On the day of Denise’s wedding, Valerie awakened to a gray sky and an unsettling premonition that something was about to go wrong. She didn’t normally have premonitions or panic attacks, but from the moment she stumbled out of bed feeling slightly nauseated and dizzy, her world seemed off kilter. It didn’t help that Aaron was in Singapore on business—or so he told her, when he’d called two days ago. But worrying about him was an exercise in futility. Perhaps the feeling was centered on fickle-minded Denise, who might change her mind at the last moment and pull a no-show.
Fortunately, as the day progressed, her mysterious malaise lifted and she was able to write off the nonsense as rainy day superstition. Except for some easily resolved wedding gown malfunctions that occurred right before arriving at the church, everything went off without a hitch. Denise and Tony were married in Aunt Marilyn’s church, even though the groom wasn’t a member and Denise hadn’t attended since she was a child.
The reception was as loud and obnoxious as Valerie had expected, but she was able to tolerate the endless toasting, drunken dancing, and badly behaving relatives because Jasmine was with her. Jasmine was husbandless as well, since Noah was also out of the country.
After the partying into the wee hours—long after the bride and groom had slipped off en route to the all-expense-paid Hawaiian honeymoon that Valerie and Aaron had given them as a wedding present—Jasmine returned with Valerie to her Englewood apartment instead of taking the longer drive back to her home and they spent the night there.
When Valerie woke up the following Sunday, the apartment was quiet. She pulled on a robe and slipped soundlessly into the kitchen, hoping not to awaken Jasmine in the guest room. Maybe a steaming mug of tea with ginger sprinkled in it would ward off the shaky, nauseous feeling that was plaguing her again.
“Hey.” Jasmine appeared in the kitchen, startling her. “The sun’s not even up yet. Why are we?”
Valerie smiled. “We? I don’t know about you, but I’m up because I couldn’t sleep.”
“Too much partying last night, huh?”
Valerie grimaced at first, then hid a smile. Despite her obvious pregnancy, Jasmine looked like a little girl in an oversize pink Tweety Bird T-shirt and blue stretch pants.
“Are we about to pop this morning?” She addressed Jasmine’s belly.
Jasmine yawned. “I wish. Feel like I’ve been pregnant forever. Can’t wait to get this little darling on the outside.”
“Less than two months to go,” Valerie said. “And I’m betting it’ll be a lot sooner than that.”
“Hope you’re right.” Jasmine reached into the cabinet and pulled out a box of cereal. She glanced at Valerie, toying with the tea. “Is that all you’re having?”
“Yeah. I don’t know. Just the thought of food is nauseating.”
Jasmine laughed. “If I didn’t know better, I would think that you were pregnant, too.”
Valerie rolled her eyes. “Don’t even joke about that. It’s probably a hangover.”
“Hangover from what? You hardly drank at all. Plus, you complained of feeling nauseous before the wedding. Maybe you’re coming down with something.”
Valerie stirred the liquid, clinking the spoon noisily against the sides of the mug. “I’m sure it’s more like something called Aaron anxiety. I’m going to have to stop worrying about him so much, but every time he leaves the country, I have this nagging fear that he won’t be returning.”
Jasmine’s eyes met hers. “Don’t say that. It’s not like you to think that way. I’m the one who suffers from chronic pessimism. Besides, you knew the score when you married him.”
“True, but I’ll stop worrying only when he tells me straight out that he’s never going to get involved in special ops again.”
Jasmine sat at the table. “You don’t really think he’s on a mission now, do you?”
“No.” She shook her head and tried to console herself. “He said the business involved Avian freight. I’m sure he wouldn’t lie to me.”
“Then you’ll just have to take his word for it.”
Valerie nodded again and sipped the tea, which tasted horrible.
“You know,” Jasmine said, changing the subject, “I was hoping you’d build a house close to us, but I’m really loving your Long Island place now. That house has such character. It’s actually starting to personify you and Aaron.”
Valerie smiled slowly. “How do you personify Aaron and me?”
Jasmine looked puzzled, realizing that there were no words to describe the couple, and they both laughed.
“Can you believe we’ve been married for almost six months now, and I’m still alive and reasonably sane?” Valerie said.
“And you still love him,” Jasmine added, covering a cagey smile with one hand. “I’ve been pretty vocal with my doubts, but now I totally get the two of you together. Oh, he’s still got his dark, brooding thing going on, but he’s a little more down to earth…more appealing since he’s learned how to laugh, and he seems to have a higher tolerance for small talk and ordinary people in general.”
Valerie adjusted her sunglasses. “So it really is noticeable? His little…er, transformations have seemed so small to me.”
“Trust me, girlfriend. He is changing. Just keep working on him. Noah notices it, too.”
Valerie knew she should be pleased, but instead, she felt apprehensive, the feeling she got when she realized everything was going perfectly and she knew she should brace herself for a storm to come rolling in. She did not want to discuss Aaron. Her thoughts and feelings about him were too complicated, too deep, and too wrought with emotion.
“Let’s talk about your baby. I’m sure he’s going to be beautiful.”
“Healthy is good enough for me,” Jasmine said. “And I’m praying that he’s nothing like Diego.”
Jasmine had learned a few months ago that the new baby was going to be a boy, and while she hadn’t voiced her preferences openly, Valerie sensed that she would have preferred another daughter. The irascible Diego had no doubt influenced that sentiment.
“He’ll definitely be calmer,” Valerie assured her, “because this one will be yours and Noah’s. Let’s face it, Diego’s got a whole set of genes that you didn’t contribute to. But I still think he’ll outgrow his behavior problems.”
“Hmm. In the meantime, I think I’ll give him to you and Aaron to raise.”
Valerie laughed and then shuddered. “God forbid. If Aaron had him, the boy would morph into a frightened rabbit.”
Jasmine frowned. “At least he’d be quiet for more than two seconds.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “Things will work out.”
But even as she said the words she felt like a slightly bubble-headed Disney cartoon character. Everyone knew that things didn’t always work out.
***
By afternoon, Jasmine had returned to her own home and Valerie felt like her old self again. She chided herself for not going to church. It seemed that she had fallen into the pattern of not attending way too easily, and she wondered how much Aaron’s influence was causing that tendency. She would have to rectify this soon because losing her spiritual connection was not the way to go.
She stopped to visit her mother and found Ruth Ann sitting in her room before an untouched food tray. Surprisingly, though, her mother looked up attentively and made direct eye contact as Valerie entered.
“Hi, Mom. How are you today?”
“Fine,” Ruth Ann said, squinting, craning her head, and looking somewhere beyond Valerie’s shoulder.
“What? What are you looking for?” Valerie asked, realizing that the unusual alertness had little to do with her presence.
“Where’s your father? Is he coming to see me today?”
The wind went out of Valerie like a deflated sail, but she quickly recouped. What did she expect?
“He can’t come,” Valerie said flatly. “He’d like to, but he can’t.” She wanted to blatantly remind her that Joel Redmond was dead, but it seemed cruel.
“He told me he would come,” Ruth Ann said, her tone petulant. “He told me the last time I saw him.”
“What do you mean last time? You haven’t seen him for years…” Valerie stopped herself. Clearly, she was out of sync with her mother’s delusions. Ruth Ann was not talking about Joel; she was talking about Aaron.
“The man you’re talking about is not my father, he’s my husband, and he can’t come to see you right now because he’s out of the country on business.”
“Out of the country? Business? Why is he out of the country?”
“He does that a lot, Mom. It’s his job.” Valerie sat on the edge of the bed, facing her mother, who was seated in a chair with the food tray in front of her. “Here, aren’t you going to eat any of this?”
“I don’t like that stuff. It has no taste.”
She had over-cooked fried chicken, mashed potatoes, carrots, and some kind of juice, Valerie wasn’t sure what. In truth, the meal didn’t look all that appealing.
“Would you like me to get you something else instead?”
Ruth Ann shook her head mutely.
“Oh, come on, Mother. How about if I stop by that deli down the road and get you a hero sandwich? You used to like those.” Her mother wasn’t on any special diet, so she could pretty much have what she wanted.
“No. I don’t want anything, and I don’t feel like talking to you right now.”
And it’s good to see you, too, Mother, Valerie thought, rising abruptly. There was no point in trying to continue a conversation. “I’ll see you on another day, then. Maybe you’ll be in a better mood.” She started toward the door.
“When you come back, bring your father,” Ruth Ann said.
***
That evening, Valerie began cleaning out the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, willing the phone to ring, hoping that Aaron would call her, yet knowing that he probably wouldn’t. She tossed an empty bottle of peroxide into the trash, along with a decades-old bottle of aspirin, and then she stopped and stared at a foreign object—an unopened box containing a home pregnancy test. She frowned. What was that doing there? Then she laughed, remembering that Denise had abandoned it after a visit nearly a year ago, when the diva had had an unwanted pregnancy scare. Denise had never used it because she had been too afraid to see the results. Good old Denise, the drama queen, now married and probably having the time of her life in Hawaii. Valerie picked up the box and was about to add it to the trash, when she remembered her earlier conversation with Jasmine.
“No,” she told herself aloud. “No way could I be…” She shuddered, unable to finish the sentence, but instead of throwing the test kit away, she left it sitting on the counter.
***
In the morning, she tumbled out of bed, dreading that she had to go to work because the now-familiar nausea was back. What was going on with her? It was true, she had missed her period, but for her, periods were normally inconsistent and unpredictable, so she hadn’t thought much about that.
Beyond frazzled, Valerie stumbled to the bathroom and picked up the pregnancy test. She followed the directions carefully and, to her shock and dismay, when she looked at the indicator stick it revealed a blue line. Positive.