“To have another language is to possess a second soul.”
—Charlemagne
Language is how we communicate. If we were born in another country and we want our children to speak our native language, it is up to us to make it happen. At home we must make the ultimate commitment, and sometimes sacrifice, to preserve the native language; it is in the home that a language is taught. Your child listens to the way you and the other people in your home speak, and mimics it. If you speak two or more languages at home, your child will hear that this is a natural way to communicate, and she will follow suit.
Studies show that infants are great at learning languages. “Researchers who study language development in children know that babies are actually born to learn any language, be it Spanish or Swahili. But while babies are born with the capacity to pronounce all the sounds (called phonemes) in all languages, between six and twelve months of age this skill fades as the baby pays attention to the utterances, intonation, and diction of the languages used in his own home. Babies mimic the sounds they hear in their environments, thus strengthening their abilities to make the sounds they’ll need when they actually learn to talk,” notes an article on infant brain development at Babyzone.com.
For a wonderful demonstration of the linguistic genius of babies, watch this TED Talk from Patricia Kuhl. It is amazing and inspiring!
Most immigrant parents cite the importance of their heritage and of speaking to family back home. Mireia, for example, is from Spain and her husband is Argentine. She moved to the United States in 1992. She came here to work for a Spanish tourism company, never intending to stay in America—until, that is, she met her husband, Diego, who has lived in the States since he was young. Two years after they got married, they decided they wanted to live in Argentina, and they lived there from 1994 to 2002. During that time, they had three children. Like many other immigrant parents, Mireia and Diego decided to return to America in search of a better life and more opportunities for their children. At that time, their children were six, four and a half, and one year old. “Looking back, that was a very difficult time,” Mireia says. “We had no family around us, the children spoke no English and had no friends, and my husband was working long hours. It was a lonely time, but we knew it would only be temporary.”
Why, during this difficult time, did Mireia go out of her way to make sure that her children continued to grow in their knowledge of Spanish? “My grandmother doesn’t speak English,” she explains. “I wanted the kids to be able to talk to her and get to know her.” Mireia also knew she would be traveling frequently to both Spain and Argentina to visit family. It was a practical concern that her children be able to manage in those countries.
Also, Mireia talks about the pride she felt for her native language. It was that pride that propelled her to stay committed to the task of teaching Spanish to her kids, and she ended up passing that same pride along to them as well. In the beginning, her children were embarrassed to speak another language in front of their friends or native Spanish-speakers. “It took them a while to feel pride instead of shyness about it,” she says. “I just think they wanted to fit in and not feel that they were different.” After eleven years here, however, her oldest daughter graduated from high school, receiving high honors in Spanish. She plans to continue with the language in college. “She now understands what an advantage she has over others and what a gift her parents gave her, being fluent in two languages.”
One of the most pressing concerns for any immigrant parent who is committed to raising a bilingual child is whether the result is worth the effort. Parenting is hard work to begin with, and teaching a second language takes an additional level of commitment. Despite the growing number of schools that teach more than one language, you are often doing this work alone in your home, without the support of teachers, schools, or other resources. Sometimes you may be the only person in your community who speaks the second language. It’s natural to feel doubt. Besides the ability to speak with family back home (which we will discuss specifically in Chapter 3) and pride in one’s heritage, there are other distinct advantages to teaching your child a second language.
1. Speaking two languages allows your brain to expand.
“Research has shown that speaking two or more languages benefits the brain in ways that go beyond language, which is quite interesting,” says Ana Lomba, bilingual education expert and owner of Ana Lomba Early Languages LLC. “In terms of psychology, bilingual and trilingual children have two or more cultures informing their mental functions and behaviors. These different perspectives have been shown to lead to more flexibility of thought and quicker isolation of important factors (less distractibility when there are different factors presented). There have been fascinating studies showing that the brain of bilinguals compensates when it starts to decay in the case of Alzheimer’s disease.”
2. Speaking two languages allows you to be a more engaged global citizen.
“I consider being bilingual a great advantage both personally and professionally. Because of my Latino heritage, I’m often interviewed by Spanish-language media from the United States, Mexico, Spain, and Central and South America about my career as a professional golfer. Being bilingual helps me reach a much broader audience and market beyond the United States,” says Lizette Salas, a golfer who plays on the LPGA Tour.
3. Speaking two languages means you have more opportunity for meaningful work.
Ask around, and you will find that people who speak more than one language have an advantage in the job market. A college student who speaks Arabic lands an internship at the State Department. A receptionist who speaks Spanish snags a position at the medical clinic where there is a large Spanish-speaking clientele. A veteran reporter who can speak Japanese is the one given the promotion to the plum job. “In this country, being fluent . . . is definitely an advantage when applying for a job,” said Beatriz Acevedo, president of MiTú Network. “Not being bilingual would limit your chances of being selected for that job. Understanding the culture is increasingly more valuable. When you see the numbers from the U.S. census for population growth, spending power, et cetera, you understand why being bilingual is so crucial today.”
I spoke to one young man, Gio, who was raised speaking both Spanish and English. Being fluent in Spanish has been an important asset for Gio’s career—a sentiment echoed by many children who have been raised as bilingual. “It opens up a whole segment of potential clients that would not feel as welcome with someone that does not speak their language,” Gio says. “I appreciate the fact that my parents took the time and effort to teach me both Spanish and English.”
“The LPGA Tour takes me all over the world to play in professional tournaments. Being bilingual is a definite asset for my career, and I would recommend learning a second language to anyone who’s serious about enhancing their career. Speaking two languages enables a person to stand out among the crowd and be noticed. That can only be a good thing.”
—Lizette Salas, LPGA Tour Player.
When you’re raising bilingual children, there are a few potential pitfalls you should be aware of.
1. When a child is learning more than one language, there may be temporary confusion or delay in language learning.
Experts agree that confusion (such as the blending of two languages in one word or sentence) or delay in speaking is usually temporary and not a reason to stop teaching a second language. The children will catch up in time. When my son was three, he wasn’t talking much. I remember asking a speech therapist about it, and she told me that because he was being talked to in two languages, Spanish from me and English from his dad, his little brain was on overload, in a good way, and that his delay would be short-lived. She was right. He began talking in full sentences a few weeks after that conversation.
When should you be concerned about language delay? Sonia Muñoz-Menjivar, a speech and language pathologist, explains: “If the child shows delays in receptive language (comprehension) and/or expressive language (spoken language composition), then the parents should focus on one language—the one that’s most important for the family and the one that is mostly used by them. Once there is a solid foundation in that language (literacy), then a second and even a third language can be introduced if that is the parent’s choice.”
Bettina’s experience is typical in terms of a child’s temporary confusion. Her husband, Joe, is American. They are raising two small daughters, ages three and a half and one. Bettina speaks Spanish to her daughters and Joe speaks to them in English. Bettina says that her older daughter was a bit late in speaking, but “once she started, she was able to have full conversations with me in Spanish and then turn around and ask her dad something in English.”
One of the things parents can do to help with any confusion is to be firm. Once Bettina’s older daughter started preschool, she only wanted to speak English at home, but Bettina is not budging. “When she talks to me in English I tell her in Spanish that I don’t understand and she repeats what she asked me in Spanish. It is hard, but I am trying my best!”
2. In some neighborhoods or towns, there can be a social stigma attached to learning a second language that is not shared by the mainstream culture.
A child who has an accent or who sometimes speaks a second language might be treated as a second-class citizen or made to feel ashamed of his accomplishment, rather than held up as an example of excellence. “Bullying has became popular in this society, and it is not uncommon that children are bullied by other students when they are not able to speak English fluently,” says Ana Nogales, clinical psychologist, author, and mother of three. “This leaves them with emotional scars that might be prevalent for life, affecting them academically and emotionally.” Parents need to be aware of this possibility and work to help their child feel pride in his ability to speak more than one language. If you see signs of bullying as a result of language, act quickly to advocate for your child with teachers, school administrators, neighbors, and friends, the way you would if bullying were to occur for any other reason. According to stopbullying.gov, signs of bullying could include:
• Unexplainable injuries
• Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
• Frequent headaches or stomachaches, feeling sick, or faking illness
• Changes in eating habits, such as suddenly skipping meals, binge eating, or coming home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch
• Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
• Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
• Feelings of helplessness or decreased self-esteem
• Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide
3. Other people may be offended if you speak to your child in another language that they don’t understand.
Imagine you are at the park and you speak in your native language to your child. Other mothers who don’t speak your language stare at you, perhaps imagining that you are talking about them, keeping secrets, or just being rude. You may feel compelled to explain yourself. This can be uncomfortable, but it’s not an insurmountable problem. Says Lorraine Laddish, founder and CEO of VivaFifty.com, “You will need to ask yourself what is more important: for the monolingual moms in the park to like you or for your kid to be bilingual. If we are in the presence of non-English-speakers, I translate our conversation to the group. Some people still take offense, but my priority is for my girls to be bilingual, and I deal with it on a case-by-case basis.”
Delfin Carbonell Basset, PhD, a respected researcher and author in the field of Spanish usage, wrote an article on the five most prevalent myths about raising bilingual children. It is an excellent summary of the misperceptions and misunderstandings on the subject. The article ran on mamiverse.com and I am including it here with his permission.
For all the advantages they have, bilingual kids—or their parents, perhaps—must contend with a lot of myths about their ability to speak two or more languages. Those of you who have read some of my writings—and I thank you—know that I am sold on language learning and bilingualism, and that I never tire of promoting their benefits. Yet I hear and read daily all kinds of downright idiocies about this subject from monolinguists, one-language-only speakers, who expound on the detriments of raising bilingual kids. Maybe when these monolinguists hear the sounds of a foreign tongue they feel threatened. Yet they manage to mangle their own language, mistreat it, mispronounce it, destroy it. But since it is their mother tongue, they feel free to do whatever they want with it, and especially to defend it from “foreign” means of communication.
One-language-only speakers create myths and tell untruths about bilingual kids and spread them wide to members of their group. Let me tell you about five myths, false notions they have honed in order to undermine the benefits of raising bilingual kids.
1. Myth: A bilingual kid’s brain will get confused with so many different words in different languages. The learning of two tongues from the outset will delay a child’s communication skills.
Fact: We know that language input starts from the very day a person is born, and the brain, given its plasticity, will adapt to whatever it is exposed to. The more stimuli, the better for the mind, and children can tell the difference between one language and another very soon. No confusion, ever.
2. Myth: A bilingual kid’s cognitive development will be negatively affected.
Fact: Many studies show the contrary effect, and it stands to reason, because two-language children have the advantage over one-language children, who have only one communication tool and thus less stimulus for neuronal development. This misconception has deprived millions in the United States of the blessings of two-language education.
3. Myth: A child must start being bilingual from day one or else she won’t make it.
Fact: Of course being bilingual right from the start is the best thing under perfect conditions, but perfect conditions and situations are few and far between, as we all know. It is never too late to expose a child to another language. The brain’s potential to acquire speech is still unknown, but it seems to be boundless. I will even go a step further: it is never too late for anyone, at any age, to learn another language. In fact, the cognitive benefits increase the older you are, to the point that I urge elderly people to study another language in order to keep mentally fit and alert.
4. Myth: Some children refuse to learn two languages and prefer one over the other.
Fact: And some children refuse to eat vegetables and prefer chocolate. If this situation does occur, it is up to the parents and teachers to stick to their plan and use both languages no matter what resistance they encounter.
5. Myth: The United States is a one-language country.
Fact: Many languages are spoken in this country and many people do not speak English. However, there are millions of people who are bilingual, either completely or to some degree, and the United States now has the possibility of becoming bilingual in English and Spanish. Those who speak both owe it to their children to expose them to those languages, or at least try to.
In a two-parent family, both parents obviously need to agree about the decision to teach their children a second language. This isn’t always an easy undertaking, particularly if one of the parents does not speak the language. The parent who doesn’t speak the native (or second) language can feel left out, while the parent who speaks the native language can feel overwhelmed by the task of enforcing language learning.
If the parent who does not speak the language agrees on the importance of the undertaking, then the family should be able to make good progress in raising bilingual children. The decision may need to be revised and renegotiated as the children grow up, but that is no different from many other parenting decisions.
Heike and her husband are a typical example of this. Heike has been in the United States for more than sixteen years. She is very proud of her German roots and has been raising her three children with German since they are babies. Her kids are now six, nine, and eleven. She has a lot of family in Germany and it is important for her that her children be able to communicate with them. At home when they don’t have any guests, Heike speaks to the children in German. At the dinner table, when Dad is present, they go back and forth between German and English. But her rules are very consistent and very specific: “If the children want to speak to me in English, they know I won’t answer until they repeat the request in German.”
Heike says that the best tip she can share with other immigrant parents is to be consistent and to establish consequences. “Consistency and consequence—those two things will help you raise bilingual children.”
When I asked Heike’s husband, Mike, if he is supportive of Heike’s determination to preserve the German language with the kids, this was his answer: “I have been very supportive of having my sons learn another language. Also, I want them to learn another culture that they can know and identify with. I feel that to know and identify with multiple cultures will help them in the future with life and work. It will allow them to adapt quicker to the fast-changing world we live in. Has it been difficult for me? No—in fact, sometimes it’s nice not to have to respond to the children if they ask a question in German, since it’s clear that my wife will take care of it. It did motivate me to learn German, but my level is not good enough to keep up in fast conversations. My relationship with my kids is great. The different languages do not have a negative effect on it. If anything, my kids love to help me with my German and enjoy being teachers, which gives us plenty of good laughs.”
Every family has to find their own rhythm. In Patrice’s house, the compromise was that when Dad was home, they would all speak English. That way he wouldn’t feel left out. When the kids were with Mom, they would speak only Dutch.
In addition to providing good laughs, learning a second language at the same time as your child motivates and encourages the child. When they see Mom or Dad trying, they want to try too. And when they see a parent making mistakes, all of a sudden their own mistakes don’t seem so bad and they realize it is okay to not get it right immediately.
Haruko is Japanese and her husband is an American, English dominant speaker. They are raising their children on the West Coast. Their son is five years old and their daughter is almost three years old. The children’s first language is Japanese, their second is English, and their third is Spanish. Haruko is first-generation Japanese and her first language was Japanese. When she was four years old her family moved to Hawaii, where her family still lives. English became her second language, but her parents pushed her and her siblings to keep up their Japanese-language skills. Today she is proud to be fluent in both, and she wants the same for her children. “My husband doesn’t speak Japanese, but he is very supportive of the languages we are using at home. My kids’ first language is Japanese, and when they try to talk to me in English, I always ask them to repeat what they said in Japanese. I am lucky they are young enough to obey and to follow the language rule.” Yet her kids do speak English to each other.
The kids go to an after-school Japanese program that takes a lot of time. Haruko’s husband would like the kids to engage in sports as they get older, since this is such a traditional American pastime, and he’d have liked them to be able to spend some more time on sports now, while they’re little, but he is willing to compromise. “We have some time to find a compromise that works for both of us,” Haruko says. “He understands that sports will always be there, and that these years of language learning are more important now.”
Why is Haruko so committed to such a heroic task? “Having more than one language at home is a gift that we can give our kids,” she says, “and it has to start right when they are born. They need to get used to hearing the native language first, then the second or third language. I am so glad my parents pushed me to be fluent in Japanese and in English. I want the same for my kids.”
“Raising bilingual children is one of several key attributes involved in preserving your ethnic identity. I have three sons and they get spoken to in Spanish daily. My wife, Cristina, speaks Spanish well, and we’ve placed a high priority on making sure our sons identify with their culture by embracing the language. Our hope is that that identity fosters confidence and self-assurance.”
—Michael Young, professional baseball player and father of three
Ana Lomba has built her career on helping parents raise bilingual children. You will not meet anyone more passionate about early bilingual education. Based on the system she developed, the first thing Ana teaches parents is that the best way for young children to learn languages is through one-on-one interaction with real people. “Technology is great,” she says, “but that is not the way the baby’s brain is set to learn language. Talking to a child not only is key for language development but is highly correlated with a child’s future success in school and life.”
Lomba calls this one-on-one interaction with real people “parent talk”—a fun play on the term “baby talk.” The truth is that parents and other adults adapt their speech to fit the baby’s needs. We do this naturally with young children. For example, when we speak with young children we use a higher pitch, use lots of gestures and facial expressions, call their attention to interesting things, rephrase things they have said, and follow the children’s interest. This is something Lomba believes we should do all the time in both languages. “Language-speaking routines are very important. They help the baby live the language. Just do things and talk about them, constantly.”
Lomba believes that children learn language through social interaction. Speaking out loud to a baby in your native language stimulates his brain to learn and process the language he is hearing. His first words will be the words he hears most often. If parents want the baby to learn their native language first, every interaction with language should be in that native language. Parents should be committed and consistent.
If the parents speak two different languages, it is important that each parent continues to interact with the child in one specific language. The baby’s brain is equipped to hear two languages. The child will know which one to use with one parent and which with the other—and this skill can be enormously useful, not just in language learning but in terms of overall cognitive development. “Two languages can help a child have a better sense of how things are different. It can help a child understand that not everything is the same all the time—that there are two ways of thinking about things and two ways of saying things,” explains Dr. Arturo Hernández, professor and director of the graduate program in developmental cognitive neuroscience in the Department of Psychology at the University of Houston.
The key is for each parent to stay committed to speaking one language so that the child becomes comfortable and fluent once he begins to speak. “Bilingual parents have the advantage that they speak a second language already and can speak both right away to the baby,” said Lomba. Parents should not wait until the baby is older to establish a routine at home.
Norma’s experience shows how this can work. Norma was born in Chicago to Mexican parents. Growing up, she spoke Spanish to her parents and learned English in school. She married an American and they are raising two daughters, ages five and seven. Norma speaks Spanish to her daughters all the time and English to her husband. Dad speaks English to the girls. “Spanish is my cultural heritage and I would like my girls to learn and retain that part of their ancestry,” she said. Norma believes that learning a second language well is beneficial intellectually and that it helps children acquire additional languages more easily. “It also enriches a person culturally,” she says. To that end, Norma and her husband are in total agreement about raising the children with two languages.
If parents are monolingual but want their child to learn a second language, they should learn it together and be committed about the second language. The second language should become part of how they communicate at home. From talking, to playing, to what they watch on TV, it all has to be about that second language. Once the child goes to school, he will learn English easily and the second or native language will take a backseat. But that shift should happen outside the home. Inside the home, parents should continue drilling the native or second language to ensure the child’s proficiency in that language.
There are as many ways to encourage language participation as there are children. Get creative and you’re sure to come up with some good ideas. One mother, Mari Carmen, spoke about a game she would play when her children spent time with their Spanish-speaking cousins over the summer. The goal was to encourage speaking Spanish, and the game became a big hit among the kids. “It was called Multa, or Fine,” says Mari Carmen, “We started with $5 worth of nickels. Whoever started conversing in English would be fined a nickel and made to put it in the multa or fine jar. It was a lot of fun, and it got them engaged in the Spanish language during their vacation.” Today, Mari Carmen’s daughters are in college and are fluent in both languages. “My girls are very proud to know the language of their family roots.”
“We become what we repeatedly do.”
—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
Maben was born and raised in Puerto Rico. She left the island after high school and came to the United States, where she had earned a scholarship to study engineering in college. Maben’s husband was born and raised in Germany. He was an exchange student in the United States when they met. After they began dating, he extended his stay another year; the following year, Maben applied for an internship in Germany and ended up living with his parents. They were apart for one year after that until she finished her bachelor’s degree and he finished his master’s. They have been married fourteen years and have two daughters, ages seven and five.
At home, Maben and her family speak three languages: Spanish, German, and English. Though her first language is Spanish, she speaks fluent English and German. She speaks only Spanish to her girls, her husband speaks only German to the kids, and the two of them speak English to each other.
“It is important for me that my children speak Spanish,” said Maben. “I want them to have some of my heritage. The Spanish language is the language of half of their ancestors. I know it would be something I would regret if I don’t give them this opportunity.” Maben says that she has met many second-generation Latinos who resent their parents for not teaching them Spanish. She also believes that by not speaking English to the girls, they will be less likely to adopt their parents’ respective accents in English and avoid some of their mispronunciations or mistakes.
While the couple strongly believes in raising their daughters with multiple languages, the rules have been slightly relaxed over time. “With our first child, my husband was adamant that no English be spoken in front of the baby. I would only speak Spanish to him and he would only speak German to me while our daughter was around. But while we both speak each other’s languages, we are not as proficient as in English. It made for tedious and laborious exchanges. Over time, I became a little less stringent about that rule, and though he disagreed at first, we eventually migrated to mostly speaking English with each other.” Still, the situation never affected the children, and the couple never speaks English to them.
Because they have been speaking to the girls in their respective languages since they were babies, the girls grew up thinking this was normal—they would refer to “what Mama speaks” and “what Papa speaks.” Eventually the girls figured out that both of their parents also spoke English. Now the kids speak English during the day in school, and every once in a while they mix in English words when conversing with the parents. When this happens, the girls are asked to repeat the word in Spanish or in German.
To reinforce Spanish, Maben tries to organize play dates that involve Spanish-speaking moms and children. “With my second daughter, I was lucky enough to find a group of moms that got together every Friday and we only spoke Spanish. Now the kids are older and in school, and some moms have gone back to work, so our visits are less frequent, but we still make the effort.”
She and her family recently visited Spain, and they enjoyed watching their eldest pick up the differences between the pronunciations in American Spanish and Spanish spoken in Spain. Maben credits her daughters’ strong language foundation in part to the presence of their grandparents in their life. They go to Puerto Rico every two or three years and to Germany every four or five years, but the girls see their grandparents at least once a year, thanks to their grandparents’ frequent visits. They also stay in touch with both sets of grandparents via phone, Skype or FaceTime.
Maben’s kids are enrolled in the local public school. And though she and her husband are very happy with the school system, their first choice had been a language school. “We had heard wonderful things about the Goethe School. The drop-off and pickup logistics would have been difficult, but it would have been worth it, since we don’t have that many German friends here. We applied, but we were number 149 on their wait list.”
At the kids’ school the teachers all speak English, but they do try to bring a little Spanish into the classroom. “The teachers teach the kids a few Spanish songs,” Maben explains. “It’s not part of the preschool curriculum, but most of the teachers do it. Also, Elena is often asked, ‘How do you say this or that in Spanish’ for other kids to learn. I do think they recognize the importance of exposing the kids to a second language as early as possible. I know other parents appreciate it because in many cases it’s the only source of another language.”
Maben and her husband have sought out other parents raising bilingual children. “We have noticed that the task gets harder when one of the parents does not speak the second language. If one parent speaks English at home to the kids, the second language has a harder time sinking in. English spoken at school and then half of the time at home becomes a taller hurdle for the second language than just English at school.” She believes the task is easier for them than for some others, because there is no English spoken to their kids at home.
Though Maben’s kids are still young, her advice for parents with teenagers is to find opportunities for them to interact with native speakers. Find cultural organizations and programs where they can practice the language. “If they have friends that speak the language, the chances of success go up. Also an opportunity to send them to spend a few weeks with the grandparents in the native country would be a win-win.”
Parenting in itself has many challenges. Making the choice and staying committed to having a dual-language household brings even more. Doing all this as a single parent at times may seem downright heroic. Perhaps your ex-spouse understands your dedication and might even support it, but in many cases he or she may not speak the language or doesn’t follow the same rules that you do. That can be tricky for the child, and for the parent who has to compensate for the differences every time the child comes back to his or her house. And then there is the issue of keeping up with the commitment to a second language if your spouse has passed away—it is then that the parent really needs the proverbial village. Perhaps the following stories will help inspire you to keep the faith.
Lorraine was born in Spain to an American mother and a Spanish father. She came to the United States as a baby and stayed here until she was six years old. At that time, her parents divorced, and she and her sister ended up in Spain under her father’s custody. She would not see her mother again until she was twelve years old. Lorraine attended an international school in Spain and was raised with two languages, Spanish and English. When she returned to the United States at eighteen she was fluent in both. Since then she has gone back and forth frequently, but now she mostly lives in the United States.
Today Lorraine is remarried and she is raising two daughters, ages thirteen and ten, and a stepson, age eleven. Since both Lorraine and her husband are divorced and her daughters and his son live with both sets of parents, it is hard for Lorraine to keep up the Spanish at home. “I speak to them in Spanish when they are at my house, but when they are with their dad, even though he speaks Spanish fluently, I have no control over what he speaks with them, which is mostly English.” Lorraine’s husband also speaks Spanish, but since his ex-wife doesn’t, his child’s main language is English. “That makes my communication in Spanish even more difficult,” she explains. “I have never felt more challenged and even more like a failure.” Lorraine admits that she was one of those people who used to scoff at parents who spoke a second language and did not raise their kids to be fully bilingual, yet when she had kids she recognized the significance of it. “My kids speak Spanish, but they are not 100 percent fluent and that kills me. There are so many circumstances in their lives that contribute. But I have not given up. I continue to find ways to weave Spanish into our everyday lives.” In addition to speaking it at home, they had a Spanish teacher and have been sent abroad to visit family and practice the language.
Lorraine believes that if parents don’t reinforce the language at home, it is easy for the kids to lose it and to not feel the urgency to keep it up. She also believes that when Spanish becomes the language of nurturing for them, because their loved ones and family address them in it, they will grow up wanting to speak it.
Yet she acknowledges that when she is the only champion of her daughters and stepson being bilingual, it can be a frustrating battle. She and her former husband are committed to co-parenting and have a good relationship, but, she says, “I can’t force him to speak to them in Spanish. I feel like I lost that battle.”
Her husband understands the importance of speaking two languages, as he too is bilingual, but he and his former wife raised their son speaking English. “He is not as adamant as I am, but with him I think it has to do more with the son dealing with ADHD and other challenges at school.” Perhaps in this case adding an additional language unnecessarily complicates the child’s life.
Yet Lorraine is convinced that being fluent in two or more languages not only helps children become better global citizens but allows them to learn more concepts. For example, there are words in Spanish, such as compadre, that don’t have an easy one-word translation in English. A compadre is what two godparents call each other, but in English the word friend is used instead.
Lorraine is grateful that her father made a big effort to raise her and her siblings to be fluent in two languages. Her father worked hard to ensure that his kids attended a dual-language immersion program, and she wishes her kids could benefit from such programs. “There are no such options near where we live. And if there were, I might not be able to afford them. I wish dual immersion programs were available to everyone.” She also believes in after-school language programs and has seen their benefits firsthand. “I come from a family of language experts and teachers, and I have witnessed how kids of monolingual parents grow up speaking a second language because of having attended after-school programs.”
If a dual-language immersion school or an after-school program is not an option, Lorraine encourages parents to expose the children to the language as much as possible in other ways. There are books, songs, and movies that can be watched in the language. Bedtime reading is a good opportunity to practice the language, as kids are tired and more receptive. “When my kids were younger I would sing them Spanish lullabies or read rhyme books. Now we cuddle and recap the day in Spanish.” Talking to relatives on the telephone or via Skype can also be helpful, as is bringing in a sitter who speaks to the children only in the other language. “A friend of mine in Spain made her boy bilingual by hiring a babysitter who spoke only English to the boy. He didn’t know the sitter knew Spanish so he simply had to learn English.” Lorraine did the same with a Spanish-speaking sitter, and between their mom and their sitter the girls were exposed to the language all summer at home.
When kids rebel, Lorraine insists parents should ride it out: “There is nothing worse than forcing a kid to do something he or she hates at any given moment. Ride it out, but don’t give up!” Parents should continue to speak the language, listen to the music, read the books, find friends who speak the language with them, and join a language group. “Eventually kids overcome that rebellious stage and understand the importance of being fluent in two languages.”
Lorraine says that being bilingual has given her an edge that she would lack if she only spoke one language. “It helped me support myself for a time, by being an interpreter and translator. In a world that is increasingly global, being bilingual will eventually be a requisite for professional and even personal success.”
“Raising my children bilingual was not a debate, it was a choice. It was the same choice my mother made when she emigrated from Mexico with six children. We are all bilingual and bicultural, and we are American. Our career paths have been enriched by being fluent in both languages. I wanted the same for my children.”
—Maria Contreras Sweet, head of the U.S. Small Business Administration and former CEO of ProAmérica Bank, Los Angeles
Ercilia was born in New Jersey. Her parents are both from the Dominican Republic and immigrated to the United States in 1960. Her father finished his medical studies at Albert Einstein College of Medicine and his fellowship at Fordham University. While her older sister was born in the Dominican Republic, Ercilia was born when her dad was doing his residency in New Jersey. Another sister was born in New York. When Ercilia was three years old, her family moved to Dallas, and her youngest sister was born there. “My parents are the perfect example of the American dream,” Ercilia said. “When they migrated to the United States they did not speak English. My dad carried notecards and a dictionary to learn the English language.” Later on, her parents moved to Puerto Rico and her dad joined a company that brought cardiovascular medicine to the town of Ponce.
Ercilia grew up speaking English and Spanish in Texas. She moved to Puerto Rico at nineteen, got married at twenty-two to a Puerto Rican, and had two children. Her children’s first language was Spanish, but she spoke to them in English too. “I was raising them the same way I was raised, with the two languages, but when we lived in Puerto Rico, they got more Spanish.” After Ercilia lost her husband at age thirty-five, she moved to Tampa, Florida, and started a new life as a single mom. “I was determined to be both mom and dad and to make sure they would embrace the Spanish language and the culture.”
In Tampa there is a large Latino population from many backgrounds. Her kids have grown up appreciating people from any number of Latino countries who share the same culture. She has taken her children to visit relatives in the Dominican Republic but feels that Tampa’s rich history with the Spanish language has impacted their lives as well. In addition, Ercilia’s boys had a lot of friends growing up who were Latino, and thus were exposed to many Latino families. They attended private Catholic schools, where a second language was important and part of the curriculum.
Ercilia advises parents to start simple when teaching a second language or when trying to encourage a native language. With her kids, she would repeat words in both languages to help develop their ear for the language. Ercilia believes that being exposed to a bicultural world has given her children a better understanding of how people are different yet the same. She feels more educated and open-minded than others—“the world is more open to me”—and she wanted that for her children. And while it hasn’t been easy, she achieved her goal: her boys are now twenty-six and twenty and fully bilingual and bicultural.
“I am very much an American girl of Latin decent. English as my first language does contribute to my identity as an American. I am first generation! My parents and older sister became citizens. I am very proud of my heritage and embrace the Spanish language, music, food, and love of family and values. I will always be inspired by my parents, embrace other cultures, and appreciate my own. And of course I always reach for the stars.”
When making the decision to teach your child a second language, the most important thing is just to start. You may run into obstacles along the way, but it all starts with a commitment that it matters—to your child’s cognitive development, to her cultural awareness, to her ability to become a global citizen, and to your own family, where having a sweet conversation with a grandfather can be one of the prized memories of a lifetime.
“There are many things parents can do to instill the love for a language,” says Professor Hernández. “Most important for the children is to see how engaged and vested their parents are in the process. Then there is the enjoyment. Parents should help make it a fun experience for kids, yet stay firm in their quest to have their children become fluent in a home language.”