TAYLOR attended the first baseball game of the season. He’d never gone to any other sporting event at the school, but this was important. It would be Jackson’s debut as the new pitcher, and Taylor decided he needed to be there to cheer him on. He knew it didn’t make sense —his voice would be lost among all the others—but in his head it was a way he could show his support for Jackson. He’d tried to talk with him in homeroom. Jackson’s smile made him seem approachable, but Becca wouldn’t let Taylor get a word in. After a few minutes he just gave up and walked away. Tonight, though… tonight was all about Jackson. Taylor knew he’d shout and cheer for this guy. Win or lose, it didn’t matter. It just mattered that he supported the pitcher.
Taylor’s heart did a leap when Jackson marched out onto the field. Taylor could hear the crowd murmuring, talking about Jackson. A group of girls nearby were gushing about the young athlete, about how well he filled out the red-and-black jersey. Taylor felt a pang of jealousy when one of them mentioned Jackson’s butt. He hated the fact that she was looking at it, even if it did look incredible. When Jackson reached the mound and turned to do his signature move, waving and bowing to the crowd, Taylor’s chest swelled with pride, and he began cheering wildly for him.
The game was a total blowout. Jackson shut down the other side completely. It was a near-perfect game, except for one ball that got dropped by the second baseman. When the game was over, they’d won 12-0. Taylor wanted to rush out onto the field with everyone else, but Jackson was lost in the crush of people, getting his well-deserved accolades. Taylor trudged back home, jumped in the shower, and fantasized about Jackson Kern’s performance.
The day after the game was a madhouse. Banners and flyers popped up overnight about the team and their star pitcher. Jackson had so many people around him, it was like he was a rock star or something. Taylor strode past and said, “Great game, congratulations,” and continued on. He thought he’d heard Jackson say something, but he just kept walking. Throughout the day the buzz in school was all about Jackson. What he’d done. Where he’d been. How he and Becca were doing the nasty bump and grind—that part made Taylor nauseous. Even knowing that Jackson was bumping uglies with Becca, though, Taylor still wasn’t able to get him out of his head. It was as if Jackson had crawled into Taylor’s mind and taken up residence there. He’d begun noticing more of Jackson’s mannerisms. How he’d touch the person he was talking to on the shoulder, hand, or sleeve. Nothing overt, but it seemed like he was trying to maintain a connection with the person. Taylor found it almost endearing.
TAYLOR sat down for lunch with Benny, the cafeteria food particularly unappetizing, and drummed his fingers, waiting for his friend to acknowledge him.
“Go ahead, Taylor, I know you’ve got something on your mind.” Benny chuckled, not looking up.
Taylor gave a harsh sigh. “Benny, I’m going nuts. I tried to talk with him, but Becca was like a freaking pit bull. She seemed to be working extra hard to keep me away from him. Even if I was able to get near him, I think I’d probably just puke on him because I was so nervous.”
“Charming picture.” Benny grimaced, pushing away his lunch. “Thanks for the visuals. Let’s say you did talk to him. If he wasn’t interested in you as a boyfriend would you be cool just being his friend?”
Taylor’s face scrunched up into what Benny called his thinking face for a few moments before replying.
“I don’t think he needs a lot of those. He’s got so many people hanging on him now, I doubt he’d have time for anyone else.”
Benny snorted. “Oh please, those aren’t friends, numbnuts. Those are fans. Those are the people who are your friends until something better comes along. If the season went to crap and Jackson was responsible, I guarantee you that none of those people, even Becca Monroe, would stand with him. That’s the question. Would you?”
Taylor scowled. He couldn’t believe Benny would even have to ask that question.
“Yeah, I don’t really care about baseball, so it’s not because he’s famous,” he mused, rubbing his chin. Then, much quieter, he added, “It’s because he’s… well… him. The package, not just the bits and pieces.”
Benny laughed. “Leave it to you to make it about his package.”
Taylor groaned but had to laugh. Benny always made him laugh at himself. After all, wasn’t that what best friends did?
AFTER trying a couple of times to talk to Jackson in homeroom, Taylor pretty much gave up. Every time he got anywhere near, Becca would circle the wagons, and he wound up getting pushed away. He still ended up going to every practice and every game, though, always arriving early and staking out a spot close to the dugout where he could watch Jackson. The team was a powerhouse that season. They rolled over every other school, a perfect record in their fourteen games so far, tied for the best record in their conference. At this rate they’d be a shoo-in for state. Saturday’s game was a tournament in Beloit. The team left early because it was a pretty far drive. Tournaments were not regular games and wouldn’t impact their record, but the team really wanted the trophy. Taylor figured they’d need their stars to take the coveted award.
Taylor was late getting to the game because his stupid car wouldn’t start. He begged Benny to give him a ride. It meant sneaking out, because no way would Benny’s parents let him go to a baseball game when there was homework that needed an A. Benny grudgingly agreed to drive him, but told Taylor he owed him big time.
When they arrived it wasn’t a pretty sight. The team was down by three runs in the sixth inning. Jackson seemed to be having control issues, something he’d never displayed until this point. His cool focus had vanished, and he paced and cursed to himself. Taylor pushed his way into the bleachers and near his usual spot, dragging Benny behind him.
Jackson ran out onto the field in the top of the seventh inning, closed his eyes, ran his fingers through his hair, and muttered something to himself before opening them and acknowledging the cheering crowd. His entire demeanor changed. He no longer looked anxious. He looked calm and determined. He slapped his cap on and approached the mound. He threw a flawless inning and the crowd went nuts. When the team came back onto the field, they scored a run, bringing them three away from winning the game. Taylor held his breath when Jackson came back onto the field. Benny put his hand on Taylor’s shoulder as if to steady him. Jackson’s first pitch was a little outside, but the next pitches were amazing. He again shut down the opposing team. As they prepared to switch for the inning, Jackson stood and gave a slight bow to the dugout. It was then that Taylor saw Becca, and his heart sank.
“Do you wanna go?” Benny whispered in his ear.
Taylor let out a heartfelt sigh. “No, I’m good. You asked me if I could be there as a friend, and I said yes. So if this is all I get, then I guess it will have to be enough,” he replied, staring at Becca and Jackson in resignation.
“Aw, they’re so cute when they grow up.” Benny snickered.
Taylor elbowed him in the stomach.
The team won the tournament. Jackson’s flawless late-game pitching got them out of a big jam, and the team rallied to score four runs in the ninth inning. There was a lot to celebrate. Becca was practically sitting in Jackson’s lap, even before the team boarded the bus. Taylor went home with Benny, neither of them really saying much. Benny dropped Taylor off at his house before rushing off to do his homework. Taylor went to his room and changed. After puttering around the house for a while, he decided to start reading one of the new books he’d downloaded. He had several authors whose works he truly enjoyed and always bought their books when he could. His reading list for the week included Fratboy and Toppy by Anne Tenino, Naked Tails by Eden Winters, and a new one by SJD Peterson, Tuck and Cover. He lay down on the bed, Nook in hand, and started reading.
He jumped when the doorbell rang. He ran downstairs and looked out the window to see who it was. Jackson Kern was on his doorstep! His mind started buzzing. Why would Jackson be there? What could he possibly want? Taylor’s palms began to sweat. He couldn’t think of any reason Jackson was there. He heard the ringing before he realized he’d dialed Benny’s number.
“Benny? Jax Kern is at my door!” Taylor whispered excitedly.
Benny sighed. “Sure, right. Look, I gotta finish my homework. Can I call you back?”
“No, seriously. Jackson Kern is standing at my door,” Taylor huffed, carding his fingers through his hair.
There was a brief silence before Benny spoke. “Did you talk to him?”
“Why is he at my door?” Taylor asked aloud, not even registering Benny’s question. There was a sigh of sheer exasperation from his friend.
“Taylor!” Benny snapped. “Why don’t you just open it and ask him? Maybe they’re doing candy bar sales for the team or something.”
Taylor relaxed, breathing deeply, willing himself to calm down. “You’re right. Hang on.”
Taylor put the phone down on the table and opened the door just in time to see Jackson driving away. His heart sank.
“Well, fuck.” He sighed heavily and picked the phone back up. “He drove away.”
“Dude, you seriously blew it, and not in a good way. Monday morning ask him what he wanted. He was at your door, after all.”
Taylor thought about it for a moment, realizing Benny was right. His panic faded. “You’re right. I’ll ask him when I see him at school.”
“Now can I finish my homework? A 3.999 GPA isn’t enough for my parents, and I need to find some extra credit work to do.” Benny groaned.
After hanging up, Taylor realized he would spend the rest of the night wondering why Jackson had been at his door. He put away the Nook, deciding to lie down and think it over. Some of the scenarios he thought up were enough to make a Marine blush. Though he doubted they’d ever happen, even if Jackson could be that flexible
Sunday morning Taylor did not want to get out of bed. He’d stayed up too late, and his arm was sore. He felt his face warm and snickered a little thinking about the reasons. He rolled out of bed around noon and finished up his homework so he’d have the remainder of the day to himself. After a nice hot shower to relax his aching muscles, he called Benny and asked if he wanted to hang out for a while.
“You’re only asking me to come over because you want to talk about Jax, right?” Benny asked knowingly.
Taylor tried to sound offended, but he knew it was true. He needed advice, and since Benny was the only person he was out to, that meant Benny needed to suck it up and deal.
“Please, Benny,” Taylor whined.
“I just like hearing you beg.” Benny cackled. “It makes me all tingly. I’ll be over in twenty minutes.”
Taylor grabbed a couple of Cokes and a bag of chips so he and Benny could snack while they talked. He figured if nothing else, Benny would be grateful for the effort.
Benny flopped his bulky frame onto the couch and grabbed a handful of chips, stuffing them into his mouth. “So let me get this straight, so to speak,” he said, bits of chips spraying while he talked. “You drag me over here to listen to you go on about a straight dude that you’re crushing on and being all weepy about, and all I get is some cruddy chips, which are stale, by the way.”
Taylor took a deep breath. “Where do you want to go eat?”
“I’m thinking pizza would be good. Classic Slice in Bay View has some amazing choices.”
Taylor smiled. He supposed he owed Benny that much. “Fine. Let me get my wallet.”
Within a few minutes, they were out the door and headed for the restaurant. When they arrived they waited a few moments to be seated. The restaurant wasn’t busy yet, which was a good thing since it was a small hole-in-the-wall place with just a few tables. Taylor sniffed appreciatively at the tantalizing aromas, and it started his mouth watering. He realized he was actually pretty hungry.
“Okay, a few ground rules,” Benny said as they sat down. “First off, I don’t want to know what you did after you saw him at your door. There is so much ick factor involved in that, I cannot begin to describe it. Second, we won’t talk about how you two should be together. If you don’t have the balls to talk with the man, then you obviously don’t deserve him. Finally, I get to decide the pizza toppings. I know how much you like the meat—” Benny coughed. “—and I’m not going to comment further on that, but since I’m a vegan, we’re getting one of their veggie cheese pizzas. I’ve heard they’re awesome.”
Taylor let out a frustrated huff. “So I have to pay for food and get lectured?”
“Yep. Take it or leave it.” Benny’s eyes danced with amusement. Taylor sighed and shrugged.
“Fine, but you’re leaving the gratuity.” Taylor pouted, slumping in his chair.
“Damn, I was hoping you were going to say tip. I had a whole joke set up for that one,” Benny said with a mock scowl.
Taylor chuckled gleefully. “I figured, and that’s exactly why I didn’t say it.”
“Okay, listen… I know you think you’ve got it bad for Jackson, but—”
Taylor cut off his words with a shake of his head. “I don’t ‘think’ I have it bad, I know I do. It’s nearly impossible for me to get through a day without seeing him or talking about him. I think about him all the time. Last night after he was at my door, I went upstairs to—”
Benny held up his hand, waving it frantically at Taylor. “Whoa, rule number one—I do not want to know what you did after you saw him at your door.”
Taylor glared at his friend and then rolled his eyes. “Don’t be an ass. I went upstairs to figure out what I should do the next time I see him. Is it rude to tell him I saw him at the door but was too busy picturing him naked to answer it? Or should I just be honest and say I was scared witless?” he asked, uncertainty evident as his voice cracked slightly.
Benny eyed Taylor sympathetically. “I don’t think it matters what you say, as long as you actually say something. If he’s at all interested in you, then you’ll find out. If he’s not, then maybe you can stop obsessing over him and find a real boyfriend.”
Taylor scrunched his face up.
Benny tossed his napkin on the table, muttering, “And here we go.” He locked eyes with Taylor. “Tay, look… you know I love you in a completely nonsexual-keep-it-in-your-pants kind of way, but you really gotta let this go, man. It’s going to drive you nuts, which is going to drive me nuts in return. I can’t afford the distraction, and you can’t afford to lose any more brain cells.”
Taylor looked up at him. He knew Benny was right, but he also knew he couldn’t, no, he wouldn’t give up Jackson. Which he had to admit was weird, since he didn’t actually have Jackson in the first place.
WHEN the first bell rang on Monday morning, Taylor was already at his desk. He looked around for Jackson but hadn’t yet seen him. He was trembling with anticipation, dying to know why Jackson had been at his door. Becca came strolling in a minute later, Jackson on her arm. She shot Taylor a withering glance and put her hand on the small of Jackson’s back, walking him to his desk before going to her own. Taylor didn’t understand what was going on, but he was determined to ask Jackson why he’d been over to his house. He got up and headed for the baseball star’s desk. He didn’t make it very far, as Becca jumped out of her seat and intercepted him. She grabbed his sleeve and dragged him to the back of the class. When Taylor tried to pull away, Becca tightened her grip, letting him know he had no choice.
“What are you doing?” she hissed.
“I need to talk to Jax, not that it’s any of your business,” Taylor replied, utterly confused as to why Becca was acting this way.
“Jax is my business, thank you,” she said imperiously. “He’s going to be pitching tonight, and he needs to concentrate. I won’t have you ruin this for him with your stupid boy crush.”
Taylor blinked a few times. He was stunned but recovered quickly.
“Excuse me? What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’ve seen the way you look at him. And let me tell you, it disgusts both of us,” she snapped.
“What do you mean? I don’t have a boy crush on him,” he said, trying to keep his voice even, while looking around to see if anyone was listening. He couldn’t have been more hurt if she had actually slapped him.
“We both know you do,” she spat jabbing him in the chest. “He came over to your house on Saturday to tell you that he wanted you to stay away from him. He’s grossed out by you. Do you get that?”
The bell rang, and both of them returned to their seats. Taylor’s head spun, his palms were damp, and he couldn’t catch his breath. He was going to have a freaking panic attack, he just knew it. He tried to focus on his breathing, willing himself to calm down. He knew the reason that Jax… Jackson, since they obviously weren’t friends, had been at his house wasn’t like his fantasy. God, how could he have been so stupid? And Becca knew he was gay? He wanted to curl up and cry, but he wasn’t about to give either Jackson or the blonde viper the satisfaction. When the bell rang, he saw Jackson get up and start moving in his direction. Having already been humiliated, Taylor ran out the door and headed off to his first-period class. He knew that he’d stay away from Jackson. He knew that without a doubt in his mind.