Miriam’s mood the next morning was as overcast as the sky, knowing this would be her last few hours in the North Georgia mountains. At 10:00 a.m. she would board the bus to Atlanta. She would return for Serpent’s trial, but she would find a place to stay in Willkommen or perhaps even drive up from Atlanta for the day she gave her testimony. Abram would remain on his farm and never know that she had returned to town.
His bedroom door opened and his footsteps sounded in the hallway. He paused outside her door. If only he would knock and ask her to stay or at least offer her some hope that she might have a place in his faith and in his future.
She bit her lip and hung her head, hearing him hurry down the stairs where Emma was, no doubt, preparing breakfast. They had more wares to sell at market today. Miriam would not interfere with their work and their routine. Plus, saying goodbye to Abram would be too painful. She hadn’t even told him she was leaving. Another mistake on her part, but she didn’t have the courage or the strength to face him this morning.
She had arranged for the driver to pick her up at nine, in time for the ten o’clock bus to Atlanta. She would leave a note of thanks for Abram’s hospitality and Emma’s friendship. She was grateful and so very thankful that she had found them.
Gott had provided, as they would say, and Miriam was beginning to see God working in her own life. The teachings that had started when she’d visited the church in Tennessee were put into action here on this Amish farm. She saw the hand of God in Abram and Emma’s love of nature and closeness to the land, in their dependence on God’s mercy for all things and in their rejection of the world that had gone too far off course.
For so long Miriam had yearned for a simple life where God was the center of the family and all was done to give Him honor. She’d found that here with Abram.
A door slammed below. She neared the window and peered into the morning stillness. Abram came into view, his shoulders back, head held high and his steps determined as he walked to the barn. She took a step back in case he looked up to catch a glimpse of her.
Today his focus was on the barn and hitching Nellie to the buggy. A knife cut deep into her heart. She had hoped he would change, but he wouldn’t. He never would. Abram was...well, he was Abram, a strong man with a stubborn streak that could be a blessing or a curse.
A tap sounded at the bedroom door. Miriam hadn’t heard Emma’s footsteps on the stairway, but she was grateful the Amish woman had come to see her.
Pulling open the door, Miriam almost cried, knowing this would be the last time she would see the sweet face of the woman who had found a place in her heart.
“We are going to town,” Emma said, her voice low as if to keep Abram from hearing. “Come with us, Miriam.”
“Did Abram want you to talk to me?”
She could see the truth in Emma’s eyes. The woman would not tell a lie, but she couldn’t admit that her brother had not mentioned Miriam. Had he even thought of her?
“I know he wants you to join us,” Emma pleaded. Yet Miriam knew that what Emma believed and what Abram wanted were two very different things.
“You go, Emma. I need to finish my crocheting.” The scarf she was making for Emma. “And cut the fabric for the dress you showed me how to make. I’ll stay busy while you sell the rest of your wonderful items.”
“Isaac will be working at the dairy for a few more hours, if you need anything. I could stop by his house before heading to town and ask Daniel to visit you. He’s good company.”
Miriam smiled at Emma’s thoughtfulness. “Daniel is so special, but I’ll be fine. Have him stay with Isaac.”
“If you are sure.”
Miriam nodded. “I am.” She hesitated and then broached the subject she had already discussed with Emma too many times. “Isaac cares deeply for you. I see it in his eyes, and Daniel beams when you are near. He needs a mother. Isaac needs a wife.”
Emma’s cheeks blushed. She lowered her eyes momentarily and, when she raised her gaze again, Miriam could see the internal struggle that tore at the sweet Amish woman. “What am I to do about Abram? He, too, needs a wife.”
“Your brother will not change until the situation becomes too dire. Right now you are enabling him to go on and not think about the future. He still longs for Rebecca.”
“Ach, that was so true, but when you came into his life, Miriam, you made him think of what could be.”
“He never showed signs of his change of heart to me. Do not lose your own happiness because of trying to help your brother. Isaac will not wait forever. Abram will understand. He talks about what a good woman you are, Emma, and he’s right. But you must think of a little boy who needs you and a man who God has placed in your path. You will help Abram if you force him to be on his own. Only then will he realize what he really needs.”
“I shall talk to him today. When we return home this evening, I will let you know how he takes the news. You are right, Miriam. Abram is locked in the past. I must encourage him to think of tomorrow.”
Tomorrow. The word saddened Miriam. Hannah would meet her at the bus station this afternoon, and by tomorrow, Miriam would be trying to start a new life for herself. After the peace of the Amish life, she wasn’t ready to face the hectic pace of the city.
Miriam grabbed Emma’s hand. “Pray for me. I, too, need clarity about the future.”
Emma nodded. “I will pray for you and Abram. You both struggle with the past.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your mother. You cannot see the truth about her heart. She loved you even if she could not express that love.”
“I believe it with my head, Emma, but my heart still questions her love.”
“My mother wanted Abram and Rebecca to remain in Ethridge, close to her. She wanted what every woman wants, grandchildren around her in her old age. I saw her heart break when Abram left. He was the favorite child, and after Rebecca’s death, my mother encouraged me to move to Willkommen to help Abram. As concerned as she was about Abram’s well-being, I knew she loved me, as well.”
“But what about your father. He never forgave Abram.”
“That is how Abram sees the past. In reality, Abram could never forgive our father for his words spoken in haste. Both men are cut from the same cloth. Abram waits for my father to show some sign of forgiveness and our father waits for Abram to ask the same. They will never reconcile until one of them swallows the pride that fills each of them too full.”
Emma squeezed Miriam’s hand one last time. “Pray for Abram. He needs your prayers and your love.”
With a sad smile, Emma hurried down the stairs.
The sound of Nellie pulling the buggy to the edge of the porch drew Miriam back to the window. Her hand touched the cool glass as if she were reaching out to Abram one last time.
He took the basket Emma carried and placed it on the floor of the buggy as she climbed into the front seat. He flicked the reins, signaling for the mare to be on her way. The buggy creaked. Miriam kept her gaze on Abram until he and Emma disappeared from sight.
If only he had glanced back. But Abram didn’t need her, he didn’t want her. He had his Amish life and everything that entailed. It didn’t include an Englisch woman who brought strife and danger to his peaceful home.
Miriam would leave today. She would leave the Amish way. She would leave Abram, and that broke her heart.