Jake paced the store Thursday morning. Back and forth from the gift aisle to the back room, behind the counter, down the row of fiction books, then children’s books. Then he did it all over again. He was coming around the corner from the gift section when Eva walked in. Jake stopped, didn’t breathe, and said nothing as he studied her expression, as if it would tell him about her date. If she was bubbly and bouncy, it had gone well. If she was somber and didn’t make eye contact, then perhaps it had gone badly.
As much as he didn’t want Eva to be unhappy, he couldn’t help but hope the date hadn’t been more than barely satisfactory. “Wie bischt,” he said tentatively, watching her closely. She didn’t have a basket of goodies this morning. Was that because there were some left over from yesterday, or did she get home late last night and oversleep?
“Wie bischt.” She smiled, a little too much for Jake’s liking. Then she slid behind the counter, stowed her purse out of sight, and popped open the cash register, which Jake had already filled. “Looks like we’re ready to go.” She met his curious eyes. “Yesterday I noticed we are completely out of number 2 pencils. I don’t know how that happened, but I’ll get some ordered right away. It was too late to call yesterday when I noticed.” She flipped the page on a spiral notebook that she kept nearby. “We also need more thank-you cards.” She chuckled, which got under Jake’s skin for no rational reason. “Guess folks have a lot to be thankful for, and that’s gut.”
She was writing, flipping pages, writing more. All Jake could think about was whether or not John Yoder had kissed her last night, but that wasn’t something he could ask her. He plastered on the best fake smile he could.
“So how was your date last night?” He held his breath and secretly blamed her that he had gotten hardly any sleep last night. Gritting his teeth, he allowed some air to escape and reminded himself that he had no right to be angry or upset, no matter what her answer was.
“It was gut,” she said without looking up.
They were friends. Was that all she had to say? “Where did you eat?” He shuffled her way and stopped a few feet from the counter.
“A place in Bloomington called Samira’s.” She grinned, her head still down. “They have food that was very different, so we went a little crazy and tried new things. It was surprisingly gut.”
Did he kiss you? Will you go out with him again? He had to know. And why couldn’t things just go back to the way they were? Now that she’d gone on a date, everything was different, and Jake didn’t like it. He could feel an angry hurt bubbling to the surface.
“I hope John was a gentleman.” He looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders and stared at her until she finally looked at him. Then she glared at him, enough that he took a step backward as she stood up from where she’d been sitting on the stool.
“Jake, I know that you feel a need to protect me.” She flashed him that thin-lipped smile, the one that was never real when any woman delivered it. “But I am not your little sister. I am a grown woman. And we’ve both known John our entire lives. You know he is an honorable man.”
He was tempted to tell her how he had been an honorable man, stepping aside since he knew John’s feelings for her. “I know you’re a grown woman.” It was all he could think to say, except for the slippery words that threatened to slide off his tongue. Did he kiss you? Maybe in the deepest recesses of his mind, he’d always thought he would be Eva’s first kiss, and that thought had bullied its way to the forefront of his every waking moment lately. The vision of her in another man’s arms gave credence to the fact that Eva was, indeed, a grown woman.
“Can you think of anything else we need?” She sat down again and sighed as if she was totally exasperated with him, her head buried in the notebook again.
“Nee.” He shifted his weight and folded his arms across his chest. Then he waited until she finally glanced his way.
“Jake, if you have something you want to ask me, just ask. Because you’re not acting right.” She blinked her eyes a few times, closed the notebook, and folded her hands atop it.
“‘Acting right’? What does that even mean?” He gave his head a quick shake. “How am I supposed to be acting?”
She shrugged. “Never mind.”
“Nee, if you have something you want to say, just say it.” He realized after he’d spoken that his words almost mirrored hers.
“I don’t have anything to say. I said never mind.” She stood, picked up her little notebook, and came around the counter. “I’m going to walk each row and see if I’ve missed anything obvious. I keep a pretty gut inventory, but sometimes when a group of ladies come in and buy a lot, I forget to write everything down. I’m trying to be better about that.” She eased around him and walked toward the children’s book aisle. He was sure there was more of a swing in her hips as she walked. Or had he never noticed that before?
“Did he kiss you?” He almost hollered the question, which stopped her in her tracks before she spun around and faced him. Then she slowly edged toward him until she was close enough for him to breathe in that lavender smell again.
She got even closer and leaned her face up to his. Jake felt a shiver run the length of his spine as she batted her eyes at him. “Define ‘kiss,’” she whispered softly, her breath on his face. Then she did an about-face and walked away.
Jake could feel the blood shooting up from his feet until it filled his face, and he was sure he was going to explode. He had absolutely no right to be angry, but he stormed out of the store anyway.
* * *
Eva’s jaw dropped as Jake kept walking away. He was almost to the road when she finally closed her mouth. Maybe she’d gone a little overboard on the “Define ‘kiss’” comment, but he didn’t have any right to be questioning her.
After he hadn’t come back for almost an hour, she started to feel bad about the way she had handled things. Maybe Jake did, too, and they would talk this through like adults. What would she say? I’ve always loved you, but you never asked me out, so it was time to move on. It was the truth but something she would never come out and admit to him.
Thirty minutes later, she began to get a little worried. She went to her purse and turned on her mobile phone in case he called. Not long after the phone powered up, it buzzed with a voice mail.
Hi, Eva, it’s Yvonne. Jake told me when we spoke that you had a date last night. I was just wondering how that went. There was a long pause. I wish I was there, away from all of this. Yvonne’s voice cracked a little. Anyway, Trevor’s funeral is tomorrow. I talked to Jake about sneaking that book into my luggage. I read it, by the way. Full on tears. Maybe, if you have time, you can call me.
Eva had tears in her own eyes by the time she ended the voice mail. Yvonne was thirteen years older than Eva, but she sounded like a young child. Understandably. If Texas were closer, Eva would have tried to attend the funeral.
She walked to the window then onto the front porch. Lifting her hand to her forehead, she searched for Jake, but he was nowhere in sight.
Eva walked back inside to her stool behind the counter and called Yvonne.
“I’m sorry I sounded so pitiful, I just . . .”
Eva’s heart hurt. “Nee, please don’t apologize. And you know you are welcome to come back anytime you want.” She bit her bottom lip when she heard Yvonne crying. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes.” Yvonne sniffled. “Distract me. Tell me about your date last night. John Yoder, right?”
“Ach, Yvonne, this doesn’t feel like the time to talk about such things when you are suffering so much.”
“Trust me. It’s the perfect time.”
Eva swiped at her eyes, deciding maybe Yvonne really did need to talk about something outside of her own heartache. “I’ve known him all of my life. He’s handsome, and the date was perfect. But . . .” She chewed on her fingernail as she squeezed her eyes closed.
“But he’s not Jake.” Yvonne sighed, still sniffling.
Eva told her what had just happened. “I know I shouldn’t have toyed with Jake that way, but he was in a terrible mood, questioning me, and even though a part of me was glad he was jealous, I still shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. Jealousy is a sin, and I shouldn’t have fueled his emotions that way.”
“I’m guessing that Jake is facing his true feelings for you. Maybe it took a date with another man for him to realize that.” Yvonne’s voice was shaky, but she wasn’t sniffling as much.
“It feels so wrong to be talking about this.” Eva swallowed hard. “The book. Tell me about the book. I had no idea Jake slipped it into your suitcase until he told me.”
“It-it . . .” Yvonne started to cry again.
“Please don’t feel like you have to tell me about it.” Eva brought a hand to her chest as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m just at such a loss. I wish there was something I could do to ease your suffering . . . about Trevor, about the book . . . I’m praying for you daily, and I’m sure Jake is too.”
“Eva . . .”
She waited.
“Do you think Jesus can actually appear to a person? I mean, like sit down on the couch and talk to you?” Yvonne had stopped crying.
“I suppose when it comes to Gott and His Sohn, anything is possible.” Eva paused. “That was in the book?”
“Yeah. It was. The author had lost his faith, something that had been instilled in him for as long as he could remember.” She was sniffling again. “Both of his parents had died, and despite his upbringing, his grief consumed him, and he walked away from God. But he tells a story about Jesus visiting him. That happened in the first part of the book, one of the reasons I was so upset about reading those first forty pages. His retelling of the event was so real, so emotional, but . . . I just couldn’t believe it. Then I kept reading. And now, everything I’ve ever believed seems up for grabs. I’d researched everything so thoroughly when I was younger, and there wasn’t any science to back up any type of heaven or hell. I’d felt an entity stronger than me, close to me, lots of times. That felt solid enough to believe in a higher power. But I’m wondering if I was wrong about there being an afterlife. Or maybe I’m just grasping at straws because I need to believe that I’ll see Trevor again.” She started to cry in earnest.
A tear slipped down Eva’s cheek. “I don’t feel qualified to talk of these matters, but I’m going to do my best to tell you how I feel. What you do with the information is up to you, and please don’t think I’m meddling.”
“I won’t, Eva. You’re the only person I thought might understand. My friends, while well intended, aren’t the ones I should be having this conversation with. They’ve brought food, bottles of wine, shoulders to cry on, and a complete lack of understanding when it comes to God and faith. They are all good women, and I’m sure they probably do have a spiritual side, but we’ve never discussed it, and this feels too important to open up a conversation with anyone who might confuse me more.”
“I don’t want to confuse you. All I can tell you is mei own personal feelings.” Please God, help me to get this right. “I believe in miracles even though I have never personally witnessed one. Can Jesus show Himself to a person in His physical form? I believe He can do anything. And I do believe that you are having some of these feelings because you want to see Trevor again. There’s nothing wrong with that. The Holy Spirit ministers to people in all kinds of ways. Maybe you haven’t been ready to seek out Gott until now. But I also don’t believe that a human being is capable of changing a person through words or otherwise. I believe that the Holy Spirit is always involved when a person goes through changes, for the better or worse. God doesn’t push us down, but He is always there to pick us up. He doesn’t cause bad things to happen, but He works to right things in our lives or guide us onto the right path.” She paused. “I think there is only one book to rely on when it comes to Gott and His word.”
“The Bible.”
“Ya, in mei opinion.”
Yvonne was quiet for a while, and Eva gave her time to think.
“Okay.”
Eva was at a loss. What did that mean, okay?
“Now I’m going to tell you something, Eva. I told Jake the same thing. Life is short. If he is the one for you, don’t wait. There are no guarantees of a tomorrow.” Yvonne took a shuddering breath. “Somehow I have to get through this funeral tomorrow. I can’t change my beliefs overnight. But somewhere in the midst of everything, I’m open to the possibility that maybe I’ve been wrong. And if it took an author named Jerry Lance to open my eyes to something different, even if I might not believe his story, then I guess I should be open to the possibility that there is a Holy Spirit that might guide us.”
Eva smiled. “I think that is a gut start, and you will be in mei prayers tomorrow and always.”
“Danki, Eva.” A barely audible laugh. “See, I did take home a small part of Montgomery with me. Take care, my friend.”
“May the Lord be with you today, tomorrow, and always.”
“And with you.”
After she ended the call with Yvonne, Eva covered her face with her hands. Then she sobbed so hard she thought her head might split open, along with her heart. She quickly dropped her hands, gasping for air, when the bell on the door rang.
Jake rushed in, rounded the corner, and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Eva, what’s wrong? What is it? If it’s me, I’m so sorry.” He tenderly reached up and cupped her face, gently wiping away her tears with his thumbs. “Talk to me.”
She buried her head against his chest, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. “It’s Yvonne. I just talked to her, and . . .”
“It’s okay.” He eased her away and kissed her on the forehead. “What did she say?”
“She’s confused, she’s grieving, and tomorrow is Trevor’s funeral. It all just upset me.” Eva put some distance between them. “I’m sorry for being such a mess.” She took a tissue from a box on the counter and dabbed at her eyes.
“I’m sorry for Yvonne.” Jake took off his hat and ran his sleeve along his forehead, bubbling with sweat. “And I’m sorry for what I said and for running out like that. It’s not mei business whether or not John kissed you.”
“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have made such a snide remark.” Eva needed her heart to stop racing, the way it always did when she was or had been in Jake’s arms. “My heart hurts for Yvonne.”
He stood close to her, but they were no longer touching. Eva’s breathing began to level out. Now if she could only stop her tears.
“Ya, I feel badly for Yvonne too.” Jake sighed but ignored her comment about making a snide remark. She wondered what he was thinking, aside from his feelings about Yvonne.
* * *
Jake knew he should say something about Eva’s apology about the snide remark, but he had hoped she would follow up with an answer to his earlier question, even though it was none of his business if John kissed her, as he’d told her. His heart sank to his stomach. “Define ‘kiss’” sounded to him like John had kissed her. But he needed to stay true to what he’d said and not pressure her about it.
As she attempted to pull herself together, Jake couldn’t stop looking at her lips. He’d never wanted to kiss her more than at this moment. Was it because another man had? Could he not stand to see her so upset? Did he love her? He did. Why hadn’t he made his feelings known earlier? He knew why. He’d placed Eva in a category, one she’d grown out of. Somewhere along the line, friendship had turned into love.
“You’re staring at my mouth.” Eva sniffled as she raised an eyebrow.
It was a bold and truthful thing to say, and even though he was sure his face was red, he wasn’t going to deny it. “Ya, I am.” He swallowed back the knot in his throat and wondered if this was the time to show Eva how he felt about her. Being honorable was becoming harder and harder.
“And I know you’re wondering about John and me, and . . . the kiss.” She pressed her lips together. It wasn’t that weird thin-lipped smile but more of a thoughtful expression, as if she was pondering something.
He nodded. “Ya, I am. But, as you said, it’s not mei business, and I agree.”
“Do you want me to show you how he kissed me?”
Jake’s jaw dropped. “Uh . . .” He couldn’t think of anything he wanted more than for her to kiss him, but doing so the way John had seemed a strange thing to attach to the question. “Okay.”
She leaned up on her toes, her mouth so close to his they shared the same air. This was it. The kiss was going to happen. Then she veered left and gently kissed him on the cheek before she smiled and walked away.
Jake slowly reached up and touched the spot where her lips had been. Then he smiled too.