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John took Emily out to dinner at a café in the Sixth. He was going to pop the question again tonight and he was scared.
Being somewhat into austerity—if he really were, he’d cook at home, but the kitchen was so small, not an inch of counterspace, he just couldn’t face it—John ordered crocque monsieur. Emily asked for mushroom risotto.
When the food arrived, they each picked at it, both feeling on edge. John had listened to her complete sentences—complete paragraphs, even—for weeks now and felt he had proved he had changed.
“I didn’t interrupt you once tonight, did I?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.
“No, you’re doing pretty good.”
“Honey, would you come live with me?” He had to have her yes in his life, because everywhere else he was failing.
She scowled. “I’m afraid of something.”
“What? Tell me!”
“I’m afraid you want me so you can get back at Mom.”
Well, it had crossed his mind, hadn’t it? Be honest, this is too important. Where I am closed, I am false.
“Don’t hate me, Em—it did occur to me, I can’t deny it.”
She flopped back in her chair, exasperated.
“But that’s not the real reason I want you with me.”
“Yes?” She looked up at him, all eyes.
“Your dad has just gone through a big failure in life—business, marriage, family. I would feel like I had a new chance at success if you came to live with me.”
She sat quietly with that statement for a few minutes, and John let her be. Finally, he said, “Well, what do you think?”
“No.”
“Why not?” His desperation was obvious even to him.
“You don’t want me just for me.”
“I do!”
“No, you don’t. I need to go now, I have stuff to do.”
They had Emily’s risotto wrapped up. This particular waiter put it in an impromptu doggy bag, a big white plastic fromage blanc container, with plastic wrap stretched over the top, held in place by a blue rubber band. Why didn’t they read the memo on “doggy bags” and get some real containers, John wondered. He paid and walked Emily home. He was near tears with feelings of failure as he said goodbye. Her small body slipped past the heavy, ancient street door as it closed.
