Here’s what I learned that afternoon: Painting trim when angry is not a good idea. I was messing up everywhere. But you know what? I didn’t give a crap whether or not Nicholas’s landlord flipped out. Why should I? Clearly he didn’t care about me, since, oh, about an hour had passed after I stormed inside, and he hadn’t come looking for me yet. In fact, I was pretty sure that he and Becca hadn’t even gotten back to work. They were still out back talking about her new career in modeling. Unbelievable. Maybe his landlord would toss him out and he and Becca could get a place together! Yeah! Then they could have the same modeling agency and the same address, and they could live happily ever after!
“Ugh!”
I jumped down from the stepladder and dropped the brush onto the tarp at my feet. I hated this. I hated feeling like everything was out of my control. Why couldn’t I just go back out there and say something?
Suddenly I heard the back door slide open, and Becca’s voice filled the house. I grabbed my brush and jumped back onto the ladder, trying to look nonchalant. Unfortunately I was quaking with nerves and anger.
“Hey, Jen!” Becca said, waltzing into the living room with Nicholas in tow. She was all smiles and bright eyes, and Nicholas was grinning from ear to ear. They looked every bit the happy couple. “We’re going to go hit the beach and cool off before we start working again.”
Of course you are, I thought, my shoulders and neck tightening. Why don’t you just get married while you’re at it?
“Wanna come?” Becca asked as if nothing had happened between us. As if we hadn’t had a telepathic standoff and we both didn’t know she was crushing on my sort-of boyfriend. Thanks for the pity invite, sis.
“No thanks,” I said stiffly.
Becca’s smile faded. “Come on, Jenna. You promised we’d go to the beach today.”
“I know,” I said, continuing to paint. “That’s why you should go. I want to finish this.”
I could feel Becca staring at me, but I refused to look at her. You are not affecting me. You’re not, I told her silently.
“Fine,” she snapped. “If you really want to spend this gorgeous day working—”
I took a deep breath and exhaled audibly.
“Then let’s go,” she said to Nicholas.
“We’ll be back soon,” he said.
No “You don’t have to do this. It’s my place.” No “Come on, Jenna. I want you to come.” Nothing.
I didn’t say a word as they turned and traipsed out the door, heading for the break in the hedge and the sand path down to the beach. My jaw clenched, and I kept right on working. I was just getting toward the corner when, suddenly, it hit me.
I was a complete idiot.
First of all, I had utterly forgotten my promise to myself to go against my instincts with Nicholas. Being angry and righteously indignant was not New Jenna behavior. Secondly, I had just let my gorgeous, popular sister go off alone to the beach with my guy to flirt and splash and be wet together. Was I out of my mind? And most insane of all, I was toiling away inside, painting Nicholas’s house, while he was down at the beach having fun.
What the hell was I doing here?
I dropped the brush, grabbed my beach bag from near the front door, and headed for the back. I was just about to slide open the patio door when I overheard Todd and Paul in the hallway.
“Nicholas is so the man,” Todd said. “I cannot believe he is going to bag twins!”
“I know,” Paul said reverently. “He’s had sisters before, but never twins. He’s my god.”
I froze, so completely skeeved out I couldn’t breathe. Is that what this was? Some kind of challenge? Had Nicholas been planning to “bag” Becca ever since he saw her? And—ew—he’d had sisters before? If these guys were right—if this was what Nicholas was really about—then he’d been totally playing me for weeks.
I shoved my way outside, then ran for the beach path. This was so not going to happen. Not if I had anything to say about it.
The pathway down to the beach was steep, and the sand was kind of loose. As I clomped my way down, trying to keep my balance, I could see Nicholas and Becca out in the shallow waves, laughing and talking. Becca dunked under and came back up, smoothing her hair away from her face and looking every bit the sexy mermaid. Nicholas couldn’t take his eyes off her.
Come on, look up, I willed them. See me and have the decency to spring apart.
But the beach was wide, and the sand slowed me down. As I tried to speed-walk toward the edge of the water, Nicholas reached out and pulled Becca to him. She didn’t shrink away. And then my worst nightmare came true right there in front of my eyes.
He leaned in and kissed her. With tongue and groping hands and everything. I knew exactly what that kiss felt like, and I wanted to hurl.
I stopped in the middle of the beach, my chest heaving, watching my sister press herself into my boyfriend’s chest. The guy who had been so sweet and understanding when I’d told him I didn’t want to have sex. The first person I had ever let touch me under my clothes. The guy I thought cared about me so much. It had all been a big lie. He was a total slime.
“What the hell are you doing?” I screamed at the top of my lungs, storming toward the water’s edge.
The two of them finally sprang apart, although Becca looked a lot more chagrined than Nicholas did.
“That’s my sister, you asshole!” I shouted.
“Jenna—” Becca gasped.
“I’m not talking to you!” I replied. My anger, for the moment, was focused on Nicholas.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down,” he said, walking toward me in the water. “What’s the big trauma?”
“The big trauma? The big trauma is that I just came down here and found your tongue in my sister’s throat—that’s the big trauma!”
“Hey, I thought you came out here to have fun this summer. We never said we were exclusive,” Nicholas said smoothly.
Suddenly that sleek confidence of his was very irritating.
“Who cares what was said or what wasn’t?” I fumed. “There’s a little thing called common decency. I mean, God, Nicholas! I stayed here this weekend to help you out, and while I’m up there working, you’re down here making out with my sister!”
Nicholas’s nostrils flared. He reached past me and grabbed a towel out of the sand. “This is unbelievable,” he said, irritated. “You know, my friends told me not to get involved with you, but did I listen? No-o-o! Unfortunately, it turns out they were right. You are too immature for me.”
“What?” Becca and I said in unison.
She was standing next to me now. I wasn’t really keen on having her on my side, considering I was as angry at her as I was at him.
“How could you say that to me?” I said. “I thought you liked me.”
“Oh, you were good for some things,” Nicholas said, violently drying off his legs and torso. “Like going on food runs. And the fooling around was, well, sweet,” he added. “But to be honest, I wasn’t going to be able to take the goody-goody thing much longer anyway. A guy does have his needs.”
“Oh, my God,” I said under my breath. My hand was over my stomach. I was going to vomit. I really was.
“So, what? You were just using my sister all this time?” Becca snapped.
“And what were you doing with me?” he asked her. Becca had no response for that. “You know what? I’ve had enough of playtime, kiddies. I’ve got better things to do,” he said to me. “Don’t call me.”
He grabbed his shirt off the ground and stormed away. As if he had any right to be angry here.
“Oh, yeah? Well, don’t call me either!” I shot back lamely.
Like he even cared.
For a long moment neither Becca nor I said a word. I didn’t want to be anywhere near her. I didn’t even want to talk to her long enough to tell her to back off. I wished she would just go away on her own, but she refused to take my body-language hint.
“Jenna—”
“Don’t,” I said, turning my betrayed eyes on her. “I don’t want to hear it.”
She stared back at me for a long moment, clearly trying to think of anything she could possibly say. Coming up with nothing, she looked down at the sand. I took the opportunity to turn around and walk up the shoreline. This time I really didn’t want her to follow me. And this time, she got it right.
I was so, so stupid. The more I thought about my “relationship” with Nicholas, the more I recognized all the signs I had missed. I sat on my bed, hugging one of my pillows, wanting to whack myself in the head with each new epiphany.
All Nicholas ever wanted to talk about was himself. Whenever I tried to talk about myself, his attention would lapse. Plus he never called me unless he needed me to bring him something or help him with something, or come over to fool around. In fact, we never did anything other than hang out at his house and hook up. How could I have been so naïve?
But when I saw Nicholas in my mind’s eye, I understood. Of course I had overlooked all his flaws. He was the first guy who had ever really showed an interest in me, and on top of that, he was a dream. At least that was how he came off. He’d made me believe he was respectful and understanding, when all along he’d just been waiting for me to give it up.
I took a deep breath. Well, I had learned my lesson. I wouldn’t get sucked in by a guy like him again. Unfortunately the thought didn’t help stop my nausea.
There was a jingle of keys at the lock, and the door swung open. Sun had given my sister her set for the weekend. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I wished she hadn’t. There Becca stood, looking sheepish, holding a pizza box and a grocery bag. I could see through the white plastic that she had a six-pack of Mug root beer and a huge bag of M&Ms.
Our signature Breakup Buffet. This was what we ate whenever Becca broke up with a guy. Until today the feast had never been procured on my behalf. This was not a first I was relishing.
“Can I come in?” Becca asked.
The problem with the standard dorm room is that there is absolutely nowhere to escape to.
“Whatever,” I said coolly.
Becca walked in, letting the door slam behind her, and put all the food onto Sun’s desk. She dropped down onto my bed, sitting on my bare feet until I yanked them out from under her.
“Jenna, I am so sorry,” she said, putting a hand on my knee. “I have no idea why I let him kiss me. I’m such a bitch. I wish I could take it all back.”
I stared at her, wishing she could take it all back, too.
“I swear, I just thought we were talking, you know? Innocent flirting. I really didn’t want him to kiss me. I—”
“Oh, please!” I blurted, dropping my legs down so that she lost her balance for a second. “Innocent flirting? I saw that kiss. There was nothing innocent about it. He was my boyfriend! You can’t flirt innocently with your sister’s boyfriend! There’s no such thing.”
“Hey! You said he wasn’t your boyfriend!” Becca said.
A shocked laugh escaped my throat. “That’s your defense? A technicality? You knew I liked him. Who cares whether it’s official or not? You’re my sister!”
Becca was dumbfounded. “Jenna—”
“No, Becca. Don’t even try it. You wanted him from the second you saw him, and you just went right ahead being Becca about it,” I said. “You couldn’t stand the fact that a guy actually wanted me for once.”
Becca’s mouth opened slightly, but I could tell I had her. I sat back and waited for her to freak. After all, that was her usual response when cornered. But instead she simply closed her mouth and sighed, looking across the room.
“Maybe you’re right,” she said.
“What?”
Becca pulled her knees up under her chin and kicked off her sandals. She buried her chin between her knees and hugged herself.
“Maybe you’re right,” she said again, lifting her curled shoulders. “Maybe I’m not used to your being the center of attention. And about the ‘boyfriend’ thing, I guess I just used that as an excuse to, you know, make it okay.”
Yeah. I could identify with her rationalization. Like telling myself it was okay to date three guys at once because I wanted to have a summer of fun.
“Wow,” I said.
“You don’t have to be so smug about it,” Becca said, her eyes flashing.
“I’m not,” I replied. “I’m just surprised.”
“Yeah, well, so am I,” she said. “When you told me you were going to ‘get crazy,’ I guess I didn’t really expect you to do it. And then when I walked in here, you looked so different, it was like…”
“What?” I asked, swallowing against a dry throat.
“You weren’t even Jenna anymore,” she said quietly. Suddenly she looked like a vulnerable, five-year-old version of herself. “I guess I just wanted to see what was so great about this guy, you know? How he made you change so much.”
I wanted to laugh and cry all at once. “Becca, first of all, Nicholas didn’t change me. If I’m different, it’s because I changed me,” I said. “I’m still Jenna. I’m just…making a few changes.”
“Big changes,” Becca said with a wan smile.
“I guess. Some of them are,” I said. “But you’re gonna have to get used to them, cuz I kind of like them. Well, not the one where I’m totally dense about guys.”
“Yeah, but that’s not new,” Becca joked.
I whacked her arm, but we both laughed. “Whatever,” I said. “That part I’m not keeping around.”
Becca let her legs drop and looked at me. “I’ll never do anything like this again, Jenna. I swear. It was temporary insanity.”
“I know.”
“So, are we gonna be okay?”
“When are we ever not okay?” I said, feeling a rush of warmth. “I mean, if we survived the dreaded doll massacre of third grade, we can survive this.”
Back when we were kids, I had always used and abused all my dolls, while Becca kept all of hers up on shelves and wouldn’t let me touch them. One day while she was out on a playdate, I got fed up and went to work on her collection with a pair of scissors and permanent markers. I don’t think Becca had ever fully forgiven me for that.
“You’re right. I guess we’re finally even,” she said now, scrunching her nose. She leaned over and hugged me, and I hugged her right back, squeezing my eyes closed.
“I really am sorry about Nicholas,” she said over my shoulder.
“Screw the guy. Bring on the pizza!” I said.
Becca clapped her hands together and stood up. “Now you’re talking,” she said, grabbing a bottle of root beer and handing it to me. “Let’s eat!”
I laughed and let her serve up my very first breakup buffet as she chatted away about nothing at all, trying to distract me. And it was definitely working. Who cared about guys? This was all that mattered.
The End