in which Greenhouse Ginger Cheesecake
goes inter-stellar

When the Teleportation Module set them down by the Sacred Pool once again, Tiger couldn’t help but notice how still the night air was. The other frogs had gone all out, decorating the bank around the pool with Chinese lanterns lit by candles in every imaginable color. There was music playing softly in the background that Tiger tried to hum along with, even though Alexander had told him more than once how painful it was when he tried to keep in tune. There was also a jasmine scent – Tiger’s favorite – other than a freshly opened can of Cat Gourmet – wafting through the air.

Prince’s boulder was ringed with blue winking fairy lights – solar-powered, of course – but there was no sign of Prince, and no hint of Eudora in the branches overhanging the pool.

Tiger heard a rustle in the grass behind him and a triangular head popped up from between the dandelions. It was a brown snake, and he looked familiar.

‘Are you...?’ Tiger asked.

‘Yes,’ said the snake. ‘You nearly tripped over me your first night on Greenhouse Place, remember?’

‘H-how could I forget?’ said Tiger, thinking the snake didn’t seem nearly as nasty as he had that first night.

Wanda, Number 12, and Syd gathered around to watch, but Tark was already on his way down the bank. Number 12 stamped the ground, as if to frighten the snake away, but Tiger put up a paw.

‘Let’s hear him out,’ said Tiger.

‘Haven’t you come a long way?’ said the snake, wrinkling his nose into something of a grin, or the closest to one that a snake could manage. ‘Member of the Sacred Few – well, dingy dong!’

‘Thanks,’ said Tiger, not sure if dingy dong was intended to be a compliment. ‘I’ve done my best for the Project.’ Then he added, ‘Have you snakes signed up?’

‘You’re kidding,’ said the snake. ‘We were the first native species to get on board – after my little... mishap.’

‘Oh?’ asked Tiger.

The snake dipped his head a bit. ‘Yeah, they couldn’t blame me for mistaking an ET for a real frog, now could they?’

‘You tried to eat one?’

‘The pickings can be pretty thin down here in the park, especially after the grass has been mown,’ said the snake. ‘I grabbed it as usual and started to swallow, but things got pretty hairy after that.’

Tiger stifled a smile. ‘What happened?’

‘It was like being struck by lightning,’ sniffed the snake. ‘Not that I’ve ever been, but I can imagine it. More than a few of my scales got fried before I let him go. Whew!’

‘But you’re still here,’ said Tiger. ‘Lucky for you.’

‘Yeah,’ said the snake. ‘They’ve invited me to say a few words at the farewell.’

The Crew, minus Tark, were stunned. ‘What farewell?’ demanded Judge Wanda.

‘Didn’t they tell you?’ said the snake. ‘Project Earth-mend seems to be a success. You’ve got the humans and their United Nations to agree, and Mick and his Abell 2218s heading for extinction in the nearest black hole.’

‘Not that I don’t trust you,’ said Tiger, thinking just that, ‘but we’d better hear it from the horse’s mouth!’

‘Pardon the expression,’ snorted Number 12, following Tiger and Wanda on their way to find Tark, with Syd hovering overhead. ‘You should know by now that camels are far more trustworthy!’

Tiger could see it in Tark’s eyes even before he asked the question. ‘Is it true...?’

‘Yes,’ said Tark. ‘Now that Project Earth-mend is well and truly on its way, we’ve been... reassigned.’

‘Where?’ said Syd. ‘Can we tag along?’

‘I think not,’ Tark said slowly. ‘I’m heading for M31.’

‘M31?’ asked Tiger. ‘Is that another planet?’

‘No,’ said Tark. ‘It’s a galaxy, one of the closest to your Milky Way. Humans call it Andromeda. I think that was one of their Greek gods.’

‘Wow,’ said Tiger. ‘What will you do there?’

‘Research,’ said Tark. ‘Certainly boring stuff, compared to Project Earth-mend. Our job is to chart M31’s blueshift.’

‘Sounds complicated,’ said Number 12. ‘Whatever a blueshift is.’

Tark smiled. ‘It’s about how certain galaxies shift toward each other.’

‘Let me guess,’ said Wanda. ‘M31 is blue-shifting toward the Milky Way?’

Tark cocked his head. ‘You have learned many things during the Project, lizard.’

‘My friends call me Wanda,’ Wanda reminded him.

‘Of course... Wanda,’ said Tark. ‘I’m just entering Farewell Mode, so I thought—’

Wanda shuffled up to him and gave him a big hug. ‘No need to get all gushy, Tark,’ she said. ‘It’s been grand to team up with you, even though I have been feeling a bit homesick for my drainpipe.’

‘Aw,’ said Number 12, crossing his front legs at the sight. ‘If I weren’t so tall, I would—’

Tark levitated up to camel head level and gave Number 12’s nose a big hug. ‘Time to go back into retirement,’ he said. ‘You deserve a good rest.’

‘Yeah,’ said Number 12. ‘I suppose so.’

All eyes were on Tiger as Tark floated back down to the ground.

I won’t cry, Tiger told himself. Grown-up cats don’t cry.

Still, a few crocodile tears escaped as Tiger got his hug from Tark. As he shut his eyes tightly to stem the flow, he felt himself being lifted up to stare into the face of... Elvis.

‘Love me tender...’ Elvis was singing softly. ‘Member Tiger, you’ve been a hero,’ the song became, although the rhythm wasn’t quite right.

‘Thanks, mate,’ Tiger said, not sure whether to call him Tark when he was in his Elvis guise. ‘I-I couldn’t have done it without you.’

‘What about me?’ cawed Syd, landing on Tiger’s head. ‘Don’t I get a hug, too?’

‘Of course,’ said Elvis, setting Tiger down and starting to give Syd a hug, though it was a bit hard with his beak in the way, and the first attempt got Elvis pecked in the nose.

‘OK, Tiggie,’ Tark said, becoming Tark again, once Elvis was finished with Syd. ‘As the first Introduced Species to be inducted into the Sacred Few, you get one last wish before we have to take off.’

‘Oh,’ said Tiger. ‘A wish? Let me think... I wish... that all the Climate Skeptics will sign up to the Project, and soon!’

‘So do we, mate!’ said a familiar voice behind him. It was Alexander. And just behind him, Myrtle and Bradley. And to one side of Myrtle and Bradley, Cleo and Tony!

Tiger took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘We’re all here, then. Everyone from Greenhouse Place.’

‘Everyone who matters, anyway,’ snorted Tony.

‘Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,’ said Bradley. ‘Even if the Masters Golf is on!’

Myrtle gave him a swift jab in the side. ‘It was his idea to come down,’ she said. ‘Own up to it, Bradley!’

Bradley shrugged. ‘I guess I was one of your worst skeptics at the start. But my eyes are open now. I got Greg Norman to agree to put no more new golf courses on prime farm land, and all his other ones will be using recycled water for their greens as soon as possible!’

‘Way to go, Brad!’ Tiger said, giving him a High-Five.

‘I’ve got good news, too,’ said Myrtle. ‘Richard Branson’s space shuttles will be serving Greenhouse Ginger Cheesecake for dessert – once he gets them off the ground. And every penny of sales will come back to the Project!’

‘Greenhouse Ginger Cheesecake goes inter-stellar!’ laughed Alexander. ‘I’ll be sending out media releases about that!’

Tark nodded. ‘On behalf of Prince and Eudora, who I expect are already reporting back to Inter-Galactic Command, I do declare this Project a success. But remember to keep the pressure on. We know what humans are like.’

‘Yes,’ said Judge Wanda. ‘They’ll take the easy way out if they can find it.’

‘Don’t be too hard on us,’ Alexander said. ‘When we know what has to be done, especially for future generations, we get it done. We won’t let you down, Tark.’

‘That’s a cat-promise,’ said Tiger.

‘Never heard of that one,’ laughed Myrtle. ‘What’s a cat-promise?’

‘Sacred,’ said Tiger, putting a paw over his heart. ‘Unbreakable. That’s why the Egyptians regarded us as gods!’

‘They had good taste – those Egyptians,’ said Tark. Then he sighed. ‘Time to go now, I’m afraid.’

Instantly, there was a flash of light across the sky, coming closer, and it was no meteorite but an egg-shaped starship not unlike the one that had hovered over Bradley and Myrtle’s backyard that first night of the Arrival.

It landed just down the path from the Sacred Pool, and everyone traipsed down to it for the departure, including the hundreds of frogs that had been gathered around the bank.

A shiny gangplank edged with ultraviolet lights was waiting for Tark, and he didn’t hesitate in hopping onto it, only turning around when he’d reached the entry of the starship.

‘Wait,’ said Tiger, pointing at the frogs in semi-circle around the ship. ‘Aren’t they coming with you?’

‘No, said Tark. ‘You’ll need lots of eyes and ears to keep the Project on target. And, as you’ll see, I’ve taught them well.’

As if on cue, the frogs shape-shifted at random into a myriad of hopping, jumping somersaulting beings – some familiar, and some, well, not so familiar to Tiger.

‘Eat your heart out, Dr Who!’ Tiger said.

Tark swelled to several sizes larger than his usual size then waved to them very much like Tiger remembered the President waving just before he and Madonna disappeared into Air Force One.

The frogs were cheering like fans at the grandest of Grand Finals, and there was nothing better to do at the moment than just join in.