She wasn’t a doormat, no way. But right now, standing with Anya and staring down the sidewalk in the direction that Jarrod had disappeared, she felt weak.
It wasn’t that she needed him, she reminded herself. No. What she needed was to know they were safe. And as much as she had thought she could protect herself, this week had proved otherwise.
And perhaps that was what made her feel weakest of all—she had been unable to save herself.
For her entire life, she had convinced herself that she could handle anything and that she was braver than most, and yet when the nerve agent had been thrown at them, she had merely stood there. Jarrod had saved her life.
And now, here he was seeking justice for a child he didn’t even know, and soon he would be whisking them away to some unknown place where they would be out of the killer’s sights.
If she could have willed his return, she would have. Anya fussed. “Hungry, Anta. Hungry.”
“Okay, sweetie. We will get food soon.”
“No. No. Now.” She whined, the sound a screechy wail.
Mindy reached into her purse, fishing around for some kind of snack. At the bottom of her tote was a semi-crushed bag of Goldfish crackers Daniel had given her the last time she had watched Anya.
Anya, having seen the oily bag, opened and closed her starfish-like hands as her whine turned into desperate grunts.
“Don’t eat all of them in one sitting,” she said, handing Anya the bag. “When Jarrod gets back we will go get some food. Okay?”
Anya ignored her, instead she yanked the ziplock bag open, tearing the sides in her rush to get to the few whole Goldfish crackers that remained.
When Jarrod appeared in the distance she could have sworn the clouds broke and a sunbeam illuminated his presence.
He didn’t look at her as he walked toward them, surrounded by strangers.
It always struck her how, in this city of millions, a person could still be all alone. In many ways, the way he looked, completely oblivious to the world around him, was how she often found herself feeling.
Sure, she had shirttail friends, and friends spread around the globe, but more often than not, she spent her time dealing with emails, invoices, patents and lawyers. And even when she did get the chance to hang with her friends, it was like they had all reached the same place in their careers…the point of no return.
Looking at Jarrod’s muscular, sinewy arms and perfect V-shaped body, she couldn’t help wondering if she had reached the same place with him, as well. There was no question about her level of attraction to him. It had been months, if not years, since she had felt this kind of burning inside of her when she looked at a man. And perhaps the best part was how much he appreciated that she was a smart, capable and professional woman.
Which reminded her… She tried to straighten her body and appear not to be in full-blown panic mode. He couldn’t know all that she was feeling. If he did, he’d realize how unstable she felt.
As he approached she looked for signs that he’d been in a fight, but he appeared unscathed. A wave of relief washed through her, making her realize that it wasn’t just her and Anya’s safety she had been concerned with.
“Did he get arrested? Do we need to go to the station and give a statement or anything?” she asked in a single breath.
“What?” He looked at her like he was trying to decipher what exactly she had just blurted out.
“Did you get him?” She tried again, this time more measured.
His face contorted with anger and disappointment. “He got away, but I got a picture of him.”
What would a picture do? It seemed utterly worthless. She thought of the old adage “a picture is worth a thousand words.” Right now she could think of at least that many to tell him how disappointed she was that he let the kidnapper slip through his fingers.
Maybe he wasn’t who she needed in a bodyguard after all.
“What happened?” She tried to not sound as if she was interrogating him, even though that was exactly what she was doing—or maybe, it was more of an interview for the job he was already doing for her.
“Whoever this guy is, he knows the city. He definitely used it to his advantage.” Jarrod directed his attention down at Anya. “But don’t worry, my team will track him down. My sister has already sent my brothers after him. By the end of the day I’m sure we’ll know everything from this guy’s cell phone number to the size of his shoes.”
Though Jarrod seemed self-assured, she didn’t want to point out that they were still trying to figure out exactly who had attacked them. If his siblings were as talented as he was making them out to be, it didn’t seem right that they were still at a loss. Or maybe she was just being cynical.
“How’s my girl Anya doing?” Jarrod asked, squatting down beside the girl, who was still digging into the bag.
Anya didn’t bother to look up at him. Instead, she shoved a handful of crackers into her mouth.
“Are you hungry, sweetheart?” Jarrod asked.
Anya finally looked up at him and nodded. “Happy Meal?”
“No way,” Mindy said.
As they made their way down the city block, it almost felt surreal. Only moments before, they had been chasing down a kidnapper. Now they were going on with their day as though nothing had happened. She couldn’t make sense of her life. It seemed to ebb and flow between danger and safety in a way that made her almost question her sanity. She couldn’t keep going on like this.
“Happy. Meal,” Anya insisted.
Jarrod passed her a pleading look. He might not want to argue with the little one, but that didn’t mean they could give in to Anya’s whims. Things had a way of spiraling with her. If they didn’t stand their ground now, Anya would learn that they were a soft touch. And the next time, when they really meant no, Anya would push even harder.
On the other hand, soon Anya would be back with Daniel and her nanny and Mindy wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions. It might be a little passive-aggressive, but with the disappearing act Daniel was pulling, he kind of deserved it.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Mindy said. “But we’ll get you something that will make your tummy happy.”
Anya threw her arms over her chest in an angry huff.
For Anya, the reaction was mild. Finally Mindy was getting this caregiver thing down. The last time she had told Anya no, and actually stuck with it, the little one had gone into a full ten-on-the-Richter-scale tantrum, and Daniel had been forced to step in to handle things.
Hopefully, everything with Daniel was okay. It wasn’t entirely unlike him to up and disappear for no reason, although since Anya arrived, he had been much more grounded. The last time he had done this was when he found out about Anya being put up for adoption. He had raced off to Russia without telling anyone and had returned with the girl under his wing.
Maybe he had another child out there, or he was rescuing someone she knew nothing about. For now, she would have to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that his reckless behavior was nothing more than one of his flights of fancy. And yet there was a twinge of something inside of her that said there was more to this, that he was in danger.
She pushed the thought aside. Daniel was fine. She was making something out of nothing.
An Uber pulled up next to them, and the driver rolled down his window. “Are you Jarrod?”
Jarrod nodded. “Thanks for finding us.”
The driver stopped just long enough for them to scurry into their seats before taking off to the airport. Anya sat in Mindy’s lap, which was not ideal. If they needed to do any driving in their next location, she would need to find a car seat.
After making the Uber driver stop at a corner fruit stand and buying a bag of fruit for Anya, they made their way to the airport. They drove onto the tarmac where their private jet waited. As they got out, she made sure to hand the driver a hundred-dollar bill for adding the stop. The guy looked surprised at the money, but it disappeared into his pocket without protest.
She would have given almost anything to have an existence like their driver’s. Sure, his life probably had its ups and downs, but instead of worrying about life and death, he had to worry about which bridge to avoid and where traffic was the lightest.
More than anything she wished she could just be.
The pilot welcomed them with a handshake and a smile before helping them board. He and Jarrod spoke to each other, but instead of speaking in English, it sounded something like French.
If only she had taken it in school. As it was, she felt like an outsider standing in the middle of their conversation.
The plane was larger than it looked, with two rows of leather airline seating in the front and couches in the back. In the farthest reaches of the plane there was a door, and even from where she stood she could see a bed adorned with a fresh-cut bouquet of sunflowers. Their giant droopy heads were perched on the pillow, sunny and warm in their welcome.
A flight attendant walked out of the back bedroom and nodded at Mindy and Anya. “Welcome, ma’am. If there is anything I can help you with, please do not hesitate to ask. Would you like a glass of champagne to get your flight started? Perhaps orange juice for Ms. Anya?”
“That would be wonderful, thank you,” Mindy said. “Would you like one as well, Jarrod?”
He nodded, but his attention turned to Anya, who was pulling at his suit pants.
The attendant walked toward them and took the bag of fruit from her. “Would you like me to chop these up for you?”
She felt silly for having made them stop to get something for Anya. Of course there would be food on the private jet. Yet, from the way that Jarrod had talked about their flight, it had sounded more like a puddle jumper than something Hans Anders would have used to fly around the world.
It wasn’t that she wasn’t used to traveling in lavish style; it was just that Jarrod, with his rugged looks and penchant for danger, seemed like the opposite of posh. He seemed like the kind of guy who would be more comfortable holding one of her guns deep in the jungle somewhere, waiting and watching for the moment he could take someone out. At the same time, though, it was hotter than hell to see a badass like him surrounded by luxury. It was like she was getting the best of both worlds.
The flight attendant made her way to a small kitchenette near one of the couches in the back of the plane and started putting together their drinks, complete with gold-trimmed stemware.
“Go. Go,” Anya said as she plopped down in the front seat.
“Do you want me to sit with you?” Mindy called to Anya.
Anya shook her head and pulled her stuffed unicorn from her backpack and buckled him in the seat next to her.
Mindy followed Jarrod down the narrow aisle, stopping when she came to Anya. She quickly buckled her seat belt. “You have to stay in your seat when we are flying. Unless you need to go potty. Okay?”
Anya didn’t pay her any mind, instead pulling at her confining belt.
Mindy readjusted her purse as she stood up. Nestled inside was a diaper for the girl. Maybe she should have checked to see if she needed to be changed before they had gotten here. As it was, she only had a single diaper and it would hardly be enough for even a day, let alone however long it was going to be that they would be away. “Do you need to go potty now?”
Anya shook her head. “We go?” she said, her words somewhere between a question and a statement as she pointed out the window and toward the airplane’s wings. “Dada?” she added.
Jarrod twitched, the action so minuscule that if Mindy hadn’t been standing right behind him, she might have missed it.
“I…uh… We are hoping to meet up with your daddy soon.” She tripped on the fear the words created within her. What if her feeling had been right and there really was something going on with her brother? What if he was hurt, or worse?
She looked over at Anya as she took the seat next to Jarrod. Anya was pulling at her wayward curls, wrapping her hair around her finger and letting go like her hair was just another of her toys. Anya looked over at her and smiled, the action so unexpected and pure that she felt her heart skip a beat. This was love.
And true of love, terror rested on its heels.
What if Daniel remained missing? Mindy wasn’t sure she was ready or right for the job of being Anya’s mom or guardian or caregiver. Sure, she knew how to help her, to guide her through the day, but being a mom was totally outside of her comfort zone. It was such a foreign concept that she couldn’t even really imagine it.
Her thoughts moved to her own mother. It was strange, but she couldn’t really remember exactly what she looked like, though she could still remember the scent of her mom’s skin and her Shalimar perfume. She had always loved floral pantsuits and high heels, and no matter what was happening, she was always dressed to impress.
Her mother had completely bought into the myth that was “the perfect life.” Go to school, work on herself, exercise, uphold societal beauty standards, marry, have children, get the dog and the white picket fence and then die. Well, all except she had raced to the finish line and had died when Mindy was merely eight years old.
She had been the one to find her mother in the bathtub, pills scattered around the marble floor. Even now, sometimes when she closed her eyes for the night, she could still see her mother’s lifeless expression and her slack jaw…as if she had spoken her name one last time as she had slipped from this world and into the next.
Mindy couldn’t imagine what her mother must have been going through to make such a choice, but she didn’t hate her for it. If anything, she felt only a deep sadness and guilt. If only she had acted better, behaved better, listened better or paid more attention to her mother’s instructions, perhaps her mother wouldn’t have made the same choice. Now she understood those feelings were those of a child who thought that everything was her fault. But even with that acknowledgment and understanding, at her core she still felt guilty.
If she had been more for her mother, there was no way her mother could have left her.
She and Daniel had never really talked about her mother. Daniel’s mother, her father’s first wife, had attended the funeral, but instead of mourning she had mostly doted on her son. It had made Mindy dislike the woman in the moment, but over the coming years they had made progress with their relationship. Right up until she had shacked up with her pool boy, a man half her age, and turned away from Daniel.
There was nothing wrong with a woman choosing a younger man, but it was wrong that the woman had forgotten the son she had previously used as a crutch when he no longer served her purposes.
Which brought Mindy back to the impossibility of being a mother. She was totally not ready; nor did it feel like she ever would be. Her life was a thing of beauty as it was. Everything, until recently, had been centered on logic. One decision led to another, which led to another. Each time she simply had to ask herself if the outcome fit their business model and marketing plans. If not, she made a different choice. Mothering was nothing but a series of ambiguities. And ambiguities were not something she was prepared to handle.
Not only that, but just looking at her and Daniel’s mothers, maybe it was best if she didn’t go down that road… If her life was anything like theirs, she could only see it ending in disaster.
The attendant brought them each a glass of champagne and Anya’s orange juice, along with a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich—Anya’s favorite. After Anya ate and went potty, Mindy had another glass of champagne and fell into the comfortable flight’s lull.
Jarrod was doing something on his phone, and after about an hour Anya fell asleep, her head propped up against the window as if she were hoping that she could spend her dreams in the clouds. Mindy nudged Jarrod and smiled as she pointed across the aisle toward the girl.
“Ah, what a sweetheart. I bet we wore her out,” he said.
“Why don’t we move back to the couches, that way we don’t disturb her?” she whispered, unbuckling her seat belt.
Jarrod nodded and followed her. She couldn’t help staring at the door that led to the bedroom. It was silly and completely asinine, but all she could imagine was slipping her hand in his and leading him back there.
She would have pushed him down onto the bed, then let him watch as she slowly stripped down in front of him. He would have loved her pink lace panties and matching bra.
But that was all it could be, a fantasy.
She sat down beside him on a couch, and even though the jets drowned out some of the sound, she could hear his every breath. The sound was mesmerizing, and once again she found herself thinking of more carnal things.
She wasn’t some love-struck teenager, but for some reason, whenever she was around him it seemed like she was reverting to her old ways—make love first and ask questions later. But that couldn’t be who she was anymore. She was a professional woman, and as a professional she had to consider more than just her feelings when making a decision, especially when it came to her heart.
His hand rested between them, and she kept glancing down as she wondered how it would feel to take his hand. Now, in this place and nearly alone, she would revel in his touch and the rough calluses that adorned his skin. He had the hands of a man, with one tough patch just below his naked ring finger and another between his pointer and thumb. Actually, it was the callus of a man who handled firearms—often. Far more than a simple security guard would.
She thought about pressing him for more answers about who he really was, but no matter how many questions she asked, he wasn’t the kind of man who would willingly supply her with information. Her only hope to really know him would come with patience and time, neither of which she had in spades.
His phone sounded and he pulled it from his breast pocket. Hotstuff—that was the caller.
Unless it was a pizza place, there was only one other explanation—his girlfriend was on the line.
He shot Mindy a look and stood up as he answered the phone. “What’s up?” he asked, his tone in direct opposition to the name that had flashed on the screen.
Was it possible that the woman on the other end of the line was his ex? Still, if she was calling it had to mean there were still feelings lingering between them.
A niggle of jealousy crept through her, or maybe it was anger that he could have lied to her. Either way, she wished she had stayed in her seat and closer to the comfort of Anya. She shouldn’t have let herself imagine anything with him.
Questions first.
“Are you kidding me?” he said, walking over to the bar and pouring himself a scotch. He took a long swig, emptying the tumbler and refilling it.
The last time she had seen a man drink and talk in that manner was when Daniel had gotten the first phone call about Anya. While the situation with his daughter had ended well, it had been a long journey in getting her to the States and under their care.
Oh goodness, what would she do if Jarrod was learning he was a father?
There may have been an increase in cabin pressure, but she was certain that her heart had just dropped into the soles of her feet.
She thought of Daniel and the moment he’d found out he’d become Anya’s primary guardian. He had looked so excited, but he’d also looked just as terrified as Jarrod did now. It wasn’t that she would have minded dating a single father… That was fine. But what if this new responsibility—or whatever it was that he was learning—took precedence over a relationship?
Jarrod flopped down across from her on the other side of the plane and dropped his forehead into his hands as he grumbled words into his phone. She wasn’t completely sure, but it sounded as though he said something like “I can’t believe it.” From his tone, they weren’t the words of a man who was relieved. Rather, they were the words of a man who had been broken.