Eva met Jake in the barn a little before eight thirty after she heard his buggy pulling into the driveway. He was leaning against her father’s workbench, his ankles crossed, and with a brown paper bag in his hand. Eva eyed the bag, then lifted her tired eyes to his.
“I want to give Yvonne the book.” He raised the bag a little before lowering it. “Mei grossdaadi said I was never to sell it. He didn’t say anything about giving it away.”
Eva studied his sober expression, the dark circles from the day before still evident. “Why would you do that?”
Sighing, Jake’s gaze traveled somewhere past Eva as if lost in thought. “She’s said things, and I’ve overheard things—that she might need money.”
Eva thought back to when Yvonne said she might lose her client, how she had to pay off her wedding dress, but that Trevor would take care of her. The last part no longer an option. “Money won’t cure Yvonne,” she said.
Jake placed the bag on the workbench before he folded his arms across his chest. “It’s not just about money.” He reached up and scratched his forehead. “Last night, before I called you, I lay on the bed and dozed off. I had the weirdest dream.”
Eva waited as Jake’s eyes, glassy and dazed, drifted back over her shoulder.
“Mei grossdaadi was standing in mei bedroom, and he was holding the book. He gently pushed it toward me, to where I was sitting on the bed, and it floated into mei hands. Smiling, he said, ‘All is not lost.’ And then he was gone.” He paused as he glanced at the paper bag. “I had the strongest feeling that I should give the book to Yvonne.”
“Jake, you were tired. It was a dream. I don’t think that meant that you were supposed to give Yvonne the book.” Eva was sure Yvonne’s reaction in the parking lot had hit Jake hard, too, but this didn’t feel like a rational thing to do.
“Have you ever dreamed about anyone who has passed?” Jake peered at her, his eyes probing hers for answers.
Eva thought about his question. “Ya, I have. I dreamed about mei grossmammi several times after she died, but I never remembered much about the conversation. I just had a sense that she was trying to comfort me somehow.”
“I’ve had dreams about people who have passed too,” Jake said, sighing. “But this felt different. I don’t know how to explain it.”
Eva took a few steps closer to him and nodded toward the bag. “That book is worth a lot of money, apparently. More money than Yvonne would need, I would think, to solve any financial problems she might have. I didn’t sense from her that she was in a perilous situation with regard to money.” She pulled the black shawl she’d grabbed tighter around her shoulders. “If you’re having some kind of guilty feelings about her being here when her fiancé died, that doesn’t make sense. The plane would have gone down whether she was here trying to purchase the book or at home.”
“I know.”
They were quiet for a minute.
“You are hoping she will read the book, aren’t you, that maybe it will change her way of thinking?” She put a hand to her forehead and shook her head. “Jake, don’t you remember how upset she was after just reading the first pages?”
“I just feel like I should give it to her.” He reached into the bag, took out the book, then stared at it before he looked at Eva. “She can sell it, read it, or whatever she wants.”
Eva’s mind traveled to a place less generous as she thought about all the repairs Jake would be able to take care of if he sold the book. Not to mention that without the book, there would be no reading sessions together at night. She cringed at the selfish thought.
“I can’t sell it,” he said firmly. “I can give it to her, but I can’t sell it.”
She shrugged. “It is yours to do with as you please, but this is a huge decision.”
“It doesn’t feel like it. I guess that’s how I know it’s the right thing to do.”
Eva looked over her shoulder when she heard her name. When she didn’t respond, Josh yelled again. “I’ll be back,” she said to Jake before she turned and walked out of the barn to see what her brother wanted.
“Yvonne came downstairs looking for you,” Josh said, his hand to his forehead, blocking the sun. “She went back upstairs, but I thought I’d let you know since she didn’t come down for breakfast and no one has seen her.”
“Ya, okay.” Her brother walked back into the house, and Eva turned around to see that Jake had followed her into the yard, carrying the bag with the book inside. “I’ll go visit with Yvonne, then let her know that you want to talk to her.” She bit her bottom lip. “As for the book, follow your heart.”
She didn’t look back as she walked toward the house, but she did reflect on how wrong she’d been. Jake hadn’t come about anything to do with them, as a possible couple or otherwise. Again, it felt selfish, but Eva was having thoughts about how short life was, that you should tell people how you felt about them and not let time slip by until your dreams were out of reach. Maybe Jake would come to that realization soon. She hoped so.
* * *
Yvonne sat on the bed in fresh clothes, even though she hadn’t showered. One of Eva’s brothers had brought her red suitcase from the car and set it outside the door. She’d found it there when she’d gone to the bathroom. Now it lay on the bed beside her as she waited for her aunt to arrive.
The weight of her loss didn’t feel any lighter this morning, but she had charged her cell phone and checked to see if Trevor had left a voice mail or sent her a text. He hadn’t. As much as she wished she had any final words from him, she prayed the whole thing had happened instantly, that he hadn’t been afraid or felt pain. As a grown adult, she knew she had to try in some way to keep herself together—even if she felt like she was five years old and needed someone to hold her, to carry her both physically and emotionally. The knot in her stomach and the hole in her heart felt permanent.
Eva walked silently into the room, sat down on the other twin bed, and faced Yvonne. The young woman’s face was flushed, and it was obvious she was emotional.
“I-I’m sorry . . .” Yvonne inhaled a big breath and blew it out slowly in an attempt not to cry. “I’m sorry that this happened here, that you’ve had to deal with me during this . . .” Despite her best efforts, a tear rolled down her cheek.
Eva quickly rushed to her side and put an arm around her. “Please don’t worry about that. Don’t give it another thought. I only wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. I’ve been praying for you.”
Yvonne dabbed at her swollen eyes with the wadded-up tissue in her hand. “This doesn’t feel real to me, you know?” She twisted to face Eva. “People will come over and call and tell me how sorry they are. They’ll bring meals, offer to do anything I need. I’ll suffer through a funeral, and good-intentioned people will tell me that Trevor is in a better place. It was like that when my uncle died.” Eva’s arm fell from around her, and Yvonne waited for words of comfort. But Eva stayed quiet, which was what Yvonne needed. “This feels different, though. I’ve been on the other side of this—the one bringing the food, offering my condolences, saying the things you are supposed to say at funerals. And now . . .” She sighed. “I realize that all of those grief-stricken people probably just wanted to be left alone, to not have to pretend that everything will be okay.” She reached for Eva’s hand and held it. “I wish I could just stay here.”
“You can.” Her new friend didn’t hesitate. Yvonne wondered if Eva had lost anyone close to her, but she didn’t want to ask. Yvonne was thirteen years older than Eva and had likely seen more death than she had. But nothing felt like this, not even the death of her parents. She had been young when that happened and didn’t have a solid handle on the finality.
Yvonne forced a small smile for her friend. “I can’t,” she said softly as she released her hand to catch another tear with her tissue. “I will be expected to go through all the motions. I’ve experienced pain. But nothing like this.”
They were quiet, and Yvonne appreciated that more than Eva would understand.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Yvonne avoided Eva’s eyes. “That Trevor is in a better place, in heaven, reuniting with people he has lost.” She finally looked up. “I have never wanted to believe that more than I do at this moment.” Shaking her head, she said, “But I don’t.”
She waited for Eva to try to convince her otherwise, but her friend remained quiet. Yvonne hoped she didn’t tackle the first person who told her that Trevor was in a better place. It wouldn’t be her aunt. Yvonne recalled her uncle’s funeral and the many people who had those sorts of sentiments. Yvonne had followed her Aunt Emma’s lead and merely nodded politely. It felt awful for Yvonne at the time, but looking back, she thought it must have been much worse for her aunt.
“Thank you and your family for taking me in last night.” She pointed to the nightstand. “I’ve left you my address, and I’d like to keep in touch.”
“I’d like that too.” Eva stood up. “Jake is in the barn. He has something he wants to talk to you about, and he’d like to say goodbye.”
Yvonne stood up and wrapped her arms around her new friend. “I’m happy to have met you, and I’ll be back in my home state rooting for you and Jake,” she said through her tears.
“Danki.”
Eva carried Yvonne’s suitcase and led the way downstairs. Only her parents were in the den. After Yvonne thanked Mr. and Mrs. Graber—who had insisted she call them Mary and Lloyd—for their hospitality, she hugged Mary for a long while and whispered, “Thank you for everything.”
“You will be in our prayers, dear.” Mary blinked back tears as she gave a final wave to her.
Following one last hug from Eva, Yvonne picked up her suitcase, set it on the bottom step of the porch stairs, and went to the barn. Jake was sitting on top of the workbench. She recalled how she’d thought she could charm the book away from this handsome Amish fellow. Now the sight of him caused her to burst into tears. Jake and Eva had shown Yvonne kindnesses that would be with her for a long time.
Jake jumped from the bench and quickly embraced her. “It doesn’t seem like it, but some day you’ll be all right.”
Yvonne knew that wasn’t true, but she stayed in his arms and nodded.
He backed out of the hug and pointed to a brown paper bag on the workbench. “I have something for you.”
Yvonne sniffled as she eyed him. She tried to say “What?” but she wasn’t able to choke out the word around the knot in her throat. Her stomach flipped when he pulled Walk with Me out of the bag.
“I want you to have this.” He pushed it her way.
Yvonne shook her head as a whole new round of tears poured down her cheeks. “Absolutely not.” She swiped at her eyes. “If I’ve learned anything while I’ve been here, it’s that money doesn’t buy happiness.”
Jake stared at her long and hard. “But it can take care of financial burdens that you may or may not have. And I want you to have it.”
Yvonne continued to shake her head, even after Jake told her about a dream he’d had. “I really think you should have it,” he said in a desperate voice.
She walked closer to him, reached up, and cupped his cheek. “You are a good man, Jake Lantz.” After she lowered her hand, she forced a small smile. “I appreciate the fact that you are worried about my finances, but I assure you that I will be fine.” She wasn’t sure about that, but she wasn’t going to take the book. “You promised your grandfather that you wouldn’t sell the book, and I’m not going to let you break that promise.”
“I’m not selling the book, so there are no promises broken. I am giving it to you, to do with as you please.” He pushed back the rim of his straw hat and stared into her eyes with the book still outstretched. “Please take it.”
“No.” She didn’t even have to think about it. She’d changed as a person during her short time here. And her life had changed forever. “The book would sit in a closet on the top shelf, untouched, unread, and collecting dust. I couldn’t bear to read it or sell it. And such a cherished possession shouldn’t be shelved that way. It’s yours, Jake. But your offer only enforces what I already said. You’re a good guy.”
Yvonne was proud she’d managed to say all of that before she started crying again.
“A car just pulled into the driveway.” Jake put the book in the bag, then offered it to her again.
Yvonne shook her head before they left the barn and walked together to the porch. Jake picked up her suitcase and stowed it inside the vehicle. Yvonne followed.
“Goodbye, Jake.” She gave a quick wave, still crying, then ran into her aunt’s outstretched arms.
* * *
Jake stayed in the barn until all was quiet and everyone had gone inside. Maybe he should have gone into the house to meet Yvonne’s aunt, but he wasn’t up for another goodbye. He arrived at the bookstore just as his mother was pulling in.
“Sorry you had to make the trip, Mamm. I thought I’d be tied up at Eva’s house longer than I was.” Jake tethered his horse to the hitching post.
His mother stayed in her buggy. “Did everything go all right?” she asked.
As far as his mother knew, Jake had just gone to tell Yvonne bye. “Ya, I guess. As gut as could have been expected.” Not exactly true.
“That maedel is in for a rough time.” His mother shook her head. “Hopefully, she is a woman of faith and will lean on that.”
Jake scratched his cheek but didn’t say anything. It was hard to understand how a person could believe in God but not the existence of an afterlife. He thought again about his dream about his grandfather and wondered if God sent loved ones to do His bidding from time to time.
“I’d better get the shop opened up.” He gave his horse a quick rub on the snout.
“Is Eva coming in today?”
Jake couldn’t think of a reason why she wouldn’t, except maybe lack of sleep. It had surely been an emotional time for her. “I think so.”
His mother began to back up her buggy. “Okay. I’m making chicken and dumplings for supper. I’ll leave some in your refrigerator at the house.”
“Danki.” Jake loved chicken and dumplings, and he could probably eat them every day. He thought about the batch Eva had brought that was probably still in the refrigerator. He didn’t know how long food lasted, but Eva was bound to ask about reading together again, something he had to get out of.
He’d only been at the shop about an hour when Eva walked in. No basket with muffins, which wasn’t surprising. His mother had to be right that it had been an emotional time for Eva. And she didn’t have any other type of dish, like for casseroles or anything, so either she wasn’t planning to read tonight or she figured they would read and not eat. Or maybe the leftover chicken and dumplings were still good after all. Maybe she assumed he didn’t want to read any more since he’d turned her down before. All of this speculation was giving him a headache.
“How did it go with Yvonne’s aunt?” Jake asked from behind the counter.
Eva’s eyebrows furrowed as her expression grew tight with strain. “I feel badly about what I’m going to say, but I resented her aunt, which I know is wrong, especially in Gott’s eyes. It’s just that . . .” She set her purse on the counter, scowling. “I feel like if her aunt and uncle hadn’t steered her away from Christianity, that she would find some level of comfort knowing she would see Trevor again. It’s wrong of me to judge the woman in that way, though.”
“Ya, maybe. But I feel that way too.” Jake shifted his weight on the stool, deciding he might as well have the talk with Eva about the book. She picked up her purse and was about to walk away but turned around.
“What did Yvonne say when you gave her the book? I didn’t want to ask her in front of everyone.” Eva raised an eyebrow.
“She wouldn’t take it. She said she wouldn’t read it or sell it.” Jake recalled their conversation. “She was firm about it.”
Eva chewed her bottom lip. “I’m not surprised,” she finally said.
Jake waited for her to elaborate, but when she didn’t, he knew he had to have a conversation with her about the book. “Eva, I don’t think it’s a gut idea for us to read the book.”
Her mouth spread into a thin-lipped smile, which was never good. He’d seen his mother give his father that smile. It wasn’t real. “You don’t think it’s a gut idea for us to read the book? Or you don’t think it’s a gut idea for us to read it together?”
Yikes. She wasn’t beating around the bush.
“Uh . . . both.” When she squinted her eyes, lifting her chin in a challenge, he searched for a way out. Or maybe he should just tell her a partial version of the truth. “You’re the one who said you didn’t think the bishop would approve of us reading it.”
“I said he might not approve.” She held her countenance as she tapped a foot. “We’re grown adults. I’ve changed my mind. With the exception of steamy romances, or books with bad language or subject matter, I think we are free to choose what we read. I vote we read it.”
“I vote we don’t.” Jake could feel his jaw tense. There wasn’t a good way out of this.
“You’re the boss.” She stormed off before Jake could even tell her the truth, which apparently wasn’t necessary now.
* * *
Eva didn’t think she had any emotional strength left to deal with one more thing, and that included the fact that Jake didn’t want to spend time alone with her. It took everything she had not to burst into tears, but when the temptation almost overtook her, she thought about Yvonne.
After she said another prayer for Yvonne, she decided to dust the gift area of the store. She’d take her place behind the counter if and when Jake relocated. He had made it perfectly clear how he felt, and Eva was done pushing for anything outside of friendship with her boss. She’d thought that after he’d held her in the basement, things might be moving in a different direction. But they were being burglarized at the moment, so she supposed that shouldn’t count.
She set her feather duster on the shelf and reached into her pocket for the note John Yoder had pinned on the fence in front of their house on Sunday. She’d been embarrassed that her brother Josh had been the one to find it, and he’d teased her about it but promised not to say anything to anyone. She hadn’t given it much thought until now. She took out the note and reread it.
Dear Eva,
If you would like to have supper with me one night this week, please leave a return note here. I’ll be hopping to hear from you.
John Yoder
She smiled at his spelling of hoping and grinned as she briefly pictured John Yoder hopping. He was a likable man, nice looking, and her age. He wasn’t Jake. But apparently Jake was never going to be hers, and time was getting away from her. Eva longed to be married and start a family. She’d turned down plenty of offers to go out on a date. But maybe it was time.
She went to the back room and found a pen, then leaned over the note on the counter.
Dear John,
I would be happy to go to supper with you tomorrow night (Wednesday). Danki for asking me.
Eva
She was done waiting around for Jake Lantz.