I realize I have one mode and one mode only, and it’s pretty hardcore. It’s done a lot of good for me over the years, but I can see how it’s also made certain aspects of my life more difficult. I think, for example, that my relationships with some of my family members have been strained by the take-charge attitude that I bring to those interactions. I’m the oldest, so to some extent I feel like that role has been thrust upon me, but at the same time I’ve never thought to question it. We’re actually getting together in a few weeks to go over some estate stuff with my parents. I think it’s an opportunity to take a step back and try on a less aggressive mode. Because it’s not like I want to be responsible for these decisions. In fact, I’d be thrilled if one of my siblings stepped up. Maybe I just need to give them the chance.
I’ve been paying attention to the different modes I enter into and out of throughout the day. I play a lot of soccer and I realize that my best mode is when I’m on the field, which is also when I’m happy and relaxed (my competitive playing days are over, so it’s pretty casual out there). I’ve been trying to bring some of the lightness from the soccer field into less comfortable situations at work or in my social life. I’m pretty introverted, so I’m not a natural in these settings, but channeling my inner soccer player has helped me stay looser. I’m even keeping a soccer ball in my office to serve as a visual reminder.