35

Ella

Sunday: 7:48 PM

I couldn’t believe my good luck that the hospital guards had left their posts.

This was it. My only chance to make a statement. Show him who, in the end, was really the boss of my life.

My life. What life? I didn’t remember a life, only snippets of moments when I was allowed to feel joy, before the cold hard hand squeezed the happiness out of me.

Paranoid schizophrenia was the diagnosis. They’d tried every treatment under the sun, but none of the meds worked on me. I’d be fine for a while, but then the crazy violent urges would come back to enslave me.

Yet my mind worked clearly now. And I knew I wanted to live. To explain why and how I’m innocent. That I’m not a killer.

Instead, my fingers continued to deftly tear the bed sheet into thin strips and secure them with strong knots. I tried to think of Ellis. And hoped he was having a better time of it.

I doubted it. I’d always been the stronger one.

The occurrence of fraternal twins with the same mental illness was extremely rare. I was the darling of the psychiatric researchers who’d all published papers at her expense.

I’d fought as hard as I could.

But there was no fight left in me.

I looked up to where I thought the monitor might be, and hoped maybe it was just a ruse. But I knew. I’d tried to escape, tried to fight, and lost. It was over.

I sorted through the few precious memories I possessed, like treasures—the two of us scampering along the beach, the salt wind in Ellis’s long hair. A few paces behind, Mother smiled at Daddy.

From across the hall, I felt Ellis’s jagged emotions. We’d always had that connection between us when we were in extreme distress, not words. Just intense feelings and sensations. He was still alive.

Then, I felt the sharp jab of the IV needle where Ellis had pulled it free, stabbed it into his wrist, and opened a vein.

Our connection faded, then went dark.

I sat in silence for a minute, probing the emptiness. Then I tied the bed sheet noose to the top light fixture over my bed. I roped it over my head and let my weight sag.