It was the obvious question, but Nate didn’t really want to answer Sonia. The last thing he wanted to do in the night was talk about what haunted him.
“Is that what just happened?” he asked instead.
Sonia nodded. She was sitting on the side of the bed and even in the sparkly light of the fairy lights, he could see that she was looking uncertain.
Vulnerable.
It was too intimate to ask what her nightmare had been about.
Nate pulled her down toward the bed instead, keeping his tone light. “Then you need a story to get back to sleep.”
He felt Sonia smile against his shoulder. She curled against him, her hand on his chest, her hair spilling over his arm. “Do you have bad dreams?”
“Everyone does.”
“About losing your hand?”
To his own surprise, Nate found himself answering. It seemed so natural and easy, as if any confession made in this glittering cave would go no further. She had to be practicing for being a therapist. “No. That happened so suddenly. It took me a long time to even remember it.”
“What then?”
“The flight,” he admitted. “When they air-lifted us out.”
“They must have sedated you.”
Nate laughed a little. “Maybe that’s why. The memory is kind of like a hallucination with a lot of gaps, but strong impressions. I remember those.”
“Like what impressions?”
“You’re way too easy to talk to, you know.”
“Working on my professional style,” she said lightly, proving his theory right. “Help me out.”
Nate frowned. “Well, I remember the pain, of course. There’s probably not a sedative good enough to obliterate that, given my injury.”
“They might have given you morphine. That can lead to some impressive dreams, I hear.”
“Maybe.”
“What else? Paint me a picture with words.”
“I remember how busy it was.” Nate closed his eyes to recall. “People—nurses—moving so fast from stretcher to stretcher. It was dusty and dark, lots of flashlights. The smell of blood. Some moans. The sounds of the carrier being readied to leave, more vehicles arriving, people talking. A nurse swore as she was securing me, I remember. ‘Lucky you,’ she said. ‘It’s a busy day in paradise.’ I guess they had a lot of casualties to take to Germany that night.”
“I can see how that would fuel a nightmare.” Sonia was speaking with confidence now, gently leading him forward. She would be a good therapist. “You must have been afraid, too.”
“Uncertain. A little too out-of-it to be afraid. That came later when I woke up and saw exactly what had happened.” Nate frowned, returning to that night. “They brought in one last guy and put him across the aisle from me. He was in really bad shape. Lots of blood everywhere and he wasn’t moving. But the thing was that there was a dog. A big German Shepherd. The nurse was arguing with someone about the dog, but that dog wasn’t going to be left behind. He was staying with that guy, no doubt about it. He had to weigh more than a hundred pounds and he shoved that nurse aside, then jumped onto the stretcher with that guy. He laid down behind the guy’s knees and put his chin on his hip, watching him closely.”
“How could there be a dog?”
“He was a bomb sniffer and the guy was the dog’s handler. When they told the nurse that and the pilot shouted that we had to go, she tried one last time to evict the dog.”
“No luck?” Sonia asked sounding like she was smiling.
“Not a chance,” Nate said, shaking his head at the memory. “He bared his teeth at the nurse and growled. I managed to say ‘his guardian angel’ and the nurse half-laughed. She had to give it up. I heard the hatch close and we rolled. I was watching that dog watch the guy when I passed out. If he could have willed him to get better, he would have done it.”
“You like dogs?” It was a therapy question but not a bad one.
Nate went with it. “We always had one when I was a kid. Always a spayed female. Always from the pound, usually a rescue. They were always my dogs. I walked them and played with them, fed them and they slept in my bed. My mom called each one my guardian angel.”
“I can imagine you, running all over the place, getting into trouble, with a dog right behind you,” Sonia teased.
“Yeah. It was great. I had it good growing up. Absolutely classic.” Nate swallowed and continued his story. It was easy to tell Sonia about that night, while they were entangled in her bed in the darkness, when he was safe again. “I must have slept, but I woke up suddenly. Startled. Probably everyone else did, too, because the dog started to howl. It was a low sound first, just a bit of a growl, but it grew in volume to a kind of a wail. It made the hair stand up on the back of my neck and gave me the shivers. He was still on the stretcher, staring at the guy, but he was pawing at the guy’s arm. Agitated. I knew. I knew before the nurse even came.”
“Knew what?”
“He’d died.”
“Oh,” Sonia whispered.
“The nurse finally got to his side—we were flying through some turbulence, so it wasn’t easy—and checked on him. Her posture said it all when she straightened. She even patted the dog and told it to shush. But that dog wasn’t going to be quiet, not with his buddy gone. He was heartbroken. That was his person and now he was alone. Even then, I understood exactly how he felt.”
“Even then?” Sonia echoed but Nate ignored the question.
“I managed to pat the side of my stretcher and whistle a little. I don’t know why I did it. Old habits. He looked and then he came, jumping up and landing against me with a thud. He dropped like a huge sack of potatoes. It hurt but I didn’t care. He curled up against my chest and I put my arm around him, just the way I used to sleep with my dogs when one of us was sick or hurting. I had my face in the scruff of his neck.” Nate closed his eyes and felt he could be there again. “I remember the smell of his fur, dust and cordite and dog, and I remember how warm he was. He was an aggressive cuddler, nearly pushing me out of the stretcher, and his nose against my arm was as cold as ice. He was still watching the guy and whimpering at intervals, but it was like he understood. The last thing I saw was the nurse’s face. She wasn’t thrilled.” Nate chuckled at the memory. “Just not a dog person.”
“She probably was concerned with germs.”
“Sure, but we weren’t exactly in a sanitary environment.” Nate fell silent, remembering the persistent dust and sand.
“What happened next?” Sonia prompted gently.
“I don’t know. I woke up sometime the next day or maybe even after that. It was after my surgery.”
“And the dog was there?”
“Of course not. I was in a military hospital.”
“But what happened to him?”
“That’s the thing no one could tell me for sure,” Nate said. “At least not right away. When I was in rehab, I asked a lot of questions and did some research. It gave me a bit of a quest, something to think about other than myself. Seemed Rex had lost his skill to find explosives. That often happens when the dog is traumatized. On some level, they don’t want anything to do with the job anymore.”
“You can’t blame them for that.”
“No, so he’d been given an honorable discharge, just like me. I would have adopted him in a heartbeat, but the handler’s family had taken him. The handler or his family are often given first choice when a service dog is discharged.” He found his throat tightening in memory of a dog who had to be long gone. “I had to be sure, you know. I had to check on him.”
“You went there,” Sonia guessed. “After you got home.”
Nate nodded. “I borrowed a car from my Uncle Jed and I drove to North Dakota where the family had a farm. I wasn’t sure what I’d say so I didn’t contact them in advance. I just went. I knew the Marine and his wife had three kids. They were playing with the dog when I got there, just the way I used to peel around with my dogs. You could tell that all of them were happy together. Rex was healthy and active. It was all good.” He fell silent, his throat working at the memory.
“What did they say to you?”
“Nothing at first. I didn’t have anything really to offer that guy’s family except I’d been there at the end. I hadn’t even known his name until I did my research. I was going to just leave, but Rex saw me, then ran for me.”
“He remembered you,” Sonia whispered.
“Oh yeah. I never expected that, but they don’t forget easily. And I couldn’t walk away then. He was doing the bark of joy and circling around me.”
“The bark of joy?” There was laughter in Sonia’s tone.
“You never had a dog, did you?”
She shook her head. Of course, she hadn’t had a pet. She had a crazy sister and had been unhappy. A dog would have been just the thing, in Nate’s opinion.
“There’s this happy bark they make,” he explained. “It’s high and different from a here-comes-trouble bark. Best sound in the world. I was down on one knee, rubbing Rex and he was licking my face as the kids watched. The wife came out to see what was going on and I told her why I was there. She asked me in and we had a coffee, and I told her what little bit I remembered. I patted the dog the whole time. Then I shook hands with their kids, let the wife give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, gave Rex one last ear rub and headed home. The wife told me to visit anytime, but I never went back.” He nodded and repeated his own words. “It was all good.”
There was silence for a long moment. “Have you thought about getting a dog yourself?” Sonia asked.
“Not now. They need a pack and company, not to be left alone in an apartment all day.”
“Kids to play with,” Sonia said.
“Right. One day, maybe.”
Probably not soon.
That wasn’t the most optimistic realization, but that didn’t make it untrue. They stayed there in the darkness for long moments, probably both of them reviewing his story.
“Thank you,” Sonia whispered finally.
“For what?”
“For telling me a story.” To Nate’s surprise, she reached up to trace the shape of his mouth with her fingertip again. Her gentle touch sent tingles through him, made his toes curl and turned his thoughts in a predictable direction.
“What are you doing?” he asked softly, knowing exactly what she was doing.
Sonia braced herself on her elbow and looked down at him, her eyes shining. “Isn’t it technically morning?” She smiled and Nate checked his watch, then smiled back.
“One-thirty,” he murmured.
“That counts.” She held his gaze for a long moment then slowly bent and replaced her fingertip with her mouth.
Nate made a little sound of satisfaction, then rolled Sonia to her back, deepening their kiss and tangling his fingers in her hair. He claimed her mouth with a kiss and held her close, knowing there couldn’t be a better cure for a nightmare in the whole world. There was no way he was going to take a pass on what she was offering.
And he’d definitely make it worth her while.
Nate woke up to sunlight sneaking around the edges of the drapes in Sonia’s apartment. It was otherwise dark and she was sleeping beside him. The building was quiet, but then it was Sunday morning. He checked his watch. Just seven. No wonder everyone was still asleep.
He was wide awake, though.
Of course, she’d turned off the fairy lights before she removed her nightgown at one-thirty. She’d put it back on again right afterward, keeping those mysterious scars hidden from view. Nate had felt them, though, and still couldn’t explain them.
He could have peeked while she was sleeping, but he didn’t. That was her secret to share or not—and seeing them more clearly wouldn’t explain them anyway.
She was keeping her secrets, while he was spilling his guts to her. He couldn’t believe he’d told her about Rex.
He’d almost told her about Trish.
For someone who was committed to one-and-done with no emotional entanglements, he wasn’t doing a good job of keeping his own emotions out of it. Sharing war stories in the dark wasn’t exactly keeping his distance. Sonia was a sympathetic listener but confiding in her wasn’t the right thing to do.
Nate stayed there for a minute, weighing his options. It was comfortable to be with her like this, their legs entangled, her breath on his shoulder. But as soon as Sonia woke up, Nate suspected he’d be seduced into another round. Then she’d want him to eat something before he left and he’d be caught in that conflict of knowing he should leave but not wanting to disappoint her. It could easily be noon before he was on his way.
If not later.
It would have been easier if he hadn’t liked her so much. It would be so easy to keep prompting her smile—and encouraging her to make that addictive little sound—to talk to her and cook with her and just hang out together. Nate knew he could fall hard and fast for Sonia, because he was already on his way. And then the guy of her dreams would show up, proving that Nate was Mr. Right-Now with no chance of being Mr. Right, and he’d be dumped all over again.
A person, Nate was convinced, should try to make different mistakes instead of returning to the same ones over and over again. He’d been in love alone once before and he was never going to do that again.
Period.
Instead, he’d seize the moment and get out of town.
Sonia murmured when he eased away from her but didn’t wake up. The wooden floor creaked as Nate made his way to the washroom, but her breathing didn’t change. In five minutes, he was washed and dressed, standing at the door with his shoes. He took one last survey of her, appreciated the night they’d had together, then headed out. He put on his shoes outside the door, then took the stairs three at a time to the lobby.
He blew the nosy neighbor a kiss on his way past her door, those two shadows revealing that she was on patrol.
Nate’s car started with a roar and he revved the engine, loving the sound of it. He peeled out of that parking spot and headed for Boston and his bright shiny future.
Sonia knew she shouldn’t have been surprised when she woke up alone in her apartment. Nate had left while she was sleeping and there was no sign that he’d ever been there. She told herself not to be disappointed—they’d had a great night and had agreed from the outset that there wouldn’t be more.
He’d forgotten the leftovers, which were still in the fridge.
But he’d given her such a great idea about the podcast, and encouraged her to take a chance. He’d shown her how fabulous making love could be and given her a new perspective on the future. Clearly, Nate was an over-achiever to have managed all that in less than twenty-four hours. Sonia smiled and sent him a text, thanking him for their night, then got started on her day.
Once she was showered and dressed, she opened the blinds, letting sunlight stream into the apartment. She made a pot of coffee and got out her laptop. She wanted to have a pitch ready when she talked to Cassie.
Ever since Cassie had first suggested she do a podcast, Sonia had thought about what she could bring to a yoga class that was distinctive. She hadn’t had an answer until now, after talking to Nate. Having her class focus on transformation, on each person becoming his or her best self, was a perfect idea. She knew Cassie would want an analysis of the market before making a decision, so she dug into that.
Sonia researched the yoga classes already being hosted by F5F and created a chart, assigning each a position in terms of kind of yoga and level of difficulty. She added a column for tone and one for other facets to the class. Some were keyed to overall fitness. Some were keyed to mindfulness. Some focused on flexibility, others on sculpting the body. Some were hot and fast, while others were gentle, then there were all the different styles of yoga. Once that chart was done, Sonia searched online for other popular podcasts and filled them in, too. She couldn’t tell immediately with a lot of them as to what they offered, so she had to watch episodes to be sure.
To her satisfaction, the niche she wanted was wide open. She made the chart pretty, then started to work on some scripts.
Sonia called Cassie after lunch, as planned.
“I’m sorry to be diving into this on a weekend. You must want to spend Sunday with Reid and Marty,” she began but her boss laughed.
“Who even knows what day it is anymore? I can’t wait to get back to some kind of routine again. Well, a routine other than when it’s time for Marty to eat.” Sonia heard the baby give a howl in the background, then Reid’s low tones as he tried to soothe their son. “That would be now,” Cassie said.
“Then it’s not a good time?”
“It’s fine. We’ve shifted to bottles and Reid is all over it. I’m glad you called. I’ve been thinking about finding you a market niche for you to own. There’s a lot of yoga instruction out there...”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
“Mini-me,” Cassie said with satisfaction.
“I’ve thought of one and I’ve made a chart.”
“Whoa. Better than mini-me. Tell me about it.”
“I want to focus on a yoga practice as part of a journey, of healing and development, of changing your whole life. That’s what it was for me, and I think that there might be a lot of people who would find the idea of a transformative process appealing.”
“Oh, that’s good,” Cassie said. “So, the podcast would be sequential, starting off very soft and easy, then progressing to a more challenging class.”
“Yes. I’ll email you my chart of existing podcasts, highlighting where I think this would fit in the marketplace.” She did that on her laptop.
“This is good work,” Cassie said, clearly having received it. “I like that you showed the continuum of difficulty. Maybe you should look at what’s out there skewed to self-help or transformation with exercise. I think there could be overlap there.”
“Look at Column H.”
Cassie laughed. “You’re way ahead of me. Excellent. I hadn’t scrolled that far to the right.” Cassie paused for a moment. “Are you planning to share your own journey?”
Sonia felt that familiar stab that accompanied any potential of her hiding place being breached. “Yes,” she said firmly. “I think that’s key to making it work. That I’m sharing my experience in the hope of helping others.”
“An emotional evolution, growing of confidence and poise, balance and coordination, transformation through exercise.” Cassie was brainstorming and probably doodling, but Sonia knew she didn’t completely get it.
“No, bigger than that,” she said. “Reclaiming your life. Healing. Claiming the future you want. Becoming who you were born to be.”
“That sounds like therapy,” Cassie said. “And we want to be sure we don’t offer more than we can deliver.”
“But I’m a registered therapist,” Sonia said.
“Since when?” Cassie’s surprise was clear.
“Since May. I just got my certification framed.”
“How fabulous is that? Congratulations!”
“Thank you.”
“You never said anything.”
“I was doing it part-time. I wasn’t sure what I’d do when I was finished.”
“And this means you can stay with us.”
“I’d really like to.”
There was a pause. “But the thing is, Sonia, that you might not be plausible as a model for change,” Cassie said gently. “I had suggested that you teach, because your classes were always popular, but—”
Sonia understood. “I’m slender,” she said. “You think I didn’t need to make much change.”
“And you’re really pretty,” Cassie said. “Maybe we should stick with a yoga class…”
Sonia spoke up quickly. “I’m going to email you a picture of me from twelve years ago, when I first got serious about my yoga practice.” It was terrifying to think of willingly sharing her history, but Sonia knew it was the next step. She had to claim her past to own it and conquer it.
“Okay,” Cassie said, her uncertainty clear. Sonia sent the picture from her laptop. There was another pause and she closed her eyes as she waited.
“You didn’t manage that change just with yoga,” Cassie said finally.
“No, but it helped.”
“Anything you want to talk about?”
“Yes, but not today. I don’t want to derail your Sunday.”
“I’m here for you, Sonia,” Cassie said, but Marty cried again in the background.
Sonia smiled. “You need to be there for someone else right now. I’ll finish a couple of scripts and send them to you later today.”
“And I’ll work up some sketches for graphics. Let’s do a video-conference tomorrow afternoon. I’d love to have this proposal ready for Wednesday’s meeting.”
“Sounds good.”
Marty’s cries became louder and Cassie spoke more quickly. “I’m really excited that you decided to do this. Don’t think I was trying to dissuade you.”
“I didn’t,” Sonia said. “We need to look at the whole branding package and part of that is finding the weak points.”
“Spoken like a true mini-me,” Cassie said and they laughed together.
Meanwhile, Marty wailed in close proximity.
“I’ve lost the war,” Reid said, sounding agitated.
“Only one battle,” she said. “Give him to me. How’s two tomorrow, Sonia?”
“Perfect. I’ll talk to you then.”
Sonia ended the call, knowing she shouldn’t have been surprised that it had been so easy. She had the scripts in reasonably good shape since she’d been working all day. She went to the bathroom mirror, feeling the need to make some kind of declaration of the change in her perspective.
Maybe it was time to look less like her twin. She already had a tattoo that Katia didn’t. Katia dressed differently, but what if Sonia changed her look more, and developed her own style? Her jeans and T-shirts and yoga gear was invisible in its own way, blending in with the crowd, especially at the club. What if she stood out more?
The idea had such resonance that Sonia knew it was the right answer.
She also knew what she wanted to do: she’d always wanted to have her hair colored.
The salons were closed, but Kyle’s wife, Lauren, had owned a salon before their marriage. She’d once told Sonia that she’d love to style her hair, if Sonia ever felt like a change. Sonia looked through her contacts but she didn’t have Lauren’s number, so she called Kyle.
“Sonia!” He said, answering immediately. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”
There was something about Kyle that always made Sonia smile. “This is going to be a blow to your ego,” she warned him.
“I’ve braced myself. Go for it.”
“I was actually hoping to talk to Lauren, but I don’t have her number.”
Kyle made a cry of anguish. “Passed over for the favors of my beloved. I’m crushed. My sole function is to act as her receptionist.” He dropped his voice low. “There was a time…”
“I know. I was there. Women hanging on your every word,” Sonia teased. She realized that she thought of Kyle as the big brother she’d never had. He was someone to tease, who made her laugh, but who could be relied upon.
Kyle laughed. “The days before responsibility and paternity. Hang on.” He wolf-whistled and Sonia winced. “Hey Lauren, catch!”
There was a thump and a clatter, some laughter, then Lauren spoke. “Are you still there, Sonia?”
“Yes!”
“I thought the phone might have broken. What a goof he is sometimes.” She spoke with such obvious affection that Sonia knew Lauren liked Kyle’s pranks just fine.
“I resemble that remark!” Kyle shouted and Sonia smiled.
“What can I do for you?” Lauren asked.
“I’m going to do a yoga podcast for the club and I’d like to change my look a bit,” Sonia said. “I was wondering if I could take you up on your long-ago offer.”
“Absolutely. Does your hair curl when it’s shorter?” Lauren asked.
“I don’t know. I’ve always had it long like this.”
“Well then, it’s time to find out. It’ll grow back if you don’t like it shorter.”
“Can you do color?”
“Sure. What are you looking for?”
“Pink,” Sonia said with conviction. “A zillion shades of pink. Cherry to peony to fuchsia and everything in between.”
Lauren laughed lightly. “That’ll work. I can already see it.” She audibly drummed her fingers. “Time for a plan. We’re in quarantine after our flight from California, but you’ve been self-isolating, right? It would be easier to do it here at the house since I have all my hairdressing stuff here. Do you want to do this today?”
“I’d love to.”
“Then how about a trip to Mamaroneck? When can Kyle come and pick you up?”
And it was arranged as easily as that.
All Sonia had needed to do was ask.
It turned out that Mack had booked Nate into a suites hotel that was reasonably new. He had a two-story unit at the end of the building with a parking spot outside the door for his car. On the main floor, there was a living room with big television, a kitchen and a small bathroom. Nate carried his bags upstairs to the bedroom. The bedroom had a king-sized bed and there was a huge bathroom on that floor.
The view, so to speak, was of an empty lot loaded with dandelions, with a shopping mall in the distance. The entire suite was decorated in tasteful neutrals. There was a small patio outside the living room and a balcony above it.
He had a shower and shaved, then checked on supplies. Mack had stocked the fridge in advance and left a note on it, welcoming him to town and listing all the phone numbers he might need. That apparently included the local restaurants that made deliveries. There were several bottles of wine in the rack on the counter, snacks in the cupboard, and even candles on the coffee table.
Home base.
It seemed empty and a bit devoid of character, especially compared to a certain studio apartment hung with fairy lights, but Nate wasn’t going to dwell on that.
Onward.
Instead, he called his mom. The plan had been for him to call when he arrived the night before, and he was ready for the inevitable questions.
His mom answered right away. “I was worried about you when you didn’t call last night.”
“I was late getting in,” he said, omitting the fact that he’d been in Manhattan for the night. “I didn’t want to call and wake you up.”
“I was awake, waiting to hear from you,” she chided. “It’s always that way.”
“I figured you were past that,” he teased and heard her laugh.
“I’ll never be past it, Nate. It’s part of the job description. How was your drive?”
“It was great.”
“And how is your hotel? Is it nice?”
“Yes, really nice. A little suite with a kitchen and everything.”
“You won’t know what to do with yourself for two weeks.”
“Oh, they have plans to start bringing me up to speed while I’m here.”
“It only makes sense since you’re on the payroll.”
“You should come up and visit once I get a place of my own,” he suggested, knowing his mom would want to see where he was living. Maybe he could figure out a way for her to meet Pierce. He didn’t need her approval, but he wanted her to be confident that he’d made a good choice.
“I will,” she said. “How was the wedding?”
“Nice.”
His mom laughed. “There’s a man’s answer. What did the bride wear?”
Nate had to think. “A jacket and skirt. It was red.”
“Oh, that is a statement. Is red a good color for her?”
“Yes. And the groom had a red bow tie.” He remembered just in time.
“Tell me about the flowers.”
“Mmm, there were some?”
His mom laughed again. “Is it reasonable for me to hope that you were distracted by anyone?”
“Distracted?” Nate pretended not to understand.
“Oh, Nathan. You looked so handsome in your new suit yesterday. I thought maybe you had expectations—or even if you didn’t, opportunity might have knocked.”
“No luck,” Nate said lightly, wondering whether he’d be struck by lightning on the spot for lying to his mom. There was no way he was going to tell her that he’d had a hook-up.
“Diane is coming today,” his mom said, something in her voice catching his attention. “And you’ll never guess what.”
“She’ll take home all the leftovers from dinner like she always does?”
“Of course, she will. That girl doesn’t eat nearly enough during the week. I’m roasting a little chicken today and will give her all the gravy with the leftovers.”
Nate was a bit surprised. His mom roasted a chicken when she was celebrating—or entertaining.
“But that isn’t the surprise,” she continued. “Guess!”
“Diane’s pregnant?” Nate said, just to shock his mom. His sister wasn’t just single: he didn’t think she even dated. Even his super-achiever sister couldn’t get pregnant alone.
If she ever decided she wanted kids, he wouldn’t put it past Diane to visit a sperm-bank.
“Not yet!” his mom said, to his surprise. “She and Andrew only just started to see each other, after all.”
“Andrew? Who’s Andrew?”
“Her boyfriend.” His mom was triumphant. “They met at work.”
“Of course. She’s there every waking hour. But I thought it was pretty much all women there.”
“He came into her company to consult on something I don’t understand, something with computers, but he has a good job. Diane is certainly smitten.” Nate smiled at her choice of word. He couldn’t imagine his practical sister smitten. “I can’t wait to meet him. I’ve made pie, too.”
“What kind?”
“Apple today, with a streusel topping.”
“Mail me a piece?”
“I’ll make another the next time you come. I’ll give whatever’s left to Diane for Andrew if he likes it.”
“If he doesn’t, that’s a very bad sign. You make the best pie, Mom.”
“Thank you, dear!”
“So, you might be a grandmother soon,” Nate teased. “There’s hope after all.”
“I know!” his mom agreed in a delighted tone. “Maybe you’ll meet the right girl at Diane’s wedding.”
“Has she talked about getting married?”
“Of course not, but she’s bringing him here and it’s only reasonable to recognize that as important. Diane never does anything on impulse.”
There was that. Nate shook his head. Then he tried to adjust her expectations, knowing it wouldn’t work. “There might not be a right girl for me, Mom. I might be single for good.”
“Nonsense. You let that Trish hurt you too badly. I never said anything when you were dating, but I didn’t think she was good enough for you.”
Nate rolled his eyes. He knew his mom’s predictions about relationships were always positive, until things went wrong. Then hindsight was 20-20. “Mom, you never think anyone is good enough for either of us.”
“It’s not a bad thing to have a high opinion of your own children,” she said. “Trish had a way of assessing situations that I didn’t like. She was always looking for her advantage, that girl, and I’m not surprised that as soon as you were injured, she found greener pastures.”
Nate was surprised by this confession. “I thought you liked her.”
“Of course, you thought that. You were going to marry her, Nathan. I couldn’t let you start a future together with me in opposition to your bride.” She heaved a sigh. “But I don’t mind telling you that I was relieved that she vanished, even though it broke your heart. You need a partner who is going to stand beside you through thick and thin, and if there’s any silver lining to your injury, it’s that her truth was revealed as a result of it.”
Had Trish always been looking for something better? Nate had never thought of that. Some people just couldn’t deal with his injury. Hell, he’d had a hard time dealing with it himself, so he couldn’t hold that against Trish.
His mom took a breath. “And here you are in a new city making a new start! It’s time to forget that girl, Nathan, and look to the future. Maybe you’ll meet someone at work.”
He felt the need to temper expectations. “I think they’re all a bit older than me, Mom.”
“You need to think positive. You need to believe that the right girl for you is out there—no, that she’s right around the corner, if not already in your life.”
Nate wasn’t convinced, but he couldn’t tell his mom that. “You’ve been listening to Dr. Phil again, haven’t you, Mom?”
She made a dismissive noise. “Positive thinking is a force of nature.” She continued before he could debate that. “Your father would be very proud of you for charting your own course, by the way. He was always one to find opportunity and take advantage of it, and he knew that you would have a bright future.”
“How’s Uncle Jed?”
“Complaining, naturally, about losing the best employee he ever had.” His mom laughed about her older brother. “Don’t worry about Jed. He’s a problem-solver and will find a way, if and when he ever decides to retire. He just likes to have a good grouse once in a while. Oh, he did say that if your new job doesn’t work out, to give him a call.”
Nate smiled. “He said that to me, too.”
“But he probably didn’t tell you that he’s sure you won’t need to call him,” his mom said.
“No, he didn’t.”
“He’s very excited about your new position and wants to know all about Silver Fox Security the next time he sees you.”
Nate dropped his voice low. “I might have to kill him if I tell him more.”
His mom laughed right on cue. “What about our Fourth of July family picnic? I hope you’ll get to meet Andrew then.”
It was just a few weeks away. “Are we doing it this year, with the pandemic?”
“I couldn’t bear to cancel it.”
Nate prevaricated, not at all sure it was a good idea to have a huge family gathering. “I have to talk to Pierce about it.”
“You must get weekends off.”
“Maybe not if we’re on an assignment. I’ll let you know, Mom.” Nate didn’t want to lie to his mom, but he also didn’t want to have anyone fixing him up, ever again. And he really didn’t know about the work schedule.
“I hope these people appreciate you.”
“I plan to make sure they do.”
“Off you go, then. Call me when you have a chance.”
“Will do, Mom. Have a great dinner and don’t interrogate Andrew too much. You might frighten him off.”
“Goodness, if he’s dating Diane, he can’t scare easily,” his mom replied and Nate had to laugh at the truth of it.
Diane with a date. It was tough to imagine his big sister compromising on anything at all, but maybe Andrew liked decisive women. It might be worth a drive to New York just to see her ‘smitten’—and meet the guy responsible for breaking through her barriers. The word still made him smile.
He went for a run, checking out his new neighborhood, trying not to think about Sonia.
He failed.
Completely.
In fact, as Nate ran, he thought about blond hair trailing across his skin, about the way Sonia had seemed to be discovering the pleasure of sex for the first time. He thought a lot about that little sound and different ways he might encourage her to make it. He thought about her scars and he still wanted to know the whole story.
Even though it was none of his damn business.
When he got back to the hotel, he pulled out his phone. He stared at Sonia’s number but didn’t push the button.
One-and-done was his rule.
He shouldn’t be the one to break it.
If he was this much of a mess after just one night, that was a good warning not to proceed further. Once upon a time, he could have leaned into this and ridden the tide as far as it would take him. No more. He couldn’t deal with a disappointment like that ever again.
Nate shoved the phone into his pocket and went to shower. He’d order a pizza, with everything, eat too much of it and watch the football highlights.
Tomorrow was the beginning of his big chance and he wasn’t going to blow it.