Reenie dithered at the corner of the square wondering what to do. The idea of going back into the café to face all those people was unthinkable. Even facing her Uncle Brian at the shop was too much.
‘Reenie?’
She looked up.
Wilf was standing in front of her, his dark eyes sympathetic. ‘Are you all right?’
Reenie’s face crumpled and she shook her head. ‘I-I-I don’t know what to do,’ she gasped.
He nodded and put his arm around her shoulder. ‘Come with me.’
He led her into the fishmonger’s and hustled her swiftly up the stairs, ignoring his father’s surprised look. In the small sitting room above the shop, he pressed her down into a blue armchair, the fabric rough and bobbly under her fingertips. The place smelt of fish, but she found it comforting. It was a smell she associated with happier days, when she and Wilf used to go fishing and help gut the catch at the back of the shop.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he asked gently. ‘Or I can leave you to sit quietly. Whatever you need.’
Reenie did want to talk about it. The terrible scenes kept replaying over and over in her mind and her heart was heavy with the memory of Jim’s expression as he had walked away from her. She’d always thought that if Jim proposed, it would be the happiest day of her life, but instead it was one of the very worst.
She drew in a deep, shuddering breath. ‘It was terrible, Wilf,’ she said quietly. ‘The noise of the plane, the guns, the screaming, the blood . . . And poor little Bobby trying to wake up his dead grandfather.’ The tears came suddenly, great sobs shaking her shoulders. ‘Just a tiny boy out for a day with his grandad. What’s he ever done to deserve seeing his grandfather shot to death in front of him?’ She buried her face in her hands. ‘This bloody war. This bloody endless war.’
Wilf crouched in front of her, taking her hands in his.
‘It’s just too much,’ she whimpered, clinging to his warm grasp. ‘We’re losing too much. And children shouldn’t have to cope with—’ Another sob cut off her words.
Wilf sat on the arm of the chair and pulled her into his shoulder. ‘I know, love,’ he said. ‘I know.’ He sat quietly as Reenie turned her face into his side and cried, the tears soaking his jumper.
When she finally stopped, she shifted away from him, feeling embarrassed at her outburst. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, wiping her face with her palms. ‘I know you’ve had a bad time too.’
‘I’m fine, Reenie, but I don’t like the fact that you were left alone to cope with this.’
‘I’m not alone. Aunt Ethel’s over in the café. Uncle Brian’s in the shop—’
‘That’s not what I mean. Where did Jim go? Why did he leave you alone when you’re in this state?’
She gazed at him in astonishment. ‘He didn’t. He’s gone to the hospital to check on his family.’
‘He should be with you!’ he said fiercely. ‘They have each other, and he left you standing in the street after everything you’ve just been through.’
‘Wilf, Bert might be dead! And I’m a big girl. I can look after myself.’
‘You shouldn’t have to; he should be by your side. What can he do at the hospital?’
Reenie felt a flair of anger, not least because she didn’t want to acknowledge that she ever so slightly agreed with him. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about. Jim needed to get to his family. It’s natural. Why have you got it in for him all of a sudden?’
‘I don’t. I don’t.’ Wilf went to sit in the armchair opposite.
Reenie examined him. He looked shattered, his overlong dark hair tangled, as though he’d not combed it in weeks, and his black beard emphasising the pallor of his cheeks. ‘What about you?’ she asked, her anger evaporating. ‘Who do you speak to when things get too much?’
‘I don’t need to speak to anyone. I’m used to it.’ His expression belied his words.
‘I don’t think that’s true. You look terrible. Did something happen last night?’
Wilf stared off into the distance, his expression tortured. ‘They were just kids, Reenie. Just kids, in a flimsy little boat trying to get to safety.’
‘Who were? What kids?’
He sighed and shook his head. ‘Ignore me. I shouldn’t say any more.’
‘There were kids on a boat last night?’ she probed, though she couldn’t believe it. Who would send kids over the Channel? If they didn’t get shot, bombed or shelled, they could run into a mine. Explosions in the Channel were so commonplace that people barely commented anymore. But they noticed. They all noticed.
‘Forget it,’ he said tersely. ‘Tell me about you and Jim.’
‘Why? What’s it got to do with you?’ Reenie asked.
‘Like I said, I’m angry that he left you alone just now.’
‘Me and Jim understand each other,’ she snapped. ‘More than understand each other; we love each other. And today has only brought us closer. In any case, you’ve got a nerve criticising Jim for leaving me standing, after what you did.’ She looked away, annoyed with herself for bringing it up.
There was a long pause, until finally, Wilf said heavily, ‘Are you talking about June?’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ she mumbled.
‘No, tell me. Are you talking about June?’ he pressed.
‘Yes, I’m talking about June! You and me were friends, Wilf! Or at least I thought we were. Then one day . . . Poof, you go and marry June, and not a word to me about it! Now that’s leaving someone standing.’
He nodded. ‘I’m sorry, Reenie. I’ve wanted to apologise for years, but I didn’t know what to say.’
‘How about, “By the way, Reenie, I know we’ve been close all these years, but I actually really fancy your sister. Oh, and she’s pregnant, so we’re getting married. Sorry about that.”’
‘Would that have been better?’ he asked.
‘At least I’d have known! What I hated was June throwing it in my face. And then you never really spoke to me again. We could still have been friends.’
He gave a short, bitter laugh. ‘You’ve clearly forgotten what your sister was like.’
‘No, I’ve not forgotten. Which is why I never understood why you married her. Or at least didn’t have the decency to say anything to me before you did. So how dare you criticise Jim! He makes me happy.’
Wilf rubbed his hands over his face. ‘You’re right. It’s none of my business. And if he makes you happy, then that’s all that matters. I’m pleased for you, Reens. Really I am.’
She looked at him disbelievingly. ‘You don’t sound it.’ Suddenly a thought occurred to her. ‘Fred’s not here, is he?’ she asked anxiously. She would hate for her nephew to hear any of what they’d just discussed.
‘Out with Donny again. The shooting seems to have put paid to their punishment.’ He smiled slightly. ‘And, you know, I couldn’t be angry with them for trapping Roger Humphries in a phone box. Secretly we all want to do it.’
The tension left Reenie’s shoulders and she chuckled, realising that despite the argument about Jimmy, she felt better for being able to cry openly about what had happened. The horror would never leave her, but now her pent-up emotion had been released, she at least felt she could face the world.
‘And if they hadn’t done that, they’d have been up at the match and today could have been even worse than it already was, so all the more reason to reward them,’ she said.
They smiled, their eyes holding each other’s until Reenie looked away. ‘I should get going,’ she said, flustered. ‘See if Uncle Brian needs a hand in the shop.’
Wilf cleared his throat. ‘Would you like a cup of tea before you go?’ he asked.
Reenie hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. If she was honest, she didn’t really want to leave. It was nice sitting here knowing no one knew where she was. But more than that, it was nice talking to Wilf again.
While Wilf went to make the tea, Reenie lay her head back against the lace antimacassar and closed her eyes, her thoughts turning to Jimmy and the look on his face as he’d walked away. She would never tell him, but she was angry with him for leaving her too. It brought back all the old doubts she’d had a few months ago when she’d broken off their relationship because she didn’t think he loved her enough. After Gladys had died, he’d done everything he could to convince her otherwise, and she’d started to believe him. But had she been wrong?
But then she thought about how Jim had come running back for her despite the bullets raining out of the sky, how he’d sheltered her and Bobby with his body, helping her to breathe through her terror. When she’d needed him most, he’d been willing to put his own life at risk. Her heart lightened. She’d been stupid to doubt him. Filled with a sudden desire to see Jim, she stood up just as Wilf came in carrying a cup and saucer in each hand. ‘On second thoughts, I think I should go and find Jim. In case—’
The sound of footsteps thundering up the stairs made her turn in surprise.
‘There you are!’ Jim said with a sigh of relief, rushing into the room and taking her hands. ‘I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Your aunt suggested I try here.’ He looked at Wilf, who was hovering by the table. ‘Thanks for looking after her, Wilf.’
Wilf put down the tea and thrust his hands into his pockets. ‘I shouldn’t have had to,’ he said gruffly.
‘You’re right. You shouldn’t.’ He looked at Reenie. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said sincerely. ‘Forgive me?’
Reenie smiled. ‘Of course. Any news on Bert?’
Jim shook his head. ‘I didn’t go to the hospital in the end. I realised I should never have left you.’ He bent down and leant his forehead against hers. ‘It won’t happen again,’ he whispered.
Reenie glanced towards Wilf, noting his angry expression, and pulled back. ‘We should get out of your hair, Wilf,’ she said. ‘Thank you, though, for listening.’
Wilf nodded, though a muscle was jumping in his cheek. It was a sign she recognised from their younger days and usually preceded one of Wilf’s infrequent outbursts.
‘Come on, Jim,’ she said brightly.
‘Thanks again, mate,’ Jim said, holding his hand out.
For a moment Wilf stared at it, then he folded his arms and nodded.
Clearly uncomfortable, Jim dropped his arm and smiled uncertainly. ‘Right then. Uh, we’ll be off.’ He caught Reenie’s arm and pulled her out of the room.
Outside, he put his arm around her. ‘I have to get back to barracks, Reens. Walk with me?’
Across the road at the café, her aunt was just leaving. She stared over at her, and Reenie gave a little wave, feeling guilty. She should be in the shop, helping to restock the shelves, but just this once, she wanted to be selfish.
They walked up the steps beside the Market Hall in silence. As they climbed the hill towards Western Heights, Reenie stopped and took his hands, staring up into his face. ‘How are you feeling about what Mrs Guthrie said?’
Jim stared at his feet. ‘I know she hasn’t forgiven me, and I think I’ve just got to accept that she’ll always blame me for Colin’s death,’ he muttered. ‘I was his best friend, she trusted me to look out for him.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake!’ Reenie exclaimed. ‘I can just about see how she might think like that in the first throes of her grief, but to still think it?’ she exclaimed. ‘It’s not normal! It feels like there’s more to it.’
Jim sighed heavily. ‘Maybe she would have got over it, but then what happened with Susan and Bert made everything worse. First her son, then her niece . . . And both connected to my family. Susan will be tried for Gladys’s murder, and she could hang. I think that on top of losing Colin has driven her a little mad.’
Reenie nodded. It made sense. They walked past the allotments, where a couple of women were kneeling in the dirt between the neat rows of vegetables. She shouted a greeting and they waved back.
‘Parsnips need harvesting,’ one of them called.
‘Tomorrow,’ she called back. ‘Come at midday.’
They walked further, stopping to look down on the harbour. The sea was grey and choppy, the wind gusting around them. Down by Crosswall Quay, the lifeboat bobbed next to the jetty. It made her think of Wilf, and how kind he’d been this afternoon.
It seemed Jim’s thoughts were running along the same lines. ‘Wilf was angry at me today, and I don’t blame him, but at least it means you two are friends again.’ He looked down at her, his blue eyes questioning.
Reenie smiled slyly and punched his arm. ‘Are you jealous?’ she asked, secretly delighted.
‘No! I mean, not really. I’m jealous because he was there for you, and I wasn’t.’
‘You needed someone too. The point is, we should be there for each other. And from now on we will be, won’t we?’
Jim bent and kissed her lips gently. ‘Always, Reenie. And that’s a promise. Whenever you need me, if I can, I’ll be right by your side.’
She wrapped her arms around his waist and they stood for a while, the wind whipping her blonde hair around her head, until he pulled away.
‘No matter what’s happened today, if I don’t get back to barracks, I’ll be on a charge.’
A loud boom from the sea made them turn their attention back to the water where smoke was pouring from a large tanker in the middle of the Channel.
‘Bloody mines,’ Jim cursed, as they watched ant-like figures jump into the lifeboat below and shoot off towards the stricken vessel, just as a small formation of planes flew in from the other direction.
They watched as the lifeboat continued, unwavering, while the planes released a cascade of bombs over the ship. The boom of anti-aircraft fire from the Citadel added to the noise, and one of the planes spiralled down into the sea, as the air-raid siren started.
Jim turned and gave her a swift kiss. ‘I need to go. Run back to shelter, promise me?’
Reenie nodded, but she didn’t move. Instead she watched the small lifeboat as it neared the ship, and thanked God that Wilf wasn’t on board.