THE WEEKEND IS IMMINENT, AND WITHOUT LOTTIE acting as a buffer between me and Nick’s parents, the prospect is dismal. Douglas texts to say that he’ll pick Lottie up from the house, not the school. I mentioned that Tim and Cora were here and he’s curious, never having met them before.
Half an hour later, he’s outside the front door. I bring him into the kitchen where Cora is reading a book and Tim is scrolling through an article on the iPad. I introduce them and Tim jumps up, a hand outstretched. The men couldn’t be more different; Tim with his big bones, swept back salt-and-pepper hair and handsome, patrician face, has always seemed benign to me, like a 1940s film star. Douglas, thin as a rake, heavy-featured, with his sensual mouth and hard gaze, is intimidating.
I make tea while they chat, covering innocuous subjects like the trouble Tim is having setting up broadband in their Leicestershire home, Cora’s mother’s deteriorating health and the way other people’s dogs are so badly behaved compared to Toffee, Cora pretending to be fond of my unprepossessing companion. She’s flirtatious, her voice earnest and interested. She is trying to impress, not knowing how unlikely she is to succeed.
I set mugs and a plate of biscuits down in front of them. Douglas pats the seat beside him, but I shake my head. I stand leaning against the counter, my mug in my hands.
‘How are you feeling?’ he asks.
‘I don’t know. Numb, I suppose. I don’t seem to be getting any answers.’
‘I don’t think you’re dealing with the police particularly well, Grace,’ Cora says. ‘If you’d let me speak to them we might get a little further. They would be more likely to pay attention to someone of my background and experience.’
I’m used to veiled reminders of my deficiencies from Cora, but she still gets under my skin. ‘I’m sure that’ll come in handy,’ I say with a tight smile. ‘But I don’t want to go in with all guns blazing quite yet. I don’t want to antagonize them.’
‘Don’t be wet. Every day that Nick doesn’t come back it becomes a little more likely that he won’t. You do know that, don’t you? Time is of the essence.’
‘Of course I know.’
‘If you don’t ask, you don’t get. We have to put pressure on the police and get them to prioritize Nick. I know how these things work.’
Douglas puts his hand on the table, splaying his fingers. He looks at Cora thoughtfully. ‘I think Grace understands perfectly well. You’re right though, she does need help.’
Cora glances at me to see my reaction. I shrug.
‘However,’ he continues. ‘In my view, that help would be better coming from me.’
‘From you?’ Her head snaps round. ‘You’re not even related to Nick.’
Tim breaks his biscuit in half and dunks a corner into his tea. ‘I think it would be helpful if we were all on the same page,’ he says, smiling. ‘You’re doing incredibly well, Grace, but I do think Cora and Douglas have a point. You need to let someone else step in, someone with legal expertise who can put pressure on the police.’
‘I practised law for six years,’ Douglas says.
‘What made you give up?’ Cora asks.
‘I didn’t much like the people I was having to deal with.’
‘Personally I try not to judge.’
‘I find that hard to believe. You’re pretty judgemental of Grace.’
I watch this interaction, torn by anger and compassion. I know why Douglas left the law. He had been a father for three years when he was asked to defend a man accused of abusing his thirteen-year-old niece. He won the case despite being certain that his client was guilty. The girl committed suicide three months later. After that, Douglas worked for another year and then he resigned. Maybe if he hadn’t had Lottie, he could have viewed it dispassionately, but she changed him. Despite all the things that drove me away, I cannot fault him as a father.
‘I suspect you weren’t up to the job,’ Cora retorts, her earlier pleasantness forgotten now that Douglas has dared to defend me.
I study my fingernails, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire.
‘I don’t have to explain myself to you,’ Douglas says. ‘The way I understand it, you barely tolerate Grace and you blow hot and cold with my daughter. If Nick isn’t found, I’ll personally see to it that you don’t get access.’
I’m so surprised at the turn this conversation has taken that I intervene. ‘Douglas. This isn’t the time.’
‘Now come on,’ Tim says, visibly bristling. ‘I’m extremely fond of Lottie.’
‘Are you?’ Douglas sneers. ‘All the more reason.’
‘I beg your pardon? What the hell are you implying?’
Tim is at least twenty-five years older than Douglas. All the same he squares up to him, shoving his chin out. Tim is all bravado, but he isn’t nasty. Douglas is; he won’t scruple to hurt the older man, to put him in his place.
‘Please stop,’ I beg them. ‘Quarrelling is not going to help Nick.’
‘I’m not implying anything,’ Douglas says smoothly. ‘Let’s move on, shall we?’
Cora sends him a suspicious look, then nods agreement and just as suddenly as it came on, the tension recedes.
‘We need to be calm and think this through,’ she says. ‘I have contacts in the police force, and I know how these things work. I’ll liaise with them.’
‘No,’ I say. ‘I’m talking to them on a daily basis. I don’t think you telling them how to do their jobs is going to help. I need them on my side, so it makes sense for me to build a relationship with the detective.’
Douglas twists round so that he can look me in the eye. ‘You always did insist on doing everything yourself, Grace. But this is not the time to dig your heels in. You need my help.’
‘Thanks for the offer, but you’ll know if I do, because I’ll ask you.’
He scrapes his chair back and stands up, moving towards me. ‘How many times do I have to remind you that anything that impacts on my daughter’s well-being is my business? I want you to keep me informed of every development. I don’t care if it turns out to be irrelevant, let me know. There are things I can do.’
‘What things?’ I ask.
‘Of course you’ll be kept informed,’ Cora says before he can answer. ‘Naturally you’re worried about your daughter. Tim and I respect that, but really, apart from giving the family moral support, I don’t think it would be appropriate for you to be involved in any official business.’
‘Appropriate?’ Douglas says dangerously quietly.
She sighs. ‘Well, it does rather smack of you getting your feet under the table while my son is out of the way.’ She pauses, her smile deceptive. ‘Why exactly are you here? What is it you want?’
‘I could ask the same of you, Cora,’ I interrupt. She’s playing games with him, trying to be clever. She has no idea who she is dealing with. ‘You can just as easily keep an eye on things from Leicestershire.’
‘Yes, Cora,’ Douglas drawls. ‘What is it you want to contribute that can’t be done from home?’
‘I don’t have to explain myself to you,’ Cora sniffs.
‘Right, that’s enough,’ I say. ‘Lottie’s going to be back any minute. Please can you get it into your heads that I do not need to be looked after. I want Nick home and I want my life back the way it was. I certainly don’t need anyone telling me what to do.’
As if on cue my daughter bangs on the door. Toffee leaps up with a sharp bark and Douglas pushes back his chair, treating Tim and Cora to a smarmy smile as he leaves the room. I follow him, picking up the rucksack I packed for her earlier. Lottie submits to a hug, then Douglas suggests she says goodbye to her grandparents. This shows surprising generosity on his part, considering that up until a minute ago they were at each other’s throats, but when she goes through to the kitchen, he turns on me.
‘I don’t want you leaving Lottie alone with that man.’
‘What are you talking about? They adore each other.’
‘Don’t you think he’s a bit over-familiar?’
‘No, I do not.’ A cold trickle runs down my spine. All it takes is a germ of doubt these days. ‘You have a filthy mind, Douglas. Tim is her grandfather and he has never behaved inappropriately. You’re paranoid.’
‘Maybe I am, but better safe than sorry. Don’t forget I’m her father.’
‘I’m hardly likely to. What the hell is the matter with you? Are you so jealous of what I have that you want to destroy it?’
‘Listen to me, Grace.’ Douglas responds. ‘Those two are out to cause trouble. I’m just giving us leverage.’
I open my mouth to object, but the door opens. Lottie looks from one to the other of us.
‘Hey,’ Douglas says. ‘You ready, Munchkin?’
‘What were you talking about?’
‘Nothing,’ I say, handing over her rucksack with a kiss. It’s scary how perceptive my daughter can be. ‘Be good for Daddy.’
Cassie calls. ‘Are you coming tomorrow evening?’
I walk upstairs with the phone. Cora has big ears. ‘Coming where?’
‘Cherry’s party. I’m sure it’s the last thing you want, but I thought I’d ask. It might do you good.’
I remember now. The invite was issued a couple of weeks ago. Cherry is about to be forty; most of my friends are ten years older than me. It doesn’t matter, except that, in many ways, I feel so much older than them. She’s having an official party to celebrate next week, to which Nick, Lottie and I are invited but won’t be going. Tomorrow is the unofficial celebration; the one where Cherry reverts to her early twenties and shrugs off the cloak of motherhood.
‘Anna’s coming,’ Cassie adds when I don’t immediately answer. ‘Cherry thought it would be a good way for her to get to know us. We’ll get her pissed.’ She giggles.
I bite my fingernail, thinking about Anna letting her hair down, maybe opening up a little, maybe even admitting that she met Nick that evening. ‘Yes, OK. I could do with getting out of here.’
‘Good girl. And if something happens, we’ll stick you in a cab home.’