Yvonne hadn’t stopped crying since she entered the church Friday morning. Even though tears were expected at a funeral, she couldn’t seem to get a handle on her emotions, only nodding every time someone offered their condolences. She just wanted the entire day to be over.
Trevor’s parents had chosen to have a closed-coffin celebration of Trevor’s life, which had left Yvonne feeling sick to her stomach. They hadn’t mentioned that in the few short conversations they’d had with Yvonne. Maybe it would have made things worse, but she’d thought she would be able to see him one last time. It could have been the condition of Trevor’s remains that made a closed casket necessary. Yvonne hadn’t asked, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. At least Trevor’s parents had chosen lovely photos to display, including those of her and Trevor, and they had written a beautiful obituary that also listed Yvonne as the love of Trevor’s life and his fiancée.
She was flanked in the front row by each of Trevor’s parents, which felt odd. Yvonne would have thought they’d want to sit side by side. Her aunt was on the other side of Trevor’s mother, which also felt strange. Family filled the two rows behind them, and farther back sat her bridesmaids, groomsmen—who would also be serving as pallbearers—and a lot of other people Yvonne didn’t know.
Following words and prayer from the minister, two of Trevor’s friends spoke. Yvonne’s wasn’t sure when Trevor’s mother grabbed her hand, but now they clung tightly to each other.
She listened, cried, and found herself constantly looking around, as if being in church would produce an image of Jesus, that he would tell her that she would see Trevor again and somehow fix the pain she feared she would carry for the rest of her life. And she thought about the Trinity—the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Even though it hadn’t been a concept she had considered until recently, she prayed and begged God to flood her with some sort of relief.
Would Jesus look like a regular person? Was he disguised in a suit somewhere here in the church? It felt silly to think about it, but as her eyes scanned the few people she could see on either side of her, she didn’t see anyone who would fit her description of God’s Son. She twisted in her seat, peered at all the people behind her, until she felt Trevor’s mother’s arm around her, guiding her to turn back around as if she were a small child misbehaving in church.
After the celebration of Trevor’s life was over, there was a short service at the gravesite, but it was all a blur to Yvonne. By the time they got back to Trevor’s house, a lavish meal had been laid out by caterers. Yvonne held up to her responsibilities and greeted everyone as best she could. She finally spotted George, and she knew she had to face him. His wife was on the other side of the room, and since she didn’t know the woman well, she decided this would be the best time to talk to him privately.
“Thank you for coming.” She held out her hand, but to her surprise, George hugged her and told her how sorry he was for her loss. Yvonne was sure he was saddened, but she knew him well enough to know that he would ask about the book, even at a funeral.
“I expect you to take some time off work,” he said after he eased out of the embrace. “At least any projects that might come up from me. Hopefully, any other clients will give you the same courtesy.”
Yvonne was happy to hear this. George was her biggest client. At present, he was the only one who mattered. She nodded. Her neck was going to ache later from the repetitive motion.
“I don’t have anything new on the burner, no new book to track down, so take all the time you need.” He was building up to the question searing his mind. “Um, were you able to get the Amish man to sell?”
There it was. Yvonne shook her head. “No. He wouldn’t budge.” She swallowed back more tears building, unable to offer up the complete truth—that she had the book at home. Then she had a horrible thought. What if George was meant to have the book? Would it have some sort of profound effect on him, the way it had with her? Maybe she was supposed to give him the book. Perhaps it was never meant to be sold, only shared.
“That’s too bad.” George frowned. “I actually had a buyer who was willing to pay even more than the amount offered to the Amish fellow.”
Her thoughts calmed. George’s interest in the book had nothing to do with spiritual matters, only money. Yvonne thanked him again for coming, then continued to walk the room, her feet as heavy as her heart.
After at least a dozen people told her she didn’t need to be alone and offered to go home with her, she snuck out by herself. She needed the solace and privacy of her own house, in her bed, under the covers, where she feared she might live forever.
Once she was home and tucked in, she prayed. For Jesus to show himself. That she would see Trevor in her dreams. That the intense pain in the pit of her stomach would go away. And that she’d somehow find a way to go on each day.
And sleep finally came.
* * *
By the time Eva got home from work, her mind and body ached from the tension she’d felt all day. She and Jake had mostly avoided each other as each of them tried to go about work casually, as if a huge issue wasn’t hanging in the air. Eva had to decide if she was going to go out with John. He had pinned another note to the fence post, asking her to join him for supper the following Tuesday. Luckily, Eva had found it before one of her brothers had.
After she’d bathed and gotten into bed, her head began to reel from all the emotional events of the day. She wished she could do something to ease Yvonne’s suffering, and she wondered if things were going to stay awkward between herself and Jake. She wasn’t going to allow Jake to cast her aside while also denying her a relationship with someone else. Did he not want her for himself but not want anyone else to have her? That wasn’t love, which made her question whether she’d read him wrong. He had made no attempt to tell her how he really felt.
She picked up John’s note and wrote underneath his request.
Danki, John, for your kind invitation. I had a wonderful time on our supper date, and I would enjoy going out with you again on Tuesday.
Gott’s blessings to you,
Eva
The next time, John might want to kiss her somewhere else besides her cheek, and she just might let him. She owed it to herself—and to John—to open her heart, even if just a little, to the possibility of them as a couple. If Jake truly cared about her in a romantic way, it would have been the perfect time to tell her earlier in the day.
As she lay down, she thought about what Yvonne had said, how life is short. She knew her friend had made the comment as related to Jake. But the same sentiment could be applied to John. Should she disregard a handsome, kind suitor who seemed to really care for her, hoping Jake loved her the way she loved him? It felt risky. She wanted a family and children.
Despite her logical way of sorting things out in her mind, she couldn’t stop thinking about the way she’d kissed Jake on the cheek, the way she’d lingered there long enough for him to possibly feel the emotion she was carrying. He had kissed her on the forehead. Was he comforting a friend or trying to tell her something?
What was he doing tonight?
Was he thinking about her?
* * *
Jake awoke feeling tired and grumpy the next morning. He had tossed and turned most of the night, and he couldn’t get Eva out of his mind. Every time he thought about Yvonne and Trevor, his situation turned urgent. He had to find out if Eva planned to go out with John again. He was not going to step on another man’s toes or deny Eva happiness if she was developing feelings for John. But would she have so tenderly kissed him on the cheek if that were the case?
For years he’d thought Eva had a crush on him, an English term he’d picked up when he was younger. Had her feelings for him changed? Again, he wondered if being honorable had been the right thing to do. Was he cheating himself—and Eva—out of a life together by letting John have his chance with her?
Things had been awkward between him and Eva the day before. Jake needed to clear the air, even if the conversation led him away from her.
Questions rattled around in his mind like loose marbles slamming together in chaos. He wasn’t going to be able to focus on work or anything else until he talked to Eva, honestly and without holding anything back.
He didn’t arrive at the bookstore until later than usual, only ten minutes before he was scheduled to open. The Peony Inn widows, Lizzie and Esther, were waiting on the front porch when he pulled his buggy into the parking lot.
“Wie bischt, Esther and Lizzie,” he said as he tethered his horse to the fence post near their buggy. “I’m running a little behind this morning.”
“We’re early.” Esther smiled. Lizzie didn’t.
Jake cringed, wondering what was on the younger sister’s mind. He was sure to hear about it any minute. Lizzie waited until after he’d unlocked the door and swung it open for them before she spoke.
“I heard a rumor that I think involves you.” Lizzie shuffled her dentures around, as she was known to do sometimes.
Jake walked around the counter, popped open the cash register, and began loading the money. “A rumor?” He couldn’t imagine what the sisters could have heard, especially that involved him.
Lizzie set her small purse on the counter and glowered at him. “I heard that Eva is being courted by John Yoder. Is this true?”
Jake had been trying to shrug off his bad mood all morning, and this wasn’t helping. He looked down and took a deep breath before he said anything. “They went on a date, but I’m not sure how that involves me.”
“Ach, dear boy.” Lizzie lifted her chin and waited until she had his attention before she went on. “John Yoder is a fine young man, but anyone would be dense not to see that you and Eva belong together. I see the way you two look at each other.” She pointed, then wagged a finger at him. “When you’re not making her cry, of course.”
Jake recalled the way he’d yelled at Eva a week ago. It seemed like a lot had happened since then. “Eva is free to choose whoever she wants to go out with.” His chest tightened just saying the words. In truth, he’d never asked Eva out or given her an opportunity to choose.
“Lizzie, we have a lengthy list of things to get. Leave the poor boy alone.” Esther stood by her sister’s side, but after a few seconds she limped toward the office supplies. The limp seemed to come and go. Esther had told him before that it was arthritis.
Lizzie stayed put. “Luckily for you, I’m going to save the day.” She shook her head. “If courtship between the right people was left up to men, no one would end up with the right person.”
Jake finally lifted his eyes to her. “And how are you going to save the day, Lizzie?” His response was probably a bit more sarcastic than necessary, but Jake’s day wasn’t starting out with a bang. He was tired, and that always dragged him down.
If he’d offended Lizzie, she didn’t seem to notice. “I’ve got just the thing for you.” She dug around her purse and produced a small glass vial, similar to what he used to administer medicine to his horses, only smaller. “Two drops of this, and Eva won’t be able to stay away from you.”
Cringing, Jake could feel himself blushing, something he’d been doing a lot of lately, and it didn’t make him feel all that manly. He glanced around and looked for Esther. The older—and wiser, Jake thought—of the sisters was shopping somewhere out of sight.
“What is this?” Jake took the vial and held it up closer to the skylight.
Lizzie leaned over the counter. “Love potion.”
Jake lowered the bottle, then put a hand over his mouth to keep from bursting out laughing.
Lizzie lowered her brows at him and thrust her hands to her tiny hips. “Go ahead and laugh, but you’ll thank me later.” She waved a hand in his direction. “Just two drops. That’s all it takes.”
Jake decided the only way to get her to stop this silliness was to humor her, so he unscrewed the small cap, filled the dropper, then opened his mouth.
“What in the world are you doing? Have you gone ab im kopp?” Lizzie snatched the bottle from his hand while Jake closed his mouth, still holding the dropper. “Give me that.” She took the dropper from his hand and screwed it back onto the vial. Then she shook her head. “It’s for her. Not you. It’s a special blend of herbs and spices.” Lizzie set the vial on the counter and sighed in exasperation as she wagged her head again. “Two drops in her tea or coffee. That’s all you need.”
Jake nodded even though he didn’t believe in such things. He could recall his grandmother going to a powwower when he was a young boy, and telling him the woman was able to give her a potion to make her allergies better. These days most powwowers were frowned upon, except by some of the elders. Jake had never heard of any residing in Montgomery. He was pretty sure the bishop wouldn’t approve of Lizzie’s tactics, but a blend of herbs and spices didn’t exactly equate to a witch’s brew. How harmful could it be? He stifled a smile, knowing he’d never stoop to such silliness.
Lizzie raised her chin. “I think that’s worth ten percent off anything that Esther and I might purchase today.”
“Ya, of course.” He’d learned a long time ago just to agree with Lizzie.
He took the small bottle to the back room and stashed it in the cabinet where the spices were, unsure if it would ever be needed for anything. Certainly not as a magic love potion. He chuckled to himself before he walked back to the counter. Lizzie had apparently joined her sister.
A few minutes later, the ladies were done shopping, and Jake checked them out, giving them ten percent off of everything.
“Two drops,” Lizzie whispered before she caught up with Esther moving toward the door.
Eva had just finished tethering her horse and started walking in the direction of the store. No picnic basket in hand and wearing a bland expression. Jake feared they were going to have another awkward day if he didn’t have an honest conversation with her.
* * *
Eva was surprised to see Lizzie and Esther in the parking lot. They’d apparently done their shopping early. It was barely after ten. She waved, then continued to trudge toward the front door. She had tacked the note to John on the fence post, accepting his invitation to go out on Tuesday. Jake might have a jealous flare-up when she asked to leave early again, but he’d done nothing to indicate he had any intentions of moving their relationship past anything but friendship.
When she walked into the bookstore and Jake came around the corner, she had to believe she had done the right thing in agreeing to go out with John.
“I think we need to talk.” Jake scratched his normally clean-shaven face. This morning he already looked like he had an afternoon shadow. He also had dark circles underneath his eyes. He was still her handsome Jake, but he looked tormented.
“Ya, okay.” Eva set her purse on the counter and stood facing him. “What about?” She was pretty sure she knew, but she had no idea which way the conversation would go.
He waved an arm for her to follow him. “Back room over some kaffi?”
She nodded and stashed her purse under the counter before she followed him.
Jake paced the kitchen, so Eva poured them each a cup of coffee and sat in one of the chairs around the small table. He eventually sat across from her.
He took a deep breath, and even though he had sweat beads across his forehead and a taut expression, he stared her right in the eyes. “I can’t keep doing this, wondering and worrying about what’s going with us.” He paused. “I mean, we’ll always be friends, but uh . . . if you are developing feelings for John, I guess I just need to know. I, uh . . . I’ll have to plan ahead, I mean to replace you when you eventually get married and quit, and . . . I guess I just need to know what’s going on.”
Somewhere during his rambling, Eva’s mouth had fallen open. “We only went on one date, Jake. Who said anything about me quitting or getting married?” She wondered if this was his way of telling her he cared about her more than as just a friend. Or did he just not want her to be with someone else but still wasn’t ready to commit?
“Are you going to see John again?” Jake sat taller as he held her gaze.
She was tempted to tell him it was none of his business, but if he was trying to tell her something, he needed to spit it out. “Ya, we are going out again on Tuesday.”
He stood up, the chair grinding against the wood floor as he pushed it backward. “Ach, well, then, I guess that’s that.”
“Jake, if you have something to say to me, just say it.” Please, just say it.
He opened his mouth but only took a deep breath. “I just want you to be happy. If John makes you happy, then—”
He was interrupted when the bell on the front door rang. Eva looked over her shoulder, then back at Jake. She needed to tell him that she liked John but that he was the one who held her heart. If his feelings weren’t the same, she’d be embarrassed, and then it would be hard to work with him. But it needed to be said.
“I’ll go see who that is.” She stood up and stared at him across the table. “Can we finish this conversation in a few minutes?”
“I think it’s probably over.” Jake scowled before he started toward the front of the store. Eva slowly followed, unsure of what his feelings were. Was he worried about losing her or eventually losing an employee? Or did he really care that much that she was going out with John for a second time?
Eva swallowed back a lump in her throat when she saw John standing just inside the store.
Jake stopped abruptly, so much so that Eva almost bumped into him. She sidestepped around him until she was in front of John.
“Wie bischt,” she said as she tried to smile. Bad timing.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” John took his eyes from hers and looked over her shoulder at Jake. “Sorry, Jake. We won’t be long.”
Eva glanced over her shoulder at her boss, who shrugged, plastering a smile on his face that she knew wasn’t authentic.
“Ya, sure. Take all the time you need.” He did an about-face and left Eva alone with John.
Eva had no idea what John wanted to talk about, but she was losing any doubt in her mind that Jake was anything but jealous. She just wasn’t clear exactly where his emotions stood. But it felt like a bad idea for Jake to overhear whatever John had to say.
“Let’s step outside.” She motioned toward the door, and after John opened it for her, they stood just outside the entrance.
John gently touched her on the arm. “I’m sorry about this, Eva, but could we change our date to another night? Maybe Monday or Wednesday?” He lowered his arm and smiled. “I got a huge construction job from an Englisch family in Bedford. The only thing is, he needs all the work done on Tuesday, which means me and mei crew will need to work late.” He pushed back the rim of his hat and smiled. “Any other day works for me. I’m looking forward to spending more time with you.”
Eva looked over her shoulder. Jake had reentered the front of the store and was sitting behind the counter. They locked eyes, and Eva knew she had to make a decision, no matter the risk.
* * *
Jake wasn’t sure what was going on outside. Eva and John had walked down the sidewalk and were out of sight. Were they stealing a kiss? His stomach muscles clenched as his chest tightened.
After what seemed like a long few minutes, Jake decided he was too jittery to sit behind the counter. He walked to the kitchen and paced, his thumbs looped beneath his suspenders. The thought of John kissing Eva caused angry butterflies to thrash around in his stomach, and his anxious heart felt like it was about to explode in his chest.
He glanced at the cabinet where he’d stashed Lizzie’s supposed love potion. No, don’t do it. It’s silly.
After a dozen more steps back and forth across the small kitchen, he rushed to the cabinet, grabbed the small bottle, and quickly dropped two drops into Eva’s coffee like Lizzie had said. His chest tightened even more. If there was even a one percent chance that there was any truth to Lizzie’s ramblings, he couldn’t take any chances. He squeezed several more drops into her coffee before he quickly put the bottle back where it had been. Just in time since he heard the bell on the front door chime.
Eva walked into the room, her cheeks flushed. He wasn’t sure what that meant, but he took his thumbs from beneath his suspenders and leaned against the counter. “Everything okay?”
She nodded but avoided making eye contact. Another clue? But what did it mean?
He edged closer to the table and took a long sip of coffee, happy to see her do the same thing. She squeezed her eyes closed for a moment before she looked at him. “I know you said we were done talking, but I need to tell you something.”
Jake walked on shaky legs to the table, pulled out the chair, and sat down. “Okay.” His heart thumped wildly in his chest.
“It’s about John.” She took a deep breath and eventually sat down across from him, then took another sip of coffee before she went on. “I-I decided not to go out with him again.” She blinked back tears. “When I told him, he looked so hurt, like I broke his heart.”
Jake gazed at her from across the table as relief flooded over him. “Please don’t cry. I feel bad for John. I really do, because he’s a nice man. But if you had fallen for him . . .” He gently pounded on his chest with a fisted hand. “It’s mei heart that would have been broken.”
He took a deep breath. “John told me a while back that he had strong feelings for you and that he wanted to court you. It was probably then that I realized I had been taking you for granted, that my feelings were stronger than I realized. But it seemed like the right thing to do, the honorable thing to do . . . to step back and see if you had feelings for him too.” It was now or never. “Eva, you have to know that I love you.”
He held his breath as he waited for her to respond.
* * *
“I know.” Eva stared into her coffee cup. “But there are many different types of love.” She raised her eyes to his and waited. Was he finally going to tell her how he felt? She could still picture the look on John’s face when she’d told him that someone else held her heart and her love. He had guessed that it was Jake right away. Perhaps everyone saw that they belonged together except for her and Jake. But did Jake love her the way she longed for, or as a friend? He’d certainly given her mixed signals.
“Ya. There are many different types of love. And you’ve been the playful little sister type for so long that I guess you grew up when I wasn’t looking. By the time I realized you had grown into a beautiful woman who was old enough to date, John confessed his feelings, and . . .”
He stood, walked around the table, knelt down beside her, and reached for her hand. “I’m seeing that grown-up version. Maybe when you went out with John, it nudged me in that direction, but you’ve also been slowly moving to a place in mei heart that is different and new to me.”
She stared into his eyes. “And do you like this new place?”
“Very much,” he said softly as he kept his eyes on hers. “I’d like for us to be more than friends.”
Wow. He’d actually said it, and the way he was looking at her made her think he was going to kiss her, for real. She had waited so long and wanted it to be perfect. He leaned closer, still on one knee, his mouth approaching hers. But she abruptly stood up. “I’m sorry. I have to excuse myself.” She held up one finger. “I’ll be right back.”
She scurried to the restroom, closed the door, then opened the small drawer to the side of the sink. Rummaging through bobby pins, a hairbrush, and loose nails and screws that shouldn’t even be in there, she found the breath spray she was looking for—a cool, minty flavor. It would be too obvious to rush to the counter to find the lip gloss and lavender spray Yvonne had given her. But the breath spray would do. She didn’t want her breath to taste like the bacon she’d eaten on the way to work.
This was it. Jake had said he loved her, in just the right way, and she was about to have her first kiss. She stood there a few more minutes willing herself to stop shaking. Then she slowly left the bathroom.
* * *
Jake approached her as she came into the kitchen. He cupped her cheeks and stared into her eyes. He wanted to kiss her properly, for it to be perfect, but he lingered, giving his pulse a few seconds to settle, if that was possible.
But then something started to happen to Eva. He lowered his hands and pointed to his own lips as he watched hers growing, her bottom lip rounding downward into an exaggerated frown—which it wasn’t, because the top lip was doing the same thing in the opposite direction. Within seconds, her lips were twice their normal size.
She coughed and put a hand to her chest. “I feel like mei throat is closing up, and it’s hard to breathe.”
Jake fumbled around in his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, which took forever to power up, then dialed 911. Eva was breaking out in tiny red bumps on her cheeks.
“What’s happening, Jake?” she asked as her huge bottom lip trembled and her eyes watered.
As her mouth grew even larger, she began to resemble a big bass. “I think you’re having an allergic reaction.” His voice trembled as he spoke.
She looked down at the cup on the table. “From mei kaffi?” Her watery eyes lifted to his as she blinked back tears.
Jake glanced at the cabinet where Lizzie’s love potion was stored, then silently chastised himself, anger bubbling to the surface. He’d wanted to kiss her, not kill her.
His knees were weak as he explained to the 911 operator what had happened.
“You put what in mei kaffi?” Eva asked through her tears.
“I’ll explain more later.” He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly as they waited for the ambulance.