in which Greenhouse Ginger Cheesecake
is on the menu again
No sooner had the Crew and the raccoons returned to ground level, and the manhole cover screwed itself back in place, dawn broke over the horizon.
‘Well, well,’ said Tark, letting his toe cool off since it wasn’t needed this time. ‘I guess those rats are a bit smarter than your usual subterranean types.’
Tiger grimaced. English wasn’t even Tark’s first language, but he still managed to use words that made Tiger wish he had a dictionary.
Rocky the raccoon must have been a reader, too. ‘I think he means bottom feeders,’ he said.
‘But what are we going to do?’ said Syd, his wings getting twitchy. ‘Aren’t we running out of time?’
‘Yeah,’ said Clint. ‘Where are your troops? We need to be circling the wagons – or something like that – before those robots attack!’
Just then, a shooting star shot across the sky. Or at least what Tiger thought was a shooting star until he realized it was too big and red to be a shooting star, or even a comet, as it streaked closer and closer to them.
‘It’s a plane,’ said Number 12, noticing it, too.
‘It’s a bird,’ said Syd, admiring its speed.
‘It’s Superman?’ said the raccoons, as though they’d just been watching the film.
‘It’s Eudora!’ Tark declared, as if it should have been obvious from the start.
As the ship came in for a landing, Tiger remembered it from the very first time he’d seen it on Greenhouse Place, hovering over Alexander’s greenhouse, sending Tony and Cleo into barking hysterics.
With a whoosh and a flash of red light, a ramp appeared from the underside of the ship and not only Eudora but also Prince and Myrtle descended.
‘Oh, my,’ Myrtle was giggling. ‘You said we’d get here quickly, but that flight took my breath away!’
‘Is it time, then, Your Worships?’ Tark asked.
Eudora and Prince nodded.
‘It is time,’ said Eudora. ‘And there isn’t much of it left.’
‘I’ve always wanted to come to New York,’ said Myrtle, just prattling on. ‘But there was never enough money left over after all of Bradley’s golf tournaments. Now we’re here. Prince, how can I ever thank you?’
‘We will need cheesecakes,’ said Prince. ‘Lots of them – and soon.’
‘My Girl Guide and Boy Scout baking teams are working on that at this very moment,’ said Myrtle. ‘Under strict supervision, of course – My Kitchen Rules! But how will we get the cakes here?’
‘Teleportation Xpress,’ winked Eudora. ‘Once we have confirmed our special session at your United Nations.’
Tark seemed to deflate a bit. ‘Was I supposed to arrange that, too?’
‘No, Lieutenant Tark,’ said Prince. ‘You have exceeded our expectations for this mission – and more.’
‘I fear that the rats may abandon us,’ said Tark. ‘The humans have treated them rather badly.’
‘Oh, but you have won over the raccoons,’ said Eudora, nodding at them.
Arnie stepped forward. ‘Right you are, Queenie,’ he said, bowing slightly. ‘And we are worth ten times our weight in rats – not to mention our superior brain power!’
Rocky gave a little bow, too. ‘At your service,’ he said. ‘If you need a quick entry into the United Nations, consider us your locksmiths.’
Tiger wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but maybe it had something to do with picking locks.
With a swirling flare of Eudora’s eyes, a holograph appeared before them, and the wavering figures of President Obama and Madonna came into sharp focus.
‘Hot dog!’ said Number 12. ‘That’s better than a 3D TV! Is that really who I think I’m seeing?’
‘Yes,’ said Eudora. ‘Or at least their essential spiritual cores.’
‘And they are ready,’ Prince assured them, ‘to give the speeches of their lives.’
‘I don’t get it,’ said Wanda. ‘Madonna is an actress. The President kinda likes her, but what makes you think she’ll be welcome at the UN?’
‘Hey,’ said Clint. ‘Have you got something against actors?’
‘No,’ said Wanda. ‘I just thought—’
‘It will be fine,’ said Prince. ‘Madonna has passion and style, and even politicians will respect that.’
‘Especially when she’s there with the most powerful man on your planet,’ Eudora added.
‘And dishing out slices of Greenhouse Ginger Cheesecake!’ said Tark, getting into the swing of things.
The very instant that Eudora, Prince, and Myrtle blasted off for the Sacred Pool, the President and Madonna materialized into the real things, that is, persons.
The President brushed off flecks of something Tiger couldn’t see from his suit jacket and looked quickly from side to side. ‘No Secret Service guys,’ he said, with a smile. ‘Wish I could do this more often!’
‘But Mr President,’ Madonna cooed. ‘If we do this too often, tongues might wag!’
Why would humans want to imitate dogs? Tiger thought.
‘Just as well Michelle isn’t the jealous type,’ the President nodded, turning his attention to the Crew. ‘Hey, don’t I know you guys from somewhere?’
‘Yes,’ said Tark. ‘We plugged that nasty oil leak in the ocean off Florida, remember?’
‘Absolutely!’ said the President. ‘Project Earth-mend, right?’
‘You remembered!’ said Tiger.
‘Of course,’ said the President. ‘You saved our bacon, if you’ll pardon the expression. But I don’t remember any raccoons that day on the beach. When did you sign them up?’
Rocky elbowed his way forward. ‘We just heard about The Great Danger, Mr President. Otherwise we would have been on the team ages ago!’
‘Yeah!’ shouted Clint and Arnie, giving him a High-Five. ‘Bring on the robots!’
‘The robots?’ hummed Madonna, as though she was making up a song on the fly. ‘Sounds like we’ve missed a verse or two!’
In swipes that reminded Tiger of a painter, Tark dashed off a series of holograph scenes with Mick and his Abell 2218s becoming more and more war-like.
‘Hmm,’ said the President through tightened lips. ‘I get the picture. So what do we do? Send in the Marines?’
‘Ooh,’ said Madonna. ‘I love it when you’re being... decisive, Barack!’
The President cocked his head at her. ‘Madonna Louise, are you trying to be Marilyn again? I’m always decisive!’
‘With all due respect to the Marines, Mr President,’ said Tark, ‘they wouldn’t stand a chance against the Abell fleet. We owe it to all life-forms on Earth to try to negotiate a peaceful settlement here.’
Rocky cleared his throat. ‘From what you’ve said, Tark, these robots have only one thing in mind – total destruction of the Earth.’
‘We’ve got to fight fire with fire!’ urged Clint. ‘Gunfight at the OK Corral, and all that!’
‘Name-dropper!’ Arnie snorted. ‘This is what happens from spending too much time on YouTube!’
‘Have we given up on a negotiated settlement?’ said Wanda. ‘If we can convince them that you humans are on the right track against climate change, then maybe—’
‘I hate to say it...’ said Number 12.
‘But you will anyway?’ said Wanda, annoyed by the interruption.
‘Yeah,’ said Number 12. ‘They’re robots, remember? Like Tark said, they have only two modes – attack and sleep, and Mick seems very much awake!’
Tark stepped forward. ‘And I can’t think of a single Inter-Galactic Treaty that the Abells have signed up to.’
Madonna bent down to Tark, tickling him under the chin. ‘Hey, I remember you, you cute froggie!’
Tark went a bit red.
‘I didn’t think that Griffs got embarrassed,’ Wanda sniggered to Tiger. ‘Maybe Tark’s been on Earth too long!’
The President checked his watch. ‘Well, if we’re going to make that special session at the UN, we’d better get a move on.’
‘I’m ready!’ Tiger said, excitedly, although he still wasn’t sure what the UN was, though it did sound important. And if Myrtle’s Greenhouse Ginger Cheesecakes were headed that way, he couldn’t think of any place he’d rather be.
After what seemed only minutes in the Teleportation Module, they landed squarely in front of the United Nations building. It was tall, so tall and wide that Tiger was afraid his neck would get a permanent kink in it from straining backwards to see the top floor.
As soon as they stepped out of the Module, they were surrounded by very serious men in dark suits and even darker sunglasses.
‘Secret Service,’ the President noted. ‘Can hardly breathe without one of them wanting to check my pulse. But I suppose they’re just doing their job.’
‘They’re really... good looking!’ Madonna said, batting her eyes at the closest ones. ‘Just as well I’m not President, or I’d never get anything done!’
‘Behave yourself,’ the President warned, ‘or this might turn into a rock video!’
‘Yes, Sir,’ Madonna said, snapping to attention. ‘We’d better keep moving, then, before they ask for my… autograph!’
Wanda rolled her eyes at that, then scuttled between the legs of one of the Secret Service men. ‘I think the entrance is just over there.’
‘You’d better follow me, Wanda,’ said the President. ‘Or the Security types ahead might want to frisk you.’
‘I don’t have any pockets,’ said Wanda, still leading the way. ‘They can frisk away!’
Wanda was wrong for a change. They were met by a tall, gruff-looking security woman who did not seem amused by the prospect of scanning through a bunch of animals.
‘No animals allowed,’ she snapped, waving a finger at Wanda.
The President stepped forward. ‘Do you know who I am?’
The guard hesitated. ‘Of course, Mr President!’
‘These animals are my… guests,’ said the President. ‘So please, let them pass through.’
‘I… have my orders, Mr President,’ said the guard. ‘Absolutely no animals of any kind!’
Tark hopped up onto a conveyer used to scan briefcases and the like. ‘This is the United Nations, is it not?’
‘Wait a minute,’ stammered the guard, looking around. ‘Who said that?’
‘I did,’ Tark said, a bit more loudly.
The guard rubbed her eyes. ‘No, no. Frogs don’t talk. Not where I come from. Now, exactly who is speaking?’
If the guard wouldn’t talk to a frog, Tark had other ways of getting her attention. An instant later, Elvis had replaced Tark, complete with a diamond-studded guitar to complement his glittering white jumpsuit. He winked at the guard.
‘There,’ he crooned. ‘Is that better?’
‘G-gosh,’ the guard said. ‘Is it true, then?’
‘What?’ said Elvis. ‘What are you talking about... sweetie?’
Tiger thought that might be pouring it on too thickly, but the guard didn’t seem to mind.
‘They said the King was still alive!’ the guard cried. ‘I knew it, all along!’
‘Then you’d better let us through,’ said Madonna. ‘You know Elvis doesn’t take too kindly to people stepping on his Blue Suede Shoes!’
She sang the last few words of it.
‘All of you?’ said the guard.
‘All of us,’ said the President.
‘Even the raccoons?’ whined the guard. ‘They give me the creeps with their little masks.’
‘All of us,’ said Elvis. ‘Unless you don’t want my autograph…’
The guard gasped. ‘Oh, yes, please. Can I…? May I?’
She didn’t seem to think it odd when a studded pen appeared in Elvis’s hand.
‘Do you have something for me to write on?’ said Elvis. ‘One of my albums, perhaps?’
The guard looked around, desperately. ‘No,’ she groaned. ‘Not even a scrap of paper.’
‘Your paw,’ said Number 12. ‘Hold out your p—, I mean, hand!’
The guard held out her hand, palm up, and Elvis signed it.
Her hand trembling, the guard stared at the signature. ‘Wait a minute,’ she said. ‘I know what Elvis’s signature looks like, and that’s not it!’
Even Elvis seemed a bit taken aback by this. ‘I… haven’t given many autographs, since I… went to ground.’
The guard thought about it. ‘Yes, of course. It must have been hard for you. One minute at the top of your game, fans everywhere, then having to go into hiding.’
‘Yes,’ said Elvis, producing a tear. ‘It was.’
Tiger thought it was a lot of trouble for Tark to go to, playing Elvis again and all, when he could just have frozen the guard until they’d all slipped through. But Elvis seemed to be having so much fun, and he didn’t seem in any hurry to change back into Tark.
‘Whew,’ said Tiger, happy that he could talk again. ‘That was close!’
‘I’m tired of being green all the time,’ Tark said, as they headed up the corridor toward the auditorium where the UN meetings were held. ‘Would anyone mind if I stayed as Elvis from now on?’
‘Not me,’ said Arnie. ‘Elvis was the King – until he got fat. But if you can stay trim, taut, and terrific, well, why not go for it?’
‘That’s not on, I’m afraid,’ said the President. ‘You may have fooled one star-struck, and slightly weird security guard, but others might see this as a disguise – which it is – hiding some kind of terrorist – which it isn’t, but they aren’t to know that. Alarm bells might ring. With our time running out, we can do without all that.’
‘Yes,’ Judge Wanda agreed. ‘If we’re going to stay on message, we don’t need any distractions!’
Tark sighed. ‘All right, all right.’ With that, he changed back into his froggie self.
‘Aw,’ said Madonna. ‘I liked your Elvis before, but enough is enough. And frogs should be a bit more environmentally friendly than rock stars, don’t you think?’
‘What does that make you?’ the President chuckled.
Madonna didn’t skip a beat. ‘A legend?’
The chamber wasn’t as large as Tiger had imagined it, though it was certainly large enough. It was an oval of desks opened at one end and rows of chairs behind the main desk. Each desk had a plaque with the name of a country on it, and very important-looking people seated there.
‘It’s like a horseshoe,’ Number 12 said excitedly, pointing at the open end.
‘Those are the ambassadors,’ Wanda, who’d obviously done her research, said, pointing at the people.
‘I… thought there would be more countries,’ Tiger said. ‘Hundreds?’
The President gestured around the room. ‘That’s because we’re in the Security Council, Tiger. This is where all the big decisions are made. Follow me!’
He led the way along the first row until they reached the section reserved for the United States. Seeing the President, several people rose from their seats at the main desk, making space for the President and Madonna. Others looked uncertainly at Tark and the others, especially at Number 12, who was certainly too large to be seated, not that a camel would be caught dead trying to sit on a human’s seat, even a padded one.
‘No need to get up,’ Tark said to the others, hopping up onto the desk in front of the President. ‘We’ll make ourselves at home here.’
Following his lead, Syd fluttered up, briefly landing on the President’s head, but then, after a sharp look from Tark, slipping down onto the desk between the President and Madonna, where he was joined by Wanda, who nudged him backward with a flick of her tail.
The raccoons were content to perch on the next two tiers of desks behind the row of ambassadors and close their eyes for a bit of a nap, and Number 12 was happy enough to stand behind everyone since he was so tall that he stood high enough to see everything that was about to happen.
While Tiger was certainly large enough to have his own desk with the raccoons, he didn’t want to miss anything, so he hopped up onto the arm of the President’s chair and balanced on that with one leg, and on the closest arm of Madonna’s chair with the other.
A hush fell over the auditorium as the ambassadors and their assistants waited for the President to begin his speech. A few of them pointed in wonder at members of the Crew, especially Tark, who had inflated himself several sizes larger than your average bullfrog, doubtlessly so he could be seen by everyone.
From the other side of the horseshoe, a woman leaned down to her microphone and was about to speak. Tiger’s eyes bugged out as he saw the country name on her plaque.
‘She’s from Australia!’ Tiger said.
‘Yes,’ said Wanda, not at all surprised. ‘That’s because Australia is now a temporary member of the Security Council, and this month we’re acting as Chair of the Council.’
Tiger was confused. ‘Everyone’s already got a chair,’ he said, ignoring those just behind the desks. ‘What makes Australia so special?’
‘Silly feline!’ Wanda exclaimed. ‘By Chair I mean the person who keeps the meetings running smoothly. Watch and learn.’
Sure enough, the Australian ambassador switched on the microphone. ‘Good morning fellow members of the Council and country delegates. May I especially welcome the President of the United States, Mr Obama, who urged us to hold this emergency session to consider action that he will now speak to. Mr President, the floor is yours.’
‘The floor?’ Tiger muttered to Wanda. ‘What’s he going to do with the floor?’
Wanda rolled back her eyes. ‘It’s just a human expression, Tiger. It means it’s his turn to stand up on the floor to speak.’
‘I… knew that,’ Tiger said, wondering why the ambassador hadn’t just got to the point. ‘But no one is standing up.’
Tiger had a point. The President remained seated as he spoke. ‘Madam Chair,’ he began. ‘Ambassadors. Fellow delegates. Let me begin by acknowledging some special observers today. We have a contingent from the Raccoon Council of New York City, as well as key members of an important organisation known as Project Earth-mend who have come all this way, Madam Chair, from Australia. They are distinguished Members of Canberra’s Sacred Pool: Tiger the Cat; Wanda the Blue-tongue Lizard; Number 12 the Camel; and Syd the Crow. Most importantly, I would like to introduce Tark, who is not actually a frog, but rather a visitor from Outer Space representing Inter-Galactic Command, specifically from Griffon, a planet from a galaxy beyond our Milky Way.’
At that, there were several gasps from the delegations, and red lights began flashing from their desks.
‘They want to ask questions,’ the President said, under his breath. ‘Why doesn’t that surprise me?’
The Chair held up her hand. ‘I can see there are a number of queries already, but the President has asked that all of these be held until he has completed his presentation and tabled the motion we are to vote on.’
‘Madam Chair, with all due respect, I must insist—’ one of the ambassadors burst in.
‘I acknowledge the Ambassador from the Russian Federation,’ the Chair said. ‘But please keep your query brief.’
‘Thank you, Madam Chair,’ said the ambassador. ‘But this is surely some American trick. Is he really suggesting this… bloated frog is from another planet? Perhaps he has been lured from their Everglades Swamp and trained to whistle “Yankee Doodle”?’
Tiger’s head went into a spin. Everglades would be a swamp, maybe at Disneyland, but a Yankee Doodle? How could a frog whistle a drawing?
‘Our Russian friend surely speaks in jest,’ said the President. ‘Hasn’t he heard of doodling, as in drawing?’
The Russian ambassador looked at the Chinese ambassador, who looked back at him. Neither of them were smiling.
‘I’m certainly not laughing,’ Madonna piped in. ‘This is serious stuff. End of the world stuff – if we don’t shake our collective butts and do something about it!’
Most of the ambassadors and their key delegates were men, and, as Madonna leaned over her desk to make her point, they seemed to rise up from their seats and take special notice. The Russian ambassador smiled at the Chinese ambassador, who smiled back at the Russian ambassador.
Tark, who had been very patient up until then, produced a holograph that hovered just below the ceiling. Even Tiger could recognize the Milky Way, but with a quick sweep of his magic toe, Tark zoomed in on Planet Earth, then back out to a full view of a nearby galaxy, then across it to zoom in again, this time to a bluish green planet that Tiger remembered as Griffon.
‘Your home,’ Tark said. ‘And my home. Your home orbits around one sun, and a puny one at that. My home rotates its way around three suns. You have four seasons at best, we have many.’
‘If your world is so wonderful,’ said the Chinese ambassador, ‘why have you come here dressed as a frog?’
‘I am not dressed as a frog,’ Tark said. ‘I have chosen to be a frog for the purpose of this mission.’
‘The point of which is?’ asked the ambassador from the United Kingdom, in very polished English – of course.
Tiger could see that Tark’s toe was throbbing. That was a worry, a big worry.
‘The point is for you to see that all forms of life on Earth – and not just humans – are at risk of extinction from The Great Danger. And that your fellow creatures deserve a voice in what will soon become of Earth if nothing is done.’
‘I, for one,’ said the French ambassador, ‘applaud our visitor for his choice of life-form. The frog is a noble species, highly regarded in France.’
‘Not just for his legs?’ demanded Judge Wanda.
‘I do not partake in the cuisses de grenouille,’ said the French ambassador. ‘But even those of my countrymen who do, regard the preparation of the dish as an art form.’
‘Ugh,’ groaned Madonna. ‘How could they? If more people were vegans, there’d be a lot less methane in the atmosphere!’
Tiger took a deep breath. He remembered what being a vegan meant from the week Alexander had tried giving up meat for things like soya burgers. He wrinkled his nose at the thought, and even more at the smell, which had come through even when the burger was smothered with barbecue sauce. If that wasn’t bad enough, Alexander had tried it out on Tiger one day when he ran short of Cat Gourmet. Tiger had nearly left home then and there.
‘Umm,’ said Number 12, farting softly in the back row. ‘I don’t know about that!’
Yes, thought Tiger. A herbivore to the rescue!
‘Order!’ cried the Chair. ‘The President still has the floor.’
‘Thank you, Madam Chair,’ said the President. ‘The Great Danger is upon us. We have ignored Climate Change for too long. My country is one of the worst offenders – I acknowledge that. We have put the pursuit of wealth above the health of our Planet. We have plundered its resources and polluted the air and water. Now, others have taken notice.’
‘Others?’ said the Russian ambassador. ‘What others? These shape-shifting Griffs?’
The President nodded. ‘Yes, they have. But they have come as friends. To help us lift our game – before it is too late. The problem is, other beings have come as well. Not as friends, but as enemies sworn to destroy not just those of us responsible for polluting the Earth, but all life forms. This is why we have Project Earth-mend. This is why I and my government have joined hands – or paws, as the case may be – with whatever animals will work with us to head off this crisis.’
‘I agree with you,’ said the ambassador from the United Kingdom. ‘But why bring it to the Security Council at this moment in time? Who are these enemies you speak of, as if they are already in our midst?’
The President cleared his throat. ‘Lieutenant Commander Tark – the floor is now yours!’
With one sweep of Tark’s toe, the Milky Way holograph was replaced by a mantle that darkened the chamber’s ceiling. But then, first as pinpricks of light, there was an approaching dull roar of engines until the first of the Abell 2218 starships came into view.
‘Your enemy is very real,’ said Tark. ‘And they are approaching!’
‘But that is an illusion,’ said the Russian ambassador. ‘Some NASA trick of smoke and mirrors!’
‘True,’ said Tark. ‘It’s only pretend – a simulation. But the real starships are on their way. They may even be lurking here now as dark matter, just waiting for their commander to give the signal to incinerate the Earth.’
‘Yes, we’ve seen them!’ Rocky and Arnie cried out from the back of the chamber. ‘Mick tried to bribe us, but we saw through it.’
‘The rats were not so smart,’ Clint added.
‘Mick?’ said the Chinese ambassador. ‘Who is this Mick? And who cares if he has those filthy rats on his side? We’ll poison him as we do our other vermin!’
‘Naw,’ said Clint, hopping onto the desk next to Madonna. ‘He’s got big guns. And you can’t poison a robot!’
With another gesture of his toe, Tark brought a see-through Mick humanoid into view. ‘Now, that’s an illusion,’ he said, ‘and this is the reality.’ Just as quickly, Tark stripped away Mick’s “skin” to reveal the robot underneath.
‘Horrible, horrible,’ the French ambassador said. ‘How do we stop these… beastly creatures?’
‘Send in the MARINES!’ shouted Syd.
‘Who let that crow in?’ the United Kingdom ambassador said, pinching his nose.
‘Not me,’ said Wanda. ‘Never seen him before.’
‘You say that now,’ Syd replied. ‘But wait until you need a spotter for Abell starships – you might change your tune!’
‘I understood you have a motion to put before the Council,’ said the Chair to the President.
‘I do, Madam Chair,’ said the President.
‘Then may we hear it?’
The President cleared his throat again. ‘The United States of America, in its capacity as a Permanent Member of this Council, asks the Council to agree unanimously to the following resolution: Whereas a situation of catastrophic proportions exists due to the threat of an imminent attack by Abell 2218 starships, this Council declares a global emergency and directs all member governments of the United Nations to, at once, mobilize and ready for joint action for their military forces to counter and repel this threat by whatever means this Council deems necessary.’
Applause broke out in the chamber, and Tiger felt his heart thumping. At last the humans were prepared to do something. He remembered a line that Alexander was fond of: United we stand, divided we fall!
He spoke a bit too quickly.
‘Grand words,’ said the Russian ambassador. ‘But when the time comes to declare joint action necessary, who will decide? Who will have the final word?’
‘This Council, of course,’ said the President.
‘And the vote to attack must be unanimous?’ pressed the Russian. ‘Whatever the danger, and however desperate the need for immediate action?’
The President hesitated, only slightly, but just long enough that the Russian seized upon it.
‘Ah ha!’ said the Russian, slamming his fist onto the desk. ‘You would take unilateral action, wouldn’t you, if you felt this Council might take too long to come to a decision!’
The President hesitated again. ‘Only in the most extreme of cases, where our citizens were being killed. We have a responsibility to protect our people in such circumstances.’
‘Either the resolution will be binding on all parties,’ said the Russian, ‘or it won’t. Well, Mr President, which will it be?’
Tiger felt a lump in his throat. He knew what the President was about to say, and he wished that he could, for once, tell a little white lie.
‘We will do our very best to—’
‘Not good enough!’ shouted the Russian. ‘If you do not guarantee that you will live by the vote of this Council come what may, we will veto your resolution!’
The President stiffened. ‘Let me ask you this, Mr Ambassador. Let’s say Mick and his robots attack you first, and you see people being killed all around you. Would you not do everything you can to save them?’
It was the ambassador’s turn to hesitate, but he came back even more strongly than before. ‘In war, innocent people get killed. No one likes that, and everyone would like to prevent it from happening, but there must be rules that apply to all equally. Who is to say that an American life is more precious than a Russian, or a Chinese, or an African life?’
Scattered applause broke out, and Tiger could see that several ambassadors were on the Russian’s side.
The President was getting tense. He leaned over to Madonna. ‘Typical UN point scoring from our Russian “partners”,’ he grumbled.
‘You might have to send in the Marines,’ Madonna replied, but she wasn’t smiling this time.
‘With all due respect, Mr President,’ Tark whispered, ‘I’m sure your Marines are a superior fighting force, but they will be no match on their own for Mick and the Abell 2218s.’
Suddenly the chamber was plunged into total darkness. The walls began to shake and shudder, and Tiger could hear as panic set in among the delegates. He blinked once or twice to help his night vision set in, and he could see them stumbling over each other in their rush for cover under the desks.
Soon after, the lights came on again, and Tiger had to blink even harder to believe what he saw there in the open area of the horseshoe between the desks.
What started as a holograph of the Sacred Pool quickly solidified into the real thing, complete with hundreds of Member frogs perched along the mud bank, all eyes fixed on Prince himself on his favorite boulder in the middle of the pool. High above, on the branch of a gum tree that barely fitted under the chamber’s ceiling, was Eudora, glaring down at them with blazing red eyes.
At the open end of the horseshoe stood Alexander, Myrtle and Bradley in front of a large trolley carrying – you guessed it — heaps of Greenhouse Ginger Cheesecakes! Stationed on either side of the trolley, like sentries, were Tony and Cleo, the dogs from Next Door.
Tiger sighed. It was like Old Home Week on Greenhouse Place!
Gradually, the delegates began to peek above their desks and cautiously resume their seats with as much dignity as they could muster, which wasn’t much after they’d been groveling on the floor for their lives. To Tiger, even the Russian and Chinese ambassadors seemed smaller and more humble than before, though all of them were wide-eyed with astonishment to see the scene before them.
Eudora soared down from her branch, landing to one side of Prince, who shuffled over slightly so that they were equal in height above the boulder.
Excited to see Alexander, Tiger dashed down to rub briskly against his leg. Alexander bent down to give him a scratch behind the ears.
‘Good to see you, mate,’ Alexander said. ‘Pity it couldn’t be in happier circumstances!’
Myrtle, too, was overjoyed to see Tiger. She patted him on the head a bit too vigorously for Tiger’s liking, but, oh, well, you had to make allowances for reunions, he thought. But he drew the line when she bent down with puckered lips to give him a kiss.
‘We’re at the United Nations,’ he said, ducking away. ‘Keep it clean, love!’
Myrtle looked slightly crushed but then straightened up. ‘I’m just so proud of you, Tiger, and all that you’ve done!’
The Russian ambassador thumped his water glass on the table for attention. Then, in a somewhat shaky voice he said to Eudora, ‘Are you Mick?’
Eudora looked at Prince, and Prince looked at Eudora, and every frog on the bank found another frog to look at, and all of them burst into laughter.
‘Mick, indeed,’ said Eudora. ‘In times like this, Mr Ambassador, you need to know your friends from your enemies.’
Tark appeared on the desk in front of the Russian ambassador. ‘It gives me great pleasure to introduce His Excellency, Prince, and Commander-in-Chief, Eudora, our delegates to Inter-Galactic Command.’
‘Ah,’ said the Russian ambassador, bowing slightly in spite of himself. ‘Royalty!’
‘I told you we had friends in high places, Mikhail!’ said the President, beaming. ‘Greetings, Prince and Eudora, on behalf of the American people!’
‘And all the peoples of the Russian Federation,’ Mikhail said quickly, not to be undone.
‘And the People’s Republic of China!’ added the Chinese ambassador.
After that, it was a minor avalanche of greetings from all countries at the table. The delegates left their seats to gather in wonder around the Sacred Pool, stooping down to let the frogs hop on their hands, shoulders, and even their heads.
Eudora seemed impressed by the delegates’ change of heart, and her eyes softened to a paler red, even pink, color. But then she looked at Prince, who seemed to read her mind, and then nodded in agreement.
‘Delegates of the Security Council,’ Prince declared. ‘We send you greetings from the Executive Council of Inter-Galactic Command.’
‘Yes,’ added Eudora. ‘Heart-felt greetings, as you would say, and we ourselves would say if we only had a heart.’
‘If I only had a heart…’ sang Alexander, before being elbowed by Tiger to rein it in. ‘Sorry, it’s one of my favorite songs. From The Wizard of Oz?’
‘Excuse my human,’ Tiger added. ‘He must be a bit jet-lagged from teleporting here.’
The United Kingdom ambassador was wide-eyed. ‘But if you don’t have a heart—’
‘Not to worry,’ said Tark. ‘Our scientists perfected more reliable instruments decades ago, altered our genetic code, and voilà no more heart attacks! But we do remember the time when we had hearts, so…’
‘Now, to the serious business at hand,’ Eudora interrupted, ruffling her feathers.
‘Yes,’ said Myrtle. ‘First, we’ll all enjoy a piece of my precious Greenhouse Ginger Cheesecake and then you will see the need to sign up for Project Earth-mend. And not just sign up, because words are cheap. You must take action to combat global warming! The time for excuses is over!’
‘Pardonne moi, Madam,’ said the French ambassador, ‘but the economy is not merely an excuse. Without a healthy economy, we would be lost.’
Judge Wanda leaned over to the President’s microphone. ‘Without a healthy Earth, we will have no economy!’
Madonna patted Judge Wanda on the tail. ‘Right-on, Wanda. You are one switched on lizard!’
Myrtle fixed each ambassador in turn with a hypnotic stare. ‘First, cheesecake, then we take action!’
Tiger was pleased to see that, despite their differences, no one could disagree about the need to taste Myrtle’s fabulous cheesecake. The frog Members served it up to them on bone china with polished silverware that Myrtle had “borrowed” from the Parliament House kitchen, with Prince’s help. After a wink from Cleo, who was guarding one side of the trolley, Tiger slipped in to help himself. He found the spoon a bit hard to manage, but eating like a cat was out of the question in this company, so he followed Alexander’s lead, bite by bite. It was true: Myrtle’s Greenhouse Ginger Cheesecake was like Cat Heaven on Earth!
There was plenty of cheesecake left over, and the delegates were eying it, but a few lip-curls and low growls from Tony and Cleo kept them in their seats.
After wiping her beak free from crumbs on her wing, Eudora nodded at Prince, who thumped the boulder with his scepter.
‘It is do or die time for you now,’ Eudora began. ‘If Mick sees that the nations of Earth are still divided, even when confronted with total destruction, your world is doomed.’
‘What’s it to you?’ asked the Russian ambassador. ‘Why do you care?’
‘Yes,’ said the Chinese ambassador. ‘Maybe we fight the Abell 2218s and are weakened, only to have your forces take over!’
‘Give the man another piece of cheesecake!’ urged Number 12 from the back. ‘Oops, sorry, I’m always speaking out of turn. But I wish you humans could get your act together for once, instead of being so suspicious of each other and those who have come here just to help!’
‘I second the motion,’ said the President.
‘Me, too,’ cried Madonna. ‘And if you don’t listen to good sense, why, I’ll burn my bra here and now.’
The President patted her on the arm. ‘I don’t think that would be helpful, Madonna.’
She gasped and went all red. ‘I’m really showing my age, aren’t I? Oh, dear!’
The President stood up. ‘I’m going to try this one last time before I offer my resolution on behalf of the Project Earth-mend team. Now, this is my second term as President of the United States of America, a post I am honored and humbled to occupy for a country that has long regarded itself as a Light on the Hill to other nations; but sometimes I see myself as a voice in the wilderness, even at home, when it comes to addressing global issues like this. Each of us has a backyard we are proud of, a heritage and culture worth defending. But sometimes we lose sight of the Big Picture, as some of us have here. If we fail to act today, if we fail to join hands to connect each of our backyards, you’ve heard it straight from Inter-Galactic Command – there may be no tomorrow. What is now Earth will be a patch of dark matter between planets, we’ll be replaced by a sphere of cheese, and eternity will forget us. We must act now!’
The applause began with Myrtle, and even Bradley joined in. A chorus rang out from around the Sacred Pool that could only be described as frogs cheering, and soon almost all the ambassadors were applauding and whistling, too. The Russian and Chinese ambassadors looked at each other, then nodded at their delegates who only seemed to be waiting for the signal to clap.
Smiling, the President held up his hand. ‘Here is my resolution. That this Security Council accepts the need for Project Earth-mend, and that it resolves to appoint a delegation made up of its permanent members – the United States, the United Kingdom, France, the Russian Federation and People’s Republic of China, together with Eudora, Prince, and Tark of Inter-Galactic Command to make known to the Abell 2218 Command that we are absolutely committed to combating climate change as one and moving to a sustainable future as soon as possible.’
‘Seconded!’ called out the Russian ambassador. When other ambassadors dropped their jaws at that, he went on. ‘Yes, I second the motion from our friends the United States. It’s time we forget the past and move on toward a global future where we work as one. Yes, we will still have our differences, and even suspicions of each other, but as friends we will resolve them, starting now.’
Tiger couldn’t believe it. Perhaps there was still hope. Mick would see that everyone was onside with Project Earth-mend and call off his starships.
Bradley waited until the vote was taken and all countries had supported the President’s resolution before putting up his hand.
The President spotted it. ‘Over there. The man by the cheesecake trolley. You’ve got something to add?’
‘Yes,’ said Bradley.
‘And you are?’ asked the President.
‘An Aussie nobody,’ said Bradley. ‘Who happens to be married to the best cheesecake baker on Earth. And who used to think all the world’s ills would be solved if everyone just went out for a round of golf or two.’
The President laughed. ‘I’m partial to golf, too. But what’s your point, sir?’
‘What if Mick and his crew don’t play ball? What if they decide to attack anyway?’
The President sighed. ‘I was getting to that. We might need another resolution, as a last resort. I move that, in the event the Abell 2218s reject our offer, we mobilize a joint Earth-force led by the permanent members to defend ourselves by whatever means possible.’
There were too many hands up to second the motion for the Chair to pick one. ‘Seconded,’ she said. ‘All those in favor?’
The motion was passed.
‘But we’re going to need help,’ said Alexander. ‘If these Abell 2218s are as dangerous as Eudora says, we’ll be sitting ducks!’
Tiger licked his lips unconsciously, but the last thing on his mind now was food. Would Inter-Galactic Command come to their aid in time?
It was Eudora’s turn to sigh. ‘We are very pleased that the Council has passed these resolutions. I have already relayed the news and asked that Supreme Command to assemble a counter-strike force immediately. But this will take time.’
Tark was deflated. ‘I thought that our forces were ready to go at the first signal. You said—’
‘Yes, I know,’ said Eudora. ‘What I said was not the complete truth. Inter-Galactic Command are concerned, and they do not want to see the Earth destroyed, but they doubted that the humans would agree to sign up to Project Earth-mend, and, more importantly, take decisive action. My instructions were that we would only act once it was clear, as it is now, that Earth was headed for a sustainable future.’
‘OK,’ said Tiger. ‘It’s clear now. So how long will it take for them to get here?’
‘I will leave immediately to put the case to an emergency meeting,’ said Eudora. ‘But, as you know, our Council is much larger than this one, and some Galaxy delegates are jealous of all the attention the Milky Way has had of late. They think that Earthlings are spoiled and self-centered. I must convince them otherwise.’
‘I could come with you,’ Tiger offered. ‘If they don’t trust humans, they might listen to a cat.’
For the first time ever, Tiger thought he saw what looked like a smile on Eudora’s face – or at least her beak had bent in a smiley kind of way.
‘That won’t be necessary,’ Eudora said. ‘I have the ability to mind-shift as well as shape-shift. If it comes to that, I will testify as Sacred Pool Member Tiger the Cat, with your best thoughts in mind.’
‘Gee, thanks,’ said Tiger, not sure he should be thanking Eudora, but thinking it was better to do that than seem disappointed.