IT RAINED ALL NIGHT, BATTERING DOWN ON THE ROOF directly above them, bouncing off the skylight. It was like trying to sleep in a war zone, or in the middle of a fireworks display. Taisie couldn’t get comfortable on the lumpy camp bed and resented Freya and Pansy for sleeping so soundly. She didn’t know how they managed it, but they came here in winter too, so maybe they were used to sleeping so close to the elements. Taisie kept replaying that moment from earlier, Tim carrying Rory out of the river. She wished it had been her. She imagined herself draped barely conscious in his arms, pressed against his chest, water dripping from them. He would have laid her down gently but urgently and given her the kiss of life, his warm, firm hands on her skin.
Oh. She had an idea. She lay on her back thinking as flashes of lightning sent ghostly shapes darting across the room. After a few minutes she decided to check how Izzy was coping. Her sister didn’t like storms. She dragged the musty old eiderdown round her shoulders and went downstairs.
Izzy had her own bedroom because she refused to share with Alex and Rory. Taisie was on her side there. She would rather pull her nails out than put up with those two. She pushed the door open.
‘Are you awake, Iz?’
‘Taisie?’ Izzy’s voice came out of the darkness.
As her eyes adjusted Taisie saw that Izzy’s were wide open, her fingers clutching the sheets at her throat. Her sister reminded her of Helen Burns from Jane Eyre. Taisie wrinkled her nose at the duck-down pillows. They smelled like they’d been around for half a century – knowing the Moodys and their sacrosanct heirlooms, they probably had – and the feathers tended to stick through and scratch your cheek.
In the darkness, Izzy perched beside her, leaning over her skinny knees and picking at her sky-blue toenail varnish.
‘I want you to do something for me,’ Taisie said.
‘What?’
‘I need to stop the game with Nick, but I can’t just go up to him and say it’s over. I need a distraction to get me out of this mess without losing face; something dramatic that’ll make me look good. They all hate me, even Pansy and Freya, although they pretend they don’t. It’s gone too far, Iz. No one will forgive me unless I do something amazing. If you help me it’ll all be forgotten, and we can go back to normal and start having fun.’
‘You mean we can play with Nick again?’
‘Yes, of course. If you do what I tell you.’
She woke because Izzy was shaking her. ‘I don’t want to do it.’
She stretched out, yawning, her thoughts muzzy. ‘Nothing’s going to happen to you. I promise.’
‘Why does it have to be me? Why not Rory?’
‘Because I asked you. But you obviously don’t care about me.’
‘Of course I do. That’s not fair.’
‘You’d rather be with Nick bloody Ritchie.’
‘No I wouldn’t!’
Wide awake now, Taisie sat up. Her eiderdown had slid to the floor. She reached for it, and pulled it round her like an Indian squaw. ‘Yes you would. You don’t want to help me, but you’d do anything for him even when you know that he’s a two-timing bastard.’
‘I can’t just stop liking him.’
‘Why not? I have. Do you have a crush on him, Iz?’
Izzy’s eyes filled with tears so Taisie held her. She could feel her knobbly spine. She wondered what it felt like to be so fragile. Men loved that, didn’t they? It was a pity she was so robust.
‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Izzy. I had massive crushes on boys when I was your age.’
‘Did you?’ Izzy hugged her tighter, pressing her cheek against Taisie’s.
‘Yes, of course. When they didn’t love me back, it felt like the end of the world at the time, but now when I remember, it makes me laugh. You think you love Nick, but you don’t really. He’s been in your life for ever and right now your hormones are all over the place.’
It struck her that it should be their mother having this conversation, but it felt good to be needed. It made up for some of the shit she’d had to take recently.
She lay with her face so close to her sister’s that she could feel Izzy’s toothpaste breath on the tip of her nose. ‘You were such a scrawny little baby. It was like your eyes were too big for your head.’
Izzy snuggled into her embrace. She loved this story.
‘When you were sick I spent every moment I could with you. You almost died, but I willed you to pull through. I wanted you to survive so badly. I felt so protective about you. I still do. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, Iz. You do believe me, don’t you?’
‘You’ll be right behind me?’
‘Yes, of course I will.’
‘When will we do it?’
‘Dunno. Tomorrow, probably. Depends if this lets up, I suppose.’ Taisie yawned and tried to get comfortable. ‘Go to sleep now, Izzy.’
‘It will be all right, won’t it?’
‘Of course it will. I’ve always looked after you, haven’t I?’
‘Yes.’ She didn’t sound convinced. ‘Taisie?’
She had nearly nodded off. She rolled over on to her side. ‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
She lay watching Izzy until her breathing deepened, then she stroked her hair in the darkness, spreading it on the pillow and weaving her fingers through it, before falling asleep herself.