Eva gently closed her bedroom door. “She’s sleeping now,” she whispered to her mother, who was standing in the hallway. Then she covered her face with her hands and cried. “I’ve never seen such pain.”
Her mother put an arm around Eva and coaxed her toward the stairs. Sniffling, Eva took Yvonne’s phone out of her apron pocket. “She asked me to make some calls for her, starting with her aunt, but . . .” Her eyes were wide as she sought guidance from her mother, who held out her hand.
“I will make the calls, mei maedel. Did she give you a list?” Her mother blinked back tears. “So tragic.”
Eva reached into her pocket again and took out the scribbled notes she’d taken. “It was hard to understand her part of the time, but I know she wanted her bridesmaids called too.” She hung her head as they walked downstairs. “It hurts me to see anyone in such agony.”
Her mother rubbed her shoulder. “I know.”
Eva’s father was sitting on the couch when they walked into the den. He stood. “How is the girl?”
“As would be expected,” her mother said.
“She’s sleeping right now.” Eva dabbed at her eyes. “My heart hurts for her. I don’t know her well, but I know she was so excited about her wedding that was coming up.” She started to cry again.
Eva’s father was a tall, stocky man whose resting expression consisted of an almost permanent scowl that intimidated most people—those who didn’t know him. Inside, he was soft as pudding and cared deeply about people and their feelings. He looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders and stared at the floor. “It will take much time for the maedel to begin to feel normal.” He sighed. “Jake is on the front porch.”
Eva nodded, blotted her eyes with a tissue, then hugged her mother before she went out.
“How is she?” Jake paced as he asked the question.
“She’s sleeping,” Eva said through more tears that threatened to spill. “Mei mamm is going to make phone calls for her. Yvonne wasn’t sure if her fiancé’s parents had phone numbers for her bridesmaids and aunt—the one who raised her.”
“I know it’s Gott’s will when something like this happens . . .” Jake looked at Eva, his face a mask of despair. “But it’s hard to make sense of it. She had her entire life ahead of her with this man.”
“Life truly is short.” She stood still, waiting to see if Jake would offer her a hug. He’d carried Yvonne to her SUV and laid her in the back seat, then drove them all to Eva’s house. Until then, she’d had no idea Jake knew how to drive a car. He said he’d learned with some other boys in a parking lot when they were young and in their rumschpringe.
“Josh, David, and Amos went to get both of our buggies. I didn’t want to leave until I knew Yvonne was all right.” He began pacing again. “I didn’t think we should leave both our buggies and the horses at the store for too long. I’ll head home when they get here.”
Eva’s brothers hadn’t hesitated about asking what they could do. Sometimes they got on her last nerve, but in a crisis or time of need, they could always be counted on.
“So, what now?” Jake stopped walking and folded his arms across his chest.
“I don’t know.” Eva started to cry again. “I guess we will know after Mamm talks to Yvonne’s aunt. I just couldn’t make the call.” She shook her head. “It’s just so awful. And like you said, I know we should accept this as Gott’s will, but six men died in that plane crash. Six families will grieve for a long time. It’s so sad.”
A few minutes later, Josh came around the corner in his buggy, followed by David in Jake’s buggy and Amos in Eva’s buggy. Josh stayed behind, tethered the horses, and began filling pails with water. David and Amos crossed through the yard and came up the steps. They both shook Jake’s hand before turning to Eva.
“How is your friend?” Eva’s youngest brother, David, asked.
“Devastated.” Eva sniffled. “Danki for taking care of the horses.”
David didn’t say anything, but he hugged her before he walked into the house, followed by Amos, who stopped to give her a quick hug before they disappeared inside.
“I guess I should go. Can I call you later to find out how she’s doing?” Jake had dark circles underneath his eyes.
Eva nodded. “I’ll turn on my mobile phone.” Her father was strict about use of phones, but she knew he wouldn’t balk at a time like this. She waited for Jake to offer her a hug goodbye, but he just nodded before he turned and walked down the porch steps.
After he was out of sight, Eva walked back into the house. Her mother was sitting at the kitchen table with Yvonne’s phone to her ear. She was consoling someone and fighting her own tears. “Yes, it is very tragic,” Mamm said as she looked up at Eva, who sat down at the table across from her.
When she ended the call, her mother placed the phone on the table and put her face in her hands. “Two of the bridesmaids saw the plane wreck on television. They didn’t know one of the victims was Trevor. The girl’s aunt is getting on a plane to come here and take Yvonne home. She will be here tomorrow.” Her mother lowered her hands, revealing a red face with lines down the sides of her cheeks where tears had fallen.
“Danki for making those calls, Mamm. I just . . .” Eva stared at her mother, beyond grateful that she had handled the task. “I just . . . couldn’t.”
“I’ll make us some hot tea.” Her mother stood and went to the kettle.
Eva sat there, her senses dulled, her body exhausted. She couldn’t even imagine how Yvonne would feel when she woke up.
* * *
Yvonne opened her eyes to late-afternoon sunlight streaming into an unfamiliar room. It was warm, but like a day at the beach in early summer, with a nice breeze that brought calm and a longing for a hammock as you listened to the waves crash against the ground, rolling in rhythm. As she blinked and wondered briefly where she was again, her memories from only a few hours earlier fell onto her like a hundred-pound barbell, suffocating her until she almost couldn’t breathe.
Trevor was gone. Killed in a plane crash. And she would never see him again.
She curled into a fetal position atop the twin bed she lay on and buried her face against the pastel cover beneath her. Curling her hands into fists beneath her chin, she squeezed her eyes closed again, willing it all to be a bad dream. Her head throbbed so badly, she thought she might throw up.
“Yvonne.”
She heard the voice, recognized it. But she didn’t move. She couldn’t. Instead, she kept her eyes tightly closed and prayed she would wake up and none of this would be real.
Eva placed something on the nightstand in between the twin beds, then sat down on the mattress and put a hand on Yvonne’s back. “I brought your phone back to you. Mei mamm made the phone calls for you, and I’ve brought you some herbal tea. Your aunt will be here tomorrow.”
Yvonne didn’t move. To open her eyes and acknowledge Eva’s efforts would mean acceptance that she wasn’t going to wake up from this nightmare. Her brown hair fell across her face in matted strands, moist from tears that wouldn’t stop. Eva brushed it away, then returned her hand to Yvonne’s back, rubbing gently.
“There is nothing I can say to make you feel better.” Eva’s voice trembled as she spoke. “But I am here, and I will be sitting on the other bed if you need to talk or if there is anything I can get you.”
Slowly, Eva rose, and Yvonne was by herself on the bed again. She opened her eyes and gazed at her Amish friend sitting across from her, her hands folded in her lap atop her black apron that covered a maroon dress. Then she covered her face and cried.
“Please don’t tell me anything to make me feel better, because I will never feel better.” She heard the misdirected anger in her voice. Eva didn’t deserve that, but Yvonne was beyond caring what anyone thought. Her life had just ended. She cried for another few minutes before she opened her eyes again. Eva was dabbing at tears with a tissue.
“Why did this happen?” Yvonne’s chest ached as new waves of anguish seared her heart.
“I don’t know,” Eva said softly, her voice shaky.
Yvonne slowly sat up, but her head began to spin, and her throat was trying to close up. “I need to call Trevor.” She gulped hard as hot tears slipped down her cheeks. “I need to tell him that I love him. I need . . . him. Call him, Eva. Call him for me.”
* * *
Eva had never seen anyone in such agony, but although she would do anything within her power to ease Yvonne’s grief, she couldn’t give her the one thing she longed for so badly: her life. The one she had just lost.
“I can’t call him,” Eva said softly as she fought her own tears. “He’s with Gott now.”
Yvonne glared at her for so long it caused Eva to shiver, but then her expression went solemn. “I wish I could believe that.”
“You can.” Eva didn’t know where to take the conversation. She silently prayed for God to guide her, but when nothing came, she wondered if it was because she wasn’t the person to be ministering to Yvonne. She wasn’t qualified.
“If I believed that Trevor was in heaven, then I would want to die, too, so that I could be with him.” Yvonne’s returning glare felt like it might burn a hole in Eva, but the woman was allowed her grief. “I could take a razor blade and slit my wrist right now, and then I’d go to heaven too.” Her bottom lip trembled, but there was fire in Yvonne’s eyes.
“Gott has things for you to do here on earth. It’s not your time. And I know that’s hard to understand right now, but—”
“What will I do, Eva? What will I do? Will I go back to my house and pretend I wasn’t in love, that I wasn’t going to get married in a couple of months? Maybe I can try on my wedding dress, the one I haven’t even paid off.” Tears of grief spilled down Yvonne’s cheeks like raging rivers of anger. “Granted, George probably won’t fire me now. He’ll feel sorry for me. ‘Poor Yvonne, her fiancé died in a plane crash!’” She was almost yelling now, but Eva sat still, her lips pressed together. “What are the odds of that even happening? But it happened to Trevor. It happened to the man I love, and I want you to tell me why!” She began to pound her fists on her legs, harder and harder.
“Stop! Yvonne, please stop!” Eva rushed to her and grabbed her wrists. “You’re hurting yourself. Don’t!”
“I hate everything.” Her eyes blazed with misdirected anger. “I hate God.” She turned her eyes to the ceiling and screamed, “Do you hear me, God? I despise You!”
“Stop it, Yvonne. Please stop!” Eva tried again to grab her wrists, but a firm hand took hold of Eva’s arm and tugged her backward.
“Eva, move.”
She turned to see her mother pulling her away, and Eva stumbled back. Her mom sat down on the bed beside Yvonne, forcefully pulled her into her arms, and held her tightly. Yvonne still had her fists clenched, lightly pounding on her legs, but she eventually slowed to barely a tap before she leaned into the embrace. Then she sobbed harder than Eva had seen her so far, wailing as if she was in terrible physical pain. Eva’s mother never let go of her, and when Yvonne began to calm down, Eva’s mother rubbed her head. She never said a word.
Eva left the room in tears, glad her brothers had obviously gone to work and her father wasn’t around. She sat on one of the rocking chairs on the porch and sobbed into her hands, selfishly wishing her mother was holding her instead of Yvonne. So much pain. It was hard to process, especially since Eva had never had a loss comparable to Yvonne’s. Her grandparents had passed, but they had both been sick, and it was expected. She wondered when Yvonne would get over the shock of losing Trevor. Or if. And hearing her talk about cutting her wrists and joining Trevor, not believing, hating God . . . It was all too much.
She turned toward the front door when the screen slammed closed and her mother walked onto the porch.
Eva threw her hands up. “I didn’t know what to do! I obviously didn’t handle things the right way. I’ve never seen someone suffering so badly, and it made me hurt too.”
Her mother sat down in the other rocking chair, reached over, and took Eva’s hand. “Of course it made you hurt to see someone you care about in pain.” She squeezed her hand. “Mei maedel, when a person is called home to Gott, there is still grief, even when we believe it was His will to take that person when we weren’t ready yet. There are phases. Sadness, anger, and eventually acceptance. But it doesn’t happen quickly.”
Eva gnawed on her bottom lip as she wiped tears from her eyes. “You don’t think she would do anything to harm herself, do you?”
Her mother let go of her hand, leaned back against the back of the rocking chair, and sighed. “I hope not, but I don’t know her. You don’t know her very well, either, but I suspect she is just going through the phases I mentioned.”
“I know her well enough to know she doesn’t believe in heaven.” Eva quickly found her mother’s eyes, not wanting to miss her reaction.
“I see.” Her mother paused as she crossed one leg over the other, her blank expression not giving much away. “So, in her mind, she’ll never see this man again.”
“Right.” Eva flinched. “Her pain must be magnified because of that.”
“I’m sure it is, but mei maedel, Yvonne will be going home tomorrow. There is nothing you can do to sway her way of thinking. You can only pray for her. And since her aunt is flying here to accompany her back home, I assume she and Yvonne must be close.”
“She raised Yvonne.” Eva felt unjustifiably angry at Yvonne’s aunt—a woman she’d never met and knew nothing about except that she had stripped Yvonne of any hope for an afterlife. There was no point in telling her mother that part, she supposed.
Her mother stood, groaned a little, then held out her arms.
Eva fell into the hug, sniffling.
“You’ve been a gut friend to Yvonne. Someday she will look back and remember you fondly for taking care of her during this difficult time.”
“I just want her to be okay.” Eva eased out of the embrace. “Is a person ever okay when something like this happens? I wouldn’t want the bishop to overhear me asking such a question, but the pain seems like it wouldn’t ever go away.”
“We lean on our faith during such times. I admit, it is different for Yvonne because she feels no hope of seeing her fiancé again.” Her mother brushed back strands of hair from Eva’s face. “But, again, all you can do is pray for her.”
“I know.”
Eva walked back upstairs and found Yvonne asleep again. Eva sat on the bed and began praying for her friend.
* * *
Jake didn’t call Eva until almost nine. “How’s she doing?” he asked after she answered.
“Wait a minute. I’m going to go outside,” she whispered. She crept down the stairs and out the screen door. “Okay. Sorry. She was sleeping, so I didn’t want to wake her up.” She sat in one of the rocking chairs. “I admit that I don’t understand the grief she’s going through. Mamm said there are phases a person goes through after the death of a loved one. Yvonne seems to be bouncing back and forth between despair and anger.” She paused to take in the clear sky full of twinkling stars, to appreciate the glory of it amid such an awful day. “Her aunt is picking her up tomorrow and will fly home with her.”
“Do you know what time?” There was a sense of urgency in Jake’s voice.
“I think the aunt’s flight comes in around ten tomorrow morning, then the drive from the airport, only to turn around and drive back for another flight. Seems like maybe they should have planned to spend the night, but I’m sure there is a lot to do, and . . .” She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just feel so sorry for Yvonne. She was so excited about her wedding.”
Jake was quiet.
“Are you still there?” Eva yawned as she stared at the stars, twinkling as if Yvonne’s world hadn’t stopped spinning today. But millions of people had lost loved ones today, just like every second of every day. And new lives came into the world every second. If she thought too much about it, it seemed overwhelming.
“Ya, I’m still here.” After a short pause, he said, “Mei mamm said she’d open the bookstore tomorrow. I’d like to come say goodbye again to Yvonne. But . . .” He was quiet. “There’s also something I’d like to talk to you about.”
Eva straightened as her pulse picked up. “What?” she asked.
“I’d rather talk to you about it in person if that’s okay.”
It wasn’t. Eva was sure she would lose some much-needed sleep, but she said, “Ya, okay.”
“I’ll try to get there around eight thirty, after your bruders have left for work. Can you meet me in the barn when you see me pull up so we can have some privacy?”
Eva’s heartrate picked up even more. “Okay.”
After they hung up, she stayed outside for a while. Had today’s events caused Jake to realize that time was precious? Was he ready to give them a chance at something more than friendship? Had he begun to realize her feelings for him? Did he share those sentiments?
He had sounded so serious on the phone, as if perhaps his eyes had been opened to new possibilities. Under different circumstances, she would have rushed upstairs and analyzed their upcoming meeting with Yvonne. But for now all she could do was speculate. Even though her heart still hurt terribly for Yvonne, she felt hopeful about her own future.