“Do you go to the beach in California?” I asked Jenner as we sat in lounge chairs on the sand, the warm Florida sun shining down on us, the waves lapping not far from our feet.
South Beach wasn’t the dreamiest beach in Florida, but it was still so beautiful, calm, and relaxing.
But the view had nothing on Jenner, not with his abs on full display, his pecs etched across the top of his chest.
My God.
That man was perfect.
No matter how hard I tried to look away, my eyes constantly went back to him. I was already staring when he rolled his neck toward me, blocking the sun even though he wore shades.
“No, never,” he replied. “My parents have a place in Malibu. You’d think we’d go there and spend more time outside.” He chuckled. “When we visit, we eat and then head right back to the city.”
“What a shame.”
He was quiet for a moment and said, “We should change that; you’re right.”
“Is it the lack of time or something else?”
He reached for his vodka soda, facing the water when he responded, “When you work with family, constantly making important decisions, your off time turns to shoptalk as well. Conversations about the weather turn to clients; talks about politics turn to employees.” He shook his head. “I just want mindless chatter with my family, and we can’t seem to make that happen. Before we even pour a drink, I’m already questioning how quickly I can get my ass back to LA. Jo … my brain just needs a break.”
“Wow.” I sat up, rubbing some more suntan lotion over my legs. “That has to be heavy, so mentally daunting.” I held my breath for a second. “I didn’t grow up in a house like that.”
“No?”
I squirted more lotion onto my hand and set the bottle on the table behind us. “Dad worked outside the home. Mom was an artist and had a studio off the garage. Their jobs were different animals, so their talks never seemed to go there.”
“I wonder what that would be like—if my parents had different careers and the three of us boys had taken other paths.” He put his arms behind his head. “What the hell would we talk about?”
I laughed. “The weather and politics.”
“Man,” he groaned, “that sounds even more boring than law.” He smiled as he gazed at me. “Do you have any siblings?”
I reached into my bag, pulling out one of my floppy hats, and secured it over my head. “Nope, just me.”
He rolled to his side, bending his arm, holding his face with his palm. “An only child, huh? What does that feel like?”
“In some ways, a lot like you and law—there’s pressure.”
“All the attention is on you.”
I nodded. “Exactly.” I held my fruity drink against my chest and watched the waves. “You know, my parents don’t have other children to speak about who can soften the blow, like Margie is in residency, Ralphie is working on Wall Street, but poor Jo is still trying to figure her life out.” I frowned. “I don’t have the luxury of figuring my life out. I need to give them talking points and reasons to be proud.” I took a long sip.
“No matter what you do, Jo, you’ll make your parents proud.”
“Maybe …” I gulped down another mouthful. “But what I can say is, being an only child has made me fiercely independent. I don’t need anyone to entertain me. I’m not afraid of silence or being lost in my own head. I’m also not afraid of being alone.”
Another major advantage was maturity, something that developed naturally, more so than my friends, because my parents never treated me like a kid.
I hoped Jenner felt that when he was around me—that despite being young, I was an old soul for my age.
He reached across the small space between us, his fingers landing on my bare stomach. “I don’t know how you’re not taken right now.”
I didn’t know how to take that comment.
I definitely didn’t know how to respond.
And I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his reply if I asked him to elaborate.
What I did know was that setting expectations for Jenner and me would make me vulnerable for disappointment.
In what could be.
In myself.
I just had to accept whatever this was.
Even if I had fueled it.
I took in his eyes as his fingers lowered to my hip, circling the small area.
“Do you wish you had siblings?”
I appreciated the change of subject, my brain needing a rest.
“When I was younger, no. But now, I do. And I have one—her name is Monica.” I grinned. “When you’re an only child, it’s fully acceptable to adopt a sister or brother, and she couldn’t be more perfect. She picks up after herself. She shares. She even cooks.”
He laughed.
I loved that sound.
It only encouraged me to keep going.
“No, really.” I clarified, “We live together so well, and she’s the most amazing best friend. I’m positive that no matter where we end up, it’ll be together.”
“Is leaving Miami on the table?”
I glanced toward the water again, a view I’d been admiring for the last four years. “I graduate in two months, and I have no job. The world is on the table, Jenner.”
“I assumed you’d stay here.”
I took the last sip and set the empty cup on the table. “If I take the job with the art dealer or the private gym, I’ll be staying, but I’m keeping all my options open. Our lease doesn’t end for another four months, so that gives me time to figure things out past graduation.” I paused as the waitress approached and ordered another round for us. “Be honest,” I said as she left, “is it strange to be hearing about this post-college-life stage? You’ve been established for so long. I imagine it’s been a while since you’ve thought about any of this.”
There were times when Jenner looked at me, and I could tell what he was thinking. I could read the thoughts in his eyes; I felt his energy. And then there were times when I was lost, unable to decipher a single thought.
That was where I was now—lost.
“Admittedly, it’s been a while since I’ve been in your shoes, but it’s interesting to listen about your journey and compare it to mine.”
My voice softened when I said, “Does it bother you?” I took a breath. “My age, I mean.”
He stared at me silently. “I never really gave age that much thought before you.”
“Because?”
I wasn’t sure if I’d regret that question, but I still asked it.
First, there was a laugh, followed by, “I think you know why, Jo.”
Because it was just sex before me.
Even if our future wasn’t defined or our destination wasn’t set, things with us had moved beyond sex.
That was where my brain went.
But my heart needed to confirm.
“Because I matter …”
“I think I’ve proven that to you.” He glanced toward the sand and back. “I’m here.”
I exhaled, the tingles now in my lungs and throbbing in my chest. “I didn’t expect to hear from you once I got home from Vegas.” His fingers hadn’t left my hip, and I intertwined ours together. “But having you here has been so fun.”
He stared at me but said nothing.
The tingles turned to a heavy ache.
“I’m going to say something that isn’t going to be easy.”
I hadn’t been able to read his eyes a few minutes ago, but I could now.
I could see his words as clear as the sky.
“If the circumstances were different …” I voiced.
He nodded, the movement appearing to almost cause him pain.
And now, that pain lived in me.
My throat was so tight that air hardly moved through. “I get it.”
That didn’t mean I accepted it, that I didn’t hate it, that I didn’t want to scream at what could be.
But Jenner hadn’t lied to me. He didn’t try to play me. He didn’t bullshit me.
He gave me truth.
And it hurt more than anything, but I understood.
How could we maintain something as magical as I wanted like this?
Different time zones, thousands of miles between us, my future so uncertain.
And those were just the things on the surface.
I had to be realistic about our situation.
But that certainly wasn’t going to stop me from enjoying the rest of our time at the beach and the following two evenings he had planned. It didn’t matter where we were or what we were doing. Jenner’s hands were never far from my body, his attention never straying from me.
I felt like the center of his world.
I relished in it.
On the morning when he was scheduled to leave, I woke up, naked on his chest, my fingers running through his patch of dark hair. Instead of heading for breakfast, we decided to order room service, and once it was delivered, he brought it out onto the patio, overlooking South Beach and the beautiful, vast skyline that edged the water.
As we sat next to each other, nursing large cups of coffee, I finally dipped my fork into the cream cheese and raspberry jam that had squirted out the side of the stuffed French toast, and I brought it up to my mouth.
“Mmm,” I groaned. “You have to try this.”
I cut off a piece, the bite generous and dripping in maple syrup, and I held it out to him. As he surrounded the fork, I watched those beautiful, kissable lips and the bob of his Adam’s apple as he chewed. His beard had thickened in the last few days, the hairs becoming even softer as they lengthened. I touched them as he swallowed, his face almost nuzzling against my hand.
He wiped his mouth with a napkin, my stare moving to his fingers, their length, the short nails at the end, remembering how they had felt on my body when I woke up to him rubbing my back.
“Delicious.”
I nodded. “Isn’t it?”
And so was the feeling inside me.
Damn it, I would miss him.
Such a big part of me was wishing we could do this every morning. The other part of me knew that was impossible.
That didn’t stop me from dreaming.
Fantasizing.
Wanting to buy myself even more time with him.
I checked my phone, seeing that in only two hours, his private plane would be taking off.
I took a few more bites and placed the metal cover over my plate. “I know you were planning on taking the SUV to the airport, but I’d like to drive you.”
He set his fork down, abandoning his eggs for coffee. “You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
Once his hands were free, he stared at me for several beats and tapped his lap and said, “Come here.”
I got up from my seat and planted my butt on his thighs, wrapping my arms around his neck. A spot that was far too comfortable. A place that could so easily feel like home. I adjusted my body, snuggling my back against his chest, my feet balancing on the banister of the balcony, his chin resting on top of my head.
“Fuck … I’m going to miss this.”
My eyes squinted shut, the sensation in my heart becoming too much, his words sending me right over the edge.
I didn’t respond. I just held his arms as they crossed over my navel, and I felt the slight sway of his body, like the ocean breeze moving past us.
“How often do you find yourself in Florida?”
I felt him breathe, the air warming my hair.
“At least once a quarter. I have several clients here.”
“Are all the trips planned far in advance or surprises like this one?”
“Both.” He paused. “I’d have to look, but I don’t recall any more trips down here until the end of the year. That could always change though.” His arms tightened. “What about California? Do you ever make your way out there?”
I filled my lungs several times, holding in the air after each inhale. “It’s actually where I’m from.”
“No shit?”
“Yeah … I grew up in LA.” I stilled, feeling the pounding in my heart. “I do go back—holidays, birthdays, special events, things like that. But now that graduation is coming up, I have too much to do, and I won’t get a chance to return. Plus, my parents will be coming, so there’s no reason to fly home to see them.”
He turned my body to the side, so he could take in my face.
There were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t. They hurt too much. So, I hugged him against me, clinging to his back, remembering that I’d felt the same way when I left his hotel the morning I returned to Miami.
In a couple hours, I would be recalling this exact moment, wanting to rewind time.
Wanting to relive the whole weekend.
Wanting to recapture the happiness I felt when I was with him.
He pulled away and captured my face between his hands, drawing his mouth close to mine.
Kissing me.
It wasn’t the kind of kiss we shared when we were naked and tumbling in bed.
This was different.
This was breath and softness.
Tenderness.
My eyes stayed closed as his lips left mine and slowly opened, the emotion sparking when his emerald gaze was so rich and vibrant.
“Our paths will cross again, Jo.”
I smiled—for him, not for me. And without hesitation, I hugged him again, hiding my face on his shoulder, making sure he didn’t see the tears that were threatening to fall.
I dug for my voice, keeping the sadness out of it, and whispered, “I can’t wait for that moment.”