‘SHE MUST HAVE HEARD US,’ I SAY, SHAKING AS I OPEN my car. I get hold of Douglas. He isn’t at the station yet and says he’ll do a circuit of the streets.
I ask my mobile to call Cassie as I pull out. A horn blares and I brake hard and jolt forward. I sit, gripping the steering wheel tightly. That was close. Cassie answers and I explain briefly, my voice cracking.
‘We’re not at home,’ she says. ‘Hannah? Have you had any messages from Lottie?’
‘No,’ I hear Hannah reply.
I call Mara, and while she runs upstairs to ask Leila, I turn on to the parade and pull into a parking spot.
‘She doesn’t know anything about it, I’m afraid,’ Mara says. ‘Try the others. And call me if you hear anything, I’ll be worrying.’
I put my head in my hands, then someone bangs on the window. It’s a mother from the school.
‘Grace, are you all right?’ she asks.
‘I’m fine. A headache, that’s all. You haven’t seen any kids on the street, have you? Only Lottie is out with her friends, and I need to get her back in for her tea.’
She gives me a disapproving look. ‘No, I haven’t seen them. But if I do, I’ll tell them to go straight home.’
‘Thanks.’
She now thinks I’m an appalling mother. She doesn’t know what being neglected and left to roam actually means. It’s not our carefully brought-up girls, playing out with their friends in a place where they know practically everyone, it’s a tired and hungry child kicking her heels on dirty, litter-strewn streets because she can’t get into her flat and has no idea where her mother is or what time she’ll be back. I feel tears welling up and hurriedly wipe them away, then start the car. I’m sure Lottie is fine, just lying low, making a point. She’s a sensible girl. But that woman’s disapproval is infectious, and panic begins to creep in, an insidious tide.
There isn’t a paedophile behind every tree, I tell myself. Keep things in perspective. And yet the look on that woman’s face, and the judgement implied, has spooked me.
Douglas calls to tell me that he hasn’t found her and he’s going to call the police. I want to be sick. The next time my phone rings it’s Anna.
‘Grace? Is everything OK? Lottie’s come over. I didn’t forget a playdate, did I?’
‘What!’ I hit the brake and earn my second angry blast. I hold my hand up to apologize. ‘No. She ran out of the house. I’ve been looking for her.’
‘I had no idea she was here until two minutes ago. Kai must have sneaked her in while I was on the phone.’
‘Oh God. Thank you. Thank you so much. I’ll come straight over.’
‘You’re shaking. Sit down and I’ll make you a cup of tea. Don’t be cross with Lottie.’
The remark jars. It’s none of her business, and I haven’t settled within myself how to react. Obviously, I don’t want to overdo it, but neither do I want to pretend it didn’t happen, that I wasn’t frightened. Lottie knows the effect it would have had on me, or she wouldn’t have come here. It’s the last place I’d have looked. That was an act designed to cause maximum distress, without being overtly bad. Shades of her father, I think with a wry grimace.
Anna leans against the kitchen counter and studies my face.
‘She’s never done anything like this before,’ I say. ‘I didn’t know she and Kai were such good friends.’
‘Nor did I. Young love, do you think?’
I smile reluctantly. ‘Maybe.’
‘I’m sorry you were worried.’ She hesitates, her eyes on my face. ‘You do know this is about her father, don’t you?’
‘She’s naturally worried about him.’
‘No, I meant her real dad. Listen, Grace, do you think you should be spending so much time with him? From what she’s told me, it’s confusing her that you get on so well.’
I raise my eyebrows. She hasn’t seen us fight. ‘We get on well because we make the effort, for her sake.’
‘I know. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. She loves him and she obviously adored Nick, and this is a huge blow to her. Massive. She might not show it because she’s anxious about worrying you, but I think she’s struggling.’
‘Adores.’
She frowns. ‘What?’
‘You said adored. Please don’t refer to Nick in the past tense.’
‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean it.’
‘And I can’t avoid Douglas,’ I say tartly. ‘I’d better get Lottie and go. But thank you anyway.’
‘Wait.’ She sighs. ‘I’ve been on my own on and off for five years, so I know what it’s like and I know how tempting old loves can be when you’re at rock bottom, but going backwards never works.’
I look at her with horror. ‘I don’t know where you’re getting this, but it’s rubbish. I’m not going to get sucked back into a relationship with Douglas.’
She narrows her eyes. ‘You do mention his name a lot.’
Do I? I hadn’t realized.
When I don’t reply, she says, ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, but from what Lottie’s told me, it sounds like you’re making a play for him.’
‘When did she tell you that?’
‘Oh, don’t worry, we haven’t sat down and had an in-depth conversation. It’s just from remarks she’s made.’
‘Well, I’ve no idea where she’s got it from, but it’s a million miles from the truth.’
‘You’re blushing.’
‘That’s because you’re making me feel guilty even though I haven’t done anything.’
‘OK.’ She holds up her hands, palms towards me, friendly. ‘I didn’t mean to offend you; just to warn you. Sometimes children find it hard to talk to their parents but will open up to an aunt or a family friend. Oh, and she told me something else you might be interested in.’
I groan audibly. ‘What?’
‘When she stayed with him last weekend, she overheard him talking to someone on the phone. She said it sounded like a girlfriend from the way he was speaking. She thinks he’s seeing someone. So, if you are thinking along those lines, it’s best you don’t get your hopes up.’
My muscles tighten, particularly the ones in my face. I pull my mouth into a smile. ‘Good. I’m glad. It’s about time he had someone in his life.’
I grab my keys and leave the room, calling up to Lottie. She comes out of Kai’s bedroom looking shamefaced and defiant. I wait for her at the bottom of the stairs and when she reaches me I pull her into a hug and kiss the top of her head.
‘I’m sorry about that, darling. I am truly sorry.’
Her face is blotchy with tears. ‘You were all screaming at each other, Mum. It was horrible.’
I stroke back her hair. ‘Sometimes adults go a bit mad. It’s been a tough couple of weeks.’
‘Cora hates me.’
‘No, she doesn’t, Lottie. She’s just scared.’
Kai is sitting on the top step and I smile up at him. ‘Thank you for looking after her.’
‘Nah,’ he mutters back. ‘S’all right.’
At nine Tim and I take Toffee for his last walk of the day. It was my suggestion. I wanted to try to calm things down. I know I’ve said things I can’t take back, but so has Cora. I have apologized but I was glad when she said she didn’t feel up to coming with us.
Being out and about with Tim is a bit of an eye opener, even at this time of night. We’re stopped twice by locals wanting to chat. People do that when you have a dog, but this is different; he’s only been here a couple of weeks, and already everyone seems to know him.
‘Can we talk about Devon?’ I ask.
‘What do you want to know?’
How can I say what I want to say, without betraying Anna’s trust? I think for a moment. One little white lie won’t hurt. ‘Alex Wells told me that Nick was bullied on that holiday. Were you aware that was happening?’
‘I knew he wasn’t settling in and that the girls weren’t being particularly helpful. But I thought they’d sort it out between them eventually. Kids will be kids.’
I look up into his face, surprised. ‘You didn’t see that your son was deeply unhappy, that he was being ostracized by the others? How could you not have seen that?’
‘They were supposed to entertain each other, and we assumed that was what they were doing. However, since you ask, I chose to ignore it because I believed my son had to learn to fight his own battles.’
‘You could have given him some fatherly advice.’
‘And humiliate him further by letting him know I had noticed? I don’t think that would have helped.’ Toffee deposits a stick at his feet, and he picks it up and throws it, sending the dog careering after it. ‘I was under a lot of pressure at the time.’
‘Yes. The restaurant. And your mishandling of Sean Wells’ investment?’
He brushes the comment away. ‘Nothing was mishandled. Sean knew that restaurants are high risk. Money should never come between friends.’
I try and reel myself in, to not turn my mouth into a weapon, but the words come of their own accord.
‘But it does, doesn’t it? You convinced him that his money was safe, that your restaurant was a sure thing, and you let him down.’
‘I was badly let down myself.’
‘Tim, can’t you see, it’s not so much the loss of the money as your attitude. You might not have meant it to come across that way, you might have been being defensive, but it felt to them as though you shrugged it off. If they hate you for anything, it’s your lack of remorse.’
He hunches his shoulders and we walk a few paces. ‘You may be right. It was hard, and I was embarrassed. And if they feel like that, then I’m sorry. But it was such a long time ago and it has no relevance to Nick’s life now. We’ve all moved on.’
‘You know that’s not true.’
He sighs. ‘Yup. But we all want the same thing, though, don’t we? We want Nick back home. Let’s try not to squabble.’
He links his arm through mine, and we walk on. I feel sorry for him, but this is a man who seduced his best friend’s fifteen-year-old daughter and was never taken to task for it. Well, he’s being punished now.
When we get back, I check my steps, something I haven’t done in days. Knowing how far I’ve walked and how many calories I have burned has slipped way down on my list of priorities. Only just over two thousand, but at least I’ve been out. Tim glances over my shoulder.
‘What’s that?’ he asks.
I turn the screen towards him, giving him a friendly smile because I know his question is an olive branch and I want Lottie to see us presenting a united front.
‘It’s to motivate me. Look.’ I tap on groups and show him the little cartoons. We both go silent and I know he’s looking at Nick’s avatar: the cheerful little cartoon bird.
He hands it back to me. ‘Can I get that? Cora’s always on at me to do more exercise.’
I hesitate, then say, ‘Sure. I’ll invite you, you accept my invitation. Then you’re on.’
‘As simple as that, eh?’
‘As simple as that.’
The next morning, I’m checking through my handbag to make sure I’ve got everything I need for an appointment with Rupert’s architect, when someone comes up the steps. A shadow appears behind the door, so close to me that I start. My mind immediately goes to Nick, to the police, to Douglas. Toffee comes running out of the kitchen and I grab his collar and tell him to shush. A heavy ache settles into my diaphragm, as if someone’s pressing their fist in there. I open the door.
Marsh’s expression is grave, and I buckle, the blood draining from my face. He grips my elbow, then puts a fatherly arm around me and leads me into the sitting room.
‘Mr and Mrs Ritchie,’ he says, spotting them standing together in the kitchen doorway. ‘You need to hear this as well.’
Cora is as white as a sheet as she follows us into the sitting room, Tim wooden. They sit down on the sofa and hold hands. I take the armchair.
‘We’ve found something,’ Marsh says.