Ellie found a bale of hay pushed up against the barn and sank down to sit on it. Marshall had let her go, though rather reluctantly. Luckily, she’d managed to escape outside before either her father or Landon could notice her departure.
Alone at last, she took a deep breath of the fresh evening air and glanced toward the strong, tall mountains in the distance. Why couldn’t she be like that—constant, immovable? Instead she crumbled at even the slightest provocation these days. Never mind that every obstacle felt like a mountain, and she just didn’t have the strength to climb any longer.
The worst part of it all was not knowing what was real and what she’d simply imagined. Thoughts, memories, daydreams—they all rushed through her mind with equal measure. One big, unfixable tangle.
“Can I get you some water? Would that help?” Marshall appeared once again and regarded her with a worried expression. She knew he felt every bit as helpless and confused as she did that evening. She also knew that it was all her fault.
“That would be nice. Thank you. But don’t worry, it’s just a bit of a headache. I get them a lot.” She smiled up at him, cringing slightly at the aching behind her eyes as she moved her head. When Marshall turned and walked back to the barn, she leaned forward and placed her forehead on her hands. Even massaging her temples in tight, fast circles did nothing to alleviate the pain.
More memories hit her in a flurry.
She could see herself as a young girl standing on stage for a beauty pageant. She remembered her mother telling her she had to win this one to help make back the investment in her new gowns and flipper, to take her pageant career—and thus their future—to the next level. She’d hated it… until she won the title of Grand Supreme and her mother had picked her up in her arms and swung Ellie about in big, looping circles. They’d gone for frozen yogurt afterward to celebrate, and Ellie’s mom had told her how proud she felt of her little girl.
Another memory filtered in before the first had even fully faded out. Ellie was older now, preparing for her first real-life modeling shoot. It would be in a magazine and everything, and once again her mother was so very proud of her. While her mom fussed over the wardrobe, Ellie snuck away to talk to the photographer. He showed her his various lenses and explained how each influenced the outcome of the photo. He even let her take a few test shots before her mother interrupted and dragged her back to hair and makeup.
“It’s great that you want to be nice, Ellie, but try not to get too distracted by what everyone else is doing. You’re the reason we’re all here. You’re the star. And you belong in front of the camera, not behind it. Always remember that.”
And remember it she had. She hadn’t touched a camera again for years. Not until…
Ellie zoomed in on the ocean with her phone’s camera. It was still too far to get a clear shot, but she grabbed one anyway. She laughed and tucked the phone back into her pocket. Wait… was she on a horse?
Yes! She was on a horse, and she wasn’t alone. A black and white mare trotted ahead of her. She watched as the man astride its back navigated the hilly terrain with ease. She couldn’t see his face beneath the shadow of his tall cowboy hat.
Just like in her dream.
Marshall, she whispered in her mind. Turn and let me see you.
And just like that, he grabbed his hat and clutched it to his chest with one hand while swiping his other hand through his unruly mess of dark curls.
“It’s so hot! Why did you take me all the way out here on the hottest day of the summer?” the Ellie from her memories whined.
“Showing you what you want to see,” he answered as he placed the well-worn hat back on his head. “The ocean,” Landon said as he looped his horse back around to fall in line with hers. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”
The vision faded away, leaving Ellie as confused as ever. When had she gone to the ocean with Landon? And why was he getting jumbled up with her memories from before the accident?
“Everything all right, Miss Ellie?” Howard’s familiar, friendly voice cut into her consciousness like a sharp knife, severing her memories at the quick.
She opened her eyes and shook off the dregs of her distorted memories. It seemed she couldn’t even think anymore without finding herself distracted by her feelings for Landon—feelings he’d tossed aside with his decision to leave the ranch at his earliest opportunity.
She turned toward the old cowboy with a polite smile, which quickly turned into a gasp of joy. Howard hadn’t come alone. Beside him stood Penny, saddled up and looking proudly at Ellie. Tears rushed to her eyes. No one had ever though this horse would get better, but now look at her!
Maybe there was hope for Ellie yet.
“Penny, look at you!” Ellie sobbed, coming to the horse’s side to give her a pat hello. “I’m so, so proud of you, girl!”
“I’ll confess, she was a bit nervous when I started to put the saddle on, but it almost seemed like she just wanted to prove to everyone that she could do it. I don’t know how you did it, but she’s starting to trust again.” Howard reached out and patted the horse’s nose. “I saw you sitting over here and knew I just had to bring her over so you could see how well our old girl is doing.”
Ellie leaned in to Penny’s neck, and her heart soared as the horse leaned in, too. “You’re such a good girl, Penny,” she murmured, knowing that no matter what else happened in her life, at least Ellie had done one thing right by helping this very special horse to heal.
As she stood silently beside Penny and Howard, her own thoughts calmed and the pain in her head began to ease, despite the continuous rush of new memories that continued to push their way in.
She remembered riding.
She remembered going to stables outside of the city every chance she got. And now she saw herself tearing across open fields, leaving all her real world worries behind as she became one with nature.
Her father’s voice intruded in her thoughts as he took a seat on her abandoned bale of hay. “I knew you could never have stopped loving your horses, Ellie.”
She regarded him with tears still fresh in her eyes. “I remember, Dad. I’m starting to remember everything. I did keep riding after you left. There was a stable outside of town, and I used to go to it all the time.”
She stepped back and looked up at Penny as she continued to rub her neck. “But I’m only starting to remember. I don’t understand it all yet, even though I’m trying so hard.”
“It will come, Ellie.” Her dad grinned as he watched her beside Penny.
Marshall returned with a bottle of water and handed it to Ellie, then slung his arm over her shoulder. He kept his eyes warily on Penny, a look of wild confusion flashing across his normally composed features.
“Marshall, this is Penny. Isn’t she beautiful?” Ellie took Marshall’s hand and guided it along the horse’s neck, but he pulled away and frowned.
“She’s great, Ellie, but isn’t this the same horse that has to be kept apart from the others because of its instability?” He looked over at Howard who still held the reins. “Don’t let go of those. We don’t need this horse getting all worked up and hurting someone.”
“It’s fine. Penny wouldn’t hurt me.” Ellie took a step back and studied Marshall as if seeing him for the first time. How could someone who loved her dismiss something that mattered so much to her? Had Marshall been like this before? Or…?
“Aye, this horse wouldn’t do a thing to hurt Miss Ellie,” Howard explained with a sigh. “But I’ll take her back to the stables and leave you two to your visit. Just wanted to show Ellie how good Penny was doing, is all. Good night.”
Both Ellie and Marshall watched Howard lead Penny away. His arm stayed around her the entire time. Nobody spoke, not even Ellie’s father who’d had so much to say earlier that night.
Liz drove up to the barn in her husband’s old truck. Ellie hadn’t even seen the proprietress leave the party, yet here she was now making her return. Liz pulled to a stop and rushed around to open the passenger door and help a woman in a bright yellow dress step down onto the gravel.
When everyone realized who had joined them at the party, Ellie gasped, her father sighed, and Marshall wore a huge grin.
“Mom,” Ellie said in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you mean what am I doing here?” Her mother closed in and hugged Ellie tight to her bosom. “I’ve been missing you like crazy, and when Marshall told me about the special party tonight, I just knew I had to come and surprise you. The flight ended up horribly delayed, of course. Anyway, I’m here now, and I can see not a moment too soon.”
Ellie winced as her mother traced her fingers over the scars that lined her face. It wasn’t tender and loving as Landon had done, but rather to appraise the damage. Although the older woman said nothing, Ellie could tell she was contemplating the cost of the plastic surgery needed to repair her daughter’s complexion.
Ellie took a deep breath and prayed for strength. More memories pushed their way through her head—memories of her mother loving but tough, critical but ultimately kind. She wasn’t the villain Ellie had imagined her to be in the wake of the accident—just a mother doing her best to secure the dreams she thought her daughter wanted.
And Ellie had wanted them once.
Once, but not anymore.
She wasn’t the same girl she’d been before the accident. Something important had changed, and she already knew she didn’t want it to change back, no matter how much she remembered now.
“I missed you too, Mom.” She hugged her mother back, meeting her dad’s eyes as he stood behind them. “Thanks for coming all this way.”
“Of course, I would have come sooner if you asked, but I knew you needed your space. Or at least as much as I was able to give you before going completely crazy on my own.” She laughed for what seemed the first time in years. Perhaps it was.
The smile on her mom’s face dropped as her dad stepped forward. “Hello, Arlene,” he said with a nod. “Should we go inside and have a dance, leave the kids to sort things out on their own?”
“Is this what you want?” her mother asked her, pain reflecting in her eyes. Had Ellie been a bad daughter? Had she neglected her mother too much since coming to? She shouldn’t have favored one parent so clearly over the other, and yet it felt like her mother was tied to the past Ellie, the one she longed to discard. Meanwhile her father represented who she could become, what she could have, if only she was brave enough to go after it.
Ellie felt her headache coming back, which meant another deluge of memories would soon flood her poor, tired brain. “I’m so happy to see you,” she said. “But I just need some time on my own for a few minutes.”
Marshall hugged her closer to his side.
“That means you, too,” she told him. “I’m sorry.”
“Of course, Ellie. I’d do anything for you. You know that.” He gave her a kiss on her forehead and turned to follow her parents back into the barn.
Ellie watched them pass through the enormous doorway as Landon stepped out into the night. A look of silent misery marred his face when he caught sight of Ellie standing on her own.
He strolled toward her far too casually given all that had passed between them these past few weeks. Whatever she said next would change everything. Ellie knew that, and yet she still had no idea what she wanted to say. What she wanted to happen between Landon and herself.
Before either of them had the chance, however, Ellie’s mother raced back across the yard. “You! What are you doing here?” she growled, turning on Landon with ferocity like Ellie had never seen before.
Seeing her mother so worked up, Landon so ashamed, suddenly revealed the missing piece of Ellie’s memories. She recognized both of their faces in that moment, because she’d seen this exact scene play out before.
Her mother. Landon.
Her dreams. Her heart.
It had never been Marshall.