Chapter 21

Home is where the heart is...

Kirstin slept for twelve straight hours. Well, she got up twice during the night from her bed in her old bedroom, once to pee, and another time to get a glass of water to combat her wine-dried mouth. She had been both hopeful and afraid that she would dream of Hauk, but her slumber had been dream-free.

She finally awakened to the gleam of a morning sun and the sound of voices.

Lots of voices.

From a distance.

Downstairs.

Or outside.

Maybe both.

Lying still, with her eyes closed, she tried to discern the voices. There was Torolf. And Ragnor. And her sister Madrene. Her father must have called everyone last night, and now they were all here, or arriving, by the sound of car doors slamming. Each of them would be wanting to welcome her, but also to get the real story of her time travel.

Kirstin sighed. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to be drowning in family so soon, but maybe it was for the best. The less she was able to think, the less miserable she would be. Or so she told herself.

By that evening, all…every single one…of her half-brothers and sisters were there. Even Jogeir. Actually all eleven of her siblings were halfies because her father had had so many wives and concubines, though thankfully not all at the same time; so, while they all had the same father, there were numerous mothers, most or all of whom had died or run off when they realized there were so many children to care for. Except for Angela. By the time they’d arrived in modern day California, her father had turned monogamist. No more extra wives or mistresses. Angela would never have stood for that, and hopefully her father no longer had the inclination to spread his virility.

Kirstin took a long shower, one of the things she’d missed most while in the past. She blow-dried her hair and pulled the long hair back into a ponytail. No make-up. Just some lip gloss and mascara to her blonde eyelashes. After that, she dressed in beige yoga pants and a multi-colored sweater which had been left here from a previous visit.

Finally, she was ready to brave the assault of her family. And it was an assault of sorts, a well-intended but almost overwhelming barrage of hugs, cries, laughs, questions, opinions, and enough food to feed a Viking army. It wasn’t just Angela who’d been busy in the kitchen, but her half-sister Marie, the professional chef-in-training at some culinary school in Colorado, shared the stove. Marie must have hopped a plane as soon as her father called. Same was no doubt true of Dagny who’d come from FBI headquarters in Virginia. And now she sat talking to Torolf and Hamr, who’d come up from San Diego to welcome her home, along with Madrene, Ian, and Njal.

She’d already described her time-travel “adventure” twice now, but then she had to repeat it again for those who arrived via later flights: Kolbein, a priest from his parish in Florida, Lida, who was from New York City, and Jogeir, who’d come, not from his home in Iceland, but Chicago, where he’d been attending an international farm conference. Storvald was particularly interested to find out that it was the arm rings he’d made for Kirstin that proved to be a time-travel device.

Kolbein, of course, disagreed, and said it was God’s doing, not some particular object, like a boat wreck, or lightning, or a piece of jewelry.

Kirstin wanted to ask Kolbein if that meant that God did not want her to be with Hauk, but she’d yet to discuss the emotional entanglements of her trip.

Her father walked up to where they were all sitting around the dining room table and passed around bottles of beer and glasses of wine before commenting, “So, did she tell you she got married?”

Everyone turned to look at Kirstin.

“No, she failed to mention that,” Lida said.

“He must have been really hot. Bet he was Hollywood good-looking. Was he good looking?” Dagny asked.

“Like some kind of Viking god, I’ll bet,” Marie added, nodding her agreement at Dagny.

“Bet the sex was spectacular,” Madrene remarked.

“Madrene!” her father rebuked. “Betimes you go too far.”

Madrene just shrugged and grinned.

“And did she tell you she was married by an archbishop in the Saxon church?” Marie asked, coming in with a tray of cheeses and crackers.

Kolbein looked at Kirstin steadily and said, “Well, that settles it then.”

Kirstin wasn’t sure what Kolbein meant, and she wasn’t about to ask. Not now, anyhow, in front of everyone.

Eventually, everyone who lived in the state left, each of them giving their opinion or advice. Despite her long sleep of the night before, Kirstin felt totally depleted…exhausted mentally and physically. All those who lived out of state stayed overnight. They were all in the living room, chatting, while her father streamed his favorite Vikings episodes, with the volume turned off.

But Kirstin didn’t think she could talk anymore. She was about to sneak off when Dagny caught up with her and asked, “Do you still have that drawing I did for you when you described the man you saw in your dreams?”

Her question surprised Kirstin because she had totally forgotten that day when Dagny did a drawing for Kirstin based only on the dream image. “I think I do.” She went up to her bedroom and pulled out a dresser drawer. Yes, there it was, at the bottom, under some underwear. When she went back to the dining room, where Dagny had laid out her sketch pads and charcoal, she put the rendering on the table.

“Well?” Dagny asked. “Does it look like him?”

Kirstin looked down, and her heart skipped a beat. “It does, and it doesn’t,” she said. “His cheeks are wider, but the bones are more sculpted in the Nordic fashion. The lips are wrong. Hauk’s lips are fuller, and they should have a slight grin on them. The eyes…hmm, I’m not sure what’s off. He has what I call talking eyes. When they look at you, you know exactly what he is feeling.”

Dagny went to work, her fingers working deftly, following some more tweaks that Kirstin suggested. It took several tries, making corrections according to Kirstin’s memories, before she was finished. When Dagny lifted up the final product, Kirstin just nodded, unable to speak at first over the lump in her throat. Finally, she said, “It’s almost perfect.”

“Good! Be careful in framing it. The charcoal could smudge if it’s not done professionally.”

Kirstin felt an odd sadness at Dagny’s suggestion. It was as if her sister was assuming she would never see Hauk again and would want to have some memento. But wasn’t that a given? Why would Kirstin even harbor a different opinion? She was home where she was supposed to be.

Wasn’t she?

The road to recovery is a bumpy one…

Life goes on, and so did Hauk.

He’d finally resigned himself to the fact that Kirstin had left him and he would never see her again. There remained a dull ache in the region of his heart when he allowed himself to think of her, which wasn’t often during his hard-working, demanding days, but the nights…ah, the nights were difficult, especially since he was no longer falling into bed only when he was blindfuller with drink. What he needed was a woman to while away those late hours, but that would have to wait until the springtime when he was no longer landlocked. For now, he survived. Even so, it hurt.

He swore to himself that he would never again in the future allow himself to be so emotionally entangled with a woman. Love? Ha! From now on, it would be lust, and only lust.

“Are you ready to perform our wedding?” Thorkel asked, coming up behind him in the great hall where Hauk sat at one of the far trestle tables.

Pff! As ready as I will ever be,” Hauk replied, knowing that his friend was taking great pleasure in Hauk’s discomfort over such a duty. Usually the duty fell to the lawspeaker at the Viking assemblies called Things, or Althings where many weddings took place, or at some royal estate where a lawspeaker was in residence, but since they had no such person here, Thorkel had asked Hauk if he’d perform the task for him and Signe.

Hauk had tried to pass the chore off to Egil. After all, Egil had been married enough times, and should know the words by now. But Egil had outright refused. “Me, I’d rather kiss a boar’s arse as speak the ancient words afore a crowd of drinking Norsemen, not that I remember them,” he’d scoffed.

Hauk’s sentiments exactly.

Signe and Frida followed after Thorkel, one carrying a pitcher of ale and the other four wooden goblets. Hauk had asked them to come share a cup with him to discuss some plans to be made, both for the wedding and the yule feasts. The Vikings celebrated twelve days of yule, or Jol, from the solstice onward. The Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year, would arrive a mere two sennights from this Thorsday, with much to be arranged.

If Hauk had a wife, she would be the one doing all this planning. Not him. Hauk didn’t want to think about the irony of his actually having a wife, but having to do this anyway.

“You two still want to marry on Jul eve?” Hauk asked. “We could do it during the first night of the Jul feasts.” Which made more sense to him, lumping all of these celebrations together.

Signe and Thorkel looked at each other and nodded at some understanding they must have decided on aforehand. He noticed that they held hands, even as they sipped at their drinks.

Signe spoke for the two of them. “We prefer our ceremony to be separate from the yule ones. It would have more meaning to us on a separate day.”

Thorkel’s face flushed and he took a quick swig of ale to cover his embarrassment. It was obvious this was Signe’s idea, and he was going along with her, to avoid an argument. Smart man!

“You do not have to worry about anything. The decorations, the food to be served, the music. We will do everything,” Signe was quick to add.

Except perform the ceremony.

And was I supposed to be worrying about these things?

And what’s this about music?

Aarrrgh!

“By the by, I hope no one is expecting us to hold a feast for twelve days. The first and last night will be it,” he declared, and he didn’t care if it went against tradition or expectations or anything else, or if folks started calling him “The Grumpy Viking,” along with “The Caged Viking,” or “The Forsaken Viking,” all of which he’d overheard in passing. This jarl business was getting more involved than he’d ever imagined. He would resign, if he could.

“So, is Ingolf still planning a yule visit?” Thorkel asked, having the good sense to change the subject.

“Yea, he is. He and his family and guardsmen will arrive three days before Jul begins, in plenty of time for your wedding.” He waggled his eyebrows at the two of them.

“How will they get here? The snow is thigh high, and even though we keep paths dug to the out buildings and cotters’ homes, I can’t see them tramping by foot through the snow.” This from Thorkel, who’d had to supervise much of that digging.

“As long as there is a crust of ice on top of the snow, he will probably come in a sleigh,” Hauk mused. “That means you must make sure there is room in the barn for the horses, both the ones pulling the sleigh and those ridden by any retainers he might bring.”

Thorkel nodded.

“I will need to have the bedchambers and bed closets made up for all of them,” Signe said. “What do you plan?”

Again, they expect me to be planning these things? By the gods, I wish I were off a-Viking, or wintering in the Rus lands. Anyplace without all these responsibilities. He sighed and decided, “We will let Ingolf and his wife have my bedchamber. His two daughters will share the guest bedchamber. And you and Thorkel will get Bjorn’s bedchamber for the yule season.”

“Nay, you cannot do that,” Signe protested. “Where would you and Bjorn sleep.”

“In bed closets. It won’t be the first time for either of us,” Hauk said.

“Really, Hauk, we appreciate the offer, but we had planned to use one of the cotters’ huts,” Thorkel said.

“Nay! This is our wedding gift to you, mine and Bjorn’s.”

They agreed, reluctantly, but thankfully, compromising that they would use that bedchamber for their wedding night only.

“Now, what about the food, Frida?”

“We will do several haunches of venison for the wedding. Signe is working with me on the menu. Then, for the yule feast, we will roast the traditional boar,” his cook told him. Frida had been uncommonly quiet during all this discussion, up till now. No doubt she was still harboring ill feelings toward him since he’d snapped at her two days ago when she asked if he was ever going to look for his missing wife.

“You have everything you need?” Hauk asked her, kindly, wanting to make peace.

“I do, especially with all the extra vegetables and spices that Egil brought back from Hedeby.” She did not mention all the game he and his hunting party had brought back as well. Ah, well, she would get over her sulk with a few honeyed words. All women did.

“Thank you kindly, Frida. I knew I could count on you,” he said, smiling at her.

She lifted her chin and gazed at him haughtily.

Well, mayhap it will take a little more time.

Frida and Signe left then to various duties, while he and Thorkel finished the rest of the ale in the pitcher.

“So, do you think your wife will allow you to go a-Viking next spring?” he asked Thorkel.

“What? Of course.” Thorkel appeared insulted before he realized that Hauk was teasing.

“Originally, I thought to go amber-harvesting in the Baltics, but with our success in replenishing the larders here this winter, I am more inclined to adventure. Maybe those lands beyond Iceland.”

“Where Lady Kirstin came from?”

“Nay, not that,’ he replied. “’Twould be impossible.” Which was more true than Thorkel could realize since Kirstin came not just from a distant land but a distant time.

“Do you think she will ever come back?” Thorkel asked.

Hauk stiffened. Thorkel pushed the bounds of their friendship with his question, just had Frida had. Everyone knew it was a forbidden subject. Even so, Hauk answered, “Nay. She will never return.” Then he added, “Even if she did, she would no longer be welcome.”

Signs can be interpreted in different ways, but a sign from God? Oh, boy!...

Everything Kirstin did for the following weeks was seen through a Hauk filter.

When she went to a supermarket, she wondered, “What would Hauk think of such abundance?”

When she drove to her apartment in LA to get her work laptop and research materials, she smiled. Hauk would love driving a car. No doubt he would have a lead foot on the accelerator.

When she watched her father working in the vineyard, she wondered if Hauk’s family had ever tried to raise grapes. Probably not, not that far north.

When Torolf and Hamr visited one weekend and talked about their latest SEALs’ mission, she realized that Hauk would probably fit in well with his warrior skills.

The last straw was when she accepted and went out on a date with JAM…Jacob Alvarez Mendoza…the Navy SEAL she’d been dating off and on for years. She sat across from him in a Salina restaurant, and couldn’t help but notice how attractive he was, and nice. But she felt nothing. He was not Hauk.

After that, she stuck pretty close to home…Blue Dragon, that was. For some reason, she needed the comfort of her family, especially since the dean of her college at UCLA, Dr. Carter, assured her that her substitute was doing a fine job, and Kirstin would be welcome back next semester. Dr. Carter was even more accommodating because Kirstin had mentioned that she’d found some new research material that would enhance her doctoral thesis, which was to be presented after the new year. And that was the truth, but in a way her supervisor was not aware. All that Kirstin had witnessed and experienced during her time travel would enhance her thesis tremendously. And she did work diligently on her laptop every day.

But then she started streaming some of the old Outlander series, particularly the episodes where Claire decides to go back in time, again, and she is planning all the objects she could carry with her, like penicillin. Which was fine for Claire since she was a physician. Not so much for a college professor of Nordic studies.

Even so, Kirstin found herself compiling a list in her head of what she would take if she were going back, not that she was actually considering such a ridiculous notion. It became a sort of game.

Yes, a few photographs. One of her entire extended family taken last summer, all fifty-some of them. One of the Blue Dragon vineyard, with the house in the background. And pictures of a few other modern marvels.

Some antibiotics and over-the-counter painkillers might come in handy, but they would run out eventually. Maybe she should research some primitive herbal remedies.

Kirstin wasn’t much for make-up, but she’d always been embarrassed by her light eyelashes, which appeared nonexistent in some lights. So, a few mascara wands might come in handy. And flavored lip glosses, she thought with a smile; Hauk would get a kick out of those. She’d missed having a mirror, but she couldn’t lug such a fragile item through time, and she wasn’t out to change history, or anything, with modern inventions, but a compact one might be possible.

Maybe an old-fashioned self-winding wrist watch, rather than a battery one, would be helpful. Jewelry itself held no appeal for her, and she didn’t have much of it, anyway.

Underwear! Absolutely, several sets of underwear, and maybe some fabrics and elastic and fasteners to make more. But, no, she shouldn’t do anything to alter history.

Tampons would be so convenient, and she wondered if she brought some as samples whether primitive ones could be made. And even though she wasn’t much of a gardener, she could take packets of seeds, all kind of vegetables. Her father would know which would grow there.

She even researched methods for making soap with rudimentary materials, like ash, the way people of that time period already did. She also learned how to add scents to soap.

She had to remind herself that this was all just a game, not something she was actually considering.

But then one day, her brother Kolbein, the priest, came to visit. While they had a few moments alone when her father had to meet with a distributor and Angela started dinner, they decided to walk around the property for exercise. It was chilly…it was, after all, December, even if it was northern California…and they both wore fleece jackets.

“Will you be here for Christmas?” Kolbein asked.

The question surprised her. “Where else would I be?”

He raised his eyebrows at her.

“Kolbein! You of all people have to believe that my return here was an act of God.”

He shrugged. “Probably, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go back if you really want to, God willing.”

“I can’t believe you are even suggesting such a thing.”

“It’s obvious that you’re miserable.”

“I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it.”

Pff! Let me ask you a private question, sister. When you were in the past with your husband…and, yes, I refer to him as your husband…weren’t you afraid of getting pregnant? Wouldn’t that have precluded you from coming back? I doubt you would have taken the chance if you carried a child.”

“None of this was my doing, the going or coming back,” she reminded him. Or my not being pregnant. I was playing Russian Roulette with sex, and I knew it. “It was all God’s doing, or so we’ve always believed when it came to our time-travel experiences, Kolbein. That’s why I say God must have intended me to return to the future.”

Kolbein considered her words as they continued to walk. Finally, he seemed to come to some conclusion, and he stopped to look at her. “Has it occurred to you that God deliberately kept pregnancy from you…even when you returned, and still could have carried Hauk’s seed…so that you would be free to return. I doubt you would ever risk taking a child on such a trip. The choice is all yours. God is all about free will.”

Kirstin felt a wave of dizziness pass over her.

Should I go back?

Can I go back?

“Maybe we should both pray,” Kolbein advised.

They did. On their knees, even.

That night, for the first time since her return, Kirstin dreamed about Hauk again. He was not in the cage, of course, but he was not happy. The loving expression she’d last seen on his face was no longer there. Instead, he flashed her a forbidding scowl. Was that a sign that she should go back, that he needed her, or a sign that he no longer wanted her?

She did not know.