I EXPECT ANNA TO GO ON THE OFFENSIVE, BUT INSTEAD she crumples. Toffee watches us, perfectly still, his ears pricked, as if he senses an impending catastrophe.
‘It wasn’t my fault,’ Anna says, her eyes filling with tears.
‘What wasn’t your fault?’
She sways, and I’m so worried that she’s about to either faint or have a panic attack that I pull her down on to the sofa. She doesn’t seem dangerous. The opposite, in fact. She seems fragile; as if she’ll break into a thousand pieces if I don’t hold her together.
‘Nick came round. Douglas let him in, and they got into a fight.’
As she tells me the story, I grow cold. I listen, my hand over my mouth, tears filling my eyes. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Any last vestige of hope I might have had is gone. Anna is sobbing wildly. I suppose she wants my pity, but this is a mess of her own making, because of her vanity, her grudge-bearing, her own guilt.
‘Did he suffer?’ It sounds such a pointless thing to ask, because what’s she going to say? Yes, it hurt like hell, of course he bloody suffered, you idiot.
‘I don’t know,’ she sobs. ‘He just slumped. I think it was instant.’
I bite my bottom lip to keep from crying. ‘So it was Douglas who got rid of his body?’ My ribcage feels so tight I can barely breathe.
Anna tugs her cuff over the ball of her palm then uses it to dry her tears and wipe her nose. ‘Yes. I drew him a map of the grounds and woods. I thought I knew that place like the back of my hand. I must have made a mistake because the bag wasn’t where I expected it to be.’ She frowns, as if she still can’t believe this to be true. ‘I was agitated and panicking, and it’d been so long since I’d been there.’
I let her cry while I fetch a box of tissues. ‘We’re going to the police station.’
She blows her nose. ‘But what about Lottie?’
That pulls me up short. After what I’ve just heard, I’m not sure I want Douglas in sole charge. ‘No, you’re right. You’ll have to go on your own. Promise me you will.’
She nods, but she looks bereft, like I’ve abandoned her. She needs ordering around like a child, guiding to where she’s left her bag hanging over the back of a kitchen chair. She’s fighting with the zipper of her coat and I’m about to lose patience and help her, when the doorbell rings again.
‘Jesus,’ I say, grabbing Toffee and lifting him into my arms. ‘This place is like Clapham Junction.’
Anna’s eyes are huge. ‘Don’t answer it.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ I leave her in the kitchen and go to the door, hoping it’s Marsh saving us a trip, but it turns out to be Douglas.
‘I thought we were meeting at the school,’ I say. Fear tightens my ribcage. I’m sure my voice will give me away. This is the man who colluded with Anna in the killing and disposal of my boyfriend.
Toffee whines and scrabbles at me so I let him go and he scampers back into the kitchen.
Douglas walks past me, without waiting for an invitation, saying over his shoulder, ‘I was early. We can walk there together.’
Anna is standing in front of the wall of windows, the sun creating a halo around her. Her face is a picture of guilt.
He raises his eyebrows. ‘Sorry. If I’d known you had company …’
‘You could have rung, Douglas,’ I point out. ‘Anna dropped in to say goodbye. We’ve been catching up.’
‘How cosy.’
‘We haven’t spoken for ages, have we, Anna? So it was a lovely surprise.’
‘What have you been talking about?’ Douglas addresses both of us, his smile fixed.
‘Oh, you know,’ I say. ‘The usual. Kids, schools and house prices.’
I turn my gaze to Anna, silently pleading with her to back me up. She swallows and forces a smile. ‘I’ve let my house,’ she says. ‘It’s time for a change.’
There’s a long silence. Douglas’s jaw works. ‘You always were a bad liar, Grace. And what about you, Anna?’ He walks over to her and cups her face in his hands. ‘What’s going on?’
I remember he used to do that to me if I was being stubborn. I can still feel the warmth of his palms, the pressure of his fingertips against my cheekbones, his thumbs firm against the corners of my mouth. I would try not to blink first but I always did, just as I know Anna will blink first now. I can feel the horror starting in my gut and spreading.
‘You don’t have to tell him anything.’
‘Mind your own business, Grace,’ Douglas says.
‘I …’ Anna falters.
‘Go on.’
‘I promise I didn’t tell her. She guessed. She knows we’re together.’
‘What exactly have you said?’
Anna dissolves and he lets her go with a sigh of scorn. She can’t speak and tears are rolling down her cheeks.
‘For God’s sake,’ I say. ‘It’s over, Douglas. I know what part you played in Nick’s death. I will never, ever forgive you for what you’ve done, and I’ll make sure you never see Lottie again.’
Before I can take evasive action, Douglas pushes me against the countertop and clamps his hand over my mouth. Anna edges slowly towards the table where I’ve left the phone, stretching out her hand until her fingers touch it. Toffee snarls.
‘Anna,’ Douglas says. His voice is steady. ‘If you call the police then it’s over. Do you understand? You have to make a choice now, and it’s important you make the right one. If you follow my instructions, then we can be together. Remember; this is your mess. I’ve only tried to help you.’
‘I don’t know,’ Anna says. ‘I’m not sure I can do this any more.’
‘Do you love me?’
My eyes widen as she nods, tears falling down her cheeks.
‘Then work with me. There’s no alternative, OK? She knows too much.’
My screams are muffled by his hand as he drags me across the kitchen, Toffee leaping and barking beside him. Douglas gives him a kick that sends him squealing back to his bed. I grab the door frame, my fingernails breaking against the wood.
‘Anna,’ he says sharply.
After hesitating she comes running, forces my fingers free, then grips my wrists as he pulls me backwards and up the stairs. Toffee comes back, yapping at Douglas, trembling like he did the day Lottie and I adopted him. Anna won’t look me in the eye, she just keeps moving, restraining me, until we’re in my bathroom. Shut out of the room, Toffee barks and barks.
Douglas tells Anna to run a bath, while he holds me pinned against him. His heart is racing as fast as mine. I struggle, but the arm he has round me is like iron and the hand across my mouth and nose makes it hard to breathe. The taps run, steam rising, and I panic like a bird caught in the jaws of a cat.
At a command from Douglas, Anna leaves the room and comes back with a sharp knife. She presses herself against the door, watching the water gush. She’s pale, wraithlike as her figure melts into the steam.
‘Don’t just stand there, get her boots off.’ Douglas’s voice cuts through the warm mist.
She drops to her knees and takes hold of my foot. I kick her in the shoulder; she springs back and tries again, tugging at my heel while I contort my body. Once both boots are off, thrown into a corner of the room, the two of them hold me down, my back pressed into the tiled floor, Douglas at my head, Anna at my feet, until he motions her to turn off the taps. Between the two of them, they get me into the bath and duck me underwater. I close my eyes, screaming and choking each time I manage to surface.
‘Jesus,’ Douglas snaps. ‘Keep her still.’
It turns out it’s not that easy to kill someone, especially if you want to make it look self-inflicted. It means he has to be careful not to slash me anywhere but on my wrists. I keep moving, fighting them for every scratch, every cut, making myself picture Nick and Lottie. I imagine their arms around me, their lips pressed against my cheeks. I remind myself of the wonder I felt when Lottie was born, of the long lashes draped against the translucent skin beneath her eyes, her little mouth pursing, tiny fingers gripped around mine. I raise my chest, rocking from side to side, until Douglas finally loses patience and plunges my head under the water.
His hand is splayed across my face and my lungs are bursting. Through the noise of my breath bubbling to the surface, I hear a dulled, drawn-out ring. Douglas’s grip loosens, and I rise up with a yell. He shoves a wet flannel in my mouth to gag me. Water dribbles down the back of my throat, making me choke. Downstairs, Toffee is going crazy.
The bell rings again and again and, after it stops, all I can hear is the sound of my heart pounding. Toffee goes silent and despair sweeps through me, leaving me as weak as a baby. There’s a few seconds of blessed stillness, before Douglas jams the point of the knife clumsily against my wrist. For him, and for Anna, there is no going back. I briefly register the door opening before the sharp pain at my wrist takes over everything, making my vision blur.