Seventeen

 

 

She knew she must look ridiculous, wet and furious, so she kept to the shadows as she walked through the streets of Santa Fe, building her mental rant as she passed by drunken cowboys and several women standing against buildings, smoking cigars. No one dared to approach her as she kept mumbling to herself…

How dare he just kiss her and walk away? She had listened to him for over ten days, watched him flirt with her, deny her, want her, and deny her again. Enough! It was time for Luke d'Séraphin to get off the fence and make a choice. Who knew how long they would be here, and she wasn't about to spend this time trying to make him see what was obvious to everyone else, even his friend Don Felipe! She wasn't asking for a commitment, just a decision.

What caused his fear? she wondered as she turned down the street toward the building in which he worked. He couldn't promise anything. Okay, she wasn't asking for a promise. He never knew where he would be, or how long he would remain. Fine, he was here now. Hadn't he taught her to accept the present and not worry about the future? He was in service to some mysterious, unnameable force or source of everything. Terrific, she'd throw in her weight, too, if it meant living in the moment and seeing that life was meant to be enjoyed. Sounded like a pretty adventurous path, and she was finding that being in Luke's presence was a catalyst for her being more true to herself. He just wanted to keep this attraction as a flirtation, and she wasn't going to have it. They could be friends or they could be more than friends, but this torturous in-between state was going to end.

It was like he was talking himself out of happiness.

That made her wonder why in her time people so willingly agreed that shit happened, but were suspicious when joy happened? She guessed she, too, had talked herself out of happiness plenty of times because of fear, and that was why she could recognize it so easily in Luke now.

She blinked in surprise as she looked across the street to the building Luke had been using. It was dark. He wasn't there. It made no sense and she turned around in a circle, not knowing what else to do. Where could he be? Maybe he had stopped in one of the bars again and hadn't arrived yet. Standing against the rough adobe wall of a building, she decided she wasn't about to check out the bars, so she'd just wait. He would show up.

And then they were going to have it out!

She was ready. It was no longer just about having a child. She wanted Luke, if not for forever, then for right now, and she wanted him to want her without fear. She wanted him to make a decision. She realized she could live with it, no matter the outcome. She went over in her mind everything she wanted to say to him, giving him back his own words, his own mentor advice to her. The longer she waited, the more she built her case. A faint flicker of light down the road caught her attention and she looked to see what it might be.

The chapel.

She had never been inside, and it was far enough away from the bigger church that if one did not go down the side street, it couldn't be seen. Luke must be there. She suddenly remembered he'd said he was installing the staircase tonight. Pulling her still damp shawl tighter, she ventured out from the shadows and walked toward the light.

Within minutes, she pushed on the side door and peeked inside.

"Casey!"

She didn't say anything in response to him as she entered the tiny chapel and walked around the pews. Her voice was silenced by the magnificent sight of the double helix spiral staircase reaching up to the choir loft. It had two 360-degree turns in it and seemed to stand by itself. "How does it stay up?" she breathed in awe, her rant completely forgotten for the moment.

"The inner radius is so small that it acts as a support pole." Luke seemed to accept her presence and even smiled as she admired his work. "You like it?"

"Like it?" She turned to him. "It's magnificent, Luke! I can't think of any other word to describe it." Instinctively she rushed up to him and hugged his arm. "Congratulations," she whispered. "Well done."

The muscle of his upper arm tightened in response to her hug and he chuckled. "Thank you. It does serve the purpose well. Now the sisters can ascend to their choir without worrying who might be looking up their skirts."

Laughing, Casey pulled back and turned once more to the staircase. The small chapel was dimly lit by the few lanterns he had placed around his work space. The lighting added to the ethereal atmosphere. "Oh, Luke, it really is magnificent," she whispered, coming closer and reaching out to run her fingers over the smooth wood. "What a wonderful thing you have created. Its takes you almost magically up from ground level."

Again he laughed. "Well, it will get them where they want to be."

She spun around and saw that in the front of the chapel, behind the altar, was a big portrait of the Madonna and Child. "And you shall hear women singing praises, as you wished."

He shrugged. "That was only part of the reason."

She turned her gaze to him and whispered, "Yes, I know. I'm the other part. Now that it's finished, what are you going to do, Luke d'Séraphin? We're still here together and you explained you don't know exactly when we're getting back… How will you occupy your nights now?"

He shook his head and walked past her to the staircase. "You are too much for me, Casey," he muttered, picking up a tool and sanding out a rough spot on the wooden curve. "You won't allow this to rest, will you?"

She brought her hand up to her hip. "Hey, I'm not the one who kissed you back there in the courtyard. You grabbed me, remember?"

He glanced at her. "Why are you wet?"

Brushing her damp hair away from her face, she stood up straighter. "Never mind trying to change the subject. You're very good at that, Luke, but tonight I'm not going to allow it. I came over here to let you have it."

"It?"

"Yeah, it!" she almost yelled, and then lowered her voice when she remembered she was in a chapel. "You think you're the only one who's filled with doubts about love? Is that your fear? Because if it is, your fear is going to drive me away. We can be friends or we can be more, but we can't stay like this. It's driving both of us crazy."

"You don't understand what you're asking."

"I understand that I'm asking you to make a decision. Maybe one you've managed to sidestep for God only knows how many years. Since you're in service, time-traveling God only knows where, it might have been thousands!" She felt better now that she had gotten it out. Calmer, she continued, "But you have to make a choice now, Luke. I don't deserve less, and truthfully, neither do you. I have a right to know if I am loved."

His arms dropped to his sides, and he stared at the wood in front of him, as though not having the strength to finish. "Casey…" His voice was a mere whisper of torment.

"Luke, if it's about not making promises because you don't know where you'll be, I accept that. No promises. I don't want to take away your freedom. I know how important it is to you. If it's because you've got some contract with this unnameable source, I accept that too. I'm starting to realize why it will always come first in your life and I can respect it. Heck, I'll even come on board myself if this is part of it, because I had never known I was capable of this much love for another. Whatever your fear is, Luke, you've got to listen to your own advice. You're the one who taught me not to hold on to fear, but to accept where I was now and not fight the way life was unfolding. Well, it unfolded with me loving you, and I deserve to know what your fear is, because it's blocking both of us now. I deserve the truth."

She surprised herself by her words, yet as she heard them, she recognized they were as true and sincere as she knew how to communicate. Swallowing several times to bring moisture back into her mouth, Casey tried to be patient as she waited for him to speak.

He laid the tool back on the ground and walked up to her. Standing a few inches away, he reached out and pulled her damp shawl from her shoulders and draped it over a pew. Her heart started thumping in her chest and she knew he had made a decision.

"You are the most wonderful and the most maddening woman I have ever encountered, Señorita Casey O'Reilly," he whispered with a tender smile as his fingers brushed back her hair. He looked more deeply into her eyes. "You have sharpened my mind with your never-ending lists of questions, and—"

"There weren't that many and I had every right to ask questions when I'd been thrown back in time and—"

"Shh," he said with a smile as he held his finger to her lips. "Allow me, for once, to finish without interruptions."

"Okay," she murmured against his finger, for he left it resting ever so gently on her chin.

"You have reminded me with laughter and intelligence not to take myself so seriously. And finally, you have probed every last recess of my resistance with your words of truth and your incredible, amazing love, making it impossible for me to deny it any longer. How could I not love your warmth, your humor, your intelligence, your compassion, your faith, your agility, your complex and fascinating beauty?"

"You love me?" Tears were coming into her eyes.

"Here, mi querida, my beloved one, in this chapel that honors truth, I confess mine now. You must already know the truth of my soul… I adore you. You had my love long ago. Perhaps from the moment I looked into your incredibly honest eyes." His finger was slowly tracing the outline of her lips. "I do love you, my precious angel."

He lowered his head, and when his lips touched hers, she whimpered in relief and threw her arms around his neck as he drew her into the most beautiful kiss. Holding him close, she met his kiss with tenderness, with respect, and with a love that she thought might burst through her heart.

"You love me," she whispered through her tears as she broke the kiss and laid her head on his chest.

He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head as he cradled her in his arms. "I apologize for not telling you earlier. I was worried for you, querida. This will not be a normal relationship by any means," he whispered, tilting her head up to look at him.

"Believe me, I know that. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I've waited forever for you to show up, Luke. I'm not about to blow this because of fear."

"You are courageous, my love. Your parents named you well."

"I never thought of myself as being brave. This doesn't feel brave, Luke. This feels right."

"It does," he agreed. "Again, I am so sorry I made you wait to hear a truth we both felt in our hearts. I was worried for you, my time traveler. Already you have surpassed me in faith. Truly you are the teacher now."

"We'll teach each other and learn together."

"You must know something first," he said, looking deep into her eyes. "I have never said what I am about to say to anyone else, and I want you to know it is a love such as I never knew existed that prompts these words… I am committed to this love now, in every way, physical and beyond. I will always honor and respect it, for it is beyond you and me, it has a life of its own, our union." He took her hand. "Will you, Casey O'Reilly, share with me whatever time we have together?"

She felt like a bride, and the tears she had been trying to hold back started to fall onto her cheeks. "I will."

His eyes were filled with intense love. "As will I," he whispered into the silence of the chapel, while brushing away her tears with his fingers. "You are wise when you say you deserve the truth. Above all, such vulnerability deserves it. My fear, beloved one, was loss of freedom, and now that I have told you of my love, I feel more free than I ever have before. We are blessed, you and I, for however long we travel together. May it be eternity…"

Slowly, no longer needing words, they came together, joining lips, minds, hearts, souls, and silently sealed their union.

"Surely no wedding service performed by a priest was more accepted in the eyes of God."

They broke apart and turned toward the voice.

A nun stood at the doorway.

"Sister Bernardina!" Luke identified the woman as he continued to hold Casey to his chest.

"It is beautiful," the nun whispered in awe as she came into the chapel and looked at the staircase. "You have performed a miracle, señor."

"Gracias." Luke released Casey and held her hand as the nun came closer. "It still needs a railing, but any good carpenter can do that for you."

"And it works?" the robust woman asked in disbelief.

"Try it."

"Oh, there is no time!" Sister Bernardina exclaimed, as though remembering why she was in the chapel so late at night. "The light has been sighted by the sisters and they are sending Father Taladrid to investigate. I came to warn you. If you do not wish to be discovered, señor, you must leave immediately."

"Thank you, Sister," Luke said, grabbing his jacket and Casey's shawl, and pulling Casey toward the door.

"Wait… señor!"

They looked back to the nun.

"Who are you really?" she pleaded, awe still in her voice. "How… how did you perform this miracle in such a short time? What shall I say when asked?"

"Say nothing, sister," Luke insisted, leading Casey to the door. "You cannot tell what you don't know. Vaya con Dios, Hermana."

"Tell everyone an angel built it," Casey yelled with a joyous laugh as Luke pulled her out the door.

He stared at her, his eyes wide with disbelief as he led her away from the chapel.

"Well, you are, aren't you?" she asked with a giggle. "Angels are messengers, and you're delivering messages everywhere you go, to everyone you meet. You must be an angel!"

"Angel is another label, Casey," he muttered, pulling her into the shadows of the alley. He suddenly pressed her against the side of the building, concealing her with his body and looking like he was about to kiss her. "Does it matter what I am?" he asked, and Casey heard hurried footsteps. It must be the priest.

"No," she answered with a whisper, looking into his eyes and knowing it was the truth.

The footsteps passed them.

"If I told you I was an alien, or an angel, or just a simple man who happened to have time-traveled once, just like you, and found himself while doing it… would any of it make any difference to what you know in your heart?"

She shook her head. "Nothing will change my mind. I love you, whoever you are."

"And I love you, Casey O'Reilly." He smiled and squeezed her hand. "Now let's get out of here while Father Taladrid thinks we are a scandalous couple who can't control their emotions on a public street."

They both laughed and Casey felt like her feet didn't even touch the ground as they hurried through Santa Fe.

Casey… the married lady. A nun, no less, had pronounced it!

 

They stood at the foot of her bed, staring at each other. Luke had entered the house with her, using the passageway, and now it appeared the moment of real truth was upon them.

"Why am I so nervous?" Casey whispered, staring into his eyes. She had wanted this, dreamed of it, desired it. Why did she look like a drowned rat now of all times?

"There is no need, querida." He brushed the tips of his fingers over her brow. "What if you knew that for the rest of your life you never again had to worry what someone thought of you, because you knew you were totally loved? Every thought. Every gesture. Every laugh. Every curve of your body. What if every inch of you is so precious that no thought save love could ever be applied to it?"

"I… I would be in heaven."

"Welcome to heaven, Casey," he said with the most tender smile.

"This is gonna be intense, isn't it?"

"Yep." His slight chuckle was even more endearing, that he could go along with her playfulness. "This is gonna be intense. But you're an excellent teacher and you've taught me there's nothing to fear. Allow me to lead you. I will never hurt you, my precious angel."

"Right," she breathed, as his fingers slid down the side of her face to her neck, and the laces that bound her blouse. She kept her gaze locked with his, taking her strength now from him.

"I have imagined, dreamed, of this moment," he whispered, pulling on the laces until the top of the blouse dropped down her arms. He gently removed the blouse and placed it on the bed beside them. The chemise had more laces and he slowly began untying them, whispering, "Beautiful, beautiful…" as more of her was revealed.

She drew in her breath as his hands gently touched her breasts, as though paying them honor with his reverent touch.

Gazing into her eyes, he said, "Thank you for trusting me."

Sensing the tears returning, she pulled him to her, feeling his shirt against her breasts. "Thank you for loving me," she answered, burying her face against his neck and inhaling him. "I… I've never felt like this before."

He brought his head down and lightly ran his cheek against hers, creating an intimacy that inflamed every nerve ending in her body. "Nothing exists, querida, but this moment… Stay here with me."

"Always, Luke… I'll always stay with you, anywhere, anytime."

Their mouths came together, as though starved for each other, and Casey nearly ripped his shirt from his chest. Luke helped, and when his bare skin touched her breasts, she moaned with the searing contact and her head fell back as he placed kisses along her neck and shoulder. He took his time, savoring each inch of skin, extracting for them both such pleasure, all that was heard was their ragged breathing. Kissing, licking, nipping, his mouth devoured her. Her breasts ached for his touch again, and as though knowing everything about her, he bent his head and paid them homage. Everywhere he touched, her blood rushed to that spot, leaving her feverish for more. His hands caressed her back and waist, tugging at her skirt until it pooled at her feet.

Without words, they quickly removed all remaining barriers of clothing. Shoes were kicked off, slip and underwear dropped on the floor along with his trousers. As she stood naked in the moonlight, Casey realized, incredibly, she wasn't scared. She could feel she was loved beyond anything she'd ever imagined, and fear had no part in this… This was timeless.

"You are so incredibly beautiful." His voice was low and husky with desire.

She smiled and brought her hand up, as though to sprinkle something before his eyes. "Juana's magic," she murmured. "To keep you thinking that."

"I need no magic beyond this moment, querida." He captured her hand and kissed her palm, running the tip of his tongue up to her wrist and planting a kiss at her pulse. "I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You would know you never need anything else. You are beautiful."

She sighed as she stroked his chest, feeling the beat of his heart under her hand. "I love you, Luke," she whispered as emotion crept up her throat.

"C'mere." He shocked her by sweeping her up into his arms and carrying her to the bed. Placing her gently against the soft pillows, he reached down and kissed her tenderly. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" she demanded, feeling his loss as he walked across the room.

He picked up the chair and carried it to the wardrobe. "I just want to make sure we aren't disturbed."

Casey grinned. He was the beautiful one. His strong lean body was perfection. "Good thinking." She turned on her side and ran her hand over the coverlet. "Now you c'mere…"

"As you wish, mi querida." he answered, sliding onto the bed and pulling her into his arms again.

They came together with a passion kept in denial for far too long. Hands were instruments of discovery and pleasure. Their mouths tasted and memorized the landscape of each other's body. Casey felt herself melting into him, giving of herself so freely, and when he moved to lie on top of her, she gasped with the scorching connection. She could feel his heartbeat at their intimate meeting as he held her close and breathed her name…

"Casey…"

She opened her legs to welcome him and he slid between them. This time he gasped and stared at her in wonder. Stroking her hair back off her face, he said, "I have never felt this close to another. Always I held something back, for fear of the uncertainty in my life. This time…" He shook his head slightly. "This time there is no holding back. If there is nothing more than this moment, then I shall not waste it with anything but love. I, too, have waited a lifetime to adore you."

He lowered his head and kissed her lips, her eyes, her nose, her chin. He began a course down her body, lingering at her breasts, and when he left them to go lower, Casey moaned and reached up to cling to the iron bars of the bed.

He adored her, using his tongue to caress her tender flesh. Over and over he graced her with his attention, creating such exquisite pleasure that she moaned his name as his hand came up and captured her breast. Waves of intense sensations permeated her body, and when she thought she couldn't take any more, he slowly, deliberately, slid up her electrified torso and stared into her eyes.

"You were made for me."

"Yes," she breathed back heavily, trying to make her brain work again. The throbbing between her legs didn't ease and she wrapped them around him to again make contact.

"Not yet, my beloved," he whispered, and then glided down to kiss each breast, the tender skin beneath, her belly, and again he adored her. "I want this night to be burned in our memories." His hot breath against her inflamed body sent a current of heat laced with pleasure rushing through every inch of her. Every tiny nerve ending was alive, awakened, and demanding release from this magnificent torture.

"Oh God…" Casey gasped, not knowing how much more she could stand. Over and over he repeated the same thing, bringing her to the brink of orgasm and then stopping, She had never been loved with such total abandon, and a part of her knew she was being altered, for she felt herself expanding to him, opening her mind, her heart, her soul, even more.

"Please, Luke," she pleaded, wanting to unite with him. "Please come to me…"

For the last time he kissed her throbbing flesh. "My pleasure, mi amor," he whispered, coming to lie above her. "You are mine."

"I am," she murmured thickly. "Forever…"

She wound her arms around his back and pulled him to her, gasping and pressing her head into the pillow at the exquisite, breathtaking sensation of him slowly, gently, sliding into her. The warmth, the fullness, the rightness, overwhelmed her as he kissed her chin and whispered in a raspy voice, "Thank you, my precious one, for loving me. I… I didn't think you existed, except in my mind."

"I'm here," she cried. "And I do love you…"

He thrust into her and she moved in response, wrapping her legs around him to pull him closer. Again he began a rhythmic motion, this time with his body, and Casey followed easily, for they had danced before and she trusted him with her life. He brought her back to the edge again, urging her onward with words of love, encouraging her to leap, to fly, and it built and built until she burst beyond and she was flying, as wave after wave of divine energy seemed to race to every atom of her being and seep out through her pores, sending her into the universe to dance amid the stars.

It was magnificent.

"Casey… Casey… mi amor…" He called her name as his body stiffened with release and he joined her in the heavens, granting her the honor of leading him home. They clung together through the aftershocks, gasping as the dance crested on and on in an unnameable timelessness. Everything they each desired was fulfilled in one exquisite, glorious, eternal moment.

"Oh…" Casey gasped, settling back into her body with such sweetness that she wanted to cry.

He lifted his head from her shoulder and gazed with love into her eyes. "We are united now, you and I," he whispered with a smile as he brushed her hair off her face. "We are forever altered, querida. There is a poet who said it well, something to the effect that you and I are not going to be who we were going to be because we changed all that for each other, and we are now going to be who we never would have been without each other. I pray you will always be happy with the change."

"I am so happy, Luke," she whispered, sniffling and cradling his face with her palms. "Happier than I have ever been in my life. I feel so peaceful, as though I have finally come home and my seeking is done. Whatever happens after this, I promise you… I will always be grateful that you changed my life."

"As will I, Casey. I am more of me now."

"Yes," she said in an excited voice. "That's it. I'm more of me now, too."

He slid off her and pulled her into his arms. She lay on her side and casually, as if they had been married for years, drew her leg over his body and her arms around his chest. "That was exquisite, Luke," she murmured, running her hands over his skin and reveling in the sensation.

He stroked her back and sighed contentedly. "Thank you for receiving so beautifully and for giving so completely. You honor me with your love."

"I could stay within your love forever like this," she sighed, feeling as though she never wanted to leave his arms. It was as if she had been on this long, arduous journey to reach him her entire life. And now she felt safe, secure, loved.

"I must speak with you about a few things now, my precious time traveler."

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "You sound so serious. What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, querida, but the time has come to explain some things. It's about time-traveling. Do you remember making a bet with me? That if you learned how to dance with me, I would tell you everything I knew about it?"

She thought back and did remember that conversation in the garden before their first dance lesson. "Yes. I did win, didn't I?"

He chuckled and continued to stroke her back. "Yes, you won… and you danced magnificently."

"So now the time has come for you to pay up. I think I like this part," she giggled.

"I hope you feel that way when I've finished."

"Why?" Again she raised her head to stare at him.

"Because I believe the time is approaching when we shall return."

Now she sat up and stared at him. "Really? How do you know?"

He closed his eyes briefly, as though collecting his thoughts. "I can't explain it. It's something I feel… A knowing starts to build inside of me that a change is about to take place. You will feel it, too, when it's evident, and you must trust yourself… for now you are a time traveler, Casey. It may happen to you again."

"What do you mean?" she demanded. "I could time-travel again?"

He nodded and opened his eyes. "You are not the same woman you were when you were driving that car in the storm. You are altered, Casey, and you will never be that same woman again."

"I'm okay with that," she whispered. "Actually, I like myself much better now."

He smiled. "Good. But just as the opportunity to serve you was presented to me when I drove along that interstate, you, too, will be presented with opportunities to be of service now."

"What? You mean I could be zapped back in time to anyplace… alone?"

Once more he gathered her in his arms and she clung to him. "Do not fear. You will always have a choice, querida. To be of service or not. I have found in my experience that things unfold exactly as they will, and if I fight the circumstances, it only leads to difficulty. You will not be forced, for if you do not do something with an open heart, is it really of service to another?"

She thought about it, all the times she had done something because she thought she should, not because she wanted to. "I guess not."

"When your cup is filled to overflowing with love, then you have something to give without expecting anything in return… for you are full, whole, complete… no fear."

"Will you be with me?" She asked the question with a trembling voice.

"I honestly can't say right now. But you will feel me. In that sense I will always be with you. Our connection cannot be changed after tonight. Still, we will have to see how the pattern unfolds before us."

"Oh, Luke… this sounds scary." She felt the burning in her eyes and shut them tightly to stop the tears.

"Do not allow fear to enter into it, Casey." His voice was firm as he held her tighter. "I am only telling you this because you have a right to know. You are an intelligent woman and you understand the pattern now. You will see the signposts. You will read the directions. You will make the choices. Trust yourself now… your own inner voice."

The words to the song she had been listening to in the car, a lifetime ago, played through her mind.

The next voice you hear will be your own…

He hugged her tighter to his chest. "Let's stay in this moment, for I'm afraid I will have to leave you before it gets light."

Casey sighed. "Yes, this is not the house to be discovered in bed together. I think Marcella would faint away in shocked outrage."

He chuckled.

"And I don't want to disrespect Doña Isabela. She has been so kind to me."

"Everyone has grown to love you, Casey. Should you ever come back to this time, you now have a place that will welcome you with open arms."

"I don't even know if I want to leave anymore…"

"Don't think, querida. I am sorry I took you away from the moment. Stay with me now, here," he whispered, lifting her chin and kissing her lips with such tenderness that Casey moaned with renewed pleasure. "Let us dance once more…"

Her sigh seemed to fill the room as she slid over his body and stared down into his beautiful brown eyes.

"Oh, sí, señor. I accept your invitation… with great pleasure."