When her cries subsided, Claire raised her head so she could see Max.
He lowered his arms, and she straightened. His cheeks were damp, but he smiled gently.
“It’s too much,” she blubbered.
He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed it against her face. “Shh.”
“I can’t make you give up your life.”
“Claire, sweetheart, you’re not making me do anything. I’m done. I don’t want the business anymore. It’s kept me from you long enough.”
Her throat squeezed nearly shut again. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never understood before.”
“I can’t take this. I don’t deserve this. I’ve hurt you so much.”
“We’ve both hurt each other.”
“I held back, just like you said. I kept my heart closed off.”
“You had to protect yourself. You had no reason to trust me.”
“But I blamed you for my friendship with Petros. I thought I had a right to turn to him because I couldn’t turn to you. I am so sorry.”
“It’s over.”
Through blurry vision, she looked into his brown-black eyes, those dark pools she’d fallen in love with so many years ago. The dimple in his chin had deepened. She used to kiss it. There was more white than she remembered in his black hair, especially on the sides.
Was he truly changed? Could she trust him with her whole heart? How could she know?
There was only one way to find out.
“Max, I’m doing it again.” She bit her lip.
He blinked. “Doing what?”
“Connecting with someone because he pays attention to me.” Max pressed his lips together.
“He’s one of the firemen from that night.”
“Eddie?”
She nodded. “We talk, like a support group. He has a sort of steady lady friend, but still. Our friendship is turning into this deep emo-tional attachment just like before.”
“Like before. You didn’t get what you needed from me. It’s my fault.”
“No, it’s not, Max! It’s mine. Let me take ownership of my decisions. I can’t blame you anymore. I can’t blame my parents anymore.”
He took a deep breath. “Do you love him?”
“I don’t love anyone!” The awfulness of what she’d confessed raked through her and ripped open deep hurts. She cried out, “I’m so horrible. So ugly.”
Max cupped her face in his hands. “Shh, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart again. The word touched her deep inside, a warm balm flowing over wounds. It soothed and softened.
“You are so beautiful, inside and out. You’ll always be beautiful and precious to me. I love you, and I forgive you. No matter what you’ve done or not done, I forgive you.”
“How can you?”
“How can I not? Jesus forgives me.”
She felt her eyes widen.
“Yeah, I really said that.” He smiled. “It’s finally making sense, how stupid I’ve been, all the wrong choices I’ve made, how God loves me anyway, even though I don’t deserve it. Will you forgive me, though, for everything? I’ve shut you out of my life. I don’t want you out of my life any longer. I want you in it. Can you ever forgive me?” Her forehead against his, she whispered, “I forgive you.”
“Thank you.” The words gushed as if a dam burst deep in his soul, releasing a flood of gratitude and hope.
They sat for a long moment in silence.
“Claire, I want to take his place.”
The tears welled again.
“Can I do that? Will you let me take Eddie’s place? Will you let me earn back your love?”
“Ohhhhhh.” It was a drawn-out sigh. “Oh yes.”
They walked through the twilight to her car. Max touched Claire’s arm whenever they stepped up and down curbs.
She couldn’t recall him ever doing that.
But she didn’t want to go there, into the past. She wanted to linger in the newness of her husband’s love and forgiveness. Undeserved. That was Jesus’s way. She’d forgotten.
“Claire, what’s next? Where do we start over? How do we start over?”
“I was just thinking how safe I feel. It’s like I’m wrapped in a safe, cozy, snuggly cocoon. I don’t have to come out yet, do I?”
He chuckled. “We are at your car. I think we have to decide at least what we’re doing tonight.”
She leaned against the car and looked at him.
“What?”
She smiled. “I’m waiting for you to tell me what we’re doing tonight.”
He groaned. “I’m that bad.”
“Yes, you are. Or were, anyway.”
“Let’s go for ‘was.’ I was that bad. I always dictated what we should do.”
“Not always, but often. And I often sat back and let you.”
“Here’s a new thought, then. I honestly don’t have a clue what to do tonight.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. It’s a start, anyway, huh?”
“Yes, and a good one. Maybe the next step is to figure out how we feel. You go first. How do you feel?”
He stuck his hands in the pockets of his sport coat and rocked on his heels, his mouth a straight line, his eyes focused beyond her shoulder.
She waited again, intuiting that the key to any future together lay in the breaking of old habits. Would he belligerently shut her down? She hoped not.
He stopped moving and gazed at her. “Okay, here goes. I feel deeply happy. I feel infused with gratitude for what’s happening between us. And I feel intimidated, so much so, I could almost give up right off the bat.”
She stared, her eyes nearly bugging out now.
He grinned.
“Hmm,” she said.
His grin widened until his eyes were slits.
“You just talked about your feelings. God must be real.”
“Yeah,” he said.
She smiled. “Why are you intimidated?”
“Good grief. I’m competing with an honest-to-goodness knight in shining armor. I mean, this firefighter saved your life. That’s a tough act to follow.”
“Lexi saved us, Max. We didn’t need those guys.”
“Really?”
“Really. And besides, you’re full of knight material. Remember I thought of you in that way because you rescued me from my family?”
“I’d forgotten.”
“And what do you think this act of selling the agency takes? Knightly stuff, for sure. Not to mention you found me this afternoon. How did you find me, by the way?”
“I followed you. My lawyer learned that you’d be at your lawyer’s this afternoon. I waited in the parking lot, hoping you’d call me on the cell and I could just be there, lickety-split. That’d be a first, wouldn’t it?”
Where had this man called her husband come from?
“Your turn, Claire. How do you feel?”
“Shell-shocked. I want to stay in that cocoon for a while.”
“Is there room in it for two?”
A knot tightened in her stomach. “No.”
“That’s okay.”
She winced.
“It’s okay. I have to earn your trust. Right?”
She nodded. “Tonight I want to go sleep in my little apartment. Tomorrow . . . well, we’ll have to see what tomorrow brings.”
He stared at her, his face unreadable. “I can’t whisk you off to the castle?”
She shook her head.
“All right. If this is what a knight would do . . .”
“Max.” She pushed herself away from the car and slid her arms around his waist. “You’re not competing with anyone.”
He held her close.
Her cheek against his chest, she whispered, “And please don’t give up on me.”
“Never, Claire. Never.”