WHEN LOTTIE AND I COME IN, HAVING DROPPED OFF Hannah, Leila and Kai at their respective houses, Cora is reading a book in the garden wrapped up in Nick’s sweater, the one I like to wear, a soft tartan rug over her lap. Tim is on his knees beside the flower bed pulling up a new crop of weeds, Toffee beside him sniffing around, a robin looking down at them from the trellis. It would be an idyllic scene if it wasn’t my garden and my rug and my dog. The house feels like a country under occupation.
‘Have you had a productive day?’ Cora asks, putting the magazine down. ‘It’s been lovely and quiet here.’
‘I’ve done everything I needed to.’
Do I tell her about the email and my meeting with Angus? I think I ought to, but I can’t bear the idea that she’ll think her son wasn’t valued. She’s so proud of him. I can’t do that to her, not when I’m about to ask her to leave.
‘Cora.’ I take a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, but this isn’t working for me.’ I wince inwardly, anticipating the fallout. It’s the right thing for me and Lottie. This weekend proved it. I felt unwelcome in my own home.
‘What do you mean?’
I sit down on one of the wooden chairs and lean forward. ‘You and Tim being here,’ I say as gently as I can. ‘I know how you’re feeling, and that you’re as worried as I am, but this is my home, and I’m feeling invaded. Things are difficult enough without having to worry about guests.’
‘You surely don’t see us as guests,’ Tim says, his knees clicking as he stands up. He brushes dirt off his hands. ‘We’re family and we want to help.’
‘I know you do, but I’m all right. Honestly.’ I have coped in the past, I can cope now.
‘Be that as it may,’ Cora says, looking at me as though I’m a sulky teenager. ‘Our house is unavailable, and I hardly think Nick would want his parents out on the streets.’
‘Surely you can afford somewhere to stay. Airbnb?’
‘I must say, I think you’re being very unkind,’ Cora says. ‘You’re not the only one going out of your mind with worry.’
‘Please.’ Even though I know it’s futile I have to try and get through to them. ‘I want to be on my own. Can’t you understand that?’
‘Oh, Grace,’ Tim says. ‘Don’t shut yourself away.’
‘I’m not shutting myself away, I just can’t cope with having other people around.’
‘We’re hardly other people,’ Cora sniffs. ‘We are Nick’s parents. We have a right to be here. If he’s—’
‘Cora,’ Tim says. ‘That’s enough.’ There’s a warning in his voice that makes my nerves stand on end.
‘If he’s what?’ I say. ‘Dead? Well, he’s not. All I’m asking is that you be a little more understanding of how I’m feeling.’
Cora contemplates me. ‘This is not about you, Grace. It’s about Nick.’
I speak carefully, trying to avoid outright antagonism at the same time as making myself perfectly clear. ‘I understand that, and of course I respect your right to know what’s going on. But I can call you if there’s a development and you can come straight back.’
She sighs deeply, shaking her head, as if I’m a child who doesn’t get it. ‘I feel closer to him here.’ A tear slides from her eye but she doesn’t seem to notice it.
‘Wouldn’t you want to stay if it was Lottie?’ Tim says.
‘Why do you have to make it so hard for me?’
‘In what way are we making it hard?’ Cora demands. ‘We’re here if Lottie needs to be looked after. We help with the housework and we’re happy to chip in for bills if you’re having problems.’
‘I’m not.’ Not yet, at least. I have a nasty feeling I will if Nick doesn’t come home before Angus’s deadline. Not that these two would be much help. The idea of them ‘chipping in’ is laughable. If I could, I’d cancel that Direct Debit. ‘I can’t relax.’
‘Oh well, if it’s a question of relaxing …’
‘I didn’t mean that. I’m not going to put my feet up the moment you’ve gone, but you’re making me tense. I don’t want you tidying up after me and sitting in judgement while I try and get on with my life. This is my house.’
‘We understand,’ Tim says, glancing at Cora to check she’s in agreement. ‘And we promise we won’t interfere any more. We’ll try to stay out from under your feet, but please let us help.’
‘We’re family,’ Cora adds. ‘We should stick together.’
‘Are you including me in that?’ I ask.
She doesn’t dignify the question with a response.
I go indoors, stomp upstairs and lie down on our bed. I haven’t been able to change the bedclothes since Nick went, and I pull his pillow on to my chest and hug it. Tears trickle down my cheeks, tickling my ears, drying on my neck. I wipe them away and turn on to my side, cradling the pillow and smothering my sobs.
There’s a knock on the door. Tim comes in and the mattress dips as he sits down beside me. He puts his hand on my shoulder. I push the pillow away and sit up, shuffling up to the headboard and wrapping my arms around my knees.
‘Grace, my dear.’
I turn my head and contemplate his handsome face. Nick looks like him, but his bone structure is softer, less pronounced, his eyes and mouth more like Cora’s. I remember what Alex said about all the girls having crushes on Tim that summer. It’s not unusual for teenage girls to be infatuated with men in positions of authority, but Tim isn’t a danger to Lottie. I’d know. For one thing, my daughter isn’t scared of speaking out when something’s bothering her. Douglas is stirring where there’s nothing to stir.
Tim sighs and smiles. ‘If you’re going to keep things on an even keel, you need backup.’
‘But not the sort Cora provides. That’s more like a stab in the back.’
‘I’ll keep her in order.’
‘Tim, look. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fond of you, you’re Nick’s dad and you’ve always been kind to me, but Cora …’ I curl my hands into fists. ‘It’s not very comfortable having someone in the house who openly dislikes me.’
‘She doesn’t dislike you. She’s just not a woman’s woman. And she’s desperately anxious.’
We sit in silence, both of us looking at our hands.
‘We’re all hurting,’ Tim says eventually. ‘We’re all a little lost without Nick. Let’s calm down and take things one day at a time. For all we know, Nick might walk back in here tomorrow.’
I sniff back my tears. ‘He’ll get a rollicking if he does.’
‘That’s my girl. So we’re all good?’
I nod, defeated.
After he’s gone I throw myself back on the bed with a sigh of frustration. My phone rings. I reach for it, automatically checking the caller display for Nick’s name. It’s Marsh.
‘Did you get my message?’ he asks.
I sit up and drop my feet over the edge of the bed. ‘No.’
‘I spoke to Mrs Ritchie. She said she would pass it on.’
I close my eyes for a second. ‘She didn’t. What did you want to talk about?’
‘It was just a quick update. We’re following up a couple of leads and I wanted to let you know.’
‘What leads?’ My heart thuds as adrenaline shoots through my veins.
‘A possible sighting at Paddington station.’
‘Paddington? He must have been heading to Devon then, surely.’
‘Possibly. There’s plenty of CCTV, so we should know one way or the other soon. We’re looking into the information Evan Morgan gave us, trying to discover who the woman was he was talking to on the parade. We’ve talked to everyone on the class list you gave me, but none of them have admitted to being her. Do you have any idea?’
‘No. None. Did you speak to Anna Foreman?’
‘Yes. She said it wasn’t her.’
‘OK.’ I don’t know what else to say.
‘Are you certain that Nick wasn’t having an affair?’
‘Absolutely certain.’
He sighs down the phone. ‘OK. Call me if you can think of any reason why he might have met this woman. And I want you to think hard about Nick’s behaviour over the last month or so. He may not have walked out on impulse, he may have been building up to the decision for a while. If he’s kept quiet about that holiday, there may be other things that he’s been keeping from you.’
‘Then why propose?’
‘I can’t answer that.’
Neither can I. ‘Can you do me a favour? Next time you can’t get hold of me, don’t speak to either of the Ritchies.’
I walk slowly downstairs and stand at the kitchen door with my hands on my hips watching Cora leafing through a newspaper until she notices I’m there. She looks up at me over her glasses.
‘I thought you were taking a nap.’
‘I’ve just spoken to Marsh. Apparently, he asked you to pass on a message. Why didn’t you tell me?’
She sighs. ‘I would have done, but the shock of being asked to leave put it out of my head.’
She goes back to the article she was reading, and I stand at the sink, bristling with resentment, before saying quietly, ‘You went behind my back, Cora.’
‘I did no such thing. Will you please calm down? You’re beginning to sound mad. I meant to tell you earlier, obviously, but you started having a go at us, so I decided it would be tactful to wait until you were in a better mood.’
I only hear the word ‘mad’. It takes me flying back to the worst night of my life, to the flat I used to share with Douglas. To a woman screaming that word at me, to blood pumping from a deep wound. I screw my fists up tight and leave the room, sit on the stairs and call Nick’s number to hear the recording of his voice. I check In-Step to see if he’s moved. He hasn’t. There’s a big fat zero beside his cartoon bird, as there has been every day since that Saturday. Below, I see that Anna isn’t moving either. So she’s probably at home. I need to talk to her again about that Thursday evening. I still think she’s the woman Evan saw, and I’m determined to prove it. It’s too late to go round there today, and I don’t want to broach the subject with Kai in the house. I’ll talk to her in the morning.