Hell Week begins with an intense meditation on habits because, as Aristotle taught, “We are what we repeatedly do.” Within minutes of meeting a person, I can identify their defining habits, good and bad. If it’s a scheduled appointment, the person who arrives on time is likely in the habit of being punctual, while the one who turns up late is probably tardy a lot. A firm handshake and direct eye contact are habits that help form a positive first impression, compared with a limp shake and averted gaze. Then there’s physical appearance. I can tell not only if a person exercises regularly, but also whether they do so for strength, endurance, or some combination of the two. Hygiene is yet another manifestation. Carefully manicured nails and sparkling teeth are signs of someone who is in the habit of caring for his or her appearance.
We are indeed what we repeatedly do. Aristotle’s teaching goes on to posit that “Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” You don’t hear that quote cited as often, but I think it contains the real wisdom within this Aristotelian idea—and it’s the reason, again, that Hell Week opens with a thorough review of the habits that define your life. Habits regulate behavior, determine priorities, dictate choices, and they do all this without your full awareness. That’s the point Aristotle was making. One doesn’t achieve excellence by making the decision in his or her mind to do so and then following through with it. Excellence is not a conscious act, but rather the result of habits that are cultivated over time.
Mind you, this is a very deliberate process. Habits eventually become second nature, but they are born not by accident, but out of your own free will. We are not born biting our nails, for example. This behavior pattern, like others, is learned through repetition until an unconscious habit is established. But just as habits are learned, they can be unlearned.
I think here of a professional hockey player with whom I had the honor of training. He possesses incredible talent, including almost preternatural hand-eye coordination. But it’s the diligence of his training that elevated his game. I’m a pretty disciplined guy, and even I was in awe of his relentless pursuit of perfection, the countless hours he put in on the ice and in the gym.
Athletes often talk about muscle memory, whereby a specific motor task (swinging a golf club, for example, or throwing a split-finger fastball) is repeated often enough that the body is able to perform it without conscious effort. The hockey player has some of the strongest muscle memory of any athlete I’ve ever observed. But that by itself didn’t catapult him to the game’s highest level. He had to bring the mental excellence of his game in line with the physical. That was a big part of the work we did together, because despite all his raw talent and ability, he could be prone to bouts of self-doubt. It’s a habit shared by many top athletes.
“Where do these negative thoughts come from?” I asked during one of our early sessions.
“They just pop into my mind,” he answered.
“Wrong,” I said. “You let them in.”
I could tell he was somewhat taken aback, as my clients often are when I make them responsible for their own challenges—especially those who have had to deal with their share of tough stuff in their lives. I understand that. And I don’t mean to say to these clients (or to you) that they are the cause of their insecurity or self-doubt. They are, however, in control of these feelings. They can choose to let them in or they can choose to block them out. In the case of the hockey player, he sometimes made the choice to listen to the negative voices in his head. At times, when he fired the puck, he was letting the voices in. And some negative thinking was becoming routine. It was becoming a habit.
“What if, in the days before your next big game, you decide to only think the right thoughts?” I asked the next time we met. We talked about what this might look like. During practice, he would focus on what worked, rather than on what didn’t. When thinking about the other team, he would picture the players he’d beaten and not the ones who had topped him. The morning of the game, he would force himself to think about how great it would be to come home a winner.
The hockey player agreed, though I could tell he was skeptical. After all, it wasn’t like I identified some problem in his slapshot or introduced him to a new kind of skates. The changes he agreed to were, however, just as fundamental. Sure enough, as his right thinking became more routine, and eventually habitual, his game steadily improved.
“I have much more security now,” he later told me. “I dare to do things I would not have done before, because I would have felt uncomfortable. I’m not afraid to fail anymore.”
I loved hearing that. To overcome the fear of failure is a major achievement for anyone, let alone a professional athlete who must push himself nearly every day of his life. But as you just heard, the method for overcoming that fear was actually quite simple. By becoming aware of his habits, the hockey player was able to identify a negative behavior and turn it on its head. Through sheer force of habit, he was able to achieve excellence. Starting today, it’s your turn to do the same.
I never could have done what I have done without the habits of punctuality, order, and diligence, without the determination to concentrate myself on one subject at a time. —CHARLES DICKENS
The assessment of habits begins in the first waking moment of Hell Week, with the sounding of the alarm at 5:00 a.m. on Monday. Imagine this moment now in your mind’s eye. The room is draped in shadows. There’s a chill in the air, especially if it’s during the winter months. And apart from the beeping of the alarm clock, there’s perfect stillness, as the world outside remains in its predawn slumber.
Your first impulse, like that of most people, will be to hit the snooze button and enjoy another ten minutes of sleep—or twenty or thirty, depending on how many times you hit the button. This desire to postpone getting out of bed in the morning is one of the most ingrained of all human habits. In the military, it’s one of the first to be broken, often quite rudely, with an assortment of noisemakers, from sirens to banging pots, or for serious holdouts, the dreaded bucket of ice water.
You won’t have to contend with such tortures, though depending on the depth of your sleeping-in habit, that could make the challenge of getting up all the more difficult. But let’s try to understand what’s actually happening in this moment. Your body is asleep, your pulse rate is slow, and your whole being is in standby mode. Then, bam! The alarm rings. As you awaken, the first thing you do is to check how you’re feeling. You let your body tell you what you should think about the situation you’re in. And what does your body say? It says, of course, that you should remain asleep, since you’re tired. You obey your body, hit the snooze button, and sleep on.
Over the years, the action forms into an unshakable habit—or so it seems. Your first challenge of Hell Week is to break this habit. It’s easier than you think, and no, it doesn’t require enlisting in the military. It does, however, involve a dramatic shift in mind-set. Here’s what I mean. When faced with the challenge of becoming an early riser, most people believe they simply need to force their body out of bed. In that moment when their body is telling them they should stay asleep, they try to match it with a greater amount of will. It’s a valiant effort, and it might even work for a series of days or weeks. But eventually, the pendulum will swing back in the body’s favor and the snooze button will resume its steady workout.
What went wrong? The person failed to change their way of thinking about the situation. More than anything in the world, they still want those additional ten minutes of sleep. The only difference is that they began forcing themselves to override the desire. They beat back the habit, but the habit was still there.
What if they chose to create a new habit instead, the way the hockey player chose to think positive thoughts before playing, instead of negative ones? That’s the strategy I want you to deploy. It begins with a clear, tangible break from the past, something as simple as placing your alarm clock in a different corner of the room. Or if you use the alarm on your phone, choose a different ringtone. These simple changes will be enough to signal to your mind that you are entering a new behavior pattern. But you must be very conscious of them. If you have a spouse or partner, inform him or her of your new practice. On Sunday night before you get into bed, focus on the new location of the clock or listen to the new ringtone. Really internalize the changes.
The big shift will take place at 5:00 a.m., when the alarm sounds. In those first seconds of consciousness, I want you to ask yourself this one simple question: What am I most looking forward to today? Since this first day will be the kickoff of Hell Week, your answer will perhaps be geared toward the challenge of it. But in the days and weeks to come, the answers will become more mundane—a dinner date planned with an old friend, an important meeting at work, or even just the cup of coffee that awaits you at breakfast. As this quick predawn ritual becomes routine, the habit will form and the question will start to pop into your head automatically the moment your alarm rings. You’ll be like Pavlov’s dog, only instead of salivating over the prospect of a meal, it will be the events of the day that you look forward to at the sound of your alarm clock. Indeed, I reckon you’ll be at least 10 percent lighter in your mind because your focus will be pointed in a positive direction. Rather than fighting the urge to sleep, you will replace it with a new habit centered on positive mental training.
As you can tell, I’m a strong proponent of getting an early jump on the day. I really believe it builds character. But in the context of Hell Week, it’s also such a perfect illustration of the power of mental training. Very few people enjoy getting up at 5:00 a.m. It is an uncomfortable state, even an unnatural one. But if you are able to establish this new habit using the simple technique I just described, you’ll have a huge advantage when it comes to addressing and improving the other habits in your life.
Okay, you’re out of bed. Hell Week is officially under way. You will adhere to the seven overarching rules for the week, from eating healthful meals to exercising regularly to being in bed by 10:00 p.m. Your unique task for Monday, in keeping with the theme for the day, will be to chart your habits—the good and the bad—so that you can bring them out of the murky depths of the subconscious and into the light of day.
Some habits will be mundane, such as the way you brush your teeth or when you check your Twitter feed on your phone. Others will be more mental, like what you say to yourself before going into a meeting or how you react to unforeseen obstacles. To begin, I simply want you to make a note of each habit as it enters your consciousness. Don’t worry about assigning valuations at this stage. Just get as many habits down on paper or the computer screen as you can.
Here’s a list of questions that I’ve compiled over the years, based on interactions with clients over their positive and negative habits.
Do you like to sing in the shower?
Do you floss your teeth after brushing?
Do you pluck your eyebrows and check the hair in your nostrils and ears?
Do you apply makeup the same way each day?
Do you put out your outfits the night before?
Do you iron your clothes?
Do you skip breakfast?
Do you walk with upright posture or are you prone to stooped shoulders?
Do you leave your dirty dishes in the sink?
Do you make your bed each morning?
Do you greet colleagues on your way into work?
Do you plan your day, or do you take things as they come?
Do you take action when you feel yourself starting to get fed up or tired?
Do you have a limp handshake?
Do you often forget the name of the person you’re greeting?
Do your eyes wander when you meet new people?
Do you use social media for personal reasons during the working day?
Do you listen sufficiently in conversations and meetings?
Do you see the people around you?
Do you get to work on assignments immediately, or do you postpone them?
Do you eat snacks to keep your energy levels high?
Do you ask for help when you need it?
Do you work hard and effectively?
Do you ignore emails or forget to respond?
Do you listen to podcasts or audiobooks in the car?
Do you listen closely to your children?
Asking yourself these questions should help bring many of your habits from the subconscious realm up to the surface. I also want you to solicit feedback from people in your life, using the skills you developed during the feedback phase of your Hell Week preparation. Ask your spouse, close friend, and work colleagues what habits they observe in you. Be sure to get perspectives from all spheres of your life. And remember, you’re not allowed to argue any of the points you hear. If a colleague tells you that you often seem checked out in meetings or that you have a habit of talking over people, I want you to nod and smile, chart the response without objection, and move on to your next interview. The same goes if your kids say your hair is a mess on weekends and you’re constantly checking email on your phone, instead of listening when they talk or ask you for things. If your spouse tells you you’re a noisy eater, accept the feedback without protest and note it in your chart. Hopefully, there will be some positive responses in there as well!
Chances are you won’t be able to get to everyone in a single day. Likewise, it may be later in the week or month or even year that other habits appear to you. That’s perfectly fine. As I’ve said, Hell Week is merely the beginning of the journey. By the end of Monday, however, you should have a pretty good list of habits.
The next step in the process is to evaluate them. Find a quiet hour, perhaps after work but before you reach home, where you can review the habits in full and put them in two piles: the good and the bad. Some will be obvious. Texting while driving? Definitely a bad habit. Responding promptly to emails? Clearly a good one. Other habits may require a little more analysis. For example, many of my clients are women who struggle with what’s known in Norway as the “clever girl syndrome.” It’s basically an extreme form of perfectionism in which they hold themselves up to the highest standard in all spheres of their life, including work, family, and friends. On the surface, striving for excellence may not seem like such a bad thing. But these women (and I see plenty of clever boys, too) end up losing the ability to distinguish between what actually has to be perfect and what simply needs to be good enough. Eventually, they end up running themselves into the ground. Clever girl syndrome belongs in the negative habit pile, even though at first glance it might look like a positive.
Once you’ve sorted through all your habits, dividing them into two piles, you can begin the process of reinforcing the positive habits and replacing the negative ones. Obviously this doesn’t happen overnight. But you will officially begin the process on the Monday of Hell Week. Keep in mind that habits are not instinctive. They are acquired through repetition. Now that you’ve identified the negative habits in your life, you’re in a position to unlearn them.
The work of the mental trainer often dwells on the importance of small, everyday details and how making even slight improvements can lead to enormous positive change. Top athletes have to think like this all the time, because they are already so good at what they do. It’s only in the details that they still have room for improvement. Habits and details are really two sides of the same coin. Many habits are difficult to change, but if you succeed, your life will be measurably better. Hell Week hastens this process. By turning extra focus onto your habits, and by working in a targeted way on altering them, I believe you will achieve real progress in one week. You will establish momentum in the process, and you’ll realize that change doesn’t cost as much as you thought or feared.
The second half of a man’s life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half. —FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY
I talked a lot about emotions in the planning section of this book, specifically about the positive role emotions play in determining our actions. The feel-good factor—or godfølelse, as we call it in Norway—looms large in the formation of positive habits. A key goal of Hell Week is to create a support system that will enable you to develop habits of excellence. Remember Aristotle: excellence is not an act, but a habit.
So how will you actually go about changing your habits? It starts by listening to your feelings. That can be a tough sell for some people, especially hypermasculine types who don’t put a lot of stock in emotions. But trust me when I say that feelings are essential to mental training and they’re one of the best tools in your arsenal for changing habits. That’s because habits of excellence have to do with those aspects of your inner self that you want to draw out for all the world to see: having a positive attitude and belief in your own abilities; taking care of yourself; supporting your friends and building their self-esteem and self-confidence; not taking yourself too seriously; daring to trust your own instincts; working toward your goals and your dreams; developing empathy.
Emotion is the strongest impetus for human change. Often it’s rooted in a painful experience. Imagine you’re passed over for a promotion at work. The feeling can be so painful and degrading that you embark on a better regimen, implementing habits that will lead to other career opportunities. Or if you’re suddenly breathless walking up the stairs at the office and a colleague makes a sarcastic comment, it might hurt your feelings enough to encourage you to start exercising. These types of experiences, and the painful feelings they elicit, can be incredibly effective motivators. As you take stock of your life during Hell Week, and the habits that inform it, I want you to pay close attention to the feelings that surround them. Ask yourself: Am I living the life I always wanted? Where will I be in one year, five years, and ten years? If you don’t like the answers, take the opportunity of Hell Week to shake loose from any bad habits that are getting in the way of your goals.
The second technique for changing habits is less about emotion and more about sheer determination. If you can’t summon up any of the deep feelings needed for immediate change, you’ll have to take the long route, making small adjustments that ultimately lead to transformation. I call this the one-minute plan.
Let’s say that you want to exercise more but can’t find the motivation—you haven’t had the snide comment from a coworker as you struggle up the stairs or a grave health report from your doctor. One minute can be enough to get you on the path. Think about it: for just one minute out of the 1,440 minutes in a twenty-four-hour period, you’ll devote yourself to exercise. How many push-ups can you manage in that time? How many stairs can you climb? One minute is the start. The next day go for a second minute, then a third. After a month you’re up to thirty minutes. After two months you’ll have reached the typical target of an hour-long workout. This same technique can be applied to all aspects of your life.
As the Monday of Hell Week comes to a close, spend a few moments reflecting on everything you accomplished, going back to the instant some seventeen hours prior when you bounced out of bed in the darkness of dawn. Hopefully that was the first of several small victories you achieved this day. Even if you only identified one bad habit that you’re committed to changing, you will be on your way to a more effective and goal-oriented life geared toward the pursuit of excellence. Now get some sleep. Another challenge is just seven hours away.