SATURDAY MORNING ALLISON WENT FOR a run and took the journal with her. She’d ignored the pounding thoughts in her mind for two days. Enough. She had to start getting thoughts down, start making a plan for where her life would go from here. When she reached a secluded lookout on Tiger Mountain, she pulled out the journal and pen. But she didn’t write. Her last entry had changed.
Wednesday, July 24th
What are the dry bones?
What are your dry bones?
What are they, Allison?
She stared at the words. Never before had the journal addressed her directly. Words changing? Yes. She’d gotten used to that. Kind of. But this? A whole other level. But even that didn’t shoot adrenaline through her like the rest of the entry did.
At work today I finally faced the truth about my life. Master Spin Doctor of the Universe gave a talk on integrity at the staff meeting. Doing the right thing. Doing what you say you’re going to do. Speaking from a place of truth in all that you say.
As I listened to him speak, it was as if looking into a mirror, and I realized I am the living embodiment of a lie. I don’t live from a place of authenticity. I live in a place of fear. I don’t speak from a place of truth. I hide it because of what might happen to me. What I might lose. Because I want to be liked and thought well of. Why have I not seen this in the mirror of my life? Even now am I seeing the full truth of what I’ve become? Others in the company and in my life aren’t blind—why do I expect them to accept the false mask I wear?
When Derrek was speaking, I thought I was tempted at so many points to dive in and offer commentary, but even that’s a lie. If I had truly wanted to, I would have. The person I know I am deep inside would not have stayed silent. Not in the conference room. Not in Derrek’s office afterward. The true Allison would have spoken out.
I can use the excuse that Mom needs every penny I’m making, but there’s a deeper reason I didn’t speak out. I’m in fear. I don’t believe. I don’t trust God. And I don’t know who I am.
The dry bones need to be called to life or my true self will slip away forever. I believe now, and the light is coming. The light is coming. Now.
Allison stared at the page, at the words that had betrayed her. This was supposed to be God? Accusing her of not living an authentic life? Hadn’t she sacrificed everything over the past four months for her mom? She kicked at the rocks at her feet. Wasn’t what she’d given enough?
She read the entry again and screamed. Then she read it a third time and let the truth of the words seep inside. It was true, all of it. And as she accepted that truth, something deep inside stirred. The dry bones. And as they knit themselves together and began to take on life, words appeared on the page as she stared at it.
You have girded me with strength for battle;
You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.
Be strong and courageous.
The Lord will go forth like a warrior,
He will arouse His zeal like a man of war.
He will utter a shout, yes, He will raise a war cry.
He will prevail against His enemies.
The writing stopped for a moment, then started up again, faster this time.
The Lord your God is in your midst,
A victorious warrior.
He will exult over you with joy.
The Lord is a warrior;
The Lord is His name.
Great change is coming.
The writing stopped and a peace settled on Allison like she’d never known. And a fire burned inside that she knew well but had not experienced for a long time. Finally, a moment before she was certain the writing was through, one more line appeared in the journal.
Allison is a warrior, a daughter of the King, Allison is her name.
A puff of surprised laughter escaped her lips. She’d always known who she was but had been blind. The truth had been there all along. Her dry bones weren’t getting the partnership or getting her mom out of debt or even finding love again. All those things could come and go like the tide. But there was one thing that could never be shaken. One thing that was as everlasting as eternity. And it was at the core of her being. She was a warrior. Had always been one. Would always be one. And it was time for her to breathe life back into that warrior. Time for the bones to grow flesh around them. Time for flesh to rise and come alive. Time to banish fear from her heart, her mind, her soul, and allow the Spirit of truth to be her strength. Time for her to fight again. Time for her to be Allison Moore.
She knew what she had to do. Confront Derrek. And tell him the truth.
About everything.