Ellie sat next to Marshall on the old plaid couch in Liz’s parlor. He clenched both of her hands in his as he spoke. “I still can’t believe you’ve been dreaming of me this whole time, that you’ve been searching for me. Ellie, I fell for you so hard and fast. You’re my dream girl. I just never knew I meant so much to you, but I’m so happy to finally hear I do.”
Ellie smiled sweetly as she fought the headache that had begun to sweep its way across her brain. Marshall seemed like such a nice guy—a good guy—so why couldn’t she remember him? Why did she remember him enough to have those dreams, but nothing more?
Liz popped her head into the room and offered Ellie a smile of encouragement. “Will you be staying for dinner, Marshall?”
“That would be great. Thank you,” he answered with nothing but the most polished manners. Originally he had suggested they sit together on the porch, but Ellie felt so dizzy by the sudden flurry of events, Liz had ushered them both inside where she could keep an eye on things and offer Ellie an out if needed.
“There’s one thing I still don’t understand,” Ellie said once the two of them were alone again. “Why did we break up?” If what they’d had was so special, then why had they chosen to end it?
He shook his head sadly, lifting a shoulder in confusion. “I never actually understood why myself. One day, everything was fine. The next day, I told you how hard I was falling for you and you ended it right then and there. I knew my feelings had come on fast, so maybe that scared you. I always thought maybe you just didn’t like me enough to take things to the next level. Not now, though.” He leaned his forehead in toward hers and Ellie found herself praying he would not kiss her. She didn’t know what she would do if he kissed her.
In all practicality, Marshall was a stranger to her. Yes, he clearly cared for her deeply—and she must have liked him, too, considering all the dreams. But then why had she let him go? Was there something he’d failed to tell her? Was she trying to protect him from something? Not looking for anything serious at the time?
None of the possible explanations synced up with what she knew about her past. And yet Marshall had come all this way for the chance to rekindle whatever it was they’d had.
So shouldn’t she be happy?
Marshall pulled his forehead back but kept his face close. His eyes seemed to sparkle despite the dull light around them. It was the same look Landon wore whenever he glanced at Ellie.
His dark hair also reminded her of Landon’s. While Marshall’s was cut short and styled neatly, Landon’s always appeared as an unruly mess the few times he took off his cowboy hat and showed his curls to the world. Both men were strong, well-muscled, tanned—although Ellie suspected Marshall’s was artificial while Landon’s was from years of working beneath the summer sun. Even their strong jaws and aquiline noses resembled each other.
Well, she certainly had a type. Had Ellie found herself attracted to Landon because he subconsciously reminded her of Marshall? The biggest difference came in Marshall’s style. He was sophisticated, well-groomed, and had a city sheen about him.
Glancing down, she noticed his shiny black dress shoes with pointed toes. They were completely out of place up here on the ranch. Landon’s well-worn leather boots, however, were made for days like this. He always…
No, she needed to stop this. Here she sat in front of the one special man she’d been trying to remember ever since the accident. For now, she had to forget about Landon.
For now… and maybe forever.
That thought made her far sadder than she cared to admit. It wasn’t fair on any level or to anyone.
Marshall sat up straight again and let go of her hands. “I know this must be so strange for you. I wish I could help make it easier. I can tell by that look on your face, you still don’t remember me. But that’s okay, Ellie. I remember you. I know how I felt about you, how I feel about you now.”
His bright blue eyes stared into hers, trying to find answers she didn’t know how to give. She couldn’t deny that he was a good-looking and kind man. She should stop worrying and consider herself lucky to have landed such a catch without even trying. And yet…
“Please can we try again?” he asked, the sparks of hope dancing in his eyes as he regarded her with a soft smile.
Swallowing hard against the lump in her throat, Ellie struggled to move past the disappointment that had wrapped itself around her heart. She’d been so sure that when she saw him again everything would come rushing back, that she would be made whole again.
But sitting here with Marshall only shone a light on how much she was still missing. Her head throbbed as the aching in her temples intensified. She tried hard to keep her face neutral. She didn't want to be cruel, but she also didn’t want to offer false hope.
If she could just remember, then all her problems would be solved.
If only. If only…
“You don’t have to answer now if you’re not ready,” Marshall said before licking his lips nervously. “As soon as I found out what had happened and where you were, I hopped on the first plane to Anchorage I could find. I didn’t even pack a bag, Ellie, because I was so excited to see you. I understand you have a lot going on. Just know that I care about you and I’m here to help in whatever way I can.”
Ellie blinked hard to try to ease her pain and tried once more to find anything in the darkness of her mind that would bring a memory of him. When she opened them again, Marshall regarded her with a look of sorrow. Why couldn’t she be kinder? He’d put everything aside to rush to her in her time of need and she could barely hold a conversation.
She’d been right about what she said earlier that afternoon.
She wasn’t a very nice person.
And that didn’t seem to have changed with the accident.
“I appreciate you coming here, Marshall,” she said at last. “You seem like such a nice guy. I wish I could remember what we had. I wish I had some kind of answer to give you, but I’m just as confused as ever.”
“Take your time. I’m here for you. Maybe…” An adorable blush rose to his cheeks, and Ellie thought in that moment that maybe she could love him—maybe she once already had. “Maybe if you can’t remember, you’ll fall for me all over again. We just need to get to know each other. Take it slow. I’m willing to try if you are.”
All of this would be so much easier if Marshall were a horrible man—or if she’d never met Landon. But a piece of her heart now belonged to each of them and she didn’t know which was bigger.
Only that they both deserved a chance.
She already knew Landon.
Marshall needed that chance, too.
“I want to try,” she said at last.
Marshall jumped up with shock, happiness, all the emotions she herself couldn’t feel. “I know you don’t remember us, Ellie,” he said, pulling her gently to her feet and clutching her to his chest. “But we were so good together. We’ll be good together again.”
A series of thuds from the hallway interrupted them. There Landon stood with a blank face, his eyes cast toward a pile of boxes he’d just dumped on the ground. “I was emptying the truck and I thought you might want your boots,” he mumbled.
“Thank you,” she managed to choke out.
“Who’s this, Ellie?” Marshall asked, standing to offer his hand to his rival.
“Oh.” Ellie hated this, hated that Landon had to see them together, hated that she had to break his heart in order to heal hers. “That’s Landon Hayes. He works on the ranch.” As soon as she’d said the words, bile threatened to burst from her stomach. They were all wrong. Landon was so much more to her, but she had to let him go. At least for a little while. At least until she knew for sure.
Landon lifted his gaze to Ellie’s, and she could swear she saw the beginnings of tears forming in the corners of his eyes. His voice, however, came out cold and disconnected. “Yes, I just work here on the ranch.” He stopped and laughed. “So let me know if you ever need anything, because that’s my job.” With those words he turned and left, his boots pounding on the hardwood floor matching her heart beat for beat.
She didn’t know whether she’d ever see him again.
And it broke her.
But then Marshall hugged her against his chest, and the world stopped spinning so wildly out of control. Now she listened to his heart, and wondered if it might also match her own.