For the next couple days, Ellie avoided answering her mother’s calls. Even though she longed to learn more about Marshall, she needed to prepare her heart first.
And so she’d spent much of her time sitting with Penny near the corral and taking pictures around the ranch. She also requested extra therapy sessions and even took on more than her fair share of chores to keep her mind busy while her heart sorted through all it had learned since the accident.
Today Elizabeth Jane had insisted she treat Ellie to another special lunch at Anna’s in downtown Anchorage. “It’s to thank you for all the extra work you’ve been putting in around here,” she’d explained.
And now they sat over heaping plates of freshly fried Halibut as they carefully sifted through the prints Ellie had ordered online. She couldn’t believe how fast the pictures arrived and how good it felt to hold the physical proof of her creative work right there in her own two hands.
“I still can’t believe you took all of these yourself!” Liz gushed as she studied each glossy photo after the next.
“There were so many more.” Ellie burst with pride as Liz oohed and ahhed over her art. “I tried to pick the best ones to print off, though I kind of wanted to get them all. This is maybe like a tenth of what’s on my memory card.”
“Are you sure you were a model before? I mean, not that you’re not gorgeous. But these, Ellie, these are really something else. You had to be a pro!”
“From what I know of my life before, I sincerely doubt it. Back then I was all about standing out, but now I like to blend in. See that one of the fox?” she said, thumbing back a couple prints to bring out the picture she had in mind. “It came out from the woods while I was sitting at the creek. He saw me and everything, but there was no fear as I lifted my camera and got my shot. It’s like he just intrinsically trusted me.”
“You do have quite the way with animals from what I hear,” Liz said, lightly touching her thumb to the tiny fox face in the photo. “Penny is like a changed horse.”
Ellie smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “Not yet, but we are certainly getting there. She didn’t need to change. She was already perfect. She just needed others to see that, too.”
Liz shook her head. “Hmm, sounds like somebody else I know, too.”
Ellie smiled to herself. Could Liz be right? It was so hard not knowing who she’d been before or who she was meant to be now. She flipped through the remaining stack of photos and lifted one of Penny into the light. “Speaking of everyone’s favorite rescue horse, I thought maybe you could use this one on the website for the ranch or maybe some of your brochures.”
Liz took the picture from Ellie’s hands and studied it close up. This was the favorite of all Ellie’s works so far. Not just because of her bond with Penny, but also because the morning mist creeping through the background looked like something out of a dream.
Specifically, her dreams…
“Thank you,” Liz said, handing the photo back so Ellie could place them all back into the envelope for safekeeping. “I think I’ll do just that. Now tell me what else you’ve been up to these past few days. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much as I spend all my free time getting ready for our end of summer barn dance. I barely even see my own husband anymore!”
Ellie took a sip of her iced tea and waved a hand absently in Liz’s direction. “Don’t worry about it, seriously. I’ve been having a great time hanging out with the horses, snapping pictures, and just being myself.”
She looked down at the shiny surface of the table before her. “Whoever that is.”
“I think you’re starting to find her,” Liz whispered consolingly. “And once you do, I’m sure your memories will start to come back.”
Ellie lifted her eyes and looked at Liz. Just how much should she share? And why was she so reluctant to do so?
In the few days since talking to Landon in the pasture when the memory of her mystery man had come so close, Ellie had started getting other small glimpses into the past now, too. She hadn’t told anyone because she’d been afraid it was just wishful thinking on her part.
But now sitting here with Liz, it felt safe to confide her newfound optimism…
“This morning, I had a flash of driving my car,” she started. “I know it was the car that was wrecked in the accident, but I don’t know if it was just before the crash or some time much earlier.” She shivered as she recalled the feeling of the steering wheel in her grip, the brightness of the sun in her eyes. “It felt very real.”
“Oh my gosh,” Liz squealed. “That’s fantastic! What did your doctor say?”
“Um, you’re the first person I’ve told,” Ellie admitted with a bashful smile. “I guess I just wanted to wait and see if more would come through. I’m hoping once Mom finds this Marshall guy maybe something will click in my brain and everything will come back.”
On the drive over to the restaurant she’d told Liz all about the mystery man in her dreams and how she thought she’d finally discovered his identity. Liz had seemed skeptical and told her not to put too much hope on some strange man she wouldn’t remember. So then why was she so excited about Ellie’s simple memory of her car?
“If Marshall is the man you’re trying to remember,” Liz said, “then I hope you don’t just expect all of those feelings to come rushing back the moment you see him. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Just… stay open.”
Ellie tilted her head as she contemplated her friend’s advice. “Why are you so reluctant about my meeting Marshall? It’s like you don’t believe he’s the right man.”
Liz narrowed her eyes at Ellie. “Do you believe he’s the right man?”
Now there was the million dollar question. All this time Ellie had assumed that finding her mystery dream man would be enough to bring everything back… But what if it wasn’t? What if Marshall wasn’t the one she was looking for? Or what if he actually was, but she still didn’t recognize him? Both prospects terrified her.
She swallowed hard before answering. “I honestly don’t know what to think. But he’s all I have to go on right now, so the sooner I can meet him, the sooner I’ll know… something. I guess if my memories still don't come back I’ll finally have to accept that the life I led before my accident is over.”
Liz sat quietly, studying her for what felt like hours before at last she spoke again. “You know, I’ve gone back and forth a hundred times on whether I should say this. I still don’t know what the right call is, but I’m just going to go for it.”
Ellie pushed her plate away and waited for whatever words Elizabeth Jane had to impart on her.
Liz also pushed her plate aside. “Keep in mind I don’t normally encourage our staff to become emotionally involved with guests. It isn’t professional and, well, it isn’t really fair to either party when one has come to heal and the other to make a living. Please just understand that what I’m about to say isn’t something I normally would.”
Liz paused and widened her eyes as if waiting for Ellie to finish her statement for her. And even though Ellie had a sense of what was coming next, she’d never admit it aloud.
At last, Liz sighed and continued. “Landon knows what happened to you and the struggle you’re going through as you try to recover. And he always knew what the consequences could be of letting emotions get involved. His first priority is definitely to help you get better. But I can see what’s happened—heck, everyone on the ranch, including old Howard can see it, and he’s half blind.”
Ellie bowed her head, unwilling to let Liz see the flush that overcome her.
“I don’t know who this Marshall is, or if he’s the one your heart is trying to find, but I do know that you can’t just ignore what is happening with Landon.” Her voice turned tender. “That might just be something that only happens once in a lifetime.”
Ellie clenched her jaw tight, trying not to say anything that would make this whole situation even more difficult. No one seemed to understand why she needed to meet Marshall so badly. Instead they all wanted her to pursue something with Landon, even though she knew she wasn’t ready yet. Even though her own heart felt like it was betraying her.
When it became clear Liz wasn’t going to say anything more, Ellie raised her head and asked in a strained whisper, “But what if I’ve already had that ‘once in a lifetime’ with the man from my memory? Can I really just walk away from that and pretend it didn’t happen?”
Liz shook her head and frowned. “No one is asking you to pretend anything. Please be careful. Don’t let what you’re trying to hold onto from your past end up destroying your future.”