Jimmy walked hesitantly towards Bert’s bed, unsure of the greeting he would get. Since Gladys’s death, Bert had been hard to pin down – always too busy drinking or with a woman. He’d tried to talk to him soon after it had happened, but he’d been brushed off. He should have tried harder. Instead, he’d been too caught up in his own internal battles and had just assumed Bert would get over it. But he knew better than most that nothing was ever that simple.
‘Someone’s looking better than they were the other day,’ Jimmy said cheerfully as he came to stand at the end of Bert’s bed. Although, in truth he looked dreadful. A large white dressing covered his cheek, his right arm was in a sling, and a drip snaked out of his left.
‘Speak of the devil,’ Rodney declared, getting up and slapping him on the shoulder.
‘Should my ears be burning?’ Jimmy asked, maintaining his jovial facade.
‘I don’t know, should they?’ Bert said, his expression unreadable.
Rodney broke the tense silence that followed, by saying, ‘I’ll leave you two to it then. Did you see Marge out there?’
Jim nodded, but his gaze never left Bert. Rodney stared between them, bewildered at the coldness in Bert’s tone, and the stiffness in Jim’s stance. ‘I’ll see you next week then, Jim,’ he said meaningfully, causing Jimmy to finally look at him.
‘Yeah. Next week, Rod. Thanks.’
As soon as Rodney had left, Jim sat down in the wooden chair beside the bed. ‘What’s going on? Terence Carter cornered Reenie the other day and demanded she tell me to speak to you. What have you done now?’
Bert’s eyes narrowed. ‘What have I done? You’re having a laugh.’
‘If you owe him money, I hope you’re not expecting me to settle your debts. Rodney’s loaded – you’d be better off asking him.’
‘I’ve paid my debt to Terence off. Problem is, he’s found a way to get more money out of me.’
‘Doesn’t change the fact that he’s not getting a penny out of me. It’s your mess, you sort it out.’
‘My mess?’ He let out a bitter laugh. ‘How’s Reenie?’ he asked.
‘She’s fine,’ Jimmy replied. ‘Well, she was until she saw Terence the other day. Are you going to tell me what’s so urgent that I have to speak to you.’
Bert let out a deep sigh. ‘I’m sorry if he scared her. But for Christ’s sake, you’ve got no business being with her in the first place!’
Jim frowned. ‘What the hell are you talking about? We love each other. In fact, we’re getting married next week.’
Bert’s eyes widened with shock. ‘Are you mad? You can’t marry Reenie!’
‘Isn’t that what people generally do when they’re in love?’
‘Depends who they love, doesn’t it?’ Bert responded challengingly, his eyes never leaving Jimmy’s face.
‘Why would you say something like that?’ Jimmy hissed.
‘Oh, I think you know very well why I’d say it. And you know what makes me fucking furious? The fact that Terence was the one to tell me. Oh, no, wait! Susan was the first person. But I was never going to listen to her, was I? But now I’ve heard it from two different people, and Terence is threatening to tell everyone unless I keep paying him.’
Jimmy’s stomach lurched. ‘Wh-what . . .’ He cleared his throat. ‘What did they tell you?’ But he knew for sure now. On New Year’s Eve he’d gone to see Mary Guthrie and Susan had been there. She must have been eavesdropping on their conversation. And if Susan knew, how many other people had she told?
‘Stop pretending you don’t know!’ Bert exclaimed in frustration. ‘Why didn’t you tell me, Jim. I’m your brother, for God’s sake! You should’ve talked to me! But instead I heard it first from the woman who tried to kill me. How come she knew, but I didn’t?’
At his brother’s stricken expression, Bert softened his tone. ‘I’ve been thinking about it, and I can’t believe I never saw it. It was Colin, wasn’t it?’
Jim buried his face in his hands.
‘Christ, do you know the risk you’ve been running?! I could have helped you! Did you think I’d think worse of you? My own brother?’
Guilt, heavy and dark, sapped Jim of his will to argue. ‘Don’t you?’ he asked in a small voice.
Bert snorted. ‘I tell you what does make me think worse of you . . . The fact that you didn’t trust me. We’ve been mates all our lives. Hardly a cross word between us. I bloody love you . . . I thought you loved me.’ Bert’s voice broke a little.
Jim kept his head down. ‘Of course I love you,’ he mumbled.
‘If you did, you’d’ve trusted me!’
Jim looked up, suddenly angry. ‘Trust the man who’s always got a girl on his arm and makes jokes about Nancy boys and shirtlifters?’ he spat.
‘But it’s different with you; you’re my brother!’
‘And Colin?’ Jim shot back. ‘What about him?’
Bert blinked. ‘Well . . . he was always a mate too.’
‘So, you don’t mind your brother or your mate, but anyone else? How is that different? Don’t you see, Bert? From everything you’ve ever said, I figured you’d hate me if you knew.’
Bert’s gaze dropped and he lay his head back against the pillows with a heavy sigh. ‘Fuck,’ he said. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’
They sat in silence for some time, Jimmy fiddling with the blanket and resisting the urge to run away and hide.
‘Does anyone else know?’ Bert asked, opening his eyes. ‘Apart from the bitch and the spiv.’
Jimmy didn’t reply. Truth was, he didn’t know. It seemed his secret was far more widely known than he’d believed, and the thought terrified him. What would he do if Reenie found out? All his hopes for the future would be gone; she was the only woman he could ever imagine marrying. And if he didn’t marry her . . . Well, he would be alone for the rest of his life. Colin had been the love of his life; no one could ever replace him in his heart.
‘Who the hell else, Jim?’ Bert growled. ‘Rodney? Mum? The whole world?’
‘Marianne,’ he whispered. ‘Alfie – I think, Mrs Guthrie . . .’
Bert laughed. ‘But not me. Right. I see it all clearly now. And now I’m expected to risk everything to keep your dirty little secret. My life, my freedom, my future!’
Jimmy looked up at him in astonishment. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Like I said, Terence has found a way to make me keep paying him. And he don’t keep quiet for nothing. He’s expecting payment next week. So, you better sort something out fast, or the whole town’ll know.’
‘But you don’t have money,’ Jim said. ‘What have you been paying him with?’
‘Fuel. Sugar. Coffee. Tea. Butter.’
Jim’s eyes widened. ‘Bloody hell, Bert.’ He leant his elbows on the blanket and put his head in his hands. ‘You should’ve talked to me.’
‘You should’ve talked to me! Months ago. Years ago!’
‘But you know I’m with Reenie now. What’s Terence gonna do? It’s his word against mine and everyone knows he’s a thieving toerag! This has to stop, Bert!’
‘And you want to risk it? How do you think Reenie’ll feel when she hears? You know exactly what’ll happen, don’t you? She’ll go running to Marianne to ask her, and Marianne can’t lie for toffee . . .’
‘Christ, what a mess!’ Jimmy murmured. ‘So, what, I’m expected to steal for Terence in your place, am I?’
‘That’s about the size of it. And if you want my advice, go and make very good friends with Captain Norman.’
‘The quartermaster? Is that how you’ve been getting the stuff? Christ, Bert! He was arrested this morning! It’s been all round the barracks that he’s been done for theft. Are you telling me that it was you!’ He ran his hand through his hair in agitation. ‘He won’t keep that to himself. Mark my words, it won’t be long till the red caps will be barging through this door to arrest you! You’ll be court-martialled! As if things aren’t bad enough! This is why you should’ve told me! I can look after myself!’
Bert stared at his brother in shock.
‘Couldn’t you have found another way? Asked Mum or Rodney for a loan or something! And now you expect me to keep doing your dirty work?’
‘It’s not my dirty work, though, is it? It’s yours,’ Bert replied.
‘And when will it end? Once he gets his claws into you, Terence doesn’t let go. As you’ve found out. No way I can risk it. I can’t believe you bloody did either.’ He shook his head in bemusement. Bert had no idea what his life had been like; he breezed through his days confident in the knowledge that men admired him and women adored him. He’d never had to hide his true self out of fear. So now, to put himself in danger of arrest and scrutiny . . . There was only one person he would do that for, and he was dead.
‘Then what are you going to do? Mud sticks, Jim. And with all the mud being slung at our family recently, do you think Mum could handle any more?’
‘There’s nothing for her to handle!’ Jim almost roared, then noticing the man in the bed beside Bert’s staring at them curiously, he lowered his voice. ‘And what happens if Norman decides to tell everyone exactly who’s been stealing all that stuff. What’s he got to lose?’
Bert lay back wearily. ‘You don’t have to worry about that. Cos I know something about Captain Norman that he won’t want to get out. It ain’t for nothing that he’s known as Nancy Norman. I happen to know that him and one of the other officers – a very high up one – have been going at it hammer and tongs. How else do you think I managed to persuade him to help me?’
Jimmy stood up, the chair clattering onto the floor with a bang, and leant over Bert. ‘Nancy Norman! You just can’t help yourself, can you? You blackmailed that man just like Terence is blackmailing you and you can’t even see what a hypocrite you are! So no, I’m not paying Terence Carter a penny. Me and Reenie are getting married and then he can squeal all he likes, but no one will listen.’
Jamming his cap back on his head, Jimmy stormed out of the ward.
Bert closed his eyes and cursed. Everyone called him Nancy Norman; it was just a joke, for God’s sake! And it wasn’t as if he was insulting Jim – his brother seemed to have lost his sense of humour. He tried to fuel his indignation, but instead found himself swallowing back the self-pitying tears he could feel rising in his throat as he thought back over the last few months.
He punched the mattress with his good arm, wincing as the force jolted his shoulder, but that pain was nothing compared to the searing agony he felt at the thought that he might have lost his brother thanks to his stupid big mouth.
A hand touched his arm gently. ‘Everything all right, Bert?’ It was the same soothing voice that had comforted him through his nightmares, but he wasn’t sure anything could make him feel better right now.
He turned his head away. ‘Please, go away.’
‘Jim’ll be back,’ the nurse said. ‘Just be patient.’
He wished he could believe it. But the old Jim and Bert were dead and buried and nothing could ever bring them back.