn't earn, didn't deserve. And the way people began to perceive me, scared me. Men looked at the money first, not me. People thought of me as a rich princess. But actually I had worked for my own money for some time. I was used to working. The stipulation in the will said we had to stay on the ranch for a year to inherit. I made it about six months. Now I won't inherit…and believe it or not, I don't care. I really don't. I've come to realize that I want people to like me for what I am, not who I am. I want them to see the real me. I don't need Dad's money. I can make money. I know that."

"Wow, and I thought money would solve all my problems." Debby chuckled.

"No, it won't. It'll just make more."

Joe nodded. "Yeah, you know when we first got the café going, my whole life centered on making it a success. I was constantly worried and constantly trying to do better. Then one day Carrie looked at me. She asked me, 'What's the most important thing in your life?'

"I remember laughing, 'That's easy, you."

"'Then stop worrying about the café. It will either make it or not. But it won't change what is important.'"

Letty's eyes widened. "She was right, wasn't she?"

"Oh yeah. After I quit worrying so much, things began to ease up. Now I'm just happy I'm alive and we are still together."

Letty smiled. "You live and you learn."

"Well, enough of that, let's get this place wall-papered," Joe said and went back to gluing the paper on the wall.

From that day on, Letty made a budget for herself. If she was going to support herself, she would watch her money and her spending. Now that the apartment was coming together, she wanted to make sure her life was secure.

Her modeling money filled in the gaps for her work. Her studies were coming along slowly. She hadn't been as fragile about them. Her heart was not in law and she knew it.

With determination she decided to give it up, even though she only had a short distance to go. She looked over her choice of fields and decided one day to take a different route. She wanted to work in social services, helping girls like Debby, and men like Joe to make better decisions in life. Not that she wasn't proud of both of them, she was. But if she could help steer someone away from bad decisions, that would be an accomplishment she could be proud of. She turned her masters around and began studying something she knew would make her happy.

Now that she had her schooling on the right track, she enjoyed life more. She made herself smile and be happy, despite the fact that deep down, she missed Hank, like a hole was in her heart and it couldn't be filled.

Some of her customers asked her on dates. At first she turned them all down, but Debby and Joe both encouraged her to try.

Still, the dating was so empty. Not one man she dated interested her as anything other than friends. In departments of the heart, she was losing.

Deciding not to feel sorry for herself, she took up hobbies and visited Julie and Kellie more.

"I just don't get it," Julie insisted one evening when Kellie and Letty were playing checkers for the tenth game.

"Get what?" Letty asked distractedly.

"Why won't it work for you and Hank?" Julie questioned, putting the cup towel down and joining them at the table.

Cade strode through and shook his head. "You just can't leave it alone, can you honey?"

"There's no reason they both have to be so miserable," Julie insisted.

"We know that, but they don't," Cade insisted.

"Why don't you go talk some sense into Hank?" Julie asked.

Letty chuckled. "Oh no…if Hank changes his mind, he knows where to find me. And I don't need any help changing it for him. He's stubborn, and refuses to see what we could have together. So…nothing is going to change his mind. I've learned to accept it."

"You're acting like an old maid, Aunt Letty," Kellie blurted.

"Excuse me?" Letty shrieked.

"Well, look at you. You used to dress to the nines. You used to smile all the time. Now you rarely smile. You wear old clothes; it's just not like you."

Julie nodded. "She's right. I hate to say it, but she's right."

"Well, thank you both very much. I guess you agree with them too?" She looked at Cade.

"Now, don't get me in this mess. I have enough to contend with working with that sour puss of a cowboy." Cade laughed.

"I'm getting over Hank. Can't you tell?" Letty insisted with a frown at them all.

"No!" they all choired.

If that wasn't enough humiliation, Sandy and Wendy started in with her the next weekend.

"Don't you regret moving out of here, giving up all the money?" Wendy asked.

"No, not at all. I make good enough money," Letty insisted. "I work at the café during the day, model during the evenings or mornings, and studying in between."

"When the time comes to finish reading Dad's will, when you are left out, how will you feel?" Sandy asked. "I know I'm gonna feel so bad for you, Letty. I want you to have your share."

"Don't worry about me. I feel like I did the right thing. Just you two wait. You are both still singled and the men will be at your porch like dogs in heat. They'll swear they love you. They'll want you alright, for the money. I've seen it happen to models who do the big time gigs. Men fall all over them. I don't need that. I don't want that happening to me. I've always made my own way since I've been grown and I'm proud of it. Dad earned that money, not me. I want no part of it."

"But you'd never have to worry again."

"I don't worry now."

"But some day you'll be too old to model, you've said that yourself. Then what will become of you?"

"Leave her alone, she's convinced she's martyring herself for Hank. She's bound to see how useless it all is, soon. Of course it will be too late, because she didn't live up to Dad's expectations. He only wanted a year out of our lives, that's not too much to ask." Wendy's voice was full of frustration.

"You don't get it, Wendy. I don't want his money. I want mine," Letty cried and left the room. "Don't you see, so many people are looking at us like we are spoiled little rich girls? Like we are just sitting out here waiting to collect our money before we go our way. I mean, yeah, at first I thought, alright, I'm going to be rich. But that was before I realized what it would mean to be rich. Problem is, I'll always be a McKay. Even if I am the black sheep of the family."

"You're not the black sheep, you are just stubborn." Sandy smiled.

 

***

 

Unable to make her sisters see, Letty left the house. She glanced about. She saw no one. About to leave, she looked toward the barn and something made her walk down there. As though something pulled her to walk down there. It wasn't the chance to see Hank, nor Caleb, it was something else, something she couldn't explain.

She wasn't sure why she was here, but there was no one around and suddenly Thunder reared his head.

Letty smiled. Thunder had brought her here.

"Hello boy, long time no see." Letty petted his forehead.

The horse nudged her with his nose.

"Would you let me ride you?" she whispered in his ear.

The horse neighed.

"Let's do it, boy," she encouraged.

She managed to get the saddle on him and cinch it, but not without hurting her arm. She ignored the slight pain inching up her arm.

This moment was important to her. No one understood what she was doing and she felt as though no one cared. Escaping from them all was the only answer right now.

But she was wrong. Caleb came just about the time she opened the barn door and slid herself atop Thunder.

"What are you doin'?" he asked in a furious voice.

"I'm going to ride Thunder. Please, Caleb, just leave me alone," she cried and whipped the horse into a fast pace.

"Girl, you are gonna get yourself killed."

"Please, let me do this. Don't call a search party. Just leave me alone," Letty cried.

"Do you have any idea what you are doin'?" he demanded.

"Yes, I do…"

He shook his head. "This ain't right."

"Caleb, I want to ride Thunder."

Caleb looked deep into her eyes, searching for some answers and finally he nodded slowly.

Letty smiled. "Thanks."

She felt the wind whip her hair, she felt the horse manage a pace, but still kept her in place. She breathed the evening air and heard Caleb yell at her from behind.

"Darn fool kid, you're gonna get yourself busted up again," he yelled.

Letty waved over her shoulder at him. "Don't worry."

Letty was at last in her own element and free from everyone.

Maybe it was impulsive, maybe it was not the right thing to do, but suddenly in her heart she knew it was the only thing to do. And for the first time, Thunder was permitting her a ride.

At first they rode fast and furious, and then suddenly Thunder slowed and she began to enjoy the ride. "Good boy, I knew we could do this…"

 

***

 

But despite everything Caleb was distraught over Letty riding Thunder.

When Hank stopped by to make sure everything was secure for the night, Caleb was fidgeting in the barn, and he found him talking to himself.

"She don't know what she's doin'. Fool kid," Caleb murmured as though to himself.

"What are you talking about, Caleb, what's got you so flustered?" Hank asked as he came around to look at the old man.

"She's gonna kill herself, that's what she's gonna do…" Caleb said as though still talking to himself.

"Who is…what are you talking about?"

"Letty!" He suddenly seemed to realize that Hank was in the barn.

"Letty, what about her?" Hank grabbed Caleb's shoulders and made him face him squarely. "Where is she?"

"She rode off, a while ago, on Thunder…" Caleb said, tears in his eyes.

"Don't fret, I'll find her," Hank reassured the old man. He'd never seen the man so upset.

"She's on Thunder. I told her not to do it. She knows better."

"Don't worry. I'll find her and bring her back." Hank was hitching his horse and trying to placate the old man at the same time. "She'll be alright."

"You get her, Hank," Caleb cried as Hank rode in the direction Caleb pointed.

For nothing would he tell the old man how upset he was. And he planned to give Letty a hard talking to when he found her. She knew better. But all the scoldings he was rehearsing disappeared when he found no sign of her.

That's when he put his tracking skills into high gear. Thunder had a distinct shoeing that none of the other horses had received because he was considered still wild. It was one way Cade and Wade had managed to keep up with his antics. Thunder, like Letty, was a free spirit and prone to escape the confines as often as possible. Many nights they had tracked him through the hills around the ranch.

When his own horse tired, he stopped by a stream and let him drink. All the while his heart pounded in fear he might find Letty in some gulley, dead.

The tracks were pretty good, but the light was fading and before long it would be dark and then he couldn't track her as well.

He pushed his horse onward and went at a slow but steady pace, following the tracks that Thunder provided, until darkness set in.

He stopped, watered his horse again, and rested. He scanned the horizon for a fire maybe in the woods. If Letty were alive, surely she would have a fire going somewhere.

The thought that she might not be alive, that she might be dying in some gully about the place had him wanting to move on. But he wanted to take the time to listen to, to hear if Thunder was moving, and if she might be calling for help somewhere.

The night brought the crickets and frogs out. An owl hooted in the distance, but there were no sounds of a human being alive.

Hank wrestled with his own guilt. How could he have let this happen? He loved the woman, he would always love her, even if he couldn't have her. When a man loved a woman, he had an obligation to see after her, take care of her. Instead, he'd practically ignored Letty for some time. Oh, it hadn't been easy. Every day his thoughts centered on her, and his reasoning failed at finding a solution for his misery. He'd trained himself to think he had to keep his distance from her, and he had.

He'd kill Thunder himself if that horse hurt her. That was a done deal. And he'd never let himself love another woman. Never.

Women upset the natural order of things, flustering a man.

It was nearly dawn when he heard a noise. He had fallen asleep by the fire he made and was rubbing his face, trying to get a grip on where he was, when Thunder rode into his camp and Letty straddled him.

"Well, hello," she called, surprised to see him out in the woods at this time of day, the sun hadn't even peaked over the horizon yet.

So relieved to see her alive, he didn't bother acting mad at first. He needed to get over the shock that she was alive and well.

"Out skirting the woods with Thunder, I see," Hank said, trying to act as though he weren't relieved. As though he were shocked to see her alive.

"We had a magnificent ride." Letty smiled, and petted Thunder once more. "He actually let me ride him, Hank. Can you believe it?"

Hank stared at her, wanting to take her into his arms and never let her go, but again realizing that it wasn't wise.

He swallowed hard. "Good for you?"

"What are you doing out here?" she asked as she slid from the horse.

"Fixing to ride fence," he replied, turning away from her.

"This time of the morning? I never realized you were up so early." She smiled. "Got any coffee."

"Not made, got some in my saddle bag."

"Great, I'll fix us some, if you've got the time that is." She paused to look at him.

He nodded, woodenly. He didn't know how to respond to her this morning. He had been so sure she was injured or dying, and to see her standing there as though nothing happened made him angry and frustrated.

"You're not a morning person I take it." She chuckled as she went to get the coffee.

"Guess not…"

She walked to the stream and brought back water, then proceeded to make the coffee. He still hadn't said much to her.

"I became a morning person when I took that job in town. I found out if I wanted to get anything done, I had to get up and do it before I went to work," she announced as though they were talking about the weather.

She sat down on a stump and stared at him.

"I did it, you know…" She smiled.

"Did what?"

"Rode Thunder. Something made me go down to that barn to see him. And when I walked in, I knew it was him. He was a little scary at first, but then he settled out and let me enjoy the ride," she said as though she were proud of herself. "Caleb was worried. But he finally let me go once he saw I was determined to do it. I hope he didn't tell Cade or Wade; that would be embarrassing."

"You scared the old man to death." Hank gritted his teeth to keep his anger and frustrations from spilling out all at once.

Letty stood up. "I did? I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to worry him."

"You ride off on a wild horse, that everyone has told you to leave alone, and you don't understand him being upset. Not to mention that if Cade or Wade, either one found out about this the old man might not have a job any longer." Hank came towards her now, his face a storm of emotions.

Tears welled in Letty's eyes, but they didn't spill. "I'm sorry, I guess I didn't think of anyone else."

"You sure as hell didn't." He frowned into her face.

"Let's get back. I don't want Caleb fired for this…" she insisted.

"Fine…" Hank dumped the coffee she had poured him and climbed on his horse in one fluid movement.

He looked down at the flustered woman that turned his insides to fire and for a brief moment he almost caved in and took her into his arms. Still, he couldn't do that. She had done wrong and he needed to make that clear to her.

Slowly, she mounted and they rode in silence back to the ranch. He was so tense from not being able to hold her, love her, but she had to know how serious this was. She had to learn she couldn't run off like that. And someday maybe, she'd find out how worried he had been and how relieved…

As they rode all the way to the barn, she hopped down quickly and opened the door. Caleb was there and the minute he saw her, he took her in his arms. "Damn girl, you scared the death out of me."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…" she began.

"I'm just so danged glad you're okay."

"You didn't tell Cade and Wade?" she asked with tears in her eyes.

"No…but I was gonna if Hank hadn't showed up when he did," Caleb informed her. "They'd need to know something like this. It's their job to know."

Letty turned to look at Hank who was putting their horses into the stalls. "Good thing Hank was riding fence, then, wasn't it?"

"Riding fence?" Caleb coughed and looked at Hank.

"Riding fence," Hank repeated and stared into the old man's eyes.

"Guess it was…yeah, I guess it was…" Caleb tried to laugh.

Hank sent Caleb a slight smile and glanced at Letty. "Glad you were okay."

"Thanks…" Letty said, the hurt Hank had inflicted for not showing any response was clearly mirrored on her beautiful face.

"I'm tired. I guess I'll go home now," Letty managed in a weak voice. Touching Caleb's arm, she smiled sadly. "And thanks for not saying anything."

"Just don't do that again," Caleb scolded playfully. "Scared me out of ten years, girl."

"At least you cared…" she said and glanced one last time at Hank's retreating figure.

Hank heard her and his body slumped, carrying the burden of loving her and not being able to show it.

Caleb opened his mouth to say something but then shut it.