Strong arms held her close. She didn’t know who they belonged to or how she had come to be in this place, but this comforting human touch was enough to keep her calm as pain attempted to rip her body apart.
She kept her eyes scrunched tight, not wanting to see the damage, not wanting to know anything beyond that she was alive and safe, and that someone was looking out for her. Her ragged breaths began to match the pace of the strong body beside hers.
Slowly, gently, the arms hugged her tight and then began to let go.
Instantly, the pain returned in full force. She felt as if she was falling clean off the edge of the earth without those arms to anchor her to this realm.
“No, don’t go!” she cried as tears began to push against her eyelids.
But it was too late. She was already falling, falling, falling…
Then suddenly she crashed onto a firm bed, gasping in pain as her consciousness returned.
A dream, that’s all it had been.
What is going on? Why am I hurting so much?
A grizzled face came into her view, staring down at her with concern. It belonged to an older man with graying hair peeking out from beneath a well-worn cowboy hat and bright blue eyes that seemed out of place in his tanned face.
“Ellie?” the man said with a voice that felt familiar, though she couldn’t bring herself to recognize it. “Oh, thank the Lord in Heaven you’re awake.”
Ellie? Is that me?
She blinked, trying to focus her gaze, trying to remember. She tried to sit up but was overcome with pain forcing her back onto the bed.
“Whoa, hey there. You’ve got to be gentle on yourself,” the man said, rushing to her side to help her get settled back in bed. Were these the arms from her dream? Somehow she didn’t think so, but right now, he was the only person in the world she knew.
Turning her head slowly, she realized she didn’t recognize anything in the room. “Where am I?” she whispered, almost afraid to speak the words aloud.
He smiled sadly and scratched at the back of his neck, unwilling to meet her eyes. “You’re in the hospital, Ellie. You were in an accident a couple nights ago.”
Again with the Ellie. That must be me. But who is he?
Her mind frantically searched to pull up any memory of what happened, but she realized she couldn’t recall anything recent.
“The doctors were worried you might not wake up. I’ve been sitting here praying they were wrong. And, see, the Lord answered! Just lay back and relax while I go get the nurses to let them know you’re awake.”
She kept her eyes on the man, noticing the heavy circles under his eyes. He’d obviously been worried about her, but why? Who was he to her, and if it was somebody so important, how come she couldn’t remember ever meeting him before?
“Who are you?” she asked at last.
The silence echoed in the room as he stopped and turned back to face her. His jaw clenched tight, and a shadow passed over his eyes as he looked down to the floor. The speaker in the hallway announcing a code in one of the other rooms finally broke the silence and he lifted his head to look at her. The sorrow on his face was evident, but he did his best to smile through it.
“I’m your father, Ellie,” he explained. “I know you haven’t seen me in quite a few years but I don’t think I’ve changed that much. Maybe got a few more wrinkles and gray hairs, but otherwise I’m the same man you’d remember.” He forced a laugh, then wiped away a tear. Whether it was a happy tear from her finally waking up, or a sad one, she couldn’t say.
Ellie’s mind raced as he waited for her to say something in response. Her father? She had no recollection of this man whatsoever. Should she pretend that it had been a joke in order to spare his feelings?
No, the truth was better—even if it terrified her. Her voice caught as her heart raced in fear. “I don’t remember you, but I do believe you.”
Her father’s forehead furrowed. He took off his hat and bowed his head before speaking. “Ellie, I know I haven’t been the father I should have been. I’ve made mistakes, but Lord knows I tried to make things right. I don’t blame you for not forgiving me, but please don’t make me feel any worse than I already do.”
She shook her head slowly, her heart aching for this dear stranger and fearing for herself. None of it made any sense. “I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. I truly don’t remember you. I’m not even sure I remember me.” Her eyes were wide with fear as this realization hit her.
He kept his gaze steady on hers as he walked over and reached for her hand. They both trembled as Ellie’s father took her hand into his strong grip.
“Ellie… how could you not know me?” He didn’t attempt to hide the wetness that clearly shone in his eyes.
She struggled to find the right words, but nothing was right about this situation. Ellie had already done all she could do by speaking the truth.
They both startled when a nurse breezed into the room carrying a fresh IV bag and approaching with a smile. The moment she locked eyes with Ellie, she let out a small cheer. “Oh, you’re awake! Welcome back to the world, darlin’. Now let me get this set up for you real quick, then you’ll have to excuse me while I go page Dr. Crosse and let him know the good news.”
Her father shuffled out of the way to give the nurse access to Ellie’s IV stand. His voice was low, but she had no trouble discerning the words. “She says she doesn’t remember me.”
The nurse hung the bag on the pole beside the bed and deftly switched out the tube extending from Ellie’s left hand. “That’s nothing to worry about,” she reassured him once the set up was complete. “Ellie’s been through quite a trauma, so it might take some time for everything to come back to her. Once the doctor has a chance to look her over, we’ll have a better idea of what’s going on.”
She smiled kindly down at Ellie and reached out to pat her other hand. The warmth of her skin made Ellie realize just how cold her own hands had become. “Don’t worry, dear. I’ll get the doctor in to see you right away. You’ve been through a lot, and the fact that you’re awake is truly a miracle. Somebody out there’s looking out for you.”
Ellie watched the woman’s retreating back as she rushed out of the room to get the doctor. Her heart raced as thoughts swirled around her head in a confusing blur. How could she forget her own father? What other memories had fallen clear from her head? And, most worrisome of all, would she ever get them back?
Her breath caught in her throat as she desperately tried to make some memories come back to her. But all she had were missing pieces and blackness when she tried to think of her past. Her heart clenched as she realized she wouldn’t even have known her own name if her father hadn’t said it.
With a trembling chin, she looked back at her father. “Where is my mom? Is she still alive?” She wanted to cry out loud at the unfairness. How could she not even know if she had a mother? How could she have lost all of her memories?
Her father clenched his jaw tight, the muscles moving as he struggled against his own emotions. Finally, he nodded slowly, his eyes fixed on the corner of the room as he spoke. “Your mother is in Spain. She is on a trip with her new boyfriend.”
His cheeks reddened, and he let out a sudden cough. “I guess if you’re memory’s a bit shaky I probably need to fill you in on a few things, huh?”
Ellie nodded and waited for him to reveal more about the life she couldn’t remember. Did it even truly belong to her anymore?
“We aren’t married anymore,” he continued with a look that suggested he was unhappy about this particular turn of events. “You lived with your mom after the divorce. I moved to Alaska and didn’t get to see you as much growing up as I’d have liked.”
He finally returned his gaze to her, and Ellie smiled encouragingly.
“Umm, we can talk about everything more once you’re feeling better,” he stuttered. “Right now, you need to just rest and focus on getting better.” Her dad took a deep breath and stepped back from the bed, suddenly looking like he’d aged another ten years since she’d woken up. He held his hat tightly in his hands, slowly twisting them until she was sure the hat would rip.
A flurry of doctors and nurses rushed into the room, forcing Ellie’s father back. Everything seemed to slow down around her as Ellie struggled to understand what they were saying—and, more importantly, what it all meant. Her arm was put into a cuff that started to tighten while a bright light was shone into her eyes.
No longer able to stay strong, Ellie finally let the tears flow freely down her cheeks.
“On a scale of one to ten, how much are you hurting, darlin’?” the same nurse from before asked her with that same reassuring smile.
“Ten,” Ellie answered without hesitation. She had to believe that there was no way this could get any worse. Otherwise, she wasn’t sure she’d survive the night—let alone an entire life.